Friday, December 11, 2009

Take The Pain And Use It To Bring You Closer To The Goal

What is the goal? They say it is enlightenment, but that has become a word that we hear often in jest. Honestly, it is only a word unless you go through the experience. And so, you feel a great level of suffering... and most of that suffering is our own doing... really, just the way we choose to react towards a certain situation. Yeah, during those situations things that are said tend to be frustrating or just completely absurd, but the question comes down to this: how are you going to handle it? Are you going to brew in it, or are you going to burn it away and bring yourself fully into the present moment? That phone call could come any day and even if it doesn't maybe it will be an even better phone call. You can cry and scream and after that now what is your plan? All of this eventually ends. Remember our good friend Shakespeare- all the world's a stage. What role do you want to play on this stage; a positive one or a negative one? Don't look at what you believe is missing, instead look towards what has been found. I know you want to be happy and not merely the passing happiness that can be taken away as quickly as it comes. Sadness becomes happiness and vice versa... so what is the verse... and rappers become healers and healers become saints and saints were merely sinners that did not give it up. Let go of that need to be special because you see how truly special you are. No longer looking for that approval that we can't seem to get enough of, and so you keep pressing on but just make sure you press on in the right way. Love what you do; never living in that bubble of lies that says "once this one thing happens it will be all good." I hear that one a lot. Sometimes I respond, but mostly I realize that people want to hold onto that illusion. I get involved in numerous people's lives and whether it is their pain or my pain, I will use it as motivation to make it back to our true home. We are all just travelers, nomads, hobos in then greater sense. Don't get too caught up in this world because it will fail you in the end, but that unconditional never dying love that exists within you will serve you more than a bigger pay check or significant other. Those things are merely tools to assist in bringing beauty into this world... and more importantly, helping to alleviate the suffering of ourselves and therefore others. Do not try to look away when you see someone hurting because you are liable to do the same thing when you feel that way. Look at that sadness square in the face and know that there is enough love and will inside of you to disolve it.

Ah that Tricky Tricky Mind

There are moments when it almost seems like we have this whole "mind" thing in check. But it is truly a "quickie koala" (meaning hard to follow if you ever watched the old cartoon) first you think you've got it then you don't. And if you give it the smallest wandering thought and it will take you on a whole series of non-beneficial thoughts. Worrying about all that things that have already happened, things that might happen (causing more anxiety and less clarity), compulsively day dreaming about the future, and placing lots of expectations on someone or something to be the solution to your happiness to say the least. It truly feels like a knock-out drag-em' down sort of shoot out at the okay corral. And you were doing so well! You were all shanti shanti, blissed-out, giving smiles and love to strangers. But it is in that extended stretch of silent alone time that you finally have to face the things in your mind that you forgot could still stir. They may not ripple the surface of the waters of consciousness as frequently or as forcefully as they may have done once. Still, quite often those things we believe we have discarded are in fact packed away in some shadowy storage space in the corners of our brains, just waiting for the right moment to cast off the blanket of dust and come to light. They can shatter the illusion of all your spiritual growth, like a mirror bursting into billions of shards.

In this moment I recognize myself wrestling with such feelings. I find that when sitting in meditation sometimes a quiet, clear mind is possible, but in other moments sitting is more like an inundation of the mind by a wave of unwanted thoughts. It is an invasion of sorts. On the other hand, I find that a brief intensive workout of some sort can help defend me from this invasive feeling. Perhaps dancing, asanas, shadow-boxing, or a long swim or hike. You just have to shake it out of you. Shake the demons out of the darkness. If you move fast enough they might just jump out of the darkness of your head and once in the light the shadow disappears; you see there was never anything to fear.

During the moment of invasion you might feel an urgent need to contact certain people or indulge in certain destructive habits. Keep your awareness intact and strive to resist and resist. The more resistance you build up against this disruption of your peace, the more fortified and durable your peace will become. There is a surge of energy that sometimes accompanies this feeling of strength. We must channel this energy and direct it towards the source.

Maybe you feel lonely or abandoned or long for whatever it is your ego has you convinced you you lack at this moment. These are merely delusions of the mind and lack any objective truth. Getting at the feeling of inner peace and fortitude that exits within surpasses everything the material world can offer, yet it can be quite elusive. Sometimes you can become lost in an angry, apathetic, or jaded moods, but beyond the shadowy obscuration of all these impermanent negative feelings is the inner knowledge that you are nothing more nor less than a being of light. In these moments, I clearly see the need for spiritual community to reinforce our commitments to spiritual path and support each other in our moments of unceratinty. We can not let each other fall by the wayside of such fleeting thoughts and emotions.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

All the Lives I Have Lived

I was waking around the Bedford L-stop two nights ago when a flood of memories came roaring through me. I could feel myself walking down the street a few summers ago when I stayed with friends on North 11th. I had a big sign about rapping and a smaller sign about healing, and I would switch back and forth regarding which was on display. I remember romances with girls that I was enraptured with, many that I have not even spoken to in years and would not even know where to begin to get in contact with them (except maybe mental telegrams). I remember people I thought would stay in my life for a great deal of time who have moved on. I have necessarily accepted that they may not return to me in this life. It is the present "me" that needs to return to the eternal "me", so that I can free my self from myself, and strive to realize final liberation in this lifetime.

I have woken up in Charleston, Key West, San Francisco, hung out at greyhound stations... sometimes with real tickets and sometimes with fake ones made by a gutter-fab girl I used to know at SVA. Thank you, by the way, Michelle. You made possible a lot of amazing moments on my journey. And thank you to the greyhound bus drivers who allowed that one fake ticket, that looked quite inauspicious, pass at that moment so I would not be stuck in the purgatory that is a greyhound station in the middle of nowhere.

I think of hot summer days in Michigan. I think of all the girls I chased and all the chaos I caused, intentionally or unintentionally. I think of my old crew coach who used to call me a bull in the china shop, until I met an old Chinese man named Gabriel who helped get me started on the process of taming that bull, directing that energy inward towards the infinite source, which I prefer to call God. Perhaps that makes me old-fashioned, and yes, "God" makes people nervous, skeptical, fanatical, etc., but it is simply a word pointing to the inner experience, which expresses so much more.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

The Most Important Promises Are the Ones We Make to Ourselves

Every moment that we break a promise we have made to ourselves we are more likely to do the same with others. I return to the theme of not giving in to my sense desires, though this is no easy battle. If it were no onr would have to struggle with addiction. If a thought is powerful enough, it will eventually manifest itself in reality. Though I may have a few false starts, I will remain committed until I hit the mark. Sin is merely missing the mark, whatever mark you may be aiming for.

Keeping the promises I make to myself enables me to do the same with the people with whom I interact. I once dated a young woman who told me her first reaction was to lie and that truth did not come naturally. Needless to say it did not end well, but such is the folly of youth. I have promised to myself that I will not enter into romantic relationships with those who are not honest. But I need to start with my own honesty, with promises to my higher self. Yogis can not make excuses even if the rest of the world chooses to do so, either for themselves or for you. Still, sometimes the promise inevitably is broken; when the credibility of our word is compromised, we must strive our hardest to rectify the situation so that we can restore the power of our word. Honesty has that special ring to it so that you know it's true, and true love has a similar ring to it, one that romantic love lacks.

I have promised my soul that at some point I will go back to Nepal, though I have never seen the country with the eyes of this life. I recently took a tack and marked it as the place where I am from. We live countless lifetimes and at certain points in our current life we are called to retrieve something that resides inside of us. Certain environments help to awaken the hidden gems that lie within our being. May I keep this promise regardless of the alluring worldly temptations that are placed before me, challenging me to forget my pledge. I have known for a while that my guru awaits me in Nepal. I don't know how I know; I just do. Though I have met many great saints, all of whom are wonderful, still not one is not my guru. Yet I have not shown myself to be fully ready to receive my guru. I have more promises to myself that are yet to be fulfilled. The greatest promise I have made is to seek the love and peace that resides within and not desire to obtain that from others. Once I am blessed enough to find this within myself, then I must assume responsibility to share it with those other seekers and strivers who sincerely work to realize the same treasures. But it is hard to remember this at times, and romantic delusions still assail me.

