Sunday, July 29, 2007

Musings of Now

here come the channel opening up as the rain stops. we have found that starlets and Avatars are not so different from one another. You are my sister and he is my brother and too many other people are merely viewed as others belonging to another. There is no separation and I have desire to talk less and merely be more and if this upsets you then that is how it must be. Loud sounds ringing out of my mouth like the Tibetan bowls that you hear at the monastery, but that monastery feeling is our true nature. That feeling of the church, temple, mosque, or holy place is the sacred land of silence where words no longer have to be spoken. We are flying to a whole new dimension that has always existed, but we are becoming more aware of and the logical people will have their logic turned inside out.

The Great Gatsby was sad and lonely and we have become a country of Great Gatsby's thinking a Rags to Riches story in material wealth has any greater meaning. To not be true to yourself is demeaning and our minds need cleaning. We must do away with the things that no longer serve us and we must allow new people and places to enter into our life. Go west young man/woman. The unease is merely a tease or a prelude to the virtuoso of the mocking all that is held so sacred in a world of people that talk one way and end up living another. I have committed this sin before and it takes me away from the fullness of grace that is always offered if I would merely allow myself to receive, but we can not receive love when we try to deceive love.

Now all of us must allow ourselves to perceive the love that never went away we always seem to put it off for another day. But that day is now here in the solitude of a cave until we are ready to engage with all that is and be the opening between this world and the unseen world which is much larger. Science will be a whole new world by the end of 2009. We are entering into age of change that can no longer be held at bay because it has always been the way and no longer shall falseness and ego sway.

Rainy Day In NYC

I feel more and more expectations from other people being placed on me and though I am pretty good on not taking them on the pressure has seemed to intensify. It makes me realize that I don't want to do that to anybody. Amma came to NYC a couple of weeks ago and it was a beautiful and spiritual majestic time and though alot of people came most people choose to miss out on the experience of a blessing from a saint. I still think most New Yorkers think they might melt in the rain. I love it when it rains and I think that I kind of miss Spain. I became Te'DeVan in Barcelona and there has been no looking back since that point. I recently listened to a Beatles cover band at BB kings with some friends. I feel like mentioning small details because the other things are hard to articulate, but I can certainly feel things waking up inside of me like a sleeping dog when the thunder sounds. I am starting to settle into a place for the first time in 6 years. The Dharma Pad is born and in another week I look forward to seeing you guys come and visit. We all need to keep following our dreams and being what we desire and surrender things over to a higher force. We have to have trust and faith that things will work themselves out. I have been around the Chelesa area of NYC which I had predicted to a friend of mine a couple of weeks back and circumstances I have pulled me out here more often. I have a cookies addiction especially Uncle Eddies Vegan cookies. The Presidential campaign has picked up a few notches and more components to the project are coming together.
All of us are finding our way thru the storm and there will be a rainbow and it exists here and now you just have to open up your third eye. Open up your third eye and cut the ties to the mundane and do your sundance and raindance and you will find God's romance.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

The Faster Things Move....

I just want to slow my mind down and just completely allow myself to be and not allow myself to identify with the currents of change that take place on the surface. I want to immerse myself in the joy of stillness and not allow myself to be overwhelmed by all the developments that seem to be transpiring so rapidly. Even if we are to achieve all of our goals this does not ensure our happiness or that we will find a deeper lasting peace. I find myself being threatened by so much change taking place. Many things that I have come to identify myself with are no longer true and I am starting new chapters in my life. I am being the change more often and this makes my ego feel threatened. Often after my most profound moments I find myself reverting to previous behaviors that do not actually benefit. It could be something as simple as eating too many cookies. There is a subtle sense of feat that I am experiencing and I am trying to escape from it by taking comfort in cookies, but there is no comfort to be found. Many of my dreams are manifesting into reality and this makes me very excited and nervous. I am focusing more deeply on love because love is all we need is more then just a song it is one of the greatest truths that exist. I am here to help people find a greater peace not to increase my identity.

I want to send out my love to all of my amazing friends that I have not spoken to in quite sometime. I want to write about love that changes all of us because if one of us undergoes a profound change then all of us undergo a profound change. The change is to have a deeper realization.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


