Saturday, December 27, 2008

George Bush Cocaine and the Fugees

Some of you may have already heard and others of you might be shocked about what I am about to tell you. I hope your sitting (being that you reading my blog I would assume this to be a really safe bet). John Forte from the Fugees had his sentenced commuted by George Bush. I really have no way to explain such an event, similar to how I can't explain why people are so concerned about gay marriage. My theory is that George Bush loves his cocaine as much as the next man in Washington DC and is hoping that the Fugees can come up with a great follow-up album and John Forte brings such a balance to the group dynamic. Heck George Bush probably would have been smuggling 1.2 million worth of Cocaine if the whole pesky white house thing had not sidetracked him. He felt finding Jesus meant that he should destroy the economy and send us to unnecessary war in Afghanistan, Iraq and a few other places that they try not to mention much in your yahoo headlines (which are too busy informing you about the most important current events involving anything to do with Brittany Spears and her extended family and anyone who may have seen her driving barefoot with no underwear while belching her newest hit song "womanizer", and reliving every million dollar photo up she has when she self destructs.). Yet all of this can be forgiven because George Bush is going to save R&B be helping to get John Forte out of prison. Who knew that George Bush indeed does not hate all black people (Kayne west you were wrong how foolish you must feel now please apologize to George. All can be forgiven its all just water over New Orleans) he seems to have a special place for the ones who help to keep the White House white in that way that nasal passages have just as many holes as the levies in New Orleans.

How Do you measure Spiritual Progress

One of the biggest challenges that I notice on the spiritual journey is how to measure spiritual progress. I have been trained like so many other people to always have neat and easy ways to measure your progress yet involving the most important things in life this can be very challenging and the most significant part is being love and open to this very moment. Yet at sometimes these seem like cliches or things that other people can achieve but we seem to be struggling with not flipping out on some cop or security guard that is making our life more difficult then it need be in a world that already seems to have more obstacles for us to over come everyday. I believe it is important to let go of any incessant need especially the need to try and measure spiritual progress. More then anything it is just a inner knowing which is a difficult thing to convince your rational mind that you have made progress based on some sort of inner knowing. If you can finally let go of this incessant need to measure growth you also have to avoid allowing yourself to be complacent and always keep striving to be the most authentic and honest that you can be. I have continued to be on my spiritual journey in a conscious way for over 7 years. In that time I have felt really close and I felt really far away and I have reached quite a few false summits. Yet each one of those false summits needed to be reached in order that the highest summit can be reached. I must be compassionated yet I must also use wisdom and good discretion and know when to disregard both of these things for the heart. It is a very fine line and that is one of the reasons why there are few saints. Yet I am always reminded by more aware beings who came before me that a saint is merely a sinner that never gave up. As long as we keep striving to be the most authentic we can be the more we can feel ourselves in tune with all the little nuances that lead to a success much greater then they are showing on in the movies or on television. At what point do you have enough of the material and what point are your willing to take your fools leap.

Now is the time and this is the place but can you just sit with that and let that penetrate you deeply and stop reaching for the past or future and harness all of that incredible positive energy that wants to flow freely from your being into this world that has forgotten. May we all awaken may we all remember and may we do this when we decide that we are ready to stop suffering needlessly.

A good wingman knows when to hold and knows when to walk away and knows when to run

Tonight in Ventura I was my buddy's wingman. I saw that he had an opportunity with a young lady that he had met I also sensed that many people might have also had that opportunity but the same could be said for many men as well. At certain point he was trying to convince me to keep talking to her friend. Her friend liked me but did not like when my eyes roll up and flutter which sometimes happens when I am mediating at the bar. I know what your thinking (Yes I really meditate at the bar) but that's just how I roll so make peace with it. Anyway I don't like be told to stop doing something especially when that is natural so I ended up walking away. While he was talking to me the girl that he was making out with started making out with another guy. Then shortly after that this same girl got in a minor confrontation with another guy (who we are pretty sure that she was making out with later in the evening as we left). Yes all and all this is pretty piontless story that could be on a episode of Cheaters, but I told my buddy that I was out and wanted nothing to do with it. He then went back to make out with her some more and the other girl became distraught and was on the verge of tears because she could not find her friend and she was the only girl not making out with a guy. My friend then decided it was time to get out of there (which of course was encouraged by the fact that this other guy wanted to fight him over feeling threatened. Yet my buddy did not dig her enough to consider fighting for this girl.) which I had done about 20 minutes earlier. If your friends want to make bad choices you don't have to stick around and watch the drama. Sometimes a good wingman or wingwoman just walks away and sometimes even runs away if necessary. Some people are just make bad choices and really are addicted to the drama, but that does not mean that you have to join them for it.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Mind always Wants to Escape

Though I have made alot of progress in taming my mind from dominating my life I still find at times that it still has a strong momentum from previous years and yearns to feel superior/inferior and many other emotions that keep me in cycles that keep me repeating the same story lines that stop me from feeling myself fully present and in the zone. Looking to the future is something that can often be a distraction from fully appreciating the present moment even if this moment holds discomfort. I had a recent moment in Dolores Park with a few of my best buddies from Stanford and I felt very appreciative to be there being present with them, but I could feel that subtle momentum of the mind trying to have me trying to chase or obtain something else. We are all these crazy bunnies always seeking carrots that either we or someone else we knows desire. Having the most carrots denotes a certain level of status yet not chasing the carrot within itself is not victory. There has to be an inner experience taking place that far surpasses anything that the outside world can offer. I am yearning to seek the creator beyond all the creations. I move from the mystical to the mechanical just like many people in the modern day western society. I often find people are always projecting that I am sitting there on a throne placing judgment upon them. Yet that does neither myself or them any benefit and I will not allow my mind to head that direction because I merely want to experience that infinite joy that we all experience at to make that experience a perpetual feeling that other people can contribute to but a feeling that nobody can take away. It is our birthright to feel a deep underlying peace at any given moment. There will be pain but we come to understand that everything will come to pass and we are just beams of light currently residing in dense matter that we call the human form. May we never become overly attached to a world that is merely full with temporary pleasures that can never give any of the highest love that we seek to experience.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Experts Aren't All that

It occurs to me that shrinks in theory should always be the happiest people on the planet being that they studied the human mind to such a great extent and therefore have the knowledge to fix all of their problems. It seems to me also that the United States should never have financial problems because we have experts that know what they are doing. We should never have any military problems because most of our military leaders graduated first in their class at West Point. That doctors should never prescribed medicine that makes people more sick then when they entered the doctor's office. In case you didn't none of what I just said is true. Experts have some value but often they impede us in attempting to go about things in new ways to yield better results and sometimes we know something that the experts don't know and may we be brave enough to go with that. I remember being young and the doctor's trying to prescribe medication for a bad cold I had and I refused very strongly to take for some instinctive reason my parents listening to the expert gave it to me and the reaction was intensely adverse. We should listen to what experts have to say but realize that there are many factors that they can't account for and sometimes the beginner has a fresh way of viewing things that allow for many amazing results.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

You Me we were the Pretenders

We let it all slip away then we awoke. I woke up from a dream last night and I saw my old tai-chi-gong master. I gave him a $20 donation in my dream and he was standing fully upright. It was a small token of my thanks and then suddenly it struck me that he had passed away 3 years ago and therefore I knew none of this was taking place on this current earth realm. I immediatley snapped up from my sleep. He gave to me so greatly and freely at a point in my life where I had no concept of how amazing the gift that I was receiving. An astrologer I once saw India mentioned this significant period in my life and how it was ordained before I was born to be given such an experience. One part of me greatly believes in fate and another also believes in our free will. Somewhere this two things coincide and share the same space some how and may finite mind may never understand this, but it is not necessary for me to grasp such a thing. Last night I saw a young man named Kevin then I went to college with and could see that pain and suffering that is caused when you awaken but you do not fully allow yourself to embrace the realization in the way that you live your every day life. There is nothing here other then the love that I give and share that will cross over with me. The rest is merely smoke and mirrors. Yet I noticed that my friend Kevin had more of a humitlity and humanity that resonated from him more strongly. Once you have already begun the process of waking up you must allow yourself to see it on thru. Your options are suffering more or accepting. Either we accept or we suffer and all of us are justing passing thru all of us are just visitors and nomads with our moments and stages both large and small. The unvierse conspires in way that seem absurd at times to allow these glimpses of divinity to shine thru if we allow ourselves to see it. May I always allow myself to be see it especially when it is not pratical or convient to recognize. No more pretending just being as much as I will allow myself to be.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Remember When Stalkers Used to BE Creepy and Hard WOrking

It recently occurred to me that because of facebook/myspace that the ancient art of stalking has become something that everyone does now. No longer is it necessary to dig thru the garbage, memorize schedules,dedicate hours of your day talking to and making friends with the person you are stalking. We live in a whole new era where almost everyone on facebook, myspace, and blogs has used this to some degree as a means of stalking and it is completely socially acceptable to do this sort of thing. I have been on occasion stalked thru this means or thru my blog. I have no qualms or problems with this at all. I just think it is really funny that at one point it was considered really uncool or creepy and now everybody's doing it. Heck I would even say it is hip. You can know what someone's mood is where they are and where they are going to be. You can see who they are friends with the friends that you have in common and read their wall posts (which share more information then you could imagine). You can discover if they are single, in a relationship, and my personal favorite "in a relationship but its complicated". It is amazing how technology effects the social norms and dictates that certain behaviors that were socially deviant are now normal. I welcome anyone reading this to feel completely comfortable in knowing that once again we have become the very thing that we judge most. The only difference between stalking of yesterday and today is that it is virtually untraceable now and it takes little or no effort. Everyone has gained easy virtual portals into other people's lives.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

May I feel the suchness of it all

This time of year I find that we are all more likely to think about people that we have lost touch with and reach out to them via e-mail or phone call and sometimes it gives us an amazing chance to bury the pains that we are holding onto in our mind and body. I am waking up more and more to the simple fact that one simple moment happens and the direction of our lives can change very quickly. Sometimes perhaps we were headed in that direction all along and other times great efforts can be made to avert emotional and mental suffering. I have been blessed to meet some very incredible people on my journey who have consciously and unconsciously made me aware of things that I need to work on. I often view myself as simple man, but in actuality I still have mind clutter that I am bring more attention to it so that I can allow it to quickly pass and not placing judgment on it. I was recently spending time in the physical presence of Amma allowing me to reconnect with numerous people from different points in my journey. I know that there are many methods to making the mind still, but find Yoga in conjunction with tai-chi/chi-gong and the blessing of saints to be beautiful ways to progress on our spiritual path.

