Monday, October 09, 2006

Written To Blue In Green

This one is dedicated to a girl that told me I won't know her when I'm famous. To a girl that was crazy, intense, passionate, brillant, sexy, and holding onto her sadness. She thought that things had to remain dysfunctional and she was scared to let go of those dysfuncitons whether booze, coke, or bad boys. She has so much promise but seemed scared to deliver. When I told her we shouldn't date she told me that I had made the right choice. She said this in a truthful, matter-of-fact way without any indication that I should feel sorry for her. At that moment I wanted to make the wrong choice more than anything. One time she told she was falling in love with me and having recently watched Cary Grant I told her "that's a ridiculous thing to say".

She was falling in love with someone who said it was okay just to be yourself. She was fiercely loyal and well-read and she really understood me and what my greater purpose was in this world. On the surface I am a spiritual healer and she was a boozing coke-head nympho, but that is bullshit and doesn't say anything about either her or me. I will always remember her and especially when I hear Miles Davis. She was half black & half white, from Virgina and she called herself "High Yellow". She had an amazing body, but all I wanted to stare at were her eyes and she would always ask why I was not staring at her body. She was so used to being objectified that another way made her uncomfortable.

I knew when I met her exactly where it was all going, but I wanted to experience all of it anyway. I told her if she ever started a revolution and needed some help to give me a call. And this one is for "you" even if you never read this -- in some way or another this will get to you. I meant what I said. I always meant what I said and I think that is why you loved my freestyle rapping so much because it came from the entire core of my being. I love you "Blue In Green" and I think about you all the time. You came at a time in my life when I needed you and I hope in some way that I gave you some sense of hope as well.


oxymoronic said...

where is my personalized blog? my ego is waiting.

Te'DeVan said...

Your are so cute I laughed uproarously after reading your comment. There was over a whole year that passed since I met her. Sometimes these things need time and don't get attached to being tragic because it is very ovverated. But I love you nontheless and you are still friends which is way better if you ask me (my ego is thinking).

Watch the latest videos on