Thursday, November 08, 2007

Sunflowers Bricks and 50 foot Smurfs

I am dreaming of that feeling when you find that sensation that makes you feel that everything is fine because you have that feeling. Usually this feeling is triggered by people that we meet or more specifically from a significant other that stirs up all those emotions that had been buried underneath the surface. I am keeping myself open to that experience and I keep getting amazing glimpses of that feeling, but as of yet I am still looking for that partner on my journey. I have been reading so much about near death experiences and the life stories of numerous healers and mediums and everything that they had to go thru and though I have had my trials and tribulations it has been so moderate to what people like John of God had to endure. I want to get to a point that I am just now up or down depending on my external environment. I just am learning to let myself just drift and be at peace with that and have no particular place to go other then what I feel in any given moment.

I love Sunflowars and I love how they are beautiful, but somehow always out of place. A friend of mine in college told me that I was a sunflower for that very reason. It seems like going to college and being named Jeremy Scott Kurzweil and being on Ricki lake and other things is merely something that happened to someone else in a different world. Yet factually I know they are experiences that I had but they become something else as time moves. I think of my time spent in Charleston and my desire to go back to certain places and touch a moment in time that I can get to on the physical realm and if I can I still don't know how to do it. I read about a rock climber who was convinced that he could fly and I thought it was beautiful the others might view him as man out of touch with delusions. People that are out of touch seem to be the most in touch people and the other people merely seem to know the trends of Khakis vs. jeans or loafers vs. sneakers. In the end we all end up leaving this planet and we act as if that day will never come. I want to have my life in order before that moment transpires and totally in love with this exact moment as my fingers touch the keyboard in hopes of touching each one of you in some way and you'll go out and do the same.


one l said...

i used to float, as a child. they taught me to bury my imagination. stop telling stories. so i kept it to myself. and for a while, i believed them. these were dreams. flying is impossible. i'm still getting over the disbelief, but i've started telling people again. they still look at me funny. they still tell me i shouldn't be telling anyone these things. but i won't play into the disbelief anymore, and one day i will remember how.

i had a healing the other day and though i wasn't expecting it, i hurt more afterwards. all over. in every piece of me. to my core. parts of me, still. but it came with the understanding that this is part of the healing. no pain, no gain, i guess. it came with incredible hope that when this is over, i will be free. this is the big one. this is the one that is holding me back. this is the one i tried so hard not to let go. and it will come. and i will soar. i will fly.

He said, quit trying to do this on your own, love. unburden yourself the way you let others unburden on you. trust that they are strong, too. look at all these beautiful people just asking to be let in. let it out and fly.

Karen said...

It was suppose to rain today in Portland. Instead it was beautiful. I am convinced you brought the sunshine! Hope the wholefoods berry exchange was sucessful.

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