I find my mind in difficult emotional moments looking to find a external distraction so that I won't have to be present with an unpleasant emotion. I try to catch myself more quickly when I do these behaviors. Today I ran into someone at the grocery store in SF who I had seen outside of a coffee shop in Silver Lake and we started talking and when I told her my name she realized that I had hung out with her and her boyfriend in San Diego 3 years ago. I felt that she was familiar when I saw her in LA and in SF I had an opportunity to understand why she was familiar. I have always been fascinated by the web of connection and I do my little part to make people of aware of it by my own awareness of it.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT IS NOT CONNECTED and when we realize this things like war will eventually become outdated. May this new year bring in greater awareness and may we all take time to slow down and appreciate the simple amazing things that we take for granted. May we take this time and send blessings to people that enrich our lives currently and from the past. May we allow ourselves to fully value that amazing people that we have in our lives. After seeing Amma and even during I had the thought in my mind that everyone before me has an opportunity to show that unconditional love to all beings who we encounter.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Odd Synchronicity Brings My Awareness to the ways that we are all connected

Yesterday I celebrated thanksgiving with a girl who had first spotted me in Cambridge, Mass when we both happened to be visiting at the same time. We then saw each other at Rainbow grocery and she invited me and a few of my friends to celebrate the holidays. With her I met her friend Ashley and confessed to her my instinctual love of Kansas even though I have spent almost no time there at least in this lifetime. Well at the party they had two friends visiting from Kansas specifically Lawrenceville, Kansas which is the spot that I am most drawn to have heard the most about in this past year. She then mentioned Portland which made me think of my good friend Sokhak who passed away about 2 weeks ago in Portland when low tide became high tide and he and a friend had fallen asleep on a rock. I then mentioned my friends name and my other new friend from Israel jumped in excitement because he had spent an amazing day with Sokhak in Dolores Park, but he did not know about the news. I then let him know of Sokhak passing away which I found out from a myspace e-mail that I had received from one of his friend. I initially was confused about what had happened and if this brief two line e-mail was true. After then digging online a bit more I came to find out what had happened. Later in the same week a good friend of mine Stephon had his first son action Jackson and reminded me of this circle of life never ending or beginning. I had recently noticed the headline in Mumbai about a terrorist attack and realized at one point they had at listed at 119 dead. This number has always been significant to me. Since then the number has risen and I was reading an article and found that two members of an organization called the Synchronicity foundation out of Virginia were two of the people murdered. I then remembered a couple years ago meeting a man in NYC who was highly involved in this group. I did a healing on his friend that was quite memorable and he then gave me his card which had this organization written on his card. I do not believe it was the person who died in the attack, but it certainly made me think of him and his organization which is not something that had crossed my mind in sometime. My friend Stephon is from Kentucky, which is the state Edgar Cayce was born in, part of the reason Stephon has been really drawn to Cayce and this helped to stoke my own interest in Cayce. I am not trying to say that any of this means anything in particular other then that we are all connected and tragedies in other parts of the world that don't seem relevant can eventually make there way to the forefront of our lives in ways that we would never expect. It also amazes me how the presence of a person making one comment about a vegan spot In Portland will lead you to discovering that you and another good friend have the same friend in common. We are all interconnected and though it might be hard to follow this it is something that deserves attention. It helps to make the intangible more tangible in a way that we can understand. It inspires me to treat every person that crosses my path from the highest intention that I am capable of doing in each moment

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

I pity the Fool WHo Steals My SIgn

I know what your thinking really people actually steal your sign. I guess these hard times where people have lost their faith in humanity they have not lost their faith in signs. Personally I like to believe that they turn the sign into some sort of alter and pray in front of everyday in a desperate but beautiful attempt to make it back to God/SOucre/plug in your favorite word. I have no ill will towards the people not just because thats not my style but because by not having a sign from time to time and now with the short hair I have the experience or the adventure of being as about as normal as I can appear being that I am a bit tall. By the way I still think of myself as medium height. Oh yeah back to the sign I got sidetracked here these people will be haunted down dead or alive and then afterwards when nothing is accomplished I will use this an excuse to have a huge mission accomplished party.

In other news I am so over coherent one message blogs I want to be all over the place and allow you the reader to unify whatever is you want to unify. I love the comments keep them coming makes me feel that I am not alone in space. I wake up one day and sometimes I honestly forget where I am and think it might be the closet I get to actually remembering that everything that I have come to believe as certain is not really certain at all. Hey someone out there reading this I have an idea make a sign that says something that you believe or that just makes you laugh and walk around with it. I promise it will add some spice into your life. Open up to a new adventure take a chance allow yourself to maybe be rejected. SOmetimes we need to get back to Basics and sometimes we need to adapt and sometimes a combo of the two somewhere in the middle of Kansas to find out the madman make alot more sense then our world leaders and you don't have to be famous or a senator to get caught trying to solicit sex in the bathroom and on the other side of the coin we don't have to be famous or a political person to do good deeds. We don't need a press conference/photo up or a whole bunch of cameras. Imagine that you were watching your own life from the outside what do you want to see happen. Make your life more interesting then housewives of Atlanta or the OC or anywhere for that matter. We are the real world and even this is somehow part of the real world. Even this might inspire you to go hitch hiking like a 19 year old named Alec that my friend and I picked up as we drove the scenic route from SF to LA. He read somewhere that people did this sort of thing and it inspired him to do the same. He had a great heart and soul to him and every experience he had was a treasure to him. Bless you and God speed wherever you are Alec and all the Alecs on the winding roads and waterways of this world.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping chi-gong healing couchsurfng jew looking to be bailed out

I have recently added addsense to my site and the idea that I could buy a meal once every other month as result of my writing makes me smile. These are challenging economic times. I recently had my sign stolen (though I did leave it outside for a few hours) and have noticed that I am spending more then I am making. I have asked my local congress person if they could add one spiritual healing freestyle rapping jew to the economic bailout plan. Since this might take some time and since the psychic did not tell me when I would be getting the book deal and the bank currently won't loan me money based on the psychics prediction and therefore I have opted to allow adds to be posted on my blog. One day I hoped to receive sponsorship similar to the banks, but unfortunately or fortunately I have not defrauded the US taxpayers of billions. In order for the US government to bail you out it appears to me that you must be completely irresponsible, wasteful and commit lots of fraud then they will take pity on you and ask for donations from US citizens in the form of "taxes". Life is funny in the way that it teaches that the truth is one of the most absurd things possible. I would really also like to see the US government bail out single moms, college students with debt, low income people in the hospital and a few others that I feel could use a break a little bit more then bankers and desperate automakers that keep most of their profits in the hands of a few.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Virtual World becomes part of Real World

It can be a huge self esteem builder in a world of virtual everything but actual nothing. It is as if everyone has become some sort of socially akward gaming nerd who doesn't know how to form sentences or witty sentences unless they have been way too thought out. The paxil, zoloft, and prozac obviously are not working and people want to have more facebook and myspace friends. I will not pretend that I am immune to this I might also have to seek professional help. The notifications are like news feeds from CNN but better I catch myself drooling when I stare at them too long. Just when I am ready to get off line and end my virtual life somebody starts facebook chatting me. After that I obcessively google myself with ever possible spelling possible to find what random people I don't know have written about me. Then I go onto Yahoo to read about 20 year old college students who just want a hug from a Panda because they are so cute. But maybe he was just saving himself the pain and suffering of a virtual life that takes place on youtube where all of your friends can put up videos of your favorite people being trashed out of their minds so that at least one person can be humiliated and then someone's mother can pose as a non-existent 13 year old boy that causes some girl to kill herself. All of sudden the virtual world has entered the actual world and it does have an impact. I read of someone committing suicide online as other people egged them to do so either because they thought it was a joke or because they just don't have any connection to their actual feelings. Only the virtual feelings were guiding them. In conclusion when you read this get up and go out that door and smile and wave at a complete stranger because we could sure as heaven use alot more of that.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Just because they Look Great for cuddling Doesn't Mean they won't hurt you

I was glimpsing at Yahoo headline which for once did not revolve around Lindsey Lohan and read an article about a 20 year old college student in China who hopped the fence to get a hug from a Panda bear. He was mauled by the Panda bear and is in stable condition now, but he felt that the bear seemed so cute. You would think this would be something that a younger child would do, but not someone who is 20 years old. We as people are so starved for physical affection and love that we would hop a fence in hopes to receive it from a giant Panda bear. He was in awe of the Panda's cuteness and willing to put himself in harms way. It appears the Panda did not feel the same way about him or has issues with physical contact when it involves a different species. I really understand after incidents such as this why people wait hours on line to get a hug from Amma. There really is such a shortage of love that people show each other that some people are willing to risk their lives to receive love from Panda bears in the zoo.

