Sunday, January 14, 2007

It seems completely dormant and then....

IT the plague of your existence which is different for each person, but is basically FEAR and all the many different ways that it digs its daggers covered in flowers deep into your body. So you are being debilitated and in a great deal of pain, but on the outside it looks quite extravagant and elegant even making people envious because they can't seem to see the daggers that are covered by the pretty flowers.. IT is sleeping and you are totally over IT. No doubt about IT you have overcome this obsession and then all of a sudden IT sneaks up on you. How did IT sneak up on you? Fuck dammit you had overcome IT and then IT bites you again. IT is always there to remind me. I am done being harsh on myself about IT instead I merely admit IT and that IT is a feeling that will pass. All feelings pass and this feeling is no exception, but it certainly feels like a Billie Holiday or Miles Davis song that gets you right in the gut. Yet as all this takes place you still have the ability to make people smile and strike emotional chords. I love you because you are a feeeling that reminds me of depth that I still want to realize. It is not so much about finding or seeking. It is about realizing. All of it is already there, but we somehow refuse to admit it. The mind blocks because the change is too great. Why won't we embrace the change and why do we have to feel a fear about it? I'd rather admit the fear then pretend to be brave. The truth is genuine bravery is admitting that you are scared out of your mind. Admiting that you are out of your element. How did we get here again? Somehow this has become quite a catch phrase for me. I type what I am feeling and use words in the best way that I can to express this to whoever it is in this cyber world who reads my blog. At least 600 or more views take place on this blog every month and all of you people are in so many places living so many different lives reaching so many different people in ways that you don't know or are challenging to understand. Somehow we have these moments of extreme clairvoyance in which we can see something that the rest of the people around are us are blind to. We have woken and they are sleeping and there are various degrees to this waking. I am waking in each moment doing my best to follow in the path of masters and gurus that have come before. Still there are selfish tendencies that I am continuing to purge so that I can be that person that has become the change instead of merely a person who speaks the change. I have fear and I've heard perfect love can cast out fear. Let me remember this perfect love and help the world to cast out their fear as I hope to cast my own fear out. I was once asked what is your biggest fear? I said it would be that I am wrong about everything. Then I realized whether I am wrong or right I can only live life with the knowledge that holds true for me. LIve life for the knowledge that you have and be open to new ways of viewing the world around.

2 comments:

JMinney said...

your blog has sparked a new blog of my own with many more to follow. enjoy

Te'DeVan said...

It is always great how one little thing can lead to many little or even big things, but small and big are only in the minds perception. One can not exist without the other.

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