Friday, June 27, 2008

When those Wave of Emotions Hit

Sometimes I will be sitting somewhere listening to music, watching a movie, hear certain news, getting ready to depart, sitting in the presence of a very spiritual being, reminded of a moment from the past. It will be a current a waterfall and just overtake me to a point that I almost experience a mini-panic attack. I am not even sure where they come from, but they are so strong and in the midst of them I feel as I might never stop feeling that emotional. On some level they truly scare me and make me want to contact thousands of my friends and ex-girlfriends and people that I have met in passing and somehow sit them all down at once and simply say that I love them and I am sorry for an unnecessary hurt that they I may have caused them in a world that displays too much cruelty. I wish people were not over sensitive and then I find myself being that same exact way. I am not truly sure what "over" sensitive means. In a world where most people have gone numb to feel your emotions at all will make a vast majority of people uncomfortable. When I have this experience I wonder for a brief moment if this feeling does not dissipate I will not be able to function in this world. Yet not functioning in a disfunctional world seems like an amazing blessing. Tonight the movie Juno was my trigger just in case you were wondering. I thought about what would happen to the child and about my non-existent child and the thought of that happening to me at an earlier point in my life and how that would have effected me...

I continue to explore the depths of my emotions and to embrace the passion that runs through my being and to bask in the bliss that is now when it comes over. To allow healing to flow thru my being. To be okay about making mistakes so that I am not paralyzed into not being able to make a choice. You can always pick the ball back up if you fumble it. I will attempt to make the highest choice that I can make for myself at any given moment. I will be seeing Amma the hugging Saint on Sunday in Dallas, Texas with a friend named Brian who I got to know very well on a truck ride back from Bonnaroo. At the same festival I ran into a girl who had given me a ride back to Connecticut last year. She had quit her job and was substance free and wanted some tips on being a nomad.

For anyone asking me tips on being a nomad or being domesticated I will simply tell you make the mind as silent as possible and listen to your heart it feels much differetn then your ego. Trust me on this much. Choose out of bravery courage not out of fear or of lack. Be patient and trust when you have no rational reason to merely your inner knowing. Often I rely on rides from complete strangers that I have never met from the internet and hope that they follow thru on what they told me. One time it did not work out, but that was merely a miscommunication and worked out better as a result. Let life tell you what it has in store for you as you learn to listen as we collectively remember how to listen once again.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

That Road and A strangers Car/truck

I figure that I have hopped in well over 75 different strangers cars/trucks in the last 7 years of being a nomad. Each one offered me some sort of glimpse into myself and the world in general. Most were met on craigslist and a few of them I met on the spot just as I needed to get somewhere. In one extreme case in Chicago I hitchhiked a plane ride from the now defunct miggs airport. At each moment these people have played a role in my life and in many cases we had hardly spoke until I got in their car. Some of them have become good friends and others were people I connected with in passing. In one case I got a ride from San Diego to Austin as the man completely emotionally and mentally unraveled in front of me stilling reeling from his wife leaving him, a gambling problem, and a large amount of coffee, cigarettes, etc... Yet I was not upset or bothered by his emotional instability merely another experience to have on this long unfolding journey. They have taught you to fear strangers and yet some of these strangers have become some of my best friends all because I just went with my feeling and trusted that would show-up at the agreed upon time. Many of these people have given great stories of laughter and sadness. I act as an observer and witness to this American experience getting to Know myself and our country.

A Small Introduction of Sorts To Couchsurfing and My life

Being a Nomad people ask if I get lonely and from time to time I certainly I have that experience, but even if I stayed in one place and never left I would still have that acute feeling of lonliness. People ask me where I am from and merely tell them I am nomad or that I am from the same place as they are or just make a sound that explains better then any words could express. My life is about perfecting living in the present moment and accepting the things I can't change and changing the things that I can. Currently I find myself in Austin, Texas using an internet site called "" which strangers open up their couch/floor/extra room/backyard/ or whatever it maybe to travelers such as myself. I joined the site 4 yesrs ago at its infancy with merely a few thousand people spread around the world and now it is well over 600,000 members. People have profile which include references and the friends that they have from all walks of life.