Maybe the Panda really did want an embrace from the student but had his own abandonment issues from his mother and felt that the boy would do the same thing to him. The panda figured he would hurt the boy before the boy could hurt him. Or maybe the better had psychic abilities and realized that by biting him he would save him from the far greater disaster of him trying to hug one of the lions in the zoo. This Panda bear may have very well saved this young man's life. Though I must admit I too find Panda bears to be cute, but I recognize that not everyone that I may find cute wants to be hugged by me. I have made peace with this simple truth of life and I hope this young man can do the same without a resentment towards Panda bears.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Accepting Loss as Gain and Gain as Loss

Recently I learned via myspace that a good friend of mine had been swept away by waves and drowned. It happened just a couple of days ago. The first feeling was a bit of denial and that it was some sort of joke, but as I dug deeper I realized that this was indeed the truth. It was somewhat startling and I looked back on when we first met and looked back on the last time I saw him which was this year at Burning Man. He was sleeping on a rock with a female friend and low tide became high tide. He was able to save her life, but he was not able to save himself. I was told that my friend had passed and was given no details of any sort. So being that my friend has a very unique name I googled him to find out what had happened. If it was not for the internet it might have taken some time before I received this news perhaps I might not have known until my next visit to Portland. I had spent time on his couch on a few occasions and we had talked about a multitude of things. He was always working on some sort of charity work to improve the lives of people on this planet. He was a beautiful ball of energy and he still remains exactly that. I won't be running into his physical form anywhere on the streets of Portland or Burning Man, but from time to time I will always feel his presence. I wish my friends around me in LA knew this friend of mine so that I could have someone to talk to about his departure from this world. Yet this world was never meant to be permanent and yet this is nothing to be upset about, but rather something to rejoice. My friend Sokhak has graduated onto another realm and can feel me typing away and perhaps even read the words that I am writing. I send my warmest wishes to his family and friends many of whom I never met and smile at his spirit as he looks from beyond this world.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

We beat the Dress off of Hilary Clinton

I know some of you think that I didn't win this presidential campaign, but you are completely off your rocker if you think. Because I am still running and more importantly we outlasted the Clinton campaign machine with almost no money spent and no real effort made. She is still in debt and considering taking a position in Obama's cabinet. We are not even considering taking a position not that he has bothered to ask. Perhaps Obama's staff is mildly bitter that we did not concede and still have not conceded. Victory is ours we will not declare defeat we will be like Apollo in Rocky IV which worked out really good for him. We outlasted Hilary and Bill we are the Champions My friends like a Queen song during a Freddie Mercury marathon when she folded we proudly sang the song "another ones bites the dust and kept going". We can not be held down. When times were tough we said "what would Puff Daddy Do?" Instead of others who might have asked what Jesus would do. We considered being Martyrs and being on that whole cross thing, but Fox news never would have covered so why bother. We shall overcome my friends there will be couchsurfing in the white and we will sell pot to Taliban and get them stoned out of their mind and then we will get them laid and then they will lack motivation to do anything against other then bitch like my mother when I forgot to take out the garbage and or when I did not do my homework.

People absurdity is the greatest force that our campaign has we are fast approaching history and we are gearing up for 2012 and the buzz about our campaign is huge it is bigger then Pee Wees Big Adventure bigger then Johnny Deep on 21 jump street. We have seen the promise land and there is free music festival tickets for everyone. We have lots of people from Canada and Mexico who tried to vote for us and one day we will invade them for their water and workers and watch out democratic party because we will make this country very green.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

It won't Turn out How you Imagined

Whatever is need you to realize your life experience will give you just that and we all keep repeating the same pattern until we see to the core of our pattern and then we are free to release. Whether you believe in karma or not the way of undoing it is to merely to learn the lesson that life is trying to show you. Everyone else around you who is paying attention can see it, but it is always easier to see what someone else needs to do in order to let go of their suffering. For me when I dance I can feel myself letting go and I can feel myself working out on those internal knots and releasing them so that I can have a greater emotional and mental clarity and my body comes along for the ride. Your healing will lead to the healing of everyone around you. And yes will all get caught up and stumble along the way but in this moment we have an opportunity to release things. And maybe things won't look the way we imagined but it is more important that we have deeply touched that peace that resides inside of us.

Last night for Halloween I thought of the humor of dressing in costumes and masks to be more free. I thought the last thing I need is another mask or costume. The last costume I saw was a drunk Irish Catholic Priest with a flask of booze in his Bible that he made himself for the nights festivities. I imagined an actual priest using Halloween as an opportunity to connect with people in a way that removes the imaginary boundary that is created by the costume that they wear.

I am coming to find myself striving to find that deeper source that we all have access to if we just can just slow down and be patient and have a clearly focused mind. Stop all the mental duress and help everyone find their peace by finding our own first.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Open Up And Just Accept

I am in Chicago thanks to the magic of craigslist rideshare past and present. Sitting here listen to Jamie Lidel. All about silence doing the talking blasting in my ears. I first found Mr. Lidel at Sasquatch and I danced as if a man possessed by the dancing spirits of days past. He reminds me of Little Ritchie meets james Brown meets a British version of Feris Bueler with a touch of Detroit electronic. We live how whole lives and music and people make for the background of our lives and at certain points that background moves to the forefront. Are you enjoying this moment? If not perhaps it is the way you are looking or perhaps you need to be somewhere. By the way when your friends hook-up, date, marry, and or have kids with people that you had something with just smile and let it go because acceptance is a powerful thing that allows us to enjoy this moment for what we have now.

At times I know that this world is nothing that it seems to be I too get caught up in everything that does not mean a hill of beans unless of course you have a mad love affair with beans.

Last night I saw a Israel girl named Shira that I had met on the street a year ago. Often I don't mention people's names but I feel like I am holding back by not mentioning it. I met her on the street a year ago and was intensely drawn to her, but when I saw her she did not seem herself and I could feel all things that she was holding back and it made me anxious until I helped her let go of it. And I could tell that she wanted to drop this heaviness and felt amazing to help her do that in whatever small way that I am capable of as a vessel for change. I met up with another friend of mine Jackie last night. I first met her at a Lalapoolza and then really connected again about a year later in union square park. People that you know from one place pop up in other place and will people different roles depending on what lessons we need to realize. As I arrived in Chicago a woman banged on the car window of the car obviously intensely suffering, but not for the reasons she claimed. She said, "she was 4 months pregnant and bleeding and needed money for a taxi". Something about it felt funny though there was certainly desperation. I told my friend Jackie this story and she had been told the exact same story. The only twist was in my story she told us that she was HIV positive. I assume that she did this so we would be less inclined to give her a ride to the hospital.

I think how much somebody must be suffering to create a story up like that and how torn people must be between what the feel and what they are being told. All of us have to do the best we can in order to make thru the maze of this world and all the different challenges that are thrown at us and sometimes we have decide very quickly. It is important for us to hone our instincts and just listen to that feeling deep within our core and allow it to guide us. I do my best to hear everyday and pray that I make the highest choice for all people involved

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Craigslist Changed My Life

COnstantly I will find myself in one part of this wonderful country and realize that I need to make it somewhere else and I will find a ride on craigslist. I have used this service close to a hundred times and I could probably make a movie just on the craigslist rides that I have taken. It is almost always cheaper and faster then a Greyhound and allows me to connect to one stranger or multiple strangers for a brief snapshot of their life and they get the same with me. I find most of the time that people don't even ask many questions about myself. Maybe they hear my voice and immediately get a good vibe or maybe they just need gas money really badly. Either way I find it humorous how some of thesse same people would not pick up hitchhikers on the side of road, but picking up cyber riders is totally cool. In my case though I will offer my name and tell them to google me facebook, couchsurfing, youtube, and myspace to name a few. I don't do this to show off, but to merely say hey I am decent guy and people will vouch for me. My most recent craigslist will be a roundtrip to Chicago and back. My last Chicago craigslist ride lead to me doing a healing on one of the drivers who was suffering from Siatica (I have no idea how to spell it) which lead to more healings and is now helping to lead to my return to Chicago again and potentially more healing work along with a place that will be crashing at least for a few days. I love helping to connect dots and sometimes I will do this without saying a word. Amma the hugging saint will be back in the United States in another month she brings up such love for me from the core of my being. Look her up online if you don't already know who she is and know that she has had a profound impact on me and certainly encourged me to give more hugs.
love always,

Monday, October 27, 2008

Sometimes We All Need To Be Humbled A Bit

I recently experienced that wicked sting of placing great expectations upon another only to have hit me back pretty hard, but I knew as soon as I got there that we were not quite on the same page and it did not feel bad, but not that amazing feeling that you get when someone is on that same energetic frequency as you are on. The places I go don't matter to me much and wherever I am right now is where I want to be otherwise I would be somewhere else. I think of Plum Village a community created by Thich Nhat Hanh and we need more of these places all over the world. I have thought alot about the idea of children and the importance of sending kids to a school where there is great emotional and spiritual fostering beyond merely making sure they excel academically. Often in school I noticed my grades were of the greatest importance beyond my emotional and physical health.