Move On to New Things And let the Old Rest

I can catch my mind looking to go down a road I already know merely because I know it, not because I feel that it will enrich my soul, but a longing for the familiar and it is at that moment that I have to be most vigilant towards staying on my path and not looking for a way to go on an unecessary ten mile detour thru the -tourist trap of the spiritual journey-. It is necessary that we aspire to new heights even if we don't know what we will experience. I keep looking towards revolution as the evolution of humanity. I have to walk my talk as best I can and staying away from the obvious detours that longer offer so much joy as the comfort of a security blanket, and finding it keeps causing you to trip all over the place. Not to mention all the energy you spend keeping track on where the security blanket might be. If we are secure in ourselves then we no longer need security blankets and we can pass those security blanket on to others. May we all head forward with empty hands and empty cups to see what grace life has to fill our cups and along the way fill the cups of others the best we can. I am not fully anchored in the omnipresent spirit of love. Though I strive to get there momemt by moment with an intensity for God that does not draw only from intellectual speculation but from inward accumulation.

So I adhere to all the old to rest and the new to rise and keep creating the space for the things I want and not settling for the things that come around just because they are comfortable and convient. "I care too much to compromise" is my mantra for this moment and may I remember it in all moments of weakness to keep striving towards a greater reverence of the higher self. The higher self does not have room for the nonsense of the past, merely a keen yearning to realize that we are complete and do not need to be completed.

Monday, December 07, 2009

Those Pesky Negative Thoughts

Yes, you meditate and chant and go out and are of service to humanity. And yet you still have negative thoughts making their way into your head. And this will continue to happen for most of your life. Yet, I find the more committed I become the less this happens. The more immersed I become in this moment the less of an effect it has on me. The negative thoughts become increasingly quieter and have less bite, less often. You must persevere. You must push ahead. You must not fold. You must strengthen your will, your resolve to return to your highest, truest essence. You shall not be denied if you always continue to strive. Strive towards the infinite and your success will inspire others to do the same. Negative habits of thought, that your efforts are fruitless or that you are not good enough, and all the other doubts, are merely the delusions of an ego seeking to deter you from realzing your connection with the source. You are an infinite light and when light is shun darkness can not help but remain. All of us, through our commitment to do so, are beginning to shine more brightly. Many people use the word ego without necessarily understanding its meaning, but in its simplest essence it is the very limited concept of who we think we are in this world. My name is Rick, Bob, Sara, Rachel etc.. I live London, Kansas, Jersey, Texas etc.... I work in investment banking, teaching, healing arts, etc.... My friends are Lucy, Thomas, Rafael, Julio etc.... It is our story in a nutshell, who we believe we are. And we become very protective of our story though it may be quite painful or even boring. But still we see it as our story and that which makes us superior or inferior, but most importantly what makes us "us". Yet it is neither more nor less real than the role an actor or actress plays, and our true essence remains hidden to ourselves and our communities when we perceive ourselves only through the limited concept of the ego.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Awkward For Other People Isn't Always Awkward For Me

This evening I attended a dinner party on the upper east side and, as always, I allowed myself to just be myself and to do what felt natural. While I can say that there was a noticeable feeling of inhibition in the room, still I found myself preoccupied with my own inner bliss and quietly listening to the people that chose to open up and share with me. Some did with great joy and others seemed somewhat terrified of me and kept a polite and safe distance. The space had the essence of an over-intellectualized art scene which strives for rationality at all times and believe that solutions can always be found in the mind. In such an environment I always just allow myself, to the extent that I can, to go beyond the mind into a place of spontaneity and naturalness. I find that this is perceived as either a breath of fresh air or rather unnerving, and people either run towards it or from it. At some point people become slaves to social rules and I find that dinner parties often suffer from this malady. I seek to create a home of hospitality where people allow their true essence to shine through, where understanding can be reached in moments of complete silence; where conversations arouse what is in people's hearts rather than topics that will be perceived as clever or merely scandalous. I desire to create a home for many people, a place where people's highest natures are nurtured. Some people have a tendency to become awkward in the presence of anyone who is raw and honest in their expression of self. It is the self-censorship of the mind that keeps us trapped. At one point in the dinner party the guests began to watch old porn that was abstract and artsy. However, I did not pay much attention to what was being shown, and instead became engaged in staring at the third eye of a young woman who was next to me. She kept mentioning that she felt self-conscious and telling me she was sorry. Yet she kept attempting to hold my stare, pulling her eyes away only to turn them back, and occasionally asking me to tell her what I was thinking. I explained that I am not so much in a thinking state, but merely in a state of awareness or no-thought. There was something beautiful about watching her become unraveled and I literally did nothing. I was being the best mirror I could be and holding a space of stillness for her to reflect in. I could see her eyes darting and not knowing what to make of me. I was not flirting with her but just staring as a way of looking through her, into her soul-essence. On many occasions I steer clear of small talk and prefer to just quietly stare, instead of entertaining the typical questions of age, location, birth, school, etc.... because none of that really tells me who you are, nor does it tell you who I am. This can be an akward experience for the mind, but to the soul it is truly delightful. As people spend more time away from the limits of their minds, in their soul-essence they will begin to recognize this as a much more preferable experience.

I want to take this moment to send my love to Manhattan and Brooklyn. I feel a lot of warmth being back in town, even if the external weather might be cold... so if you happen to be around feel free to contact me.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Laughing At A Foolish Young Man

At time I still laugh at the foolish young man who resides within me. But I now am able to observe the insanity that years ago would grip my mind and lead me to make embarassing and ego-crushing decisions. These memories give me a fresh understanding of the habits that I work to cultivate, and of the habits that I work to break.

As we gain greater wisdom, there is that part of us that says, "why did I not understood these things years ago? Then I would not have committed such absurd follies!" But perhaps others can learn from my follies and avoid those same pitfalls. Or, perhaps my insights can help someone climb out of the hole that their mind has dug for them.

All of my follies were simply perpetuated by delusions of grandeur and a general fear of being hurt.

Sometimes You Are Neither Happy Nor Sad--Just A Peaceful Even Keel

I find myself in a place of feeling neither particularly ecstatic nor sad. I am feeling on a very even keel and there is a part of my mind that feels it needs the extremes of happiness or sadness. Yet there are only feelings acceptance and peace, and not too much taking place in my external life in this respect.

But whether things are up or down, I want to keep this even-mindedness in my experience of all things that may or may not come my way. I feel myself as the watcher and observer of my experience, as well as the experience of those around me. I am not sure if this mood makes for the most exciting writing. But things don't always need to be exciting nor do they need to be dull.

I have watched so many people come in and out of my life and more and more it has taught me to love with detachment, because attachment does not seem to help anyone through life's processes. I find that I am much more beneficial to those around me when I am feeling this peaceful and even keel. The key for me is not trying to force anything right now, remaining patient in this present moment and continuing to listen to my inner guidance.

The saying is that it is calm before the storm, and ulitmately I seek to be the calm at all times and never be thrown out my center into the storm by whatever may come my way. I am working towards not being a slave to the whims of my sensory perceptions. I am striving to remain objective when observing my behaviors, and to remain present to subconscious agendas that I may have.

