Just a sound....

I got back from India in April of 2007 after spending time at an ashram in the presence of a guru and quite a few spiritual seekers from all over the world. There I started channeling a sound. Just a sound and I first start channeling it when I was doing a healing session with a singer in the Lower east side. I was a bit hesitant about making the sound during the healing session out of fear that it would distract her from her healing and she would consider it to be an awful sound that would be grating on her ears. Up until that point I had never really been a good singer in any traditional sense of the word and had been told by a few people that I was perhaps tone def or didn't sing the tone right and I sang too much from my throat etc... all the things that you could do wrong. But this sound was raw and pure and I let it fly and she described it as a heavenly sound. Being that she sang for a living I took this as a good sign. I then proceeded to make this sound quite frequently sometimes to avert or break up altercations be they physical or verbal. I have also used it to quickly silence a room of any type. Some people seem to respond strongly to this sound while others seem almost not to hear or notice it at all. Other people feel that it is impossible that this sound could come from a human being and that I must have some sort of device on my person.

Even though I often attributed this sound channeling from spending time in an ashram in India in 2007 the first time I made the sound was on Duval street in Key West Florida with a young man I had met who had just gotten out of Jail for some sort of trespassing. Basically he was in jail because he was poor and stayed in some house where there was nobody residing. As he joined me in making this sound I noticed that it had a powerful reaction on the people we were walking by, it was like the equilvalent of some sort of dog whistle. This day was some type of harmonic convergence of planetary alignment. I am not that intellectually knowledgable of planetary alignments, I just know it was November of 2003 and I did not make the sound again consistently until getting back from India in 2007. In fact other than that one night I believe there to have been a four year lay over between the first time and the 2nd time. Details are sometimes hazy, but this is as accurate as I can recall it to be.

I have nicknamed this sound the supersonic love boom which sounds like some sort of Tibetan bowl or to some the sound made for the emergency broadcasting system or some sort of feedback sound. People have stood next to me while I was making it and still not believed that it came thru me. And some moments I would go to make the sound and nothing would come out it was as if there was not the space for the sound to come forth. I have found friends new and old just by making this sound. I make other sounds but this one particular sound has an intensity and ability to piercingly cut through any other sounds. My theory is that it is a sound that exists at a celluar level in the body and certain people have a strong sensitivity to this frequency. I have seen people on a few occasions begin to cry or even sob uncontrolablely for reasons neither they nor I could explain. It is something that I have become used to. So on some level I don't find it weird or strange in anyway for me to make it, it is a normal occurrence. But I was inspired to write this because when I was at Rainbow today this girl behind me in line started telling me how tall I was. She seemed quite drawn to me and as I am not being one for small talk I instinctively made the sound and held it for about 20-30 seconds without wavering. She was intensely shaken and walked by me as I sat eating my bag of Uncle Eddie's cookies. I felt that she would sit down next to me, but she kept walking despite being shaken by the experience, but she did quickly come back and ask if she could sit with me and then offered me coconut water (0ne of my favorite drinks). She talked to me about what was going on in her life and afterwards told me she felt much calmer. I know this on some level is nothing short of remarkable or at least highly strange, but for me it is a completely normal occurrence that I felt compelled to share with whoever happens to read this blog. And to a skeptic or cynic it is just a sound.... and on some level of course they are completely correct about their assessment, but it is a sound I love to make and afterwards there is a deafening silence that reigns which I enjoy more deeply then the sound itself.

(written 6 months ago) Can You leave your heart in SF ?