I have zig-zagged around the country so many times and I never tire of the experience and feel blessed to be offered so many opportunities to travel and see all the amazing people and still I have only begun to touch upon all the incredible places that Int to go. One of my biggest roles is that of the connector helping people come together. Sometimes I feel like I might stop and inexplicable momentum keeps me moving. I do feel that I will eventually create a home base somewhere, but will always be traveling throughout this entire lifetime.

Ages past offer us lessons that would serve us well to pay deep attention to as we enter into the "troubles". That is the term that I have heard a few people bantering around and seems to catch the general feeling of this time period. All of us are here for a purpose beyond just being "successful". We are here to look to touch our truest nature and help others to do the same. I want to thank anyone who has made the attempt and encourage you to continue to make the attempt to look within yourself even if you don't initially uncomfortable. Push past the discomfort and you will eventually touch peace. All of us beneath all the dirt and dust are just light from the sun. Light is our truest nature and allow that truth to come forward in a moment of your greatest suffering. But don't just read it or say it allow into deeply seep into your thoughts and your feelings until you just become this light which you always were, but the this world of illusion helped you to temporarily forget. Now is a time to remember to ease the "troubles".

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

We are all Connected.

I love how in life you can look at the present moment and trace it back to a small moment that took place 5 years ago or even longer. How one person who is now your best friend is do to the result of another person that you might have not seen in years or perhaps they have passed away. It never ceases to amaze me, all the intricate webbing that takes place in this world and beyond. You never know when someone will return into your life, but I find often I was thinking about the person and then they will be walking around the corner a couple hours later. We all need to allow ourselves to enjoy these little miracles and be thankful for the daily reminders that they provide in demonstrating that we are all part of the same web.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

It All Moves So Fast How Can I Possiblely Document

I need a camera crew to follow me around about half the time. No not all the time because I would still like some sort of illusion of alone time. OF course when you ususally surf the couch alone time mainly takes place wandering the streets really late or early in the morning. Sometimes I feel that people really want a revolution but usually I feel most people want the iphone a plasma television and to have sex with their favorite celebrity or any celebrity. Our culture looks at celebrities as prophets and maybe some of them are but they need to get out of rehab first. I used to write funny things and then I got really vague and general at least I speculate that is what happened. I was given second hand psychic information that I am getting a book deal. In fact I was thinking I should have a party celebrating what the psychic. He has a good track record. I went to a really long yoga session today. I observed my ego being annoyed that they gave us ruffle potatoe chips I prefer Kettle chips or something on the organic tip. My family is the greatest sitcom that will hopefully being coming to a television set near you. I am going to Philly and I am really excited and being presented with an opportunity to really evolve as a spirit. We are all shifting into different vibrations and friends become lovers and lovers become friends and life's karma never ends until the ego stops and we no longer pretend. I used to date beautiful train wrecks and then I improved and started dating recovering beautiful train wrecks. But maybe that is merely the story of humanity at this point in history. I recently met a man that hardly eats at all and believes in the power of sun gazing and starring at it directly with your eyes for brief periods of time. We don't have time, but we do have now and yes between you me and anyone who reads this "sex with turtles makes me happy". Truthfully it is just the idea of it. I love Jenny Lewis actually I just love the idea of saying that I love Jenny Lewis, but man that song "Portions for foxes". Bring back the focus and screw all the economic hocus pocus.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

A little bit deeper and A whole Lot Sweeter

Afer I write up a blog I have almost no memory of what I wrote and I am shocked when somebody sends the comment back to me in a response and it reminds me that at certain moments I am channeling something beyond then what I have been taught. As each one of us becomes aware of our individual power and unique skills then it makes easier for the next person to do the same thing. Each one of us is capable of reaching new heights that will allow us to see from a higher vantage point with greater clarity.

It is the lack of clarity caused by fear that prevents from having the life that we desire. I have a general feeling that my life will be a long one, but I am more focused on cultivating unconditional love and acceptance and blending gentleness and firmness. Just because you are smart does not mean that you should be cold hearted and just because you are open hearted does not mean that you have to be foolish. I am always fine tuning my balancing and bringing greater awareness to the situation and allowing myself to see things from another persons perspective even if that way of seeing things seems crazy or irrational. Don't expect sane argument to work on an insane person. That makes you a crazy person. Allow yourself to understand how people operate and focus on your individual integrity if you want to feel true to yourself.

Everyone will have something to say about what you did or are doing at any moment. Allow yourself to take actions that feel good in your heart. The deeper I dig the more a find an amazing sweetness of peace that causes me to be desiring less. Yes, I still have desires but their pull on me is weaker and as it weakens it allows me to be more fully present in this moment. THis moment is the dance this moment is a time to form Kevin Bacon's army. We all need to get a little bit footloose. Meaning moving from that place that goes far beyond the mind. I was dancing on the street in the East village and I got called into a resturant bar by a short older Indian man and everyone started to dance. Each one of us is capable of being a catylst for a dance revolution. The spontaneous of life is something that too many of us deny. I am freeing my mind by deepening my breathe.

Special thanks to everyone who responded to my blog from Boston to Bama we are people desiring to better know our true self. For me Autobigraphy of a Yogi has been of great significance.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity and evolution is the manifestation of love.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Tell Me about Your Life

According something that racks up numbers there are people out there and who knows where that read this blog and I am told so by some tracking system it even tells me from where people are from and how long they were on thsi website, but it doesn't tell me anything else. I would love to just hear a few simple things about you whoever you are and what makes you tick and how and why you check out my site. I have crossed paths with so many different people and try to generally not allow myself to fall into a rut and I am always looking to break habits that no longer serve me.

Where am I exactly and where do we allow our minds to drift off to and at our core we are all the same and yet specially unique, but we all dealing with trying to figure how we fit into this life and what is our purpose on this planet. Some people are told their purpose and might very rarely question such a thing and take it at face value. The troublemakers are the ones who think for themselves, but this is not an easy thing to do. Rampant consumerism that takes place here and many other places doensn't happen because people are thinking for themselves. Most things in moderation is a phrase that I hear quite often, but moderation is something we hear about, but mostly everyone is overly indulgent or extremely rigid and never give themselves any opportunity to indulge in the smallest ways. I do not believe that moderation is a myth, but it rarely happens in this day an age and is to be applauded whenever we witness such a beautiful act of simplicty. The greatest lives are made of beautiful acts of simplicty and perhaps just telling me a few small things about yourself would be amazing. I want to know that you are alive and out there and if you don't want people reading it you can e-mail at

Many different roads but if we follow our heart it will lead us to the same destination. We all take missteps but we always have an opportunity to go a different way. I am learning to listen to the guidance that I receive in the silence. Now is a time to look wihtin yourself and you will find greater and greater results thru this inner search. We have the ability to transcend what the world appears to be. May our peace spreaad to all corners of this world and beyond.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I want an Alternative everything but lets start with Nightlife

I desire to be able to dance to 80's music and surrounded by an opportunity to drink tea and drink organic juices late at night until the early morning. I believe that the demand is there to fill a place like this in a major city in the United States. Anyone that reads my blog and is looking to make an investment may I recommend organic/alternative nightlife. It would attract spiritual people and people in recovery programs such as AA and NA it would also be very popular with people that would be curious to check it out. I have a tremendous amount of fun all day long and I love to dance and I would love to be in a cleaner space and I know that I am not the only one. If there was just one place like this anywhere in the United States it would be a wonderful thing.

In other news it appears that we maybe entering a deep recession/depression and I remember actually writing a blog about this in the last year. I am sure I was not the only person that realized this day was coming, but it has finally arrived and in the very near future we will no longer be an economic superpower. All of this war in Iraq and everywhere else has drained our treasury chest and American taxpayers. At moments like this it is very important to intensify any sort of meditative or spiritual practice and start simplifying your life. We all need food, water, and a place to stay and many other things are essential.

I had a few Frat guys threatening to physically move me for dancing on the street to the music that was playing from their frat house. I starting praying and focusing on my breathing and they were somewhat bewildered. One or two of them started yelling at me, but I stayed mostly internally focused. I continue to reach deeper within and have been realizing that if you stay completely calm it makes it very challenging for people to fight you. It stirs up a strange anxiety of sorts and they usually end up feeling very uncomfortable about their behavior.

