Saturday, April 05, 2008

I am so over titles

Every now and then we fuck up royally to the point that we wonder if it was our intention to make such a mess of things. It was if part of our unconscious wanted to figure something out so we turned a simple situation into a trainwreck. All of us wander along trying to make sense of many things that we can't seem to grasp or truthfully we don't want to grasp. Along the way on this journey I have made mistakes but the greatest one is when I didn't show more compassion to a person in need and perhaps I was mad at them for small reason and I allowed that to block me from fully expressing a love that they really needed to feel. Sometimes people desperately want your help, but they are almost parlyzed to speak out and tell you that they need a moment of your time. I sit here in Miami Florida and somehow feel that much of my life consists of details that happened to someone else though most people would say that they were things that happened to me. Sometimes we hold to pain by continuously replaying the event instead of living in the present moment of now. At the bay, beach, ocean, lake, river, pond I lose myself and find myself submerged in the water that all life stems from on this planet. I am constantly having glimpses of my past thrown at me though I feel that it is a past that must belong to someone else. I can't fully conceive that I have arrived at this point whatever this point may happen to be. I am trimming my own bonzi tree and yet I desire not to trim it at all and allow it to grow completely unimpeded. Each one of us is connected to so many different people and bad vision allows us to see more truth. Love is light and light is love and yet these words have not fully be internalized by my being. There is tremendous mystery that surrounds us at all times. I have to stop and remember to heal myself so that be of better service to the world around me. Each time my heart is cracked open I am blessed to discover a new layer to this puzzle of life. I try to not over think but poise simple questions so that I can remeber to give compassion even when it is easier to somehow walk away. There is only so much walking away we can do from ourselves until we are forced to face ourselves. I recently met the head of a modeling agency who constantly has his head buried in his work of booking models. Yet when he shook my hand he felt something and broke away from his "job" for a moment and starting pouring out all these things that he wants to express and everyone at the office kind of stopped along with him. It is when we stop and slow down and find our own compassion that we find a greater understanding and avoid bad mistakes. Most bad mistakes are made as a way of running from ourselves. It may seem like life is moving too fast but life is moving at the speed that it always moves at it is merely we who move too fast.

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