Ultimately our heart is inside of us and it goes wherever we go, but I still love that song about leaving your heart in San Francisco. I bet a lot of people feel that way about the city or somebody they left behind. Or maybe somebody that was pulled away from them because it wasn't quite the right time. How much time it will be remains unknown, but nomads have a tendency to keep moving until they don't move. I am not against being in one place and having more of a traditional job, even then I will be doing my spiritual work. Yet there is some wandering left to do, but perhaps a home base will form soon enough. I am forever pursing my intuition/inner voice as best as I can, I feel my calling and I must follow it and when I am not in alignment with it I feel a sense of anguish or frustration. One of the great lessons I have had is to continue deepening my acceptance for things that I can not change. I find that there is an unseen hand guiding me and it will initially push me very gently and if I don't abide by it then it will get much firmer in order to push me to be more in alignment with my life's purpose. We are all travelers even when we stay put in one place there is great opportunity to wander through the cosmos as we find a greater depth to our meditation which intensifies and enhances the texture of all that we experience. We remain deeply present for this experience we call life and we are deeply dedicated to the upliftment of ourselves and of those around us. Sometimes it brings us back to places that we have been before to see people that we have seen before as both of us are at a different point of transition. Life is perpetual transition or the bardo as the Tibetans would call it. We have an opportunity to take a leap into a new realm beyond form into the formless. We find ourselves drawn to certain people because they are reflections of us both good and bad and neither good or bad. They are just merely an aspect of divinity/consciousness and our time on the planet gives us an opportunity to purify ourselves and deepen our awareness beyond form and thought. We all must go beyond form and thought. Certain places and people, due to our karma, act as an external force a pressure that turns the coal within us into the diamond that we truly are and have always been, yet our lack of sight has obstructed us from seeing this deeper truth. Seeking truth internally more and more yet most of us need experiences in the world so that we are pushed to be drawn closer to God.

Just a Dream of Mine

I dream of bright colors beyond what I have seen on this realm and a dream of an understanding that goes beyond words and never gets misconstrued. I dream of direct honesty and willingness to sacrifice for the greater good for humanity as the only way to live. I dream of people from all walks of life coming together to find their common bond and realize that what is common is truly fantastic. I dream of multi-colored water falls. I dream that everybody ends up with the soul that will most help them to evolve. I dream of creative expression coming from all souls at any moment without a moments hesitation. I dream of blazing blueish white flame that removes the hurts that have been buried deep in the mind. The hurts that keep people bound to things, habits, and other people that no longer serve them. I dream of an even mindedness approach to all that I encounter.

Resolving unfilled desires and yearnings so that we can move forward

I find myself in San Francisco because sometimes things are set in motion, but take a few years to come to fruition. Sometimes, we don't fully understand why we are so drawn to somebody. We just know that we are drawn to them and sometimes we are very different people in how we view things and yet there is this pull that goes against what some would call better judgment. And sometimes people would say it is doomed to fail, but what does failure even mean. What qualifies as success. Sometimes they tell you that you know that this can't go anywhere, but it doesn't have to go anywhere because there the both you are. It is in between somewhere and nowhere and it isn't supposed to happen for so many countless reasons, but it is happening and lessons are being learned and new thoughts are being formed and considered. Veils are put and removed walls fall and are brought back up like the tides coming in and out. And there seems to be alot of coming in and out and the ego's fight for control and the souls push to get beyond its identity and both people have chosen each other to be pushed whether they realize it or not. Just the other person's mere existence pushes the other person in ways that would seem difficult to conceive and the pushing happens because both people interact with the world in such different ways conflict is destined to arise around every corner yet there is some sort of satisfaction that both people get from the experience otherwise why enter into anything at all. And perhaps both people are drawn to each other because they know the other is unavailable and on some level they want to convince the other to become available just in case they changed their mind and perhaps they are what the other has been looking for and yet, it is too hard to admit because if they were to come together their lives would change dramatically. Maybe they are both seeking a little bit of change and maybe they just want to flirt with change and in the end whether they succeed or fail it does not matter in the ultimate sense. They are just like every other soul having a human experience. They meet up for a brief moment and go there separate ways but are pulled together again whether in this realm or the next one until the karma is resolved. All of us are on a quest to find the eternal home, that is our birthright if we choose to claim it. Yet, Claim it we must! we all return to where we came from and to me that has always been a great comfort regardless of the struggles that we and those around us go through. We are all destined to find a love that is not conditional and a peace that can't be disturbed and a joy that floats higher and higher. Yet, it is not something I have truly tasted, merely something that has grazed my lips and that alone is enough to encourage me to seek this final liberation for the soul.

The relationships along the way merely help us to work through our areas of inner resistance that become expressed in our external environments.