There are things that I feel and sense that guide me on my journey and sometimes people take this as some sort of slight or offense. It is merely that I have a certain way of doing things that feels right to me and social customs are not that important to me. For instance after I do healing work most of the time I prefer not to shake hands there are of course exceptions to this, but most of the time I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal just something that feels strange. Of course I am usually open to hugs instead if bowing seems to impersonal.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

NYC/Brooklyn we see each other only on a part time basis

I am currently quite content in the Bay these days I guess Oscar Wilde was right when he said something about that everyone who is said to be missing ends up in San Francisco. I keep feeling this drumming of revolution in all sorts of ways and I know that we all know this happening and for many of us it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. Immediate gratification not fast enough well you just have to learn to accept certain things, but there is so much we can change starting with ourselves. I sometimes can feel myself looking for that distraction to take me away from taming my mind, but I know that my truest peace and ever lasting joy does not exist in what I say or do, but in how I just allow myself to be intensely present and experiencing what is before me. I don't know what 3 months from now holds for me and though I may change greatly on the surface the things that are real about me never change it merely shines thru stronger. At Burning Man I ran into a few folks that had not seen me in a while and they all noted that I seemed more grounded and a deeper calm. This is my greatest quest and opening of my heart to help me overcome a collective mind and society that always wants to place limits on the limitless.

I am looking to help reshape society to natural flow where more people get what they need not what they think they want. I am feeling a greater desire to make people starting with myself and I have been doing just that. Right now the greatest adventure exists in making your mind serve you, but it demands great self control and willingness to accept this moment.

Monday, September 22, 2008

There Is Power that comes in when we let go

Even though I have let go of a great many things I still find my mind trying to dictate my feelings and my actions in a way that will not bring me the peace that I truly believe is our natural birth right. I can also be honest with myself and reelize that I am overly self obsessed and other times I just allow it to all drop away and I am just naked and I have nothing to say and I am amazingly happy to be in that place. I have been in San Francisco since Burning Man I just got ticket back east to NYC and then will make my way to Chicago, Ann Arbor, Philly, and perhaps montreal depending on feelings that have in the moment. Certainly Ann Arbor has been strongest in my mind as of late. THat is where I first met the tai chi chi-gong master who as I learned thru the grapevine left this realm 3 years ago. I never knew how much he effected until years later. I am going to my family's Yom Kipur and bringing a friend of mine who shall keep me highly entertained. I have always noticed that women seemed really intrigued at the prospect of meeting my family. There are always these places that call to me and it is almost as if they shout to me to come on over. Occasionally on couchsurfing I get e-mailed from people around the world to come and visit them. I don't have the funds to visit all of these people. I hope to be able to travel thru Europe in the near future. I desire to expand my ability to speak more languages. I love being silent in group situations at certain times and it is fascinating how much this seems to cause some people great frustration. I recently discovered jamie Lyndel at Sasquatch and danced so hard even though it was my first time being exposed to it. I have been digging on alot of Elvis as of late and threw a huge dinner party with my old college roommate and my compadre Matt Stoltz and we had lots of laughter and people dancing and performing.

I need to continue to work at clearing out my mind so that I can more clearly see closer to an absolute truth. Unconditional love for myself and everyone else allows a peace to be experienced that uplifts everyone. Sometimes it feels like everything has been said and I want to go months without using any words unless they are foreign words which seem to hold much greater interest for me. THe more people you know in this world the more people will try and talk to you as a way of avoiding themselves. I know that I have subjected people to this at certain points in my life. Mountains are still mountains and trees are still trees.

Monday, September 15, 2008

You Can Not Please Everyone

We won't be able to make everyone happy, but we can find the things that bring us joy and share with those who desire to experience these things with us. Sometimes I can feel myself mildly wounded or hurt about people's responses to me. Yet we all are just attempting to find our true self and at certain moments we have more clarity and insight then at other moments. Yet I am always respectful of the attempt even if greater treasures are not immediately found.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Hope in Heaven and hell is your state of mind

I am transversing all different spots thru SF finding my way up and down numerous hills and I truly love these steep climbs and approaching with a fast pace that almost borders on jogging. So often phone conversations can be shortened or done without entirely. There is a gap that is being closed and opened between form and formless and moving from one to another with greater ease. SOmetimes I suffer that ache of gluttony but still it pals in comparison to my desire to be present and make my way deeper into the stillness and surrender that identity. That all troubling identity and that ego that has been beheaded so many times yet keeps coming back for me. Like el Capitan in Yosemite. in the wild there is a taming of the mind to lead to a more clear hearing of the heart. How can I feel more when my mind fears losing itself. It takes four when it used to take one. but the words cut sharper and sharper and that compassion has to expand and stopping merely looking for a way to get off on this Jersey turnpike because you can't handle the smell and you don't have the cash for the toll booth of life. Just walk and keep walking and drop the backpack just a small bag and even if you lose that then let it be. The Vice President has quickly become the president and Kennedy's ghost still haunt this nation and pop songs don't always pop and fades quickly drop and there is a point when we stop pointing and just listen to the wind. A country full of people willing to do anything to avoid intimacy with a stranger. A lonely road of Mcdonalds and truckers with bigger hearts then any of our leaders. In a land not too far away there is a much simpler life where currency is not that important if it even exists at all.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

All of Those Raw Feelings And Fast to drop the Past

I can feel a brand new day and Stevie Wonder playing at Rainbow grocery in SF as I listen to a prophetic singer speak truth to me that brought me to tears while my other friend Max also became a bit misty eyed. Time stopped and great truth was shown. It is time to realize a much greater power that exists inside of my being. I have nothing to fear and nothing that I can not face. There is an immediate feeling that transcends this mundane and there is a dance that is perpetual sundance and dormant powers that exist within an unconditional that makes us aware of our wholeness. DO NO DOUBT that inner voice it is not nonsense voodoo but a perfectly timed dance. I am reaching for a higher point by creating new habits that come from a feeling in the moment.

We all have to allow ourselves to not be held back by fear. We are all hearalding a new day and we don't need to be teaming with anxiety. Lots of exercise and food that serves as medicine. I ran into a another friend of mine at power to the peaceful and he was mentioning that people coming together in large groups was a big part of astrological chart peeking in late spring. I place value on planetary alignments but we have a free will that allows us to go beyond anything.

Feel the sunflower and her subtle smell that feels your nostrils. You are the greatest force that grows as you merge with the creative force.

Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Back From My 5th Burning Man

Burning Man Education for 2008. It truly is a wonderous place for many different reasons for many different people. This year was my most relaxed burn ever and it felt almost like a stroll thru a park. 7 nights I slept in 7 different couches and tents around the playa. The life I live in Burning man and outside continue to blur to the point that it is hard to tell the difference with the exception that things move faster at Burning Man. I rode there with a woman who I met at Amma's in Dallas and rode back with some documentary filmmakers from Italy, Columbia and England. I met them on my last day there. We briefly wen to Lake Tahoe for my annual dip in the water and continued on San Francisco. The temple was amazingly beautiful would have loved to seen it stay around or be relocated to someone's property somewhere so that I could hang out and meditate. Things are changing quickly in this world and the internet has interesting way of allowing people to say things that they would never say out loud, but at times they do it merely to make people upset. We are so easily conditioned to respond a certain way when people say certain things. I am working on continuing to respond and not react.

Being present in this moment and receiving the guru's blessing or Darshan is my only plan in the moment. The world moves as we move and I look forward to exploring Europe and other parts of India in 2009. I have no idea where I will end up or how things will unfold, but I can feel that ever seducing pulse and I can handle the critics and just keep pushing on towards that deepest of inner realizations that was always closer at hand because it was buried deep within our hand.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I've got some bags that I need to drop off

I feel like I have spent most of my life carrying around a whole bunch of bags that I don't need looking for distractions to escape the pain not feeling this moment a good enough high. Yes I can escape temptation but its pull is so strong and for me that pull comes in the form of women and I confuse lust for love. But really I am not confused. And I know that my lust is mixed with love and sometimes I can walk away from them when I realize it, but other times I just want to completely a fully indulge because the not knowing even gets to me from time to time. I want something that is tangible even if it is merely fleeting. Despite my greater knowings I am still delusional which leads to suffering.

Friday, August 08, 2008

The Bus Has Come

I am in Burlington, Vermont and I have become a member of a group known as the bunny society. We have a 45 foot long bus and will be traveling around to music festivals and college campuses all around this nation following the flow and documenting our adventures. We will be surviving off of money we raise and t-shirts and things of that nature that we will be selling to take care of expenses as we travel along. Our bus will soon be converted to vegetable oil and turned into a giant bunny on the exterior. We desire eventually to add more buses as funds and people are added to the group. We are looking for all sorts of people with different talents to be a part of this adventure. If you are interested check us out on facebook. The Bunny Society or the Bunny Bus. "Ask not what your bunny can do for you but what you can do for your bunny". I am pretty sure John F. Kennedy would have said that if he was still alive today.

I first connected with this group at Rothbury and officially started sleeping on the bus at the Gathering of the Vibes music festival in Bridgeport, CT. We are adding musicians, mystics, merry pranksters, maniacs, mechanics, media people to document this once and a lifetime journey. This is a journey we encourage everyone to create on their own and we will be traveling around helping other groups of people to setup their own buses. I want to thank everyone for being a part of my journey and hopefully you will also be part of the Bunnies journey as well.

