Old Wounds Still There

How are you? Me I am just a jelly fish floating around. Sometimes we think we have all our emotions in check and then one person comes along ( In my case a woman) and we fall apart worse then foreign policy in Iraq (okay maybe not that bad, but still pretty close). Why is it that we have such a longing for certain people and the mere thought of them reentering our lives makes us get excited, nervous and maybe even a little angry all at once. I have traveled a bit and I can tell you that traveling seems to be helpful for heart break because it puts you deeply in the current moment. Because it forces you to listen to your intution and you know that all things change regardless of what we may want. We all have this current moment and then it is gone and on to the next moment. It is a stream and gets away from us. Our emotions are streams and they get away from us going in all different directions chasing a love that almost no one is capable of giving us. We all have such fear around the word love. It triggers so many different ideas and feelings. It makes us feel very alive, but also puts us in state where our ego can be devastated. Somehow we decide that one person has the ability to determine how we will feel about ourselves.

As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.