To the mind, peace can seem boring because it often seeks a chaotic state in order to maintain its hold on you. The greater your peace becomes, the less of a hold your mind has on you. And you neither chase after happiness nor indulge in sadness. I was looking back yesterday and today on my earlier years and how much more angst there was, and how far I have come from that early part of my journey. So I here I am, valuing the discovery of a simple state of mind where I can just be like a five-year-old, blissed on breathing and dancing and singing and enjoying all the simple things. Recently, I have been longing for Georgia, a feeling that has manifested through listening to the song "Midnight Train to Georgia". I want to go to the hostel in the Forest, among other things. It is time to utilize my couchsurfing profile and venture out into new terroritory. Though it might be a few months before I make this trek, I feel Georgia on my mind and with it the desire to deepen my meditations and share my bliss in nature, enjoying the beauty of the sun and experiencing some Southern hospitality.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

When Did It Become SO Trendy To Be A Pleiadian?

Really I want to know when this happened. I was not sent the memo and all of sudden, people started coming up to me at music festivals telling me that they were Pleiadians and they thought that I was one too. Or people would just flat out ask me if I was Pleiadian or they would tell me that I was a Pleiadian. And I feel slowly but surely there must be more Pleiadians than Earthlings which made me think we must not be on Earth. In fact maybe we are Pleiadia (take a guess at the name of the planet.)
It always seems to me that everyone wants a new identity, and a way of explaining why they never feel like they don't fit in. The old answer used to be that you were Gay or some sort of Artistic type and that is why you did not fit in. Or that you march to the beat of a different drummer, or perhaps you are on a spiritual journey.
Now times have changed and obviously all those anwsers became too contrived or too normal and it is obvious that the only explaination must be that you are a Pleiadian from Pleidia here to transform the earth. I am open to this possibility because after all, what do I really know. All of these different labels seem to be alternative forms of exclusivity. It all goes back to that "I don't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member." (Groucho Marx.)
And maybe that is my real issue here: that they are so quick to embrace into the group as a long lost Pleiadian. It seems to be in that same vein as people who tell me about being a poweful sorcerer, king, or shaman in their previous life. I am cool with that. In fact I will accept that totally. But right now you are working the slurpy machine at Seven Eleven and it's broken so assuming you want to keep your job, maybe you should fix the machine.

Really at the end of the day I am a simple man and I belive in simple miracles. In fact all miracles are quite simple. That is why we often overlook them. I did not invent any eloborate labels. Merely I just strive to have the inner experience without trying to intellectualize or hypothesize different theories.
I am not opposed to any of it and find it all quite amusing. I just want to express the very simple zen saying: "before enligtenment chop wood and carry water and after enlightenment chop wood and carry water."

Monday, November 23, 2009

I Find My Strength In Kindness.

I walk by so many people and sometimes I am merely compelled to stop in my tracks and acknowledge them through a deep bow through a smile through a handshake or through a hug. This society has taught me to fear strangers, yet within that stranger is an aspect of God. If I fear them then I am fearing God. How can I get to know anything if I am afraid of it. To fear strangers is to fear God. To fear God is to block the never-ending wave of unconditional love that God offers us if we fully accept it.
The mind wants to block that wave because the small concept of ourselves becomes enveloped in the infinite aspect of who we truly are. I am on a sojourn of truth and I will seek and I seek those who have found, so that I can make it to the destination as well. God is so close to us that at moments it is hard for us to see. God is closer to us than our nose but also just as difficult to see without a mirror.
The saint, the master, the true guru, and the Avatar act as mirrors that allow us to see our true selves without name without form. That is why I seek out such individuals. Each time I touch a deeper aspect of my peace which I can then share with others. The more we give the more we are capable of receiving. The more powerful we become the more humble we must also become. It is only the weak man who truly feels the need to let everyone know of his supposed "power."
I have had certain moments in my life were I was possessed by the illusion of power seeking to appear strong. The only strength I desire is that strength which pushes me forward to my beloved infinite. There is a guru named Babaji, also known as the deathless Guru. Often he is a the forefront of my mind and I feel him guiding my steps as I feel the hand of Christ guding my steps towards the goal of enlightenment.
We need not spend so much time speculating on whether or nor the water is cold or whether or not we can make it to the other side. We merely need to jump in the water and then we will know for ourselves. Once we jump in we must then seek to make it to the other side. Thru the grace of the Guru who is truly our divine Sherpa we are capable of making it to the final desination of enlightenment, which is a new beginning within itself.

God is endlessness, but to reach a point where the Maya or illusion of this world can never pull me back down is liberation that I seek with great sincerity. Our kindness paves the wave for such blessings as finding our guru when we are ready to receive such graces.

Seek the Creator Over The Creations.

Often I describe a one-month time frame as being a full year in my life because of the many events that transpire. I find the more work I do internally the more the external has to respond to us. I cultivate a stillness within myself or rather bring my awareness to the stillness that is naturally there. As a result, a lot of things start happening around me.
I am merely here to be a facilitator of music, magic, mishcief and general merryment. I have come for the awakeing and yes of course I have come for the revolution, but the revolution is the evolution of humanity. Our humanity is jeopardized when we become ensnared merely in seeking sense pleasures. The greatest pleasure never takes place in anything that I have obtained. I still feel many desires lurking in my mind. I try to remain present to them so that I do not become a slave merely here to fullfill these cravings, because it only leads to more cravings and it is never satiated.
Here I am 'here you are' and I am reminded of our first encounter and all that was to become was easily expressed in a few gestures and a few sentences. The details were unknown but the overall arching story line was expressed. When I first met one of my best friends, Smiley McNamara, there was this great sense of "Here We Go Again." It was as if we had embarked on a journey many times before and we had come together to embark on the journey in this lifetime.
Nothing is placed arbitrarily on our path. It is all there for our greater understanding and betterment of our higher self. Even our enemies serve as great lessons to further and deepen our understanding of divinity. Pain is the prod to remembrance and that remembering is divine.
This world is not our home, but may we treat it with more respect for the brief time we happen to reside on this floating spaceship of sorts. Sometimes I view my sojurn on Earth as being at sleep-away camp. Yet I am determined to stop sleeping and awaken more fully to the essence that prevades all of life.

God is my fashion God is my redeemer God is my partner God is my protector God is my lover God is my comedian God is everything that I could ever desire. Now it is removing the obstacles of the mind so that I can perceive more fully these simple truths. Believing in God and talking about God will not give you the God experience. God is not here to punish or condemn. That is the nonsense going on in people's minds.
God wants us to make it back home to him, but has created a game to see if we seek him the creator, or his creations. We can have his creations as well but first we must have him the creator at the forefront of all our thoughts and actions so that we can more greatly enjoy his creations. Here Here for seeking creator beyond the creations may we never lose sight of the goal.

God is the goal and if you take a few steps towards him, he will take many more steps towards you.

Keep It Fluid

There is a wildness to the busy city streets and there is proverbial manic magic that permeates the streets of NYC. I keep walking the streets and I am continually blessed from numerous people from different chapters in life, all there to bring me to my next step of the destination.
I feel a greater determination brewing inside of me and the motivation to seek God is ever-expanding. I am here to be present for this moment and find myself thrust into NYC just as fall is soon becoming winter. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I went from living on a bus in Venice, California to crashing with two of my dearest friends in Brooklyn off the Jefferson stop. When I wake up, quite often I take a cold shower that brings about a refreshing wave that reminds me how alive I am in the physical form.
I find myself seeking a sweet mischief and pushing my boundaries and heading down these new paths that are starting in my brain and it is a lightening coursing thru my entire being. Just the earliest flicker of a an ever-expanding blaze and my fears are slipping away. A prevailing love is dominanting more and more of my existence. I have come to be a part of history for the new spiritual renaissance, where man remembers that we are a truly immortal spirit that temporarily has a body experience.
I will use media to broadcast the message as the Guru's grace sees fit. There are things brewing inside of me that will lead to a furthering of people's quest to know God. I am here to know God. Not to believe in God or merely speculate on God, but to have the God experience. All of us are capable of this experience and I realize that all is given to me by God.
A couple weeks ago in Los Angeles a man handed me twenty dollars and said it was on him and then immediately corrected himself and said it was on God. Then I walked further down and asked my friend J.T. for a juice recommendation and he told me God was telling me I should have such and such a drink. I found this particularly interesting being that J.T. has never before told me God was telling him to say anything in particular.
We all have these moments and then we have dramas that attempt to suck us in and zap and deplete our peace of mind. We must be the rulers of our mind and this demands a mastery of the mind. I find that bringing my attention and awareness to my breath ensures that I keep myself coming from my being. I remain present so that I can respond to the situation as it best can be responded to, and do things that I never would have been able to think of in my mind.