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

It All mErges here and Now

Adjusting to the present moment instead of talking about the past or dreaming about the future. Be here now and adjusting to those feelings that are coming up and the feeelings have left and maybe they won't ever return, but your natural bliss can not be given or taken by anyone. Cut your hair grow your hair and find that passion that keeps pushing you to a place where feeelings is different then what you have come to understand. Things will change very quickly and we grip tightly to so many things that we have outgrown but now is a chance to make room for the present. Take me out to the ocean and then let me find the bay and make my way to another overseas adventure. Yet the greatest adventure happens with knowing this is the moment that everything happens and this is the moment to base your life upon. Scream be silent or have a silent scream. Darting in a thousand different directions and remember Pablo Escobar was a hoax our government makes tons of money off of drugs and we suffer as people as the money is too much of temptation. There maybe aliens there maybe spirits and there maybe a huge conspiracy yet none of that actually matters. What matters is that you make peace with this moment for everything that is and strive to be alignment with the present. I love you this invisible force that allows karma to be resolved.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

We All Figure it Out in Our Own Time

I am now in Boston experiencing Amma for the 3rd time this year though in a sense since she is an Avatar she can be experienced anywhere at anytime in the same way that we can experience anything anywhere at anytime so to be more accurate this is the 3rd time this year that My physical body and her physical body have been at the same place at the same time, but Avatars have no karma and therefore don't experience time in the same way that we do because we are still working through our karma.

All of this may make perfect sense or sound completely crazy or rather a partial understanding of something that is infinite. Everytime I witness Amma I become more aware of how special she and every other person is if they allow their true essence to poke through their shell. People ask the same questions and I am usually giving different anwsers. A woman that I met here today told me I should be on the "Today Show" and I have heard at least one or other person mention such a prediction to me. All of us are coming together to create a country of peace. Yet we have to be individuals of peace first before we can be a nation of peace.

Rothbury was an amazing experience and I am certainly a big fan of the enchanted forest and the cleanliness of the event and the avaiablity of cheap organic produce. They raised the bar on what we should expect from a music festival. I craigslisted a ride from Chicago to NYC with 4 people known of whom knew each other. Two of them were going at it a bit and started channeling a sound that sounds very similar to those Tibetan bowls that have been enjoying increaseing popularity from what I can gauge. After doing this everyone in the car would become silent for sometime and then I would open up the window to allow the energy to disperse. No one made any comment about it, but it always internally understood. Sounds can say alot more then words and silence can say the most sometimes, but sometimes you just have to let it all out and any sort of harmonic sound has always been of great assitance to me.

I want to thank everyone out there who continues to explore inwardly to find your own truth and understanding and people who put in the effort to show compassion and patience especially when we might feel otherwise.

Friday, July 11, 2008

How Do you Write about silence

Often one of the most challenging missions in my life is talking about silence to people who would not resist the silence that they desire to explore. No amount of talking is going to enable me to relay this message. The words can point at it but there comes a point where the talking must cease and the being must take over. 20 seconds of silence and most people are convinced that I am either mute or will never talk again instead of accepting a 20 second period of silence. Om OM OM or as we know in the west Amen.

I remember When

I am in Chicago and I have been here a few times before and each time I here I find myself in different circumstances with a different cast of characters. I often wonder how I end up in the places that I find myself in connecting with people from my past who become part of my present and my easily forseeable future and all that it entails. I am often chasing my own tail in attempt to make it back to the place of no judgment and no pride to cause me to dishonor that which is sacred. I have often been bold to a point that I find myself being reactionary and creating more problems. More often I can catch myself from falling into the vibration. Each little thing that we do has some sort of impact we just can't always understand what it means nor should we try to place meaning on things. Everything has its place I am walking a fine line between having a mission and being completely absurd. I can't expect nor should anyone expect people to live as we live. We all have to find our own way our own inner liberation. I can't give anyone something that they already have. I can merely point it out to them if they are willing to pay attention and bring the mind to a deep silence. I am guided by heart and on occasion caught in the maze of a mind that can never be satisfied. My freedom happens when I surrender to what is and stop chasing what will never be yet knowing things can change if am willing to change. Being that Change in a perpetual state of transition and realizing that I am not any of the waves. Thank you for being a part of my journey no matter how brief.

Friday, June 27, 2008

When those Wave of Emotions Hit

Sometimes I will be sitting somewhere listening to music, watching a movie, hear certain news, getting ready to depart, sitting in the presence of a very spiritual being, reminded of a moment from the past. It will be a current a waterfall and just overtake me to a point that I almost experience a mini-panic attack. I am not even sure where they come from, but they are so strong and in the midst of them I feel as I might never stop feeling that emotional. On some level they truly scare me and make me want to contact thousands of my friends and ex-girlfriends and people that I have met in passing and somehow sit them all down at once and simply say that I love them and I am sorry for an unnecessary hurt that they I may have caused them in a world that displays too much cruelty. I wish people were not over sensitive and then I find myself being that same exact way. I am not truly sure what "over" sensitive means. In a world where most people have gone numb to feel your emotions at all will make a vast majority of people uncomfortable. When I have this experience I wonder for a brief moment if this feeling does not dissipate I will not be able to function in this world. Yet not functioning in a disfunctional world seems like an amazing blessing. Tonight the movie Juno was my trigger just in case you were wondering. I thought about what would happen to the child and about my non-existent child and the thought of that happening to me at an earlier point in my life and how that would have effected me...

I continue to explore the depths of my emotions and to embrace the passion that runs through my being and to bask in the bliss that is now when it comes over. To allow healing to flow thru my being. To be okay about making mistakes so that I am not paralyzed into not being able to make a choice. You can always pick the ball back up if you fumble it. I will attempt to make the highest choice that I can make for myself at any given moment. I will be seeing Amma the hugging Saint on Sunday in Dallas, Texas with a friend named Brian who I got to know very well on a truck ride back from Bonnaroo. At the same festival I ran into a girl who had given me a ride back to Connecticut last year. She had quit her job and was substance free and wanted some tips on being a nomad.

For anyone asking me tips on being a nomad or being domesticated I will simply tell you make the mind as silent as possible and listen to your heart it feels much differetn then your ego. Trust me on this much. Choose out of bravery courage not out of fear or of lack. Be patient and trust when you have no rational reason to merely your inner knowing. Often I rely on rides from complete strangers that I have never met from the internet and hope that they follow thru on what they told me. One time it did not work out, but that was merely a miscommunication and worked out better as a result. Let life tell you what it has in store for you as you learn to listen as we collectively remember how to listen once again.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

That Road and A strangers Car/truck

I figure that I have hopped in well over 75 different strangers cars/trucks in the last 7 years of being a nomad. Each one offered me some sort of glimpse into myself and the world in general. Most were met on craigslist and a few of them I met on the spot just as I needed to get somewhere. In one extreme case in Chicago I hitchhiked a plane ride from the now defunct miggs airport. At each moment these people have played a role in my life and in many cases we had hardly spoke until I got in their car. Some of them have become good friends and others were people I connected with in passing. In one case I got a ride from San Diego to Austin as the man completely emotionally and mentally unraveled in front of me stilling reeling from his wife leaving him, a gambling problem, and a large amount of coffee, cigarettes, etc... Yet I was not upset or bothered by his emotional instability merely another experience to have on this long unfolding journey. They have taught you to fear strangers and yet some of these strangers have become some of my best friends all because I just went with my feeling and trusted that would show-up at the agreed upon time. Many of these people have given great stories of laughter and sadness. I act as an observer and witness to this American experience getting to Know myself and our country.

A Small Introduction of Sorts To Couchsurfing and My life

Being a Nomad people ask if I get lonely and from time to time I certainly I have that experience, but even if I stayed in one place and never left I would still have that acute feeling of lonliness. People ask me where I am from and merely tell them I am nomad or that I am from the same place as they are or just make a sound that explains better then any words could express. My life is about perfecting living in the present moment and accepting the things I can't change and changing the things that I can. Currently I find myself in Austin, Texas using an internet site called "" which strangers open up their couch/floor/extra room/backyard/ or whatever it maybe to travelers such as myself. I joined the site 4 yesrs ago at its infancy with merely a few thousand people spread around the world and now it is well over 600,000 members. People have profile which include references and the friends that they have from all walks of life.

It certainly is different then the old fashion way of going to the bar and staying late and seeing where you end up. People have a tendency to be more open after having a few drinks to having spiritual healers/freestyle rappers sleep on their couch. On one occasion in a college dorm I had the girls google me as a way of showing my references. Somehow being a psuedo-celebrity makes couchsurfing a little easier and occasion I receive e-mails from people that I have met only in passing or never met at all offering me a place to stay if I ever make to such and such place. Tonight I was thinking of all the places I have been and the people I have met.