New video I shot with a friend

I left my heart in SF so I came back to get it

Ultimately our heart is inside of us and it goes wherever we go, but I still love that song about leaving your heart in San Francisco. I bet a lot of people feel that way about the city or somebody they left behind. Or maybe somebody that was pulled away from them because it wasn't quite the right time. How much time it will be remains unknown, but nomads have a tendency to keep moving until they don't move. I am not against being in one place and having more of a traditional job, even then I will be doing my spiritual work. Yet there is some wandering left to do, but perhaps a home base will form soon enough. I am forever pursing my intuition/inner voice as best as I can, I feel my calling and I must follow it and when I am not in alignment with it I feel a sense of anguish or frustration. One of the great lessons I have had is to continue deepening my acceptance for things that I can not change. I find that there is an unseen hand guiding me and it will initially push me very gently and if I don't abide by it then it will get much firmer in order to push me to be more in alignment with my life's purpose. We are all travelers even when we stay put in one place there is great opportunity to wander through the cosmos as we find a greater depth to our meditation which intensifies and enhances the texture of all that we experience. We remain deeply present for this experience we call life and we are deeply dedicated to the upliftment of ourselves and of those around us. Sometimes it brings us back to places that we have been before to see people that we have seen before as both of us are at a different point of transition. Life is perpetual transition or the bardo as the Tibetans would call it. We have an opportunity to take a leap into a new realm beyond form into the formless. We find ourselves drawn to certain people because they are reflections of us both good and bad and neither good or bad. They are just merely an aspect of divinity/consciousness and our time on the planet gives us an opportunity to purify ourselves and deepen our awareness beyond form and thought. We all must go beyond form and thought. Certain places and people, due to our karma, act as an external force a pressure that turns the coal within us into the diamond that we truly are and have always been, yet our lack of sight has obstructed us from seeing this deeper truth. Seeking truth internally more and more yet most of us need experiences in the world so that we are pushed to be drawn closer to God.

Looking Within To see the Change we Desire to see in The World

Allowing inspiration to come in a way that allows the expression of things, be it in words, music, art, dance or the simplest gesture, is one of the most beautiful things about existence. There are unlimited possibilities, and we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for.
Often I think of the concept of revolution. People love to throw the word around and talk about it. The starting point of revolution is beyond thought and beyond action. It starts in the no-thing-ness, as the Guru Yogiraj would say. There is the blank space that I find myself able to enter more and more easily as I continue to prepare my mind thru ever deeper and more consistent meditation.
We are all capable of great inspiration, but it is of great importance that we enter into what some would call the "zen mind" "no Mind" "Christ Consciosness state". It is not so much about our thoughts as it about our consciousness. Consciousness is the breeding ground of thoughts and of true revolution. All of us are looking for a way to make changes, but the greatest change is to not change at all; to return to our truest nature, our truest state, which we have fallen away from because of social conditioning and programming. Quite often our insecurities, fears, and defense mechanisms are passed down to us by our parents and the people we were raised by. It is up to us not to blame others for the programming, but rather to uproot all of the unhealthy emotional thought patterns that we may have ingrained in our psyche.
When the mind is still and when we are in a state of Yoga (meaning communion with a higher source) then we are capable of great insights and realizations. As I go along the journey I seek more and more to be humble throughout the process and greatly thankful for the Mediums, Saints, Gurus, Avatars, Healers, Mystics, etc... that have helped me to awaken to greater truths inside of myself. We must continue to strive to make it back to our true nature which is peace, calm, unconditional love, joy, laughter, beauty, strength. We must face those parts of ourselves that make us uncomfortable.
Our individual progress will reflect in the world's progress. We must change on an individual level before the world can follow suit. Deepening our realization of our true nature allows us to express greater truths with a power behind them that stems from internalizing truth. Truth can not be learned; it must be internalized. I strive everyday more and more to internalize truth.

The simple act of focusing on breathing and simple mantra of your choice that stirs your divine nature can make you a vessel of great healing. May my own selfish desires continue to fade and may all I be left with is unwavering love for the divine and to recognize the divine in others regardless of their own neglect of that truth. May we all serve not as judges but merely as mirrors, here to show others what they, too, are capable of achieving when the true nature is no longer denied, but embraced.

