Thursday, April 13, 2006

Sex With Turtles Is Alot Like My Life

Yes this is maybe one of the better titles for any of my blogs thus far. Something about turtles fascinates me, but not to the point that I am sexually aroused by them, but certainly they are on my mind quite a bit. Everytime I see a turtle I get excited even more so then any attractive girl winking at me. Just the very idea of sex with turtles is much more unique then sex with pigs, dogs, horses, and sheep (Woody Allen already spoofed it quite well). When I think of it I start laughing and feeling that there is some wonderous and beautiful symbolism about sex with turtles. It would be such an akward thing to participate in, but life is an akward thing to participate in. Everyday I have some of the oddest conversations and interactions that most people could imagine. Yet, these odd interactions form the foundation of my entire life. I believe myself an absurdist in the finest sense of the word. I always tell people I spent 9 months trying to get out of my mothers womb and then last 26 years trying to get back in. But the turtle has this built in shell to protect itself from everything. Where hell is my built in shell.

I am fascinated by the turtle and its beauty. It is completely neglected by some people and uttterly adored by others. I want to make turtle racing a big sport for people like myself that want to know who is the fastest amongst the slowest. I feel that I am the fastest amongst the slowest. Turtles also look they have down syndrome though appearantly turtles don't suffer from this disease. Maybe down syndrome and turtles are closely connected. Maybe one man once upon a time really did have sex with a turtle and nobody ever talks about it and it created a turtle gene which mutated and created kids with down syndrome, or maybe this is my own Just So Story (famous book series that highly recommend though never quite this perverse) . Maybe that man was a relative of mine and that is why I have a predisposition towards it (either sex with turtles or down syndrome) I merely find both of them to be fascinating things. Something about the slowness and uniqueness and contentness that both seem to possess. I never met a mean turtle or a mean kid with down syndrome.

I am not trying to make any sort of point here, other then my simply belief that sex with turtles is alot like my life. unique, slow, akward, beautiful, confusing, humorous, sometimes disturbing, and absurdly somewhat true. I was raised by turtles and then I mutated into a bizarre 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping chi-gong healing jew and don't let anyone myself included try and tell you anything differently.

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