Everyone hss a different view of me and none of it is usually accurate somewhere in between exists a truth and usually one that almost nobody can fully accept in the same way we can't seem to accept many things. There are always unseen forces in life, but some of us are more aware of them then others. I recommend getting over your fear of strangers and getting on craigslist and grabbing a rideshare. Meet up with them for coffee or tea and vibe things from there. Trust your gut feeling and continue to hone it and one day the only thing that you can count on is that feeling. I am on quest to awaken to the greatest peace that exists inside of my core the same peace that exists inside of your core. I've had many ambitions, but this is the only one that I have ever had that warrants my full attention.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Thinking in A Brand New Way

I find that I am not trying to do so much and because of that very simple fact I find that more things keep happening around me. So often we work so hard to work against the very thing that we are trying to accomplish. As we slow down we can better see the entire picture and therefore are able to make choices towards a happier that we are all entitled to live if we give ourselves permission to be happy. I am more interested in my own inner experience then I am interested in the idea of beliefs. I can feel changes taking place inside of me that are bring me closer to my higher self. Our country is conditioned to live in a state of fear that there will not be enough and that we all need to compete and fight and then we miss out on all of life's simple pleasures. The government is breaking down and is corroding as we the people need to take the reigns of our destiny. This goes beyond voting this is us not tolerating the abuse of power. We have to elect in entire new brand of politician that we as people find on our quest for peace. The old model can not sustain itself and the bubble has to burst as we have taught the rest of the world the sickness of rampant consumerism that will make this planet incapable of sustaining healthy life. We still have many of our most influential leaders denying global warming and pretending that we are making headway in Iraq only to lose our supposed success a month later.

We keep going about things in the same way expecting a new a wonderful result. Now is the time to create sustainable forms of living and cutting through the red tape with common sense instead of being enslaved by this red tape that is only removed for the benefit of wealthy corporations. We have a spiritual wealth of happiness that we are all entitled to experience.

I Am Now Back Blogging

The road was filled with so many turns and that desire to express what has been taken place and slipped away for a while, but not is veering its head out again. I am still running for president and will not be shutting down or giving a concession speech anytime soon. Hilary raised hundreds of millions and I have merely raised hundreds and I am still in this race, but for me it is more a stroll. Turtle express style I am now in Austin staying with someone named Cheney. Remember for every bad Cheney there has to be a good one. I am not focused on any particular projects merely the present moment. The focus of the campaign is about ending the war on drugs which is a war on our own people that according to Rolling Stone has cost us 500 billion with no net positive results. In fact we have spent that money only to hurt our own citizens. The only effective way to handle the drug problem is through treatment centers which are grossly underfunded because even Presidents such as Bill Clinton did not want to look weak on crime. Yet the strategy for the war on drugs has failed just like the war in Iraq is failing. We are using the same broken model over and over again. 2/3 of this country is not engaged in the political process and that will soon change.

Music festivals offer an opportunity to connect with many people around the country searching for new ways to shape the policy of our country. As a people we need some to reflect and a willingness to change otherwise many more of us will suffer needlessly. I am not saying anything you don't know merely hoping to prod a innate desire to go within your own being and touch a greater peace to share with a nation which seems to be in a spiritual drought. People are running in so many different directions anywhere as long as they don't have to be in the here and now. I thank anyone and everyone who has made some effort to let go of the suffering so that can help others do the same.

Friday, May 16, 2008

That Road Trip That Changes Lives "The TUrtle Express 2008"

So Here I am in New York City about to take off on another road trip with buddies of mine that I know from the Jersey Shore specifically LBI. It is almost like some sort of right of passage that people I know from the Jersey Shore Specifically LBI go on a cross country roadtrip. At first it was just Smiley my vice president and then Matt Fisher and now Georgi and Dan Los and some guy named Ben Post from craigslist. We are heading to a musical festival called "Sasquatch" named after a mythical creature that may or may not exist depending who you talk to he is also called "Big Foot" for the average joe on the street. Georgi has gotten back from Iraq after doing interogation work and is looking to open up to the world around him and write and take pictures along this journey. The first part of this trip will involve Chicago and people who I met in NYC/San Francisco who are from Chicago. I have e-mailed a girl from North Dakota named Cassie who will be able to put up at least two of the crew and the other two will figure out some couches as well. Ben and Cassie are twists of fate from this internet age in which we live in. Along the way we will be selling t-shirts that we paint with different messages that we number in the back that express thoughts, feelings and ideas that are close to our hearts and things that merely make us crack up.

My first home is the road it is one the place where I am least likely to fall into any sort of routine other then listening to my intution and breaking habit energy that would keep me stuck in the same place. I got back from New Orleans before here having gone to Jazz fest and I have had over 10 run-ins with people who I crossed paths with in Miami. I just got a text message from a buddy of mine named Kurt who I met in NYC who remembered me from dancing on the campus of American University about 4 years ago. It seems that people don't dance on campus that often. I am hoping to document alot of this trip and wake up to my greater inner potential and help others do the same. I want to get over my attachment to an identity/ego that can cripple me from being my higher self. The higher me that doesn't care what people think or even what I think, but is merely striving to feel myself fully in the ever present now. On this trip I will lay a good deal of my ego to rest so that I can hold a deeper space of silence. On this trip I will be fasting at various points. On this trip I will be falling in love with something unseen but always felt. Miles Davis Blue in Green and the great American landscape for a reluctant presidential candidate that feels that even though most people get the shaft it doesn't have to be that way anymore....

Our true hearts desire is to be happy with who we are and what we are doing right now.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

We Have Not Talked iN a While

So many things to say, but mostly I want you to know that I am back In NYC Still healing, freestyle rapping, and running for the white house. Mostly I am just focusing on being present in this moment and let my intution guide me down the yellow brick road. I will start blogging again. Our banks and credit systems are set up in a way that they can keep stealing from us. Large corporations have to stop robbing the vast majority of overtaxed Americans who are not benefiting from the taxes that they are paying. We spend more money towards corpoartion welfare then welfare for American citizens. We bail out big corporations but not single working mothers. Funny where our priorities exist in this country. War gets more money then school. Killing gets more financing then education. I know that we will be turning this situation around.
President Te'DeVan

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Most Of Our Looking for Someone to have the Anwsers

In the void there is something that goes beyond anything any rational mind could understand. At some point we all have to take our last breathe. I am practicing being still a little more frequently and keep my feet deeply planted in one spot at one time. Yet the natural evolution of life leads us to the lessons that we need to learn. All of us are awakening in our way through our own path. There are great deal of things that I don't understand yet I have some sense of the greater truth that is reflected in them. Myth in our society is such a powerful thing and whose to say what is real and what is a legend often the two become intertwined. I still find myself in Miami and realizing staying put in one place for an extended period of time has great benefits but so does traveling around and connecting different groups from all over. Not everything is going to be that easy and the stillness of mind allows for more awareness which is truly the greatest healer. With awareness comes and acceptance of things for how they are and understanding of what we are capable of changing. Often I have been nervous or anxious at some point in my journey, but just a few more deeper breathes and some patience all things begin to reveal themselves. May I be grateful for all that have been given and thankful for all the love that I have given and received. New Orleans is pulling me closer and from there back to NYC to take a bite out of the big apple, but may this bite be my deepest as I plant myself there even more firmly then before.

Friday, April 11, 2008

We've Got The Right To Be Angry and Now we can drop the anger and make a change

I am not waiting anymore because it is time to take the youth and those who know how our country is being stolen from us. This is not a diatribe or an indictment just that we need to hold our leaders accountable and not our pop stars. Put the Paparazzi on the congressman and senators and not their personal lives but their policies. Bono lead to me end America's Bloody Sunday that just can't seem to end. There are agendas that running our country that belong to massive American people,. These selfish agendas are ravaging our treasury. We pay for mercenaries to kill innocent people abroad. Black water is the polution that we put all over the world and act clueless when it shows back up on our doorstep in the form of terrorism. We need to hold our leaders accountable. We need to come together and march on the capital that this government represents the American people. Our taxes are being stolen from and misspent in the hundreds of billions. We would better off burning half the cash at Burning Man and taking the rest and spending on the downtrodden American people. We keep pushing our poor and struggling people out of their homes as their rents rise. Fish don't worry about paying rent and many Americans are fixated on this thing just because a few people claim that the land belongs to them. How do we make these large oversights to be understood by the masses of Americans. Maybe we just need to turn into a reality show. A reality show focusing on this massive corruption. The new Uncle Tom's Cabin might have to be a non-fictional reality show that people come together in a deeper understanding.

MY Kind Your Kind Give me Just A Slice Of America

We all just need to learn how to share again and just take this moment for all the amazingness that holds and allow that inner freak to sip into our clothes, Words, moves, and just general head bob. Now is the time to explore to get out there and see something that you have merely read about. Push yourself to go outwards and find a deeper and more profound love of China, Chile, Japan, Fiji, And of course Kansas and New Orleans. Give me music give me dancing give me crazy clapping and finger snapping. Tell Bill And Ted that Wild Stallions are the horses that we were all meant to be. A stream of pop culture references are oozing into my writing right now. There is no way to miss this moment, but denial is a motherfucker and it causes so many problems, Instant gratification ain't fast enough and let me jump in car but the duct tape won't be needed because I am not Emniem. I am not as angry as I used to be because the dragon is dead and everything works itself out and I can't deny that I will die and that I will cry and laugh and that the cure for all things exist within our being. We just need to dig deeper and not race for a cure but stop and meditate for cures. We have millions of people dying from Malaria, Aids, and lack of clean water in a continent that we most associate with Blood Diamonds and Sally strthers and people that somehow don't seem real on our television. Maybe they just need to make better youtube videos or come out with a hot fashion line. Values don't generally change that quickly and knowing the things that will better humanity and being apart of these actions is the part that we have to focus on right now. My voice grows stronger each day there is a revolution brewing and there is a timing for things to erupt and place for people to listen. Listen for the silence and feel your self release those blocks in your throat and say your truth.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Make SUre she Is A friend

So you've won the lottery what the hell are you going to do with the money. Money and fame people act very strange agendas start to emerge. I don't care one way or another I am just listening to SHy from the early 90's "IF I ever Fall in Love Again". I am seeing the people that I have met in different places going through different phases. Be careful who you sleep with you or you can quickly find yourself caught in drama that you never needed that keeps you from the bliss that you have always wanted. Don't compromise and forget fundamentalism anything with the exception of attention to the breathing, but even that can be overcome. Can I make myself appear two places at once. I shaved my head and said goodbye to the past and fashion seems to surround me everywhere, but more importantly is my greater awareness of God in everything that I connect to that God has some part in taking us to a new level of understanding that we have to let if all go so why struggle too hard to get it because it was never yours to begin with. You were merely borrowing it and your just trying to find your breathe and let go of the jadedness and trust in something that your rational mind wished was more tangible. Keep your wits about you when everyone else is losing theirs and help those who want your assistance. Cast demons or negative entities in any name that you want to use but if the mind is not calm and clear then nothing is really changed. Some people are constantly in a state of conflict with themselves and the world around them.