I find myself merely fluidly moving from one moment to the next. I feel as if I am moving like water and therefore a cascade of grace. I have become enamored with this word Grace and a realization that all that I have is merely the Grace of God/Guru. I also love the word God and know it has typically caused people a lot of trouble, but I want to do some positive PR for the word "God." It is merely a way of pointing at the infinity of divinity that is dwelling in all things.

May we remember that we have come here to experience an unconditional love and share it with our fellow brothers and sisters.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Life Will Conspire For You

So last night I was and for that matter I am still in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I came for my uncle's 60th surprise birthday party. I had just won $50 at the blackjack table (an old habit of mine), but I managed to walk away on the upside. I then ran into a few family friends that were heading to the restaurant where we were convening for the surprise birthday dinner. I then started chatting with my uncle's best friend's son's girlfriend. My uncle is also currently their realtor. She thought I would make for someone interesting to sit next to during dinner at the very least. I then proceeded to share with her an idea I had for a reality television series specifically of the comedy variety.
She then mentioned that she works for MTV, and comedy is exactly the department that she works in, and they are looking for something exactly like the show I had just described. She also realized that she happened to recognize my mother because they had recently sat next to each other at the nail salon in Springfield.
She herself had some unique psychic experiences in her life and comes from a family of Romanian Gypsies. When they get a feeling about something, things happen. She mentioned that she was overwhelmed with a desire to bring her business card, but thought the notion absurd because of the circumstances of the night. Needless to say, as usual the absurd prevails in my life and last night was no exception.
I then proceeded to do some healing work on a migraine issue that she had been having. The room we were in was well air conditioned and despite this she felt a wave of heat through her entire body. This of course is not an uncommon experience that people have during a healing session.
Shortly after that while on the way out we ran into a young man who was a bit tipsy to say the least. My uncle had been chatting with this young man earlier in the garage and he recognized me from music festivals and referred to me as the 'shaman.'
He and his girlfriend asked me if I would do what I do for them and I agreed. He said he only had $5. I said that I never turn anyone away if they are sincere in their desire. I could greatly sense his sincerity. We ended up in the back hallway intended for employees only. After his healing while I was working on his girlfriend we were told that we were not allowed to be there. Although, we were left alone for a few moments to allow the healing energy to run its course.
Shortly after that I was doing some tai-chi exercises in the hotel lobby area of the Casino-Hotel. Needless to say, it isn't China and the simplest actions of calm can cause such large ripples. One young gentleman preceeded to do some of the exercises with me. He was struggling intensely with anger and sadness in regards to a particular female in his life. This is something that I know all too well. After a little while he calmed down. Although he was feeling more of his sadness, the mask of anger and confusion was slipping away. You could feel more of a peace emanating from him. Later in the evening someone else recognized me from somewhere, but he did not know where and he decided that I must be famous. Thirty minutes later he was talking about fame and I simply said, "I know many unhappy famous people--it fades: seek enlightenment that will never fade." There was a look of understanding and a deep appreciation on his face for pointing out the delusion of fame which our society is taught to regard so highly.

Life is a funny and splendid thing. I never would have imagined that any of these events would have taken place in Atlantic City during my Uncle's surprise birthday party. There were other beautiful moments and events that occurred last night. It is the constant reminder that will always conspire for you, and we merely have to be present for the moment and allow things to unfold as divinity had planned.
I send all my love to whoever reads this and I hope that you find more than you can imagine inside yourself. My life can appear to be very adventurous and it most certainly is. There is also a lot of peace and the greatest experience is the one that exists inside of us, and that is something we take everywhere we go. At any moment we are capable of experiencing a love and a bliss that words are not capable of expressing such sensations and feelings. We can only vaguely point to the experience. Ultimately we all have to open ourselves up to having that experience on our own.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

The Guru just left for Vegas.

Recently I ran into a friend of mine that had seen me in the Diag of Ann Arbor, Michigan. He also ran into me a few times in the Venice and Santa Monica, California area. I went with him to Laguna Hills, California to see a guru that I had heard about thru a flyer I was given at Bhakti Fest, a Kirtan Yoga music festival that took place just outside of Joshua Tree, California in the middle of September.
On the way there my friend and I got stuck in traffic and were running about an hour late for the Darshan (spiritual blessing from a saint.) On our way I told my friend that often we think we are going somewhere for a particular reason only to discover it is not quite what we expected, but that there is always a reason why. Once we arrived at the address we noticed that we were in a cul-de-sac in Laguna Hills and the lights were not on and nobody was around at all.
We made a phone call only to discover that they had changed the date of the Darshan on the website and we had an older flyer. I figured we had come all this way for a reason and I was so determined to have my experience that an urgent need to use the restroom encouraged me to ring the door bell of a house across the street from the address we were given. We were told by another neighbor that the people in these houses were indeed connected.
A very sweet woman who opened the door told us the Guru had gone to Vegas. Well of course we were somewhat disappointed, but my immediate need was to use the restroom. She obliged very lovingly to allow me to do so and my friend also entered into the house/Ashram (religious hermitage.) After I got out I incessantly pushed her to share her experiences with her Guru. After all we had come an hour and a half, at least we could hear some good stories. As she started to speak of her experiences I could feel an ever-deepening calm and peace descend upon all of us.

We stayed for an hour and a half, mostly listening. I shared a few of my own experiences as well. And even though the Guru's physical body had left for Vegas, his presence in the house/ashram and his presence thru his disciple poured out an experience that was exceedingly blissful and palitable.

It is funny how things won't turn out how we thought they would, but exactly how they were meant to be. We need to accept this very basic fact and life becomes a lot easier. I continue along this journey amazingly thankful and blessed for the people that continue to come into my life and even the ones who almost come in. They are just right around the next ashram.

Say It isn't so, but if it is so may I accept it.

I want to find myself constantly in a state beyond the mind. This does not mean that you can't function, but merely that you come from a place of awareness that feels light and easy like a George Michael Careless Whisper.
Yeah maybe I have to say goodbye for a few years. But it is better than saying hello when I can't even talk to you and all I got was an occassional text message. I had to push it to the point that you said no more. It had to be no more so that I could be free to pursue my heart and purpose without holding onto something that is merely in the ether. I deepened my love and the hurt was deep, but it has made me more compassionate and empathetic and stronger in my resolve towards the infinite.

The mind is a stubborn thing and it sometimes has to be everything or nothing and something in between in the bardo of uncertainity that stops us from what we both deserve, which is to be happy.
It would have been easier had it happened with even a phone conversation or just one in-person meet up. I figure it only fair based on the things that were previously said and shared, but you were scared and so was I, yet I had a willingness to explore that fear.
Now I enter into a brand new chapter and part of that chapter is building a foundation along what I have spent the better part of lifetimes formulating thru the soul's eternal quest. And when love is true there is not always a need to call and say I love you. As love becomes more true it is reflected in our very being and that love needs to start within ourselves, and I will start with myself right here right now.
And that is all we can do, is start with ourselves.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Back to New York City for the winter. Are you serious?