Not Forgiving Yourself isn't helping anyone

So often along the way on the journey we make mistakes and sometimes they are bigger mistakes and they may have consequences but not forgiving ourselves is not helping anyone. It is not helping the person or people that were hurt nor is it helping us. Holding on to past mistakes is not beneficial. Yes being more consciousness and learning from those mistakes can be of great benefit, but don't keep beating yourself up over the past. Otherwise we miss the present moment to make good choices that we can feel proud about. Every choice we makes good or bad leads us to where we are in this moment. We have to realize that this very moment there is an opportunity to do something that we can be proud about and that can benefit others and potentially the people we may have hurt directly or indirectly. The journey towards the infinite is not the easiest, but can be very rewarding... May we all open up to what this moment has to offer and be of service to a complete stranger. The more service I do the lighter I start to feel.

Stay on The Rails Stay in The White Lines don't do the white lines

Sometimes I walk into a place and unconsciously, I am very aware of all the chaos... and it is truly just madness. Yet, I must admit I am somewhat fascinated by all the craziness. Very entertained by the insanity of it all- and so, if I am not careful it can pull me in, even when I don't participate in the activities. It is like some sort of psychic pollutant to the mind; something that obscures what is really happening and pulls me into the illusion of the drama. I forget that this is merely a dream and once we fully awaken to that truth, we are no longer slaves to it. I told a friend recently that conditional love is for suckers and slaves to approval and yet, I must acknowledge that there is still that part of me (and all of us, really) that seeks conditional love. Unconditional love is something the mind is not used to accepting. I find myself digging deeper and deeper, and sometimes I feel that prod of pain that pushes me to seek that love. Enlightenment or bust is how I like to phrase it, but really it is more like enlightenment or reincarnate... and truth be told even enlightened souls will still choose to reincarnate for our benefit. I am very thankful for those souls. I find it funny that people that are interested in my healing gift will be reluctant to see certain saints and/or guru's who are far more advanced than I. There is this part of me that only wants to take my spiritual path to a point and pull back from that final plunge. To approach the edge and merely sit back down and cling to form. Yet my clinging can only bring me more pain. Pain is not a bad thing... it is a beautiful thing and it has helped me to grow and expand but, that clinging to it, as well as clinging to pleasure aren't helping me (or anyone else for that matter). I sit here typing, feeling like a boy of five, even though I am 30, but I don't feel any older nor do I feel any less hopeful. I see people around me strive and others merely scared to be bold fold and compromise. But what really lies in the compromise is an unbearable pain.

I am in Austin Texas right now, in my physical form at this moment, staying at a good friend of mine who I met in Dallas at an Amma gathering. The way life brings us together and the people it brings us to is an amazing spectacle. I am here, but where is the person who drew some lines in the sand and stole it from someone else and put a name on it. That for the most part is the story of this planet, It is all story that for the most part we have agreed to play along with, but the beauty of it all is that when we awaken we don't have to play along... and when we do play along, its purely for the unfoldment of the evolution of humanity. I have said certain things before and I am sure I will say them again until they are fulfilled. I won't always get things on the first go so I merely keep going because I don't know how to quit. I just know how to move towards a greater understanding and a greater compassion. I have made my mistakes, some people may not want to forgive and others may not understand my choices. Yet, if I can feel peace in my heart that is what matters most. I was not put here for any other reason then to fulfill God's plan which is not the end of the world, but rather the beginning of the world. The world as it should be guided by love and inner insight. Some have lost faith because it has not happened yet and that may be the case, but things shall change and a new day is arriving... a day where the spirit of divine brotherhood shall fill the planet.

That Achey Break HEart Can Be Healed

So on occasion I often hear someone, myself including, rambling, stumbling or fumbling about some heart break. In some cases they can't even seem to walk or talk quite right. It seems like someone might have knocked the sails out of their boat. Perhaps they crashed into a Mountain where on the losing side of a fight with a Grizzly bear, but it is in an emotional way, which makes it all the more worse because on the surface when people do not pay attention you appear to be fine. It is in these moments that we have to pull ourselves by our suspenders or boot straps and just get up because "mickey loves you" win one for the Gipper sort of stuff. And yet for many people they may know this but somehow they seem unable to take these simple steps. This is of course why great friends are so important on this journey. They can really aide and assist during these moments when it seems like life is conspiring against you. Yet, this is not the case, rather it is seeking to rid us of our attachment to the small world stage so that we seek the director behind the scenes. Seek the creator, not the creations and at anytime I seem to forget this I am so quickly reminded of this great truth.
So often most of the pain we experience is something that we look back on and even laugh or smile. It is that perspective to realize that heavy set lady has not sung. God is there watching over us offering His/Her infinite love to us his children yet our minds seem to block this blessing from entering into our being. Sometimes the mind wants revenge or payback or to even dwell in this hurt, yet in those actions we block the blessing of infinite all compassionate love. May we all go on seeking what is within and there are moments where this task seems implausible, but I have been blessed to meet a few beings that have exemplified that this is not the case. Yet some people do not believe in God and have a hard time with the concept of a unseen hand of divinity. Eventually we will all find our way, whether it be in this lifetime or the next. Regardless of our beliefs because we all return to where we came from.