Moses find a draft pick to speak his mind and risk all the endorsement deals because the people don't listen or trust the politicians. The athletes, movie stars, and singers are looked upon as some sort of prophets and they are usually just selling us stuff that nobody needs but somehow we can't remembered how we functioned without ipod, cell phone, and e-mail. Bring back the pony express or maybe the "Turtle Express". Don't try to make too much sense of things that you have limited understanding of a world where we only understand a small amount of factors acting on us and the others around us. I can feel that hand of God altering the landscape and keeping ready until the time is right and I am just waiting to hop off the cosmic couch and send my blessings to bedbugs in Brooklyn.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Break the Pattern Am I Resigned to My Fate

I once heard that we can do anything in this world its just that we can't control the outcome. Often I wonder how much of my life has been fated and how much of it can be changed or is is crazy to think that anything in this world is predestined in anyway. Maybe it is that certain events have a very high likelihood unless we take drastic steps. Maybe the only thing we can control is how we choose to respond to a situation. Fully realized beings are no longer in any way shape or form slaves to the past. In different moments certain people move to the forefront and background of your life. How will you deal with their eventual departure or passing. I want so many things and yet I want almost nothing at all merely a small desire to no longer be enslaved by my wants. To allow these things to fall away and to stop running away from this moment. Music inspires me to write and sometimes I listen to in audible way and other times I can merely hear the raindrops in my head. I have many quotes for many ocassions. I am soundbyte wizard who might actually spell soundbyte wrong. I want to revolutionize the concept of what qualifies as religion. Religion is the backdoor to avoiding much of life's nonsense. In a court room they make you take off your hat unless you wear it for religious reasons, but why are you obligated to tell them that before they threaten you with contempt of court. Perhaps you religion states that you don't have to explain yourself. Taking off your hat is merely an issue of manners and social customs. Yet where do our manners exist when we kill innocent citizens and call it a mistake or collateral damage. War does not make mistakes the very act insures that innocent people will die in the thousands or millions. Everyone has a vision of how their savior should be. Now is the time for us to find the peace maker inside of ourselves. "Peaceful is the new famous" is my new quote.

I am so over titles

Every now and then we fuck up royally to the point that we wonder if it was our intention to make such a mess of things. It was if part of our unconscious wanted to figure something out so we turned a simple situation into a trainwreck. All of us wander along trying to make sense of many things that we can't seem to grasp or truthfully we don't want to grasp. Along the way on this journey I have made mistakes but the greatest one is when I didn't show more compassion to a person in need and perhaps I was mad at them for small reason and I allowed that to block me from fully expressing a love that they really needed to feel. Sometimes people desperately want your help, but they are almost parlyzed to speak out and tell you that they need a moment of your time. I sit here in Miami Florida and somehow feel that much of my life consists of details that happened to someone else though most people would say that they were things that happened to me. Sometimes we hold to pain by continuously replaying the event instead of living in the present moment of now. At the bay, beach, ocean, lake, river, pond I lose myself and find myself submerged in the water that all life stems from on this planet. I am constantly having glimpses of my past thrown at me though I feel that it is a past that must belong to someone else. I can't fully conceive that I have arrived at this point whatever this point may happen to be. I am trimming my own bonzi tree and yet I desire not to trim it at all and allow it to grow completely unimpeded. Each one of us is connected to so many different people and bad vision allows us to see more truth. Love is light and light is love and yet these words have not fully be internalized by my being. There is tremendous mystery that surrounds us at all times. I have to stop and remember to heal myself so that be of better service to the world around me. Each time my heart is cracked open I am blessed to discover a new layer to this puzzle of life. I try to not over think but poise simple questions so that I can remeber to give compassion even when it is easier to somehow walk away. There is only so much walking away we can do from ourselves until we are forced to face ourselves. I recently met the head of a modeling agency who constantly has his head buried in his work of booking models. Yet when he shook my hand he felt something and broke away from his "job" for a moment and starting pouring out all these things that he wants to express and everyone at the office kind of stopped along with him. It is when we stop and slow down and find our own compassion that we find a greater understanding and avoid bad mistakes. Most bad mistakes are made as a way of running from ourselves. It may seem like life is moving too fast but life is moving at the speed that it always moves at it is merely we who move too fast.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Tell Everybody or Maybe Just Keep It A Secret

Some of us wait an entire lifetime for something to transpire that we believe will eradicate all of our suffering. Yet, if we are lucky enough to have it happen we quickly realize that it always comes with a new series of problems. Tell everybody or nobody what your dreams are and follow your heart especially when everyone tells you to do something else. We all need an opportunity to stumble before we can come to the conclusion what is that we really want out of life. Sometimes I ponder all of the places I've been a few of the faces that I remember. One of the greatest quests in my life is to find a freedom in myself that allows me to not be attached to things and to be present in this moment and experience the moment of now and breathe in the blessings. I had the fantasy the media had me swallow. Now is something that I can't put into words and words falter yet I still attempt to point at the mercury in your mouth and say spit it out. Spit out all the garbage that they have contaminated us with. Everyone keeps talking about 2012 or something along those lines, but right now it is 2008 and yet it will be 2012 before we know it and I don't expect some future date to offer me any solutions to not being trapped by my mind. Through my intense focus on my breathing and the music that exists in nature I know there is an order to the chaos of life. I want to speak in other languages. There was a counter culture that was once prominent that wanted to make the earth a better place and then it has now be marketed and sold to us like any other commodity. Buy whatever you want stumble as much as you want but know that there is a path and when you walk people can feel at it always warrants some sort of response. I never had to do anything that I have down, but to get at this point I had no other choice. I recently saw my 90 year old aunt and my life is beyond fathomable and she asked me if I would go back to the way I was. I guess I could have asked her the same. I am happier and more at peace with myself now then at any point of my life. I continue on my quest to an eternal bliss that is never dependent on external circumstances. All of us are capable of great many things and we easily lose sight of this most wonderful truth. Yet at first the truth can ssem like a nightmare but the greatest nightmare is running for that inherent truth that will allow us to finally be free. To realize and more importantly to accept the fleeting nature of all things and all the love we experience and share will be remembered.

Monday, March 31, 2008

So the Astrologer was Right your Ex-girlfriend is now married

I was in India in 2007 and when I was there I went to an astrologer and quite a few things that he told me have turned out to be right and the above mentioned title happened to be one of them. He is also very accurately pegged the time period which I spent with a tai-chi/chi-gong master from China. I found a few of his predictions to be a bit startling in regards to accuracy. I feel that I have been hiding alot of personal aspects of my life from the blog or more accurately not knowing where to begin> I was given a picture today to do a long distance healing on man's mother from Spain. I believe in the power of healing and certainly long distance healing is another avenue for that take place. I recently about 2 and half weeks with no cell phone and it was wonderful. I had some herbs from the healer John of God sent to me and I will start taking them tomorrow. Every day I amazed at how many people I have encountered. Tonight at a small gathering of about 12 2 people knew from New York, One from Venice Beach, and another recognized me from Wild Oats. Someone recently stopped me on the street and bought my healing sign off of me for $200. I have no idea what tomorrow or the rest of this year has in store for me. I am learning to fly without wings and remembering to fly is sometimes the hardest thing. I am looking for a ride to New Orleans where I will stay with a friend who I met at Bonnaroo. I dont care much for spelling as long as you can figure what I am trying to say more or less, but hopefully more then less. I am weirded out a little bit that my ex-girlfriend is married but more wondering if the astrologers prediction about the mafia taking interest in me might also be true. Rationally the mafia being interested in me does not make any dam sense to me being that I don't like guns, drugs, or racketering (unless it is Robin Hood, but still then I have my questions). Life has a funny way of working out most people are not patient enough to allow it to unfold and spend a great deal of the in between time worrying about many things that never happen. One day I will pass on and everything I touch and have touched and ever will touch the same can be said for it. One day "This too will pass". There a great deal many people who have come before me who or wiser then me. I seek to continue to find truth inside of myself. I met someone recently who got pulled into the nonsense of club life and spent a thousand dollars in one life. If charity organizations were night clubs at least a whole bunch of malnourished children would get fed off our decadence. If you don't feel the rain then you don't feel anything at all. Give them a guitar and a some drums and watch them wail.
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