Sunday, March 12, 2006

Off Beat Addictions

So I have truthfully never been one for the most standard addictions, but I have had my fair share. When I was younger I was addicted to having sex with my jazcuzzi or really using my Jacuzzi for an instrument of sexual satisfaction. I started this by my own discovery at the ripe age of 9 or 11. I was involved with my whirlpool until I was 17 and then I had sporadic flings ever since. Of course I like some extravagent female lips and tongue on my member, but there is something about a jacuzzi that no woman could give me. The sheer speed and force of the jet blowing warm massaging water on my member. God I can't believe I am writing this. Secretly I must have a desire to discredit my spiritual healing abilities (I never signed up for it rather it took over me). Anyway that was one of my first addictions. My next major addiction was ice cream. I was known to eat up to 4 pints of Benny and Jerry's a day. I believed that because I was not getting fat that this was somehow good for me. Ah the wonderful delusions of a culture obcessed with fat and thin as a way of measuring health. My next major addiction was the Real World. No I was not obsessed with watching it rather obsessed with highjacking it and showing the world a whole new perspective that the mainstram culture had ignored. I actually used to make people I knew try out for it. One friend of mine made it all the way to the point where the people at Bunim Murray had him meet the shrinks. I know the show better than they did. Actually at one point I did a rant on a videotape I sent them about the fact that I was not a black,jewish,lesbian,eskimo. (taking at the eskimo part one season later they found one). Eventually, as fate would have it a friend of mine that I had met along the way ended up on it, but by then my interest in highjacking the show had diminished though it is still there a little bit. I never respected the show or the idea, but always saw it as a vehicle with a viewership that just maybe could be used to spawn a revolution. My 3 current off beat addictions are Threesomes (me and two bisexaul women that are aware of energy flow), spiritual revolution, and vegan organic carrot cake. It may be in that order and it may not be. But I have odd addictions and I have not seen support groups for them. Perhaps there needs to be a support group for people with odd addictions or off the mainstream jacuzzi jet addictions. I think it should be called "Are You Kidding Me Addicitons" or AYUKMA for short which sounds like some Japanese word. I wonder what odd addicitons Japanese culture has specifically caused. In the end as long as you are not a shopaholic the negative effect of your addiction should be kept to you and your other disfuncitional friends. Let me be one of your disfuncitional friends.


Reverend Steve said...

I am addicted to chewing gun. Wrigley's Extra Cool Watermelon at the moment. It replaced cigarettes, which replaced emotional isolation, which replaced social dysfunction. When it is all said and done, Wrigley's Extra Cool Watermelon is probably the best addiction I have ever had.

I am also addicted to meeting women, having intense, penetrating conversations, lighting the fire in the souls, getting their phone numbers and never, ever calling them. I actually may need help for this... I get off on not having sex with women. Again, this maybe have something to do with my childhood social dysfunction.

I had a speech impediment. Sue me.

Jake Schneider said...

I've read that in Japan many people are addicted to isolation. Or maybe not addicted-- but they lock themselves in their rooms for years. It's called hikikomori, look it up.

Interesting how in a fat/thin -obsessed culture (as you said) our two prime culturally created psych. disorders, bulimia and anorexia, are both food-related. In Japan's communal, group-oriented society, people rebel by retreating inward.

While anorexia and bulimia affirm our culture's values (taking the food thing to an extreme), hikikomori rejects Japan's (cutting off from the pluralistic society entirely).

Just something to think about.


BTW, I'm addicted to talking to strangers. And telling the truth when it's inconvenient.

Te'DeVan said...

Jake I love the telling the truth thing when it is incovient and if you are addicted to talking to strangers well then NYC is your mecca.

Watch the latest videos on