The Problem With Wanting to Be Special

This whole idea or concept has lead to quite a few poor choices in my life and at certain times has had me come off as a bit egotistical, but at the root of it all is this desire to fell worthy, to feel that what I do matters.

I used to feel this way so frequently that it would impair the quality of my life and those around me. Over time this feeling started to dissipate more and more and around certain people this feeling is triggered and there is unconscious behavior that seeks to be validated as having other people view me as special. I told someone very close to me once if I could make anything go away it would be my desire "To be Special".

The greater the peace I find within myself the less I am looking for anyone or anything to make me special. The desire to want to be special is like being a slave to a master that will never be satisified.

There is never enough acknowledgement to the part of the mind that wants to be special. Then you start overcompensating and become less aware of the feelings of other people around you. You are so caught up in fullfilling your quest to be special that you have forgotten that everybody else is special too.

Though I have made progress with this issue it is still deeply rooted in my unconscious mind and any moment that takes place that validates that I am special, there is almost a clinging feeling around it. The person who is sick in front of you or the person who just lost their mother, father or brother does not need to hear about how special you are. They just need you to be there and be present for them.

This has been one of my most poweful lessons and also at times my most painful because I qucikly see how much unintentional pain is caused to other people when I feel the need to demonstrate that I am special. The deeper my inner communion becomes the less is my desire to be special until one day I will be so blessed to fully just be here and Now with no label and no attachmentt to any desire to feel that I am special.

Hot Dandelion!!!!

Recently a young woman was talking to me about certain phrases that she uses frequently, and I realized that millions and millions of people say these things more out of habit and programming then because of any greater connection to these phrases. I decided right then and there I needed a new simple phrase that would also convey so much and yet so little such as other greats; like rad, sweet, cool beans, for sure, like like like, and right on. I new it had to be simple and to the point, and Eureka it hit me gently but powerfully like a lighting bolt from Zeus. Hot Dandelion! It had everything I was looking for it was hot, colorful, flowery and easy to remember. It would also initially make most people laugh or at least look at me a little oddly or maybe they are looking at me strangely for a few other reasons. Yet one uttered phrase of simple cosmic brilliance that would bring others joy and give at least a few new options. Remember English is still a relatively new language and we are in desperate need of new phrases to convey thoughts, emotions and ideas. Recently John Mayer contributed the phrase "Sexual Napalm". This opens a door for anyone to come up with something and the ones that catch on will go down in pop culture history. I personally feel we should also strive to be enlightened and serve humanity as our larger self, but along the way we should help to expand the vernacular of the English language. Can I get a Heaven Yeah?!!!! Can I have an Expert Witness? Can I have an OM Shanti Shanti. Hot Dandelion is all I can say folks Hot Dandelion the kid has lost his Garbage pal kid collection and from there it could only be an immaculate perception once we removed life's contraception from our senses.

Where Was I ? Oh yeah, there I am again and then gone again and then Reappearing

I am in New York City and it is January. It has been 8 years since I have been here this month and every time I think I have had all that I can bear of the winter weather and get ready to migrate, I feel a gnawing feeling inside of me that merely says "not yet, you have not finished what you came to do." I was recently initiated into Kriya yoga and given the name Kriyavan and in this tradition they talk about serving humanity as a larger version of yourself. I have been pondering this a lot lately. I am looking at every person as a reflection of me, though I have not gotten to a point where I am aware of this at all moments. Ever increasingly, I know that I have to allow myself to just be more and more in my being, the doing gets done. The more I allow myself to be fully natural, the more beautiful things effortlessly unfold around me. The more I try, the less things happen. It is only when I truly let go of something that anything can come back to me, but none of it ever belonged to me. I love when I am at a public place and I get up and somebody sits down. I then come back to get my stuff and they usually say "Are these seats yours?" I then reply "I don't own anything, it's yours now."