As I sit here, my friend sits here telling me it is now women breaking men's hearts and there has been a role reversal. Or this is at least among the male friends that I am hanging out with in San Francisco at this moment. I am a few hours from going back to New York City after spending a few days in San Ramon at Amma's ashram. There I reconnected with old friends and made new ones and kept noticing a reocurrence of people who practice Kriya Yoga and who are very drawn to Yoganda. I am feeling as if I am back in college and that I am heading back for Thanksgiving break but that was nearly 9 years ago. "Time flys" becomes more than a cliche as we get older.
I find myself striving to create more good habits and allow bad habits or things that no longer serve my higher self to fall away. ,Along the way we are going to stumble, but we just have to keep getting up at not beat ourselves up over being selfish in our last relationship or over hurtful thing that we said to a friend of ours.
We need to forgive ourselves and return to old places as if they are new places. When I was at Amma's ashram I was given opportunities to go down old roads, but I just let them move along. I find myself at a new stage where I want to be with a partner who has found her own footing.

In the past I have found myself in situations that were good in many ways but still not what I was looking for. There was that feeling of loneliness and that desire to have someone with which to share the journey. But we crashed and burned and many times we choose each other for that very reason. It was a part of me that was stubborn and seemed to need constant reminding. And even a great heart with a messy mind that wants to stay that way makes for an imbalanced relationship. It always takes two on the same level of awareness and willingness to work towards the higher essence that exists within both people.

Lets raise the bar and lets not settle and compromise and maybe we will have less infidelity and wandering eyes and all that stuff. Yes the mind is a messy thing. I know this very well from my own experience, but I also know that if we seek deeply we can go beyond the mind. And beyond the mind we can find a love that brings us together to seek the creator and not get stonewalled by the creations.

By the way I am doing my first Manhattan winter in quite some time just because I feel that is where I need to be. Not because I prefer the cold, but because trusting my inner voice gets me to all the blessed experiences that I have received. It has been 7 years since I have been in New York City during this time of year. I look forward to all the new experiences and people that will come forward.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I Missed You Even Though We Just Met

Sometimes I meet somebody along the way and though it is the first time we have met, the feeling that I know them is quite strong and powerful. When I give them a hug it is a feeling that I have missed them or of being in contact with their soul in the human experience.

I often find that with certain people we have an immediate connection, and from my experience it is connected to previous lifetimes that we have spent with them. We all have been here so many times. Energy can not be created or destroyed, it merely changes form or is transferred, to paraphrase the law of the conservation of energy. Our energy was here before, it is here now, and it will be here when we meet again. Same energy, different time.

I am honoring the simple beautiful fact that I know people whose names I have never uttered before in this lifetime. There is a feeling that everything slows down and you are given at times an over-powering hit of 'here we go again.' It feels as if I am picking up with them where I last left off. It may have been 3 lifetimes ago but in this present lifetime and moment they have returned sometimes briefly and sometimes for the long haul. But they have been a part of my journey long before I met them and will remain a part of the journey long after they are gone. And when I part ways from them I think I want to tell them I missed them and it was good to see them again even though it is merely our first encounter in this lifetime.

All of us are marching towards the infinite; all of us are remembering more and more that this is not our first lifetime. Eventually it will be accepted as common fact and in some cultures it is indeed accepted as fact. Call it reincarnation or any number of explanations. You never know when somebody will re-enter your life from the past.

I recommend remaining present and allowing yourself to explore it when you feel that wave of familiarity that you can not quite explain. Allow yourself to talk to these individuals as if you have known them because in likelyhood you have known them before.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Note From New Editor:

Mr. Kurzweil has accepted me as editor of his blog, Slacker Prophet, as of this week. I look forward to working with Mr. Kurzweil in publishing his content. I also look forward to feedback from all of his followers should they find issues with the writing quality of his blog.
Mr. Kurzweil has many plans for publication on his blog. Readers can expect to see some slight changes in content in order to ensure a consistent quality and readability in publication. He wishes to produce a professional, top-rate blog with professional, top-rate material.
Some previous posts may be edited and re-published to ensure quality of content, and for clarification for new readers/followers. If a post seems familiar, it might be a re-publication post-edit. All re-publications will be duly noted.
We ask for your patience and understanding as we work together to ensure total quality with this blog. Some replies and content may have a slight delay in publication due to editing. This is only to ensure all content has been professionally maintained.

Thank you,

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Every Kriya Breath You Take

(Republication 11-13-09 post-edit)

It has been 6 years since I first stumbled upon an autobiography of a yogi in Key West, Florida in the fall of 2003. Many things took place on that trip that have since stirred the course of my life. One of them was this book in which no one seemed to have interest as it remained neglected at a juice bar. After reading it I became enthralled and it has led me to raise the bar in regards to what is truly possible in the world.
We are conditioned to believe that technology has no limit and we as humans have numerous limits. I have never subscribed to this theory. Since reading the autobiography I have been guided on a quest to seek more within myself and I have had experiences in the external world that have aided me as inspiration to pentrate more deeply into my inner being.
Despite the work I have done I have only scraped a fraction of the potential. I am quite drawn to Kriya yoga as the lightening vehicle to god consciousness or true self realization.
There is a different guru from the Himalayas named Yogiraj and I will make my way to see him later this month to be intiated in this technique. He is a short distance outside of Santa Cruz, California. My visit may lead to a deeper awakening and greater peace and love that I can share with all humanity.
Currently I find myself in San Francisco, California, bouncing around on couches after staying for some time on a bus that had painted on it the phrase "Just Believe." I feel that believing is incredible. But even more profound is just to have have the experience. I am hoping to experience a deeper level of compassion and love as a result of my intiation into Kriya yoga by Yogiraj.
I have been blessed by many saints and some avatars that have helped me immensely on my journey. I am starting a new chapter in my journey that will lead me to a deeper commitment to god and to a source that will help to release myself of the bondage of my desires.
Now so many of us are awakening in ways that we have never known before. We must put forth great effort. To have a true guru or perfect mirror ensures a deeper inner relazation of our true sel--which is endlessness. Our true nature according to all the masters is infinite, yet out of fear our minds won't allow us to experience this. Instead we seek the scraps offered to us by the world. Yet this never quells our deeper spiritual thirst. No one can give us what we already have. They can only help us to dispel the clouds and darkness so that we can see our true nature.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Seriously--I Need An Editor

(Re-publication 11-13-09 post-edit)

I was just looking over my last blog and there are things I meant to say and words that get dropped and then the meaning gets changed which is kind of funny. And this points to the imperfection of the English word. The best I can do is try to emit a feeling or emotion thru this medium and let loose the flood of my unconsciousness and somehow in the process help people in their process to do the same.
We play the same games all life getting the same results waiting for all of that to change, but we are never willing to put it all on the line and be that change ourselves.
We all need to take a huge leap of faith into the unknown and allow ourselves to peel away the layers and leave ourselves open and vulnerable and just be in this moment and hold that space to the stillness and watch the system crack apart around us.

We say too much for which we don't actually intend to follow thru. We are at a point where the earth is giving us warning signs to awaken to whom we are. Otherwise there won't be much of a world left to awaken to for ourselves and future generations. The choices that we make right now to awaken determines so much for so many. Finding our inner grace has not been so readily available in a long time.
So Maybe you want to delve inside of your own oyster which is you and allow that pearl to reveal itself to the whole world. Here we are just waiting for the facade to fully crack apart and for all of us to be honest with ourselves and then we can start to be honest with our friends, family, and people that we call strangers. Truthfully most of us have been strangers to ourselves for a long time. A long time or a short time and eventually there is no time and we can see that there is no separation except what we perceive in the mind. Let the suffering stop and let the healing happen and may the grace heal us all.

