Thursday, May 24, 2007

I'm Digging Hard

So I am at Stanford after leaving San Fran accept now I am wondering if I am facing the old cliche "I left my heart in San Francisco", but San Fran went to Seattle and this girl kind of came out nowhere and we both snuck up on each other. She is smart, sexy, funny, and she makes me feel high and smile when I let her seep into my being. I want to call her right now, but I just want to keep feeling her energetically and I just want to keep feeling and being with her soul. All of us really do have an ability to talk without speaking on the phone. All of us have feelings that we hold back myself included because we don't want to be caught out there all alone thinking the other person would catch us, but God's love always catches us.

The people that make us feel the best are also the people that can cause us to feel the worst. Life is an ebb and flow that leads to this journey. I am trying to allow myself more time to reflect and to be in clear state and speak from my heart. Though I am an open person there are still parts of me that are closed off and those parts need to open up and someone comes along and gives you a prod and brings all of that to the surface. We don't need to suffer we can just love deeply and let it take us wherever we need to be. We can try and rationalize our feelings or we can just feel them and be honest about what we feel and that is what I desire to remember for all of time.

9 comments:

sonny said...

i know exactly what you are talking about. when we think about someone it is like we are sending out a radio signal or possibly we are recieving a thought which is a connection and back and forth. very interesting. i think our thoughts about people really do create a sort of wave frequency. the power of mind to turn off, turn on, tune in clearly or create static-very fascinating-the power of mind and concentration.
telepathy existed before telephone. all technology is just a manifested form of something that has always been in subtle dimension of our beings...very nice thought-I'm Diggin it!

sonny said...

by the way...

who the hell is reverend steve?

anyone-i just never caught it

Anonymous said...

Two and a half months and counting. . .

. said...

this touched me deeply monsieur. you've put into words what i have always been afraid to feel my whole life. thank you for seeing in color. peace

Anonymous said...

Reverend Steve was one of the greatest men I ever knew and his whereabouts are unknown and Dr. John Bender and him were like brothers at one point, but then I think a girl got between their friendship. Even today I am not really sure what to say about it.

Dr John Bender said...

Sonny, when I have more time, you and I are going to have to have a nice chat about metaphysics and epistemology. I have met very few Bible thumpers who have ever said "telepathy existed before telephone." How did you come about to develop your world views?

(Actually, please save this for when I have more time.)

In regards to Reverend Steve... Te and I were housemates of sorts with Reverend Steve as well as many other hooligans. We have kept in touch (more of less) with pretty much all of them except for Reverend Steve, who vanished earlier this year, and this kid Jeremy who literally disappeared from existence in 2001. I often think about Jeremy, because he was from New York, graduated in April of 2001, went home at the end of that August... and then nobody has heard from him since.

I think the good Reverend just suffered from burnout and retired. Nobody can continue to be that bitter for that long. Still, I am often mistaken for him... we are both intelligent, but I am a bit better looking, though the Reverend's hairline is still intact where is mine is not. (Te... can you perform a healing on my receeding hairline?)

Dr John Bender said...

BTW... a beautiful post, Te. Falling in love is a kind of surrender to something more powerful than one's self. It can be scary, like emerging from a cocoon, not knowing exactly what you have transformed into.

sonny said...

excellent, thanks for the interesting history...

very spiritual very intelligent very bitterly humurous concerning the nonsense of peoples hopeless enslavement to organized religion

false attatchment without understanding the goal of cultivating the knowledge of ones relationship with the source of existence

religious process to cleanse the mind of false ego
to cleanse the dust of the heart
to discern the eternal in the corporeal
to love unconditionally
yet into myriads of thoughts man becomes enslaved without transcendence
believing beyond the senses
the leap of faith over
chemical combination fences
into thin air without breath
seeking death but being alive more than ever

dissipation of delusion

sonny said...

"Falling in love is a kind of surrender to something more powerful than one's self. It can be scary, like emerging from a cocoon, not knowing exactly what you have transformed into."

I thought about this quote as I experienced how all of existence is like this. In order for there to be transformation in life we must be in a constant state of letting go. Movement means moving on.

Just like the river is from the ocean and flowing and carving its way to the ocean. The mind is coming from the infinite and is moving towards the infinite.

essence of existence is infinite and manifested in the cycle of creation, sustainance and dissolution. If each individual was a raindrop falling from the firmament, flowing through life, and dissolving in the sea, and precepitating back to the celestial regions.

A fast moving river stirs up a lot of mud, it is necessary as it carves through the earth, but in the end the water is transparent in its natural state.

I can't really put into words what I am trying to say, but when I was contemplating this brief realization, the above quote from dr. john bender came to mind, nice picture of words indeed.

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