I feel a lot of liberation in that simple sentence. I never did own anything- I am merely a custodian borrowing everything that I have in my possession. I have my mind set on the guru, my mind set on God, my mind set on peace, and yes, then my mind gets distracted and then I pull it back towards everything I just mentioned. It is all the same thing and it has all been said by somebody much wiser than me, yet it bears repeating, and at this moment it is intended for whoever is reading my blog.

Ashes shot out of A cannon

I am in Colorado-- Aspen to be specific, because of a young woman from my past that I reconnected with. I was willing to take a leap of faith and though it has not been what I expected, it has been wonderful and made me more aware of my path. I will not allow any attachment to a thing or person to get in the way of my journey. Yet, I must love them all the same and be present to the moment I am in. I am near Hunter S. Thompson's old place out in Woody Creek. My friend John back in NYC has a band called "The Woody Creek Kids," and as fate would have it, that is where I landed. I was asked to find other accommodations by the young woman that I was staying with because it all felt too intense for her. As a result, I met this great guy who I later found out shared the same birthday as me: April 17th . He noticed Yogananda printed on my jacket and commented on his time at the Self Realization center in L.A. It was a brief, one-day visit for him but impacted him greatly. He felt as if he knew me; I proceeded to do a healing on his shoulder which he had hurt a couple of weeks easlier. He said that he was taking care of a cabin in Aspen, and that I was more then welcome to stay there. Though things calmed down in the mind of the young woman that I was staying with, I knew that I would certainly need other accommodations. I knew that the young woman in Aspen was the impetus for me to come out here, but she was not the sole reason. Often there are numerous reasons as to why we end up somewhere and the people we meet along the way.

Aspen

Sometimes you just hsve to go for it without fully realizing or knowing what it is that you are going for. You have to realize you are being pointed in a certain direction. By allowing yourself to move into that direction, you will be given an opportunity to grow beyond your limits and beyond your comfort. You may feel scared or a little uneasy about taking such a leap, but sticking to everything you know won't help you grow. I recognize that I have a pattern of being drawn to women that never say yes or no, only maybe, and I don't know if they want to grow so eventually I have to let them go. In that letting go for me is a liberation because there is a part of my own mind that does not know if it fully wants to allow me to grow. I do not find it beneficial to fight the feelings that I have, I must merely allow them to pass through me like waves and not react to any of them, merely experience them. I allow the woman I am with to experience herself and just remain present without feeling the need to say or do anything- without feeling that I need to change or fix something. I just need to more deeply submerge myself in my own peace and find a deeper reservoir of love within my own being. We keep walking down a certain road until that road has taught all that it can.

As I sit here in Aspen, Colorado I recognize people come into our lives to act as a push in order to move us in a certain direction. They are merely a piece of our own individual puzzle. They are aspects of divinity helping us to awaken. All of us are here to awaken, and romantic relationships quite often act as catalyst for that awakening. Within these relationships will be vast amounts of both pleasure and pain. Yet, if we stay grounded to the ultimate source--never looking to one person to fill us--then we will feel a greater level of contentment. We place too much attention on one piece of the puzzle when romantic feelings become involved and neglect the whole puzzle. We must strive never to neglect the entire puzzle, and in that way we will be guided to perfectly place that one piece of the puzzle.

I am a couchsurfer and the couch is merely my vessel.

I have slept on a lot of couches. A LOT of couches... so many that I will often lose count. Yet, the couches are merely a vehicle or vessel to enter into people's lives and help them become more aware of all the greatness that exists within them. All the music, all the art, all the dancing, all the adventure that they are capable of giving birth to if they just allow themselves to be deeply grounded into the earth- bringing their concentration to their third eye and opening their heart. We all have things we are working through and things that we are trying to avoid. We like to pretend that this doesn't exactly apply to us... and I am no exception. Sometimes it may indeed not apply to us at all, but most of the time there are universal laws that are truly regardless of time and space. For every cause, there is an effect. Every choice we make has a consequence. Every choice aids in setting up the next series of decisions we choose to make.