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Do You Remember Me

(Re-publication 11-13-09 post-edit)

In all the world where everything is changing all the time I have noticed wherever I go people want to be remembered, and one of the first questions people will ask me is if I remember them. It is like they are testing me or really testing themselves. Some of them give a response before I have a chance to say anything positive that I couldn't actually remember them. Quite often people's jaws will drop and sometimes I need them to say the right phrase or location and it will all come flooding back to me.
Yet I was thinking how much people want to be remembered, but more importantly people want to be recognized on a level that is much deeper than they realize. People want their spirit to be acknowledge even more than they want their identity validated.
Recognize people's spirit and allow the ego to do what it wants but don't respond to the thrashing and clawing of the ego. Speak to their soul and they will love you forever. Just talk to who they really are because it makes them recognize who they really are beyond this form and name that we often mistakenly take to be all of whom we are.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

I'm in A Rothbury State of Mind

(Re-publication 11-14-09 post-edit)

Yes I am totally aware that I just jacked Billy Joel. I am sure he can pardon me since I am an innocent man and he is a piano man. And because Greyhound has been somewhat replaced by Craigslist. I know you get the jist.

Lets stop saying "I don't know" especially when we know and just don't want to say so.

SO SO SO SO what else but still if my mind is not still I become oh so ill and I stop giving out pills because it breaks our will to change the status quo and there is no status flow but there is the status blow and I am not talking Johnny Depp but we can still go oh so deep and creep till we weep that the chimney man has no chimney and Jiminy Cricket can't afford to be anywhere anymore because he has too many tickets and eats badly so now he has rickets.
But we just need to kick it and yes then perhaps we can lick it, but I am talking about leprosy. We are that change and we are the men and women in the mirror and neverland is not just a ranch but a branch of American soul history like Graceland. But don't worry Dolly we can still give your fair share of lolly pops. Yes they said June 25, 2009 was the day that pop music and one of Charlie's Angels died. And still I cry and we all just need to get a little bit crazy which is alot better then being a whole lot lazy...
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah's give me a map so I can find if they don't really love me like you love me. I can't wait and I can't dance and I can't sing but I can raise myself to the occasion and sometimes I am known to be an emperor of persuasion. We are going to Graceland if Paul Simon and that other guy Marc Cohen won't stop mowing my lawn that has no grass. Because my ass was grass and that song was the lawnmower and now there is no ass to be found but I don't want to be crass but sometimes I swear I think my voice can break glass.
Try Michigan--it worked for Iggie Pop but still they say Pop is dead and we all need to find Right Said Fred. Thread the needle and we can end the H train out of Afghanistan. I am going to Iran if we don't quickly come up with a plan and my man Stan (a.k.a. my dad) needs to get a vegetable oil van.
Okay I admit maybe I take it too far and maybe there is no maybe just yes and no and too many people that say I don't know. Let us grow and know we can all go to Rothbury which is supposedly a spelling mistake and my achy breaky heart broke when Miley tried to mess with my Radiohead because they did not bow to her superstar demands.
I command to help humanity for a one man band and we can make this world amazingly grand but we don't need to make a stand. Instead we just shall be the nothingness until we all feeel estatic bliss.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

I Press To Express Divinity Through Dance

(Re-publication 11-15-09 post-edit)

Since I was a young child I have believed that nothing could affect a mass of people so quickly as my dance moves. Although, there is very little that I do from a technical standpoint that is not relatively easy to imitate.
Yet there is an intensity and devotion that takes place in my dancing that is an expression of everything that I have ever been and everything that I will ever be. This comes out when I am really dancing--when I am really going for broke.
There is something about going for broke that is perhaps one of the sexiest and most foolish things imaginable. It is to be a bridge between this world and the world that remains unseen by most, yet still it dictates everything that happens down here.
I reach such ecstatic states of joy and exhaustion when I dance. There is a deep real love being expressed as if I could just zip out of my body and expand into the cosmos. Every emotion that is welled up inside of me all starts to explode at once and it is a symphony. There are moments in the process where I become completely still and don't move it all.
People will remember me years later from seeing me dance one time at one place for one moment. It was not until I just typed it, that I realized how special that makes it. In many ways I just take that for granted. Some people would also take it for granted. Perhaps it is just merely because I am tall or merely because I am "spazz," but that doesn't really get at it. Nor does it explain the reaction as far as I can tell. I have seen people dance much better than myself, yet there remains something hidden and secretive in their dance and there is not a joy and bliss shared thru the experience.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Just Trying To Make It Back Home

(Re-publication 11-17-09 post-edit)

"Where is home?" is the question that people either take for granted or for which they give an immediate response. It is usually one to which I find myself always giving a different reply. Recently I find myself wanting to say the Himalayas. In the past I used to say Burning Man, or the same place as everyone else, or wherever I happened to be in that moment.
I keep concentrating on the thought that we are all just beams of light making our way back to the sun/God/divinity/whatever you call or don't call it. I find myself trying to put pieces of the puzzle together, yet there is nothing to put together. Rather it is layers within myself to unravel. There are self defenses to let down, and expectations to drop so that I can experience things exactly as they are, instead of how my mind says they should be.
Sometimes I find myself wanting to be egotistical for the sake of being egotistical--ignoring the truth of who we all are. If other people pretend they are not special long enough, you might actually start to believe their story. And that's all it ever is: a "story" until we drop the story and there is just a beautiful infinite emptiness and oblivion of bliss. People seek to imitate this through sex, drugs, and other sense gratifications and yet it only poorly imitates these things sought.
I can't keep pretending or imitating or duplicating and trying to make sense of infinite with a finite perspective. I have known people in their different phases as they have known me in my different legs of the journey. One day soon someone will be sitting down to edit this, and it will reach millions of people around the world. This is something I have known and it is not because I am such a great writer, but because I offer people a small reminder of their true nature.
Whether Buddha/Christ/Mohammad/Moses/Khrishna/Ala or NO thing at all may all the egos fall and none of us will be small or tall. We are all part of the same cosmic ball.

We are reaching towards a new day and before we get to that point it can sting and be quite painful. However, that can lead to a GROWTH of a new awareness that is more vibrant yet constant so that it becomes the norm, instead of merely a passing feeling.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Brand New Chapter

(Re-publication 11-20-09 post-edit)

Sometimes you just know a new chapter is about to begin in your life and right before it happens things seem to get extra quiet. Appreciate that silence because you will look back on it longingly later on. We look back on things from the past with deep longing.
This moment is a perfect snapshot for all that is and will ever be, and yet knowing that, we can still strive to find more of what is inside of ourselves.
As each one of us awakens to our life's path it makes it easier for others to do the same. They are presented with more mirrors to show them the way towards their own bliss.
I am back in Ann Arbor, Michigan and recently payed respects to the wife of my former tai-chi-gong master. Still I have no more answers about how he awakened my gift within me.
My spiritual journey grows stronger and on occasion my mind distracts me from the greater task at hand. Yet it continues to lose its power to do so. My focus and concentration grows stronger and my heart opens more, and as the day unfolds more is revealed to me.
I Am finishing an 8-year cycle which represents 'infinite' and an new cycle is beginning. Remember "crazy" people have a way of seeing and speaking about the same things we see and perceive, but we refuse to acknowledge these things because it makes us uncomfortable.
The Himalayas get closer and closer to penetrating the core of American Spirituality. Jesus or Issa's missing time has always held a particular fascination for me. Anyone of us awakening helps all of us to awaken to our true Christ/Buddha nature. We are beings of "Light." Let that permeate thru your entire being.
Sometimes we can see the potential for something down the road, yet we have to deal with the ravine that we have to cross right now. We can have awareness of what awaits us later but we have to bring our immediate attention to the now and it will make things down the road much more special. Nothing is quite as it seems, but this is no reason to be paranoid about such a thing. Your unconditional love is your shield against all that the world can hoist at you.

