Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Plane Insecurity

Recently I tried to get on an airplane with one of my notorious "6 foot 7 inch jew will freestyle rap for you" signs. They told me that I could not bring it on because they worried that I would use it to "bludgeon" people. Luckily I was smart enough to tell them it was also possible that my feet/hands could also bludgeon people and in a much easier way.
Two friends of mine recently had raw organic chocolate confiscated from them because they considered it to be a gel substance. Since when is chocolate a liquid or a gel? It is neither. Apparently any solid substance can now be deemed a liquid or a gel because the TSA official clearly told them, "I deem this a gel". My friends demonstrated the solidity of the chocolate and were threatened to be escorted out of the airport. I was really upset about this one. It is chocolate for Christ's sake. The airport people have been fucking up for years and now there trying to make up for it by becoming paranoid. So just so you know freestyle rapping jew signs and chocolate are no longer allowed on airplanes.

What is the world coming to is not a question I will ask. What I will say is that I will start an airline and you will be able to bring your raw organic chocolate on board as well as any funny signs that you made that can fit in the overhead bins or underneath your seat. Are these people anti-semites that desire to eat your chocolate or are they just paranoid Americans?
Either way you should all feel safer knowing now that neither of these two things are allowed on a plane. Over and out.


Reverend Steve said...

They were probably worried about, in the words of Borat, "in case the Jews repeated their attack of 9/11." I once tried to bring a cucumber wrapped in tin foil onto a plane.

Te'DeVan said...

Did you fail to get it on board? I assume so since you mentioned it. I am about to begin an invasion of the University of Miami starting Friday. Praise the hurricane tidal wave because it is coming. My hook-up there is compliments of another 6 foot 7 inch jew named Matt Cerran. He could pass for my younger brother.

Reverend Steve said...

Egads!!! Another 6'7" Jew???

Hey... remember when we (the Arch St house) went to that shit party on White St and you (6'7"), me (6'4") and my brother (6'6") told everybody that we were the three white guys on the University of Michigan basketball team? Good times.

The cucumber in tinfoil was a gag from This is Spinal Tap, but I've always wanted to try it. I have always fancied myself a bit of a Derek Smalls...

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