It certainly is different then the old fashion way of going to the bar and staying late and seeing where you end up. People have a tendency to be more open after having a few drinks to having spiritual healers/freestyle rappers sleep on their couch. On one occasion in a college dorm I had the girls google me as a way of showing my references. Somehow being a psuedo-celebrity makes couchsurfing a little easier and occasion I receive e-mails from people that I have met only in passing or never met at all offering me a place to stay if I ever make to such and such place. Tonight I was thinking of all the places I have been and the people I have met.

Everyone hss a different view of me and none of it is usually accurate somewhere in between exists a truth and usually one that almost nobody can fully accept in the same way we can't seem to accept many things. There are always unseen forces in life, but some of us are more aware of them then others. I recommend getting over your fear of strangers and getting on craigslist and grabbing a rideshare. Meet up with them for coffee or tea and vibe things from there. Trust your gut feeling and continue to hone it and one day the only thing that you can count on is that feeling. I am on quest to awaken to the greatest peace that exists inside of my core the same peace that exists inside of your core. I've had many ambitions, but this is the only one that I have ever had that warrants my full attention.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Thinking in A Brand New Way

I find that I am not trying to do so much and because of that very simple fact I find that more things keep happening around me. So often we work so hard to work against the very thing that we are trying to accomplish. As we slow down we can better see the entire picture and therefore are able to make choices towards a happier that we are all entitled to live if we give ourselves permission to be happy. I am more interested in my own inner experience then I am interested in the idea of beliefs. I can feel changes taking place inside of me that are bring me closer to my higher self. Our country is conditioned to live in a state of fear that there will not be enough and that we all need to compete and fight and then we miss out on all of life's simple pleasures. The government is breaking down and is corroding as we the people need to take the reigns of our destiny. This goes beyond voting this is us not tolerating the abuse of power. We have to elect in entire new brand of politician that we as people find on our quest for peace. The old model can not sustain itself and the bubble has to burst as we have taught the rest of the world the sickness of rampant consumerism that will make this planet incapable of sustaining healthy life. We still have many of our most influential leaders denying global warming and pretending that we are making headway in Iraq only to lose our supposed success a month later.

We keep going about things in the same way expecting a new a wonderful result. Now is the time to create sustainable forms of living and cutting through the red tape with common sense instead of being enslaved by this red tape that is only removed for the benefit of wealthy corporations. We have a spiritual wealth of happiness that we are all entitled to experience.

I Am Now Back Blogging

The road was filled with so many turns and that desire to express what has been taken place and slipped away for a while, but not is veering its head out again. I am still running for president and will not be shutting down or giving a concession speech anytime soon. Hilary raised hundreds of millions and I have merely raised hundreds and I am still in this race, but for me it is more a stroll. Turtle express style I am now in Austin staying with someone named Cheney. Remember for every bad Cheney there has to be a good one. I am not focused on any particular projects merely the present moment. The focus of the campaign is about ending the war on drugs which is a war on our own people that according to Rolling Stone has cost us 500 billion with no net positive results. In fact we have spent that money only to hurt our own citizens. The only effective way to handle the drug problem is through treatment centers which are grossly underfunded because even Presidents such as Bill Clinton did not want to look weak on crime. Yet the strategy for the war on drugs has failed just like the war in Iraq is failing. We are using the same broken model over and over again. 2/3 of this country is not engaged in the political process and that will soon change.

Music festivals offer an opportunity to connect with many people around the country searching for new ways to shape the policy of our country. As a people we need some to reflect and a willingness to change otherwise many more of us will suffer needlessly. I am not saying anything you don't know merely hoping to prod a innate desire to go within your own being and touch a greater peace to share with a nation which seems to be in a spiritual drought. People are running in so many different directions anywhere as long as they don't have to be in the here and now. I thank anyone and everyone who has made some effort to let go of the suffering so that can help others do the same.
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