There are many ways to enter into people's lives; none more intimate and more strange then through the couch. Being the guy sleeping on someone's couch, giving them a perspective of who they are and what this journey is all about. The Beatles sang "You say you want a revolution," yet the truest and most enduring revolution is the evolution of humanity. All other revolutions are quickly forgotten and replaced by something else- usually as equally hideous, but given a different name and form. Yet, still the same story of God's unrecognized Glory. Glory, Glory, Hallelujah- we are marching towards a new day, with a new couch. We are helping to awaken ourselves by opening up our homes and our couches. The couchsurfers are offering us a new perspective of our own possibilities and the love that we are and the love that we can share with all the people around us who are inhabiting this world. I love how funny it is that the dude or dudette on the couch could perhaps change our life. Then again so could the bus driver, taxi driver, delivery man, secretary, police officer, even the sales rep. All of us are capable of being divine and awakening another human being to their own divinity. In my case, the vessel is your couch and I am referred to as a couchsurfer. And by one person allowing me to inhabit their couch for a couple of days, I am therefore invited into the lives of many other people. One person's couch provides the bridge to many other people's lives.

Suppose I'm Not the Ideal Boyfriend

Third party female editor = [ ]
Te' DeVan Kriyavan = ( )

People are always curious about my love life. [Why do you suppose this is?] (they don't know many nomads with large signs and I am out of the societal norms . . . sure everyone has a different reason) Some people think that I am celibate. I assure you that I am not, nor am I hoping to maintain the same pattern of dating beautiful train wrecks, which has comprised a great deal of my dating history. Neither one of us being capable of maintaining a committed relationship. I find that not only women but most people become terrified to realize that he or she has feelings. It is true in my exerpience, or perhaps yours as well, that most people are genuinely terrified of their deepest, truest feelings. It is this lack of intimacy with oneself that prohibits any real intimacy with another.

Still, I believe there are cetrain characteristics a woman is drawn to in a partner that help her feel secure and comfortable with intimacy. [This sentence is problematic in that it prefaces a sweeping generalization of female character. Consider who the woman is you are talking about. Is this a quality of all women, or just the women you are drawn to. If it's the latter, then why are you drawn to these women?](The quality of a high percentage of women though you may be an exception seek those qualities in a partner and I consider to be the realm of relative of truth not absolute truth and some of this blog is written for humor as well) First, of which is that this man have some sort of stable residence (which I have not had in over 8 years). I do not actually know where I will be in 2-5 months and I make a small enough amount of money that I could collect food stamps in most places. This is not typically the sort of things that make for an <"ideal" boyfriend (mainstream America) On the other hand, a materialist does not necessarily make for the ideal boyfriend either. I am well aware that I carry with me a sense of adventure and creativity through passion, which people are inspired by. Yet there remains the simple fact that most people would rather have a "practical" boyfriend than an "inspiring" one. Perhaps, the true ideal would be to have both. How can there be love and compassion through practicalities?

I have always had a gut feeling that I would be very successful, in the traditional sense as defined by society, and that I would be in a position to effect a lot of positive change with my material abundance. Yet people [which people?] (most people) naturally want the "sure thing". Very few people are willing to risk spiritual happiness for convenience, even though they may convince themselves that they love them. They may cheer for and hope for a long shot secretly to come through, but to bet on the long shot is an entirely different matter.

In this particular situation the investments would be time, energy, and emotion. On the surface, my life may not seem stable, but I continue to rest more and more deeply in the the "bosom of the divine mother" (as Yogananda would often say) and I find it quite ample for simple means. Yet, when a traditional western woman and a traditional western family are added to my equation [don't forget that you are specifically referring to your own experience and you cannot generalize so broadly] it would demand that a greater amount of resources be obtained. Simply put, "got to make that money to keep the honey."

