I walked away from the place emotionally moved by quite a few extraordinary individuals. I was also a bit befuddled by a few things that mind can quite grasp, but ulitmately there is nothing to get in life which is sort of the cosmic joke of it all. I come to understand this a bit more, but mostly I just want to create moments that bring joy into many peoples lives. I want to keep my life simple but always evolving and expanding. My time India has been greatly expanding my mind and my thoughts to different levels. I feel like coming to is a giant acid trip that takes place as soon as you walk out of the airport.
I am discovering the only thing of value is love though we say that so much, but we can't seem to grasp it because love does not come in a tiffany's box. It is always around us and inside of us as well, but we are blocking the very essence of life because we are scared to live. We want to be self contained and separate and never be hurt. That is not lving. The ego disspiates and we get closer to the essence that must simply be felt. Allow that feeling to come into you and it will heal anything that ails you. You don't need someone to make you better you have decide that you want to be better and be prepared to accept changes that will go along with that.
Life is always changing and our mind is usually resisting or trying to change in all of the ways that don't matter. Change ciomes from within is something that we have heard so many times, but one day you actually start to understand that and then you stop scurrying around like a mouse chasing cheese and realize you can make your own chesse and you have all that you desire. Then an amazing feeling comes forth from your being. People sense this and they offer you all of their cheese. Though