Be your own best friend and the world will do the same with you. Have patience and perseverance and all shall be rewarded. The journey is long and arduous but the results are more then we can imagine. Keep taking your steps and keep transforming as we create a new day and a new chapter.

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Just Go with What feels right for you

I wonder what exactly makes for a proper education in a world where we are taught to seek outside of ourselves for our validation. Nothing is ever big enough and everything is super sized until you become sick yet we are over eating and are still under nourished. I found myself in Woodstock New York on my way to Burlington Vermont. I recently spent time with a Saint named Amma and not the one who is known for hugging. We all have to find our peace with ourselves and we all have our own way of going about finding this. It is easy not to judge when somebody doesn't judge you, but the greater challenge lies in not judging when somebody judges you. I am not different then anyone in that I seek a greater peace and joy within my own being that is not dependent on circumstances of any kind. I have been greatly benefited and gifted by many people along the way and continue to strive to experience and know the interconnectedness that we all share. I seek to express my emotions, thoughts and sentiments and to realize that I have not fully liberated myself until I no longer look outside of myself for validation that will never be enough for an ego that doesn't want to acknowledge its fleetingness. I always felt there was something more then what I was told. To be a spiritual seeker is to be deemed a Slacker, Lunatic, outcast and prophet and yet you are known and all of these things. I seek the council of those who have found a greater peace and acceptance then myself so that I can be guided back to my natural essence which is true for all of us. I wake up in a different place on a regular basis and each day offers new possibilities if I am open to a new experience that guides me closer to the source that we all come from. We all return from whence we came from and so much of the other stuff is merely a distraction from our true nature which we are told is foolhardy to seek. May we all be so lucky to be so foolhardy.

Friday, May 22, 2009

I heard I've Got a Prayer in Memphis

I am in NYC and I can feel America and the midwest and the South a the road with all the festival season calling me strongly along with the female saints that come and grace us with their presence. I am not looking for belief or faith I am looking for inner experience. I am not interested so much in speculation and idle chit chat (well a little bit) mostly I am just interested in that inner experience and my glimpses become longer. The only king I desire to know is the one who has conquered all internal conflict. Now we are all pieces of infinite puzzle and we all are finding our way to the right place on the globe but we just have to find that right place inside of ourselves first and foremost. Now is the chance to get right whatever I may have lost sight of. May the blind man start to see once again. Let it rain let it rain and may it wash away all that pain let it rain maybe I shall go to Spain and not just because it rhymes with rain.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Give Me that music

Music is such a huge part of my journey either I am listening to it making it up or it is just playing inside of my head and my soul. I head bop to music that I hear in my head and sometimes people even join in with me. There is something about sound that has a way of awakening all the different things that exist deeper in our unconscious and super conscious. I am back in New York City, but as they saying goes I left my heart in LA/Portland the past coming back to me and making me deal with a whole bunch of stuff that I thought I had dropped only to find out more clearly how much I carry it around with me. I feel her everywhere I go these days and yet timing is everything and I just need to be patient and focus on my inner work and want I need to be doing which is being of service to those around me. Healing is feeling yet the world seems to discourage us from feeling unpleasant feelings. Now I find myself in SOHO and this pain is prod to remember the divine. I find myself mantra chanting with great urgency and it just overcomes. My being hears these words and something awakens inside of me. I am waking up to the greater love inside of me and it spreading everywhere that I go. I am taking ice cold showers and I still come out of the water warm. I feel that my heart is cracking open more and more and parts of my mind want to resist it. I had a dream involving my healing gift and just allowing it to take me over more and just get out of the way. I can feel that great changes keep happening around me and I am just focusing on being present with the change. We all just need to be present with what we are feeling even if it is uncomfortable.

Thursday, May 07, 2009

Certainly I Am Amazed

At This Moment Anything Can Truly happen and I really do believe that a man or woman can fly without wings just make sure you take off from the ground first (no jumping off rooftops or cliffs). Each person connects to another aspect of ourself and a different series of events are put into motion based on each little choice that we make. I have fear but i do my best to look at them clearly and understand that eventually I will have to leave. All of us are just visitors and may this place be better for our visit. I was recently at Coachella I got to hear Paul himself though I did not see him, but music is about hearing not seeing just ask Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder and they will be able to vouch for that. His voice was incredible and I Enjoyed myself immensely and thought that there is a wave of a new awakening coming that will demonstrate a large social shift and our values and priorities. The bus is moving and all of us are on it in one way shape or for.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Just Give Me a Chance to Audition to Play Myself

Recently a writer friend of mine was telling me about a screenplay he was working and one of the main characters would be based on me. In his mind he thought James Franco would play me. I found the whole thing quite hysterical the idea the idea that James Franco could play me better then I could play me. I told my friend that I least want a chance to audition to by myself. Even if I don't get the role of me I least want to be able to tell people that I auditioned but James Franco was considered better as the part of me then I would be. I then considered the idea of sending in James Franco as my replacement in certain situations in my life. I thought this could be really interesting since some casting directors decided he was better at playing me then I am. Yet if he Played me would I then end up playing him. Is there really some sort of bizarre challenge in playing yourself in this world where people have a really hard to being themselves. Maybe we all need an actor to come and play us for a while to show us how we could better play ourselves. If you know anything about being a unconscious medium is the spirit comes thru and you are not there for the process. I once heard it being described as going to sleep while the spirit took over. I thought this was a beautiful description. I guess I would go to sleep while James Franco played me for a while. Maybe we all need a break from playing ourselves just to see how somebody else would do it.

Saturday, May 02, 2009

More From Coachella

More From Coachella

Friday, February 13, 2009

Compassion Compassion COmpassion

That is the magic word that will lead us all to the life and world that we want to experience. Let yourself experience all those emotions that you push away when you see something that tugs at your heart. Don't try and ignore it and pretend it is not happening. THe mind wants the solution to be so much more complicated but it is not allowing the mind to get in the way of our compassion. Have your heart on your sleeve and your pants and everything you touch. May your heart be involved in all things. Look at Amma the hugging saint and realize that she is telling us we all have this unconditional love in our being. LEt us not push away our feelings for fear of being seen emotional or not rational. So often I forget what really matters as I pursue trivial things to keep me from feeling a deeper emotion because it almost seems too much to bare. But it is not too much and we all need to stand the rain because it is needed just like the sun. Joy and pain are both meant to be experienced without a fear of losing our joy and without trying to run from our pain. I know we will more often run from these things but if at least we can attempt to be still with what we are feeling. Updating my facebook or flirting with a girl I just met fall short of showing somebody an unconditional love to help them thru their situation. Sometimes being in that stillness and holding a space for them to let go of their pain can work miracles. Bill Gates pointed out recently that more money is spent on baldness then a cure for malaria because rich old guys are more directly affected by baldness then Malaria. When we are faced with such an example of our vanity in the face of other peoples suffering it is hard not too lose faith but compassion towards one human being can transform the whole world. It is not the act of charity but the intention behind that is truly transformative. May your compassion towards others not fail to fall upon yourself. May we all realize the power of forgiveness and if is ability to transform our circumstances.

