Sometimes I walk into a place and unconsciously, I am very aware of all the chaos... and it is truly just madness. Yet, I must admit I am somewhat fascinated by all the craziness. Very entertained by the insanity of it all- and so, if I am not careful it can pull me in, even when I don't participate in the activities. It is like some sort of psychic pollutant to the mind; something that obscures what is really happening and pulls me into the illusion of the drama. I forget that this is merely a dream and once we fully awaken to that truth, we are no longer slaves to it. I told a friend recently that conditional love is for suckers and slaves to approval and yet, I must acknowledge that there is still that part of me (and all of us, really) that seeks conditional love. Unconditional love is something the mind is not used to accepting. I find myself digging deeper and deeper, and sometimes I feel that prod of pain that pushes me to seek that love. Enlightenment or bust is how I like to phrase it, but really it is more like enlightenment or reincarnate... and truth be told even enlightened souls will still choose to reincarnate for our benefit. I am very thankful for those souls. I find it funny that people that are interested in my healing gift will be reluctant to see certain saints and/or guru's who are far more advanced than I. There is this part of me that only wants to take my spiritual path to a point and pull back from that final plunge. To approach the edge and merely sit back down and cling to form. Yet my clinging can only bring me more pain. Pain is not a bad thing... it is a beautiful thing and it has helped me to grow and expand but, that clinging to it, as well as clinging to pleasure aren't helping me (or anyone else for that matter). I sit here typing, feeling like a boy of five, even though I am 30, but I don't feel any older nor do I feel any less hopeful. I see people around me strive and others merely scared to be bold fold and compromise. But what really lies in the compromise is an unbearable pain.
I am in Austin Texas right now, in my physical form at this moment, staying at a good friend of mine who I met in Dallas at an Amma gathering. The way life brings us together and the people it brings us to is an amazing spectacle. I am here, but where is the person who drew some lines in the sand and stole it from someone else and put a name on it. That for the most part is the story of this planet, It is all story that for the most part we have agreed to play along with, but the beauty of it all is that when we awaken we don't have to play along... and when we do play along, its purely for the unfoldment of the evolution of humanity. I have said certain things before and I am sure I will say them again until they are fulfilled. I won't always get things on the first go so I merely keep going because I don't know how to quit. I just know how to move towards a greater understanding and a greater compassion. I have made my mistakes, some people may not want to forgive and others may not understand my choices. Yet, if I can feel peace in my heart that is what matters most. I was not put here for any other reason then to fulfill God's plan which is not the end of the world, but rather the beginning of the world. The world as it should be guided by love and inner insight. Some have lost faith because it has not happened yet and that may be the case, but things shall change and a new day is arriving... a day where the spirit of divine brotherhood shall fill the planet.