Now more then ever these words have been ringing strongly in my head. There was yesterday and there will be tomorrow, but only this moment that I am in right now offers me the power to surrender to the change that my soul desires to experience. To rid myself of my ego and identity and to realize that I am merely attached to a whole bunch of things that ultimately holding me back from knowing the infinite love that we are all capable of experience. I went to the beach and all sorts of realizations became clear to me. I am addicted and though it may not be to drugs or sex ultimately I still have addictions that desire to be fed so that I will repeat the same patterns and not realize the oneness that we all are. Cheating anyone merely means to cheat yourself and don't waste your energy being angry with someone about the choices they have made. You can only make your choices and be at peace with whatever those choices maybe. I forget my true self and when I do I end up clinging on to things that have already served their purpose. I hold myself back because I am scared to jump forward. All of us will move forward because that is the nature of life. Someone recently has asked me to play Bhagavan Dass the 6 foot 7 inch tall guy from Be Here Now and Are You Here Now. I found it fitting and humorous and the writer/director happened to have graduated from U of M which also made me smile. I met him at Amma also know as the "hugging saint". This woman really figured it out and just let herself become the love that is the foundation of all living things. We can all be hugging saints once we just allow ourselves to be here now.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Don't take the silence personally

Sometimes I don't want to talk about the weather or how my day is going and I don't want to have insipid conversations focused on some sort of mental masturbation. Okay maybe that is a bit harsh, but I just don't want to talk I just want to be there in silence and listen to the nothingness that is everything. I don't want to join your religion remember I already have my own (no not judiasm) just my own religion and I don't want anyone to join. New York brings out my edge. There is this one guy in NYC that is exremely angry man who keeps yelling at me and threatening to fight me and has once thrown a glass bottle at me. He basically calls everyone a racist and does not want to hear any information that might indicate that you are not a racist. New York is full of the most wonderful and heinous people though the extremes are not quite as intense as India. I am falling in some sort of love/lust/liking with a girl twice a day on a slow day. The amount people interactions I have here sends me to a point where I merely desire not to talk anymore. Furthermore I am obcessed with the song "Don't You forget about me" (what narcissitic person is not?). I don't want to be a holy man I just want to be like Andy Dufrane whose colors were too bright to be held in any sort of constraints. The pain gets deeper and either you surrender or suffer, and if you surrender then you won't suffer and if you suffer then you haven't surrendered. Surrender to some unknown force or spend at least half of your time worrying about things beyond your control. Lets be more vain what do you think and lets pretend like we care about Paris Hilton and her prison time. Forget about Darfur and just call my name and lets help Lindsay Lohan and Brittany spears find a musketeer AA meeting. Lets all become friends of Bill and let's make Bill the 1st man this way he can have more time to have more sexual exploits. Okay maybe this writing is tinged with a little edge, but it was something that has to come to the surface so that it can be released. Don't pretend not to be pissed when you are putting your fist thru the wall. Less talking and more being less talking and more being.

Prince has nothing on me and I will write even crazier lyrics. Much love to my friend Simeon and may all my friends go on to fuck or make love to their celebrity of choice and then we can all read about it in the New York Post. Tell me more about amazing eccentric wonderful people in Kansas and Alabama and less about Hollywood. And lets leave Brad and Angelina alone. By the way Tom Petty is teaching me how to fly so fucking high thru TM meditation. Lets all be yoga buddhists swimming in the clean part of the Hudson river. Hey Jenna Rae what a great dam name and may the dance last all summer long.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

I a m GOing to WIld Extremes to find Balance

I want to scream and I am screaming. I feel there is so much coming at me and I just need to trust more. But this trusting thing can be so fucking scary, but if you don't trust then you just go insane. And maybe everything will go all wrong or all right or maybe you don't even know the difference anymore. You can sense what is around the corner, but your not exactly sure that you want to confront whatever it is and you are growing up and being part of something, but you have always been part of something. You feel disconnected because your scared to breathe. You have possible romances and possible living situations, but nothing has finalized itself. Even if the world is an illusion you want just one illusion to appear stable and that it will be there. Your choices involce alot more people then just you and you feel that you are carrying more then your load. There is help to be received, but sometimes you just have to ask.

I am in the midst of wild Manhattan craziness and trying to get everyone on the smae page and this can be quite challenging. Yet, none of this really matters and the family we create is the most important thing. I want to be more giving and more living, but I need to make more space inside of myself and remove more clutter that is coming to ths surface. My life has to be order if anything else is to mean anything. Some things seem promising and then fade like a shooting star while others blaze like a sun that we can't seem to see at times. I don't want to be new age or old age I just want to be the present age. I just want to see my way out of the maze of the mind thru surrendering the things beyond my control. I want to be generous, but I don't want to be trampled on. I want to reunite myself to my true core essence and then this whole journey becomes much easier. Give me the rock of God's love and let me stop searching and realize that I have always had what I was searching, but I just can't seem to realize beyond an intellectual understanding.

I am not sure if I can write or I can't write but I certainly know how to struggle when there is nothing to struggle with. I am fighting invisible men and women that I have made real out of my own fears and insecurities and taking on the fears of others and I just need to purge all the nonsense so that I can soar like the American eagle that has has shackles placed on its wings.
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