I figure if fight club can get corporate sponsorship why not a long shot presidential candidate.
In a world where we are given two options that are handpicked by a few very rich people it is time that we have a third option and I am presenting myself Te'DeVan Kurzweil and my vice president Smiley Mcanmara and countless list of characters here by known as the "Infinite Cabinet" for the white house for the 2008 election. For financial backing and support, we are selling our campaign on E-bay to the highest bidder.
6 foot 7 inch Freestyle Rapping Chi-Gong Healing Couch Surfing Jew is making a late charge! A run for the ages! The shadow of the dark horse is coming out! The longest long shots of longs! Only in America! We have not been invited to any debates and Cspan has not mentioned us once in the polls or any other discussion for that matter (despite our own polls which show that we have 67% of Americans in favor of our campaign). With that being said, we are completely and totally prostituting ourselves to the American people. We will be sold to the highest bidder! Just like every other presidential candidate except we will make no qualms about it and in the most public way possible do it here on EBay! Not only do you get me but you also get my Vice President, my Secretary of Defense, Joint Chiefs of Staff, An entire cabinet consisting of Merry Pranksters, Musicians, Mystics, Mad Men, Mad Women, Impostor Mr. T, Reformed Gangsters, Ballerinas, Bike messengers, Dancers, explosive specialists, pirates, preachers, psuedo celebrities, philosophers, physicists, Jugglers, Bus Drivers, Teachers, Retired Firemen and Police, and every other fascinating American who's couch we might end up sleeping on or who might be hopping on our buses.
I'm also selling my campaign advisers who were not able to raise enough money for this campaign. Most of them are college graduates. What you get for buying us? An adventure of a lifetime for you and a few of your closest friends. (much better then a drug addiction and the expenses of rehab and therapy) and the opportunity to publicize or advertise any message you want public or private, while getting a chance to give back to the American people. Instead of promises about what will be done we are going to spend most of our time and funds helping the American people and being a campaign of the people for the people (radical Idea I know, but desperate times call for even more desperate measures)!
Ask not what you can do for EBay but ask what can EBay do for you. No longer will I stand idly by while the Constitution has been abandoned to the lunacy of a so-called "Patriot" act and elections where the census majority doesn’t determine the election of a president. If Americans can get an erection after they take their viagra over the next under 18 pop star (just ask Bob Dole) then just maybe if we make it entertaining enough we can get people to care about the general state of politics in this country and give Americans an authentic opportunity to choose their president instead of having them hand selected by a small group of people that have many agendas the least of which is benefiting the vast majority of Americans. Our Campaign will bring back the Nomad!, and a simpler way of life. We will take back the white house one couch at a time! And at least we can tell our grand children that we tried when glaciers don't exist anymore. Consider this the equivalent of Jackass with a purpose. And that purpose is to start a revolution that we can collectively be proud of and say that we took back our country from a bunch of rich (mostly white) people more interested in making themselves and their friends more money.
We will start to narrow this gap between rich and poor. For instance take the homeless people of Washington DC and give them shelter in the White House (can't believe they never did it before), while adequate housing can be obtained. When the weather gets nicer they can also pitch tents on the White House lawn along with the people from New Orleans who still have not gotten assistance. Just Remember, "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson. And we just turned pro! Thank You!
President Te'DeVan Rocketman Wacha Kurzweil
(you can call me "That guy with the large sign for short")