I am along on this journey going thru the gamet of experiences knowing ultimately I just need to be coming from a place of compassion and that is better then being clever. I get tired of clever people who are so good about not being honest about their emotions and when I mean people i mean myself because of played that role before and I desire to truly stop and just be in a state of absolute surrender without trying to make my life into a game of hungry hippo for my ego because my hippo of an ego never will be satiated.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

So Far Away But So Near and No More Fear

It is not about me its about the spirit or the love that we hold the space for. It is not about my glory but the glory of God and the unconditional love that reigns from the realms of light that we can feel when we can silence the mind. Healing is our feeling and our dealings with the inner truth in the deep recesses that we sometimes refuse to dwell in. I find myself back in different places for different reasons during seasons that my rational mind would never choose. I know that we are all going to have to get back to what was natural becoming natural men and women who are in greater communion with nature. I have always had a kinship with giant trees be they redwoods, oaks, birch, or palm trees. I am reaching deeper into the soil of this earth and reaching into higher dimensions that I act as a vessel for channeling into this world. It is always there it is merely that we have the awareness. We are meant to feel and overwhelming waves of peace and prosperity that we share with all whom are ready to receive these blessings. We all have a great deal of spiritual work to do together.

Now is the time for an era considered fiction by many to return to the forefront. I am a threshold of stepping onto a much bigger stage and may I just hold that space for magic. To remind people of the magic that exists inside of all living beings. It is not a sprint but a marathon that sometimes consists of sprints, walks, skips, leaps, and trots. Sometimes when we are hurting someone will help us carry on until we can continue on our own.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

Screw Kellogs CornFlakes and Their Endorsements

I want to take this moment to say that many potheads probably eat crappy cereal such as Kellogs cornflakes and if they are so committed to a drug free policy why don't they start drug testing their employees for legal and illegal drugs. I know that many Americans would be disappointed if the wonderfully wholesome people at Kellogs (very sarcastic here) did not take a stand against pot. Drinking alchool and being alchoolic is fine but don't smoke pot. What a joke I the hyprocritical nature of such a drug using nation take a stand against Phelps for smoking pot is a giant hoax of a moral high ground that none of these people. I don't take any legal or illegal drugs (with the exception of some cappucino coconut ice cream) and in no way shape or form am I disappointed with this young man smoking pot. Heck in San Francisco it is legal why not condemn super bowls champs for drinking champagne after winning. They are sending such a bad message to young kids everywhere. This stigma on Pot has to got go at least if the people taking a stand against him were not hard drinking pill poppers they might actually have some credibility. I say Phelps lets the growing Pot and Hemp industry sponsor him instead of a highly processed and mildly toxic low grade cereal company.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Healing In Austin Texas

Videos from the summer

I wonder how much random footage is out there?

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Sometimes To Write Is the Last Thing I want to do

It is hard for me to conceive that in this virtual world that people are actually reading my blog or that what I am saying in some way helps them with their journey. So maybe this one is more for me. I am at Sundance right now it is my fourth and it is the sort of thing where things come back around from finding a british guy that looks alot like Smiley if got fatter and started drinking heavily again to finding a pair of sunglasses which had I been given at Sundance 5 years ago. I have run into people that I have met from all over here and just reminds me of the all amazing people that come along on the journey just as you need them and not before or after. I have also been locked on the mantra of seeking the creator not the creations. In my case that creation is almost always been women. Somehow I still have a delusion that the right one can wipe away all that pain that I can't seem to drop myself. I continue to get lighter on this journey and help turn other people on to looking inside of themselves. My next stop looks to be LA with an outside shot at Vegas, but at least my mind has no desire for Vegas. I must admit I have a bit of a biased against the place. I am realizing more and more that "success" won't ever bring me what I am looking for. I want to merge with the infinite no longer attached to this world of things but in constant bliss with another realm. I am not sad but rather more determined on my spiritual quest and focusing on bringing more of mental energy to the source called GOD. Be the change and allow myself to receive and find a peace that enlivens my soul.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Looking For Adventure I suggest Couchsurfing and Craigslist

Many people complain that they are somehow stuck in a box and it is the same thing day in and say out and yet now more then ever there is opportunity for people that are usually prudent respectable citizens who have a hard to have spontaneous adventures to have one. (Of course you could always just call me and pick me up in your car, but I am not always available for spontaneous adventures, but that is still always a possibility). So first off you might have a car and you can put an add on craigslist looking for people to join you on your adventure and you can always meet them for tea and coffee to see if you vibe. Next you go on to and look for available couches with people who seem interesting to you. These people have references and you get a pretty decent sense of what they will be like by carefully reading their profile. Some of you might want to start more local and perhaps you can just make a sign offering free advice or free hugs or perhaps both. All of us are capable of stepping out of our routine it just takes that first step and suddenly we find ourselves steering a very different course.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Sheep ALiens And Sex That is Taboo

Recently I was pondering how we love to make jokes about people screwing sheep and the I wonder if Aliens view us as sheep and maybe a few of them in the long ago past visited us and some of them had sex with us viewing us in much the way that we view sheep. I guess there are good Aliens bad aliens and those aliens who screw humans which is our evolutionary concept of people who screw sheep. I hope this thought makes you laugh or smile or think that maybe I have too much time free time on hand. This might very well be the case, but I just wanted to put this thought out there because I like to have a good laugh as much as the next person.

You Can't Always Be Perfect Just regain Your Balance quickly

I once read from a martial artist that he does in fact lose his balance he merely regains it quicker then most people can perceive. That is some amazing awareness. Sometimes we have to be out and about mingling and sometimes we need to be in the cave regaining our focus remembering what our greatest motivation behind our goals. I have lost balance on countless occasions and I just seem to catch myself more quickly. My mind still wanders and I am still drawn towards things that are not always the best thing for me. i notice that I do stumble less and beating yourself up over it does not make it go away. I have come very far and yet I have only begun. I am ready to bring myself back into the crowds more grounded and more prepared for whatever the world has to throw at me. OFten we need to get out of comfort zone to find out what we are capable of achieving.

I love everyone and anyone who makes strides to go inward and look at the good and bad with even mindedness has my deepest respect and thank you for being a mirror for me and everyone else you come across.

Friday, January 02, 2009

Hey You Want To Start A Revolution?!!!!!!!!!

It was the simple sentence yelled to me from a beach pier in Long Beach Island, NJ in August 2000 by a young man that I did not know named Smiley. This simple sentence has echoed in my soul and to this day is one of the greatest things that anyone has said to me when first meeting me. My response was "Hell To the Yeah!!!!". That night I was harassed by a cop who threatened to search me for drugs because I had a shirt that said "Legalize Pot". Keep in mind I have never smoked this substance, but hsve always recognized the absurdity in making it illegal. Smiley and I have since gone on numerous adventures and perhaps have almost gotten each other in small and serious trouble and have counseled each other in our Don quioxtish missions in a land where being serious is so important. Smiley and I have always been very serious about our absurdity. I think of all the people in this world right now that are just waiting for someone to come along and say "Hey You wanna start a Revolution?!!!". All of us have that revolution inside of us that is brewing and sometimes it merely takes just a little awareness and one simple action like refusing to sit on the back of the bus to light a blaze to encourage people to take the steps that we have always needed to take. Now is our time to shake ourselves to the core and this country and world will come along with that shaking. We all need a good shaking and with that habits that are holding us back can be dropped. I want to thank everyone that I have met along that is starting their own revolution driven by their heart. Che was once quoted as saying at the risk of being laughed at that waves and waves of love were the greatest revolution of all. So whoever you are sitting wherever you are may I echo this simple sentence at you. May it bounce around in your head and implore your heart to reach out in ways that you have not previously allowed yourself to do. Now is the New Year but beyond it is a new moment and we are the movie of life unfolding and each one of us has the ability to knock people on their ass with a rebel yell that sometimes is just a sound and sometimes an intense waves of silence and calm that causes an inward reflection that keeps people running on their gerbal wheels. It is not your yelling that changes the world but your stillness your quiet riot that screams louder then the loudest siren in a world where silence will trump sound. Its not the words but the deep silence between each word that are infused with a truth that can't be denied.
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