I once read of a great Guru who had dispensed with sleeping and had performed many great miracles, yet even his wife, in a fit of delusion and anger, assailed him for not providing more financially for his family. Even the wife of such a wise man still had severe concerns with these things. She quickly returned to her senses after he physically dematerialized briefly, forcing her to realize the error of her ways. I have hardly achieved such a level of realization and recognize that it is only natural for such thoughts to be held by most women. Women have to be concerned for the welfare of their future offspring more deeply than the man. [I cannot let this slide. This is an ignorant assumption. You are completely disregarding the personality of the female, especially spiritual women. You are over-simplifying women on the basis of reproductive biology. Are these just qualities of most of the women you are attracted to? If so, it would be more fitting to address why you are attracted to them and they to you if you are so obviously the opposite of what they think they want.] This may not always be the case, but in developing nations, the lower class find that micro-loans are more successful in benefiting the family when they are made to the women of households instead of the men. [Have you considered that this is a result of social pressures put on these women, and that these women may not have chosen their situation but were forced into it by institutionalized restrictions on the role of women in society? As a result they have no choice but to be wives and mothers] There are always exceptions, but in someone plays the role of the provider and typically in heterosexual relationships this is the man. [Again you are speaking on the basis of assumptions. You might need to do refer to research in sociology and gender studies to make these claims hold water.] Even if the woman makes a good income many will still have the desire for their mate to provide for them in some sort of way. This providing may not always be financial but quite often that is a common form that it takes. [Are most women satisfied by this provision, or would they rather be supported emotionally and spiritually?] A woman who is seriously looking for a mate [What woman, and what kind of mate?] will not take a man seriously who has not demonstrated a reliable stream of income, sufficient to raise a family.

In laymen's terms, this means that I fall into the category of "one-night stand" or "fling". Neither of these categories is particularly appealing to me, but the reality is most western women [what "western" women? this is not a practical category, unless you are looking for a relationship with "most western women". specificity is going to sell your point] will consider me in these unfortunate terms. Of course, some women who are around college age or perhaps have some sort of trust fund might not worry about such things. They are more likely seeking emotional stability and geographical stability. I can provide emotional stability, but I "lose points" for geographical stability, having pursued a nomadic lifestyle for eight years. Therefore, either she also must also be a nomad, or I must allow myself to be settled.

Despite what many people may think, I am not attached to being a nomad. I merely go where I have the best opportunity to heal and pursue the creative projects that capture my imagination. Clearly, I am at a point in my journey that a romantic partner or mate has become quite appealing. I understand, as Patsy Cline put it, that you have to be "crazy" to choose a "stray cat" such as myself. I have this inner knowledge that everything in my life is about to be flipped inside-out. I am at the point of transition where my every day existence is preparing to undergo a major overhaul. I want little more than that deeply loyal and dependable love that I can take walking after midnight. And that must be found within myself first. Only then will the external world mirror my inner realization. No need for me or any female to be lonesome weeping willows. [another generalization] are deeply seeking a partner which is a reflection of their seeking of the unknown infinite. Call it God if you will, or call it unconditional love, or whatever.

"Now I am not saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke .... you know what" (just ask Kayne and Jamie). I have seen on past occasions the man with finances ends up the "winner", but perhaps winning isn't always winning. I don't want a partner who would pull me away from my spiritual path to chase after worldly treasures, who would ask me to sacrifice the pursuit of God. I understand money for food, shelter, education, and health are valid reasons to choose a partner (although these costs can be greatly minimized through right lifestyle), but do we really need flashy new curtains and polished silverware...? I am simple monk who will be taking on the yogi householder lifestyle in this incarnation. [In my understanding a monk by definition takes vows of celibacy. Perhaps "I am a simply yogi who will be taking on the householder's lifestyle in my present incarnation" is more accurate]. Such is [what is your definition of dharma? there are multitudes] and I am very comfortable following my dharma. I also understand the importance of blending the spiritual with the practical, but never at the sacrifice of the divine. My wife and kids will all eventually leave me, be it death or something else. But God has stayed with me through all of eternity, and the Creator giveth and taketh away. I write this as a reminder to the part of my mind that is still caught in the maya. Have compassion for my delusions, but may all my delusions be removed through perseverance and patience.

I stand near the edge of a vast horizon that defies the scope of my vision. From here I am able to see my future partner walk with me on this leg of my journey, beside me as I transition into a being of greater service to humanity, a partner who facilitates my spiritual growth and I hers. This is no easy task and requires a tremendous commitment from us both. Now is a quiet time of reflection for me to practice kriya yoga and write. May God be my first partner and this woman be an extension of this cosmic partnership.

This was a wonderful battle of values between author and editor. Take what you may.