Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My Presedential Run For 2008

I am Throwing my Hat in the Presidential race For 2008. I am announcing a long anticipated announcement for the bored,frustrated,apathetic,angry, and oftenly ignored masses. I am not an expert on politics, but within the next two years I will increase that knowledge base and at the very least my knowledge will surpass your typical chimpanzee though maybe not your average gorilla (gorilla's are smart ask Jane Goodall). I know some of you realize there has never been a 6 foot 7 inch tall, jewish, dreaded, spiritual healing, freestyle rapping, couchsurfing, nomad president. And there might be good reasons for this, but that was all in the past and we live in a different age my friend and I am representative of this new age or rather a forgotten age.

Of course; running for the presidency is based on two conditions that must be met. I must be considered at least a B+ tier celebrity by people magazine or some equilvalent and I would need popular support from largely unpopular or oftenly ignored people. I want this election to actually be entertaining and consist of issues that will make most people very uncomfortable. I am going to be the man showing up with his homeless friends to everyone's hoilday dinner. I will bring these oftenly ignored problems into everybody's living room. And just when you think this election will reach its peak in akwardness I will bring the family members out of the mental instutions for a long over due visit. (you know your rarely talked about cousin who walks around the house with his penis hanging out of his pants). Nobody will be left forgotten in the 2008 election.

My largest voting base will be people under the age of 18, illegal immigrants (all 12 million), and people in prison and those recently released from prison; and any other under represented person that you can think of. I want to be a candidate of social lepers and people that are generally apathetic or disinterested. My campaign will be run in a way that is condusive with the times we live in. We will use a voting style similar to American Idol in that people will choose my vice president and other cabinet members as they would on American Idol over the internet or a 1-800 phone number. The money raised for the campaign will go towards various charity causes such as after school programs, organic food programs for poor people, irrigation projects in 3rd world countries and holistic medicine programs aimed at helping become more aware of their life choices. Instead of talking about what I would do as president I would be doing these while I am running for the office.

I understand all of this sounds like Custards Last Stand, the ALamo, or that scene in Youngs II where DOc (played by Keifer SUtherland) has just been shot and goes guns a blazing so that at least some of the others may make it out alive. And that is my point just like Tom Petty I will stand my ground and I won't back down because there ain't no easy way out folks and it is time we do what's right. I understand most people lose interest and I can't blame you. It is like being a vegeterian and told that your options are chicken or beef for dinner. I would also obstain from voting. Heck I almost voted for myself in 2004 and the only thing that stopped me is that I had not campaigned hard enough and I did not really want the job. Being president is like taking over a fraternity house for a summer lease after they just trashed it following their last party and then finding out that the foundation is sinking; the roof might blow off if the wind gets to strong and just for extra laughs they left you with 3 months of unpaid utility bills ( 9 trillion debt).

I am not interested in having the nicest room on the Titanic, but instead I would rather change the ship's course of direction and fix the leaks that have sprung on board. I know that this campaign is a shot in the dark but you can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart. THis gun's for hire even if we are just dancing in the dark. We all need to start dancing in the dark because the laughs on me. If you got to stay hungry this 6 foot 7 inch jew is just about starving toinght (Interlaced with lyrics paraphrased from A Jersey Prophet Named Bruce Springstein).

As far as I am concerned anybody residing in this country should have a say in its future. Voting should be a habit that includes everybody as soon as you are tall enough to pull the lever. It is young people who are inheriting our debt and our problems. Drastic times call for drastic measures. Besides Texas in their infinite wisdom has been known to try 13 year olds as adults for murder. By that logic they should at least be allowed to vote before you send them to death row. Young people are this nations future and the future needs to step up to the plate now.

VOte Te'DeVan Rocketman Wacha Kurzweil for president in 2008!!1!!!!!!!!
And Let The Good Times Roll
I might just be the lunatic You Need!!!!!!!!!!!

I am doing this because I need to tell my children and my grandchildren (who will be living with me in Austrulia if this does not work out) that I did my best to save my country from a devastating plague of insanity. I know that I won't legally be old enough to run; (You have to be at least 35 and I will not even be 30 at that point in time) But if I have discovered anything in politics is there is a major reoccurring theme; Which states rich old men lie and young poor boys die and all we do is buy buy buy and nobody has time to cry cry cry over spilled oil. We have to break this pattern and I think that I might be the person to help this manifest, but I need your help all of your help. This country belongs to all of us including the White House which should serve as guest house to the citizens of this nation especially the homeless children.

In conclusion I don't actually want the position of president. I completely and totally mean that, but if I don't take it then some other ass clown will end up holding the office. I can't be bought off because my lifestyle is to cheap to buy and all people are valuable to me whether or not they can legally vote or not. Since when does saving a country from destruction have anything to do with the law it has to do with our heart and spending money on construction and not destruction. Just know in 2008 there is a good chance there will be an actual alternative.

3 comments:

Reverend Steve said...

You can rely on my vote. Hell, this whole district will vote for you...

Anonymous said...

get a job, hippy.

shelly said...

If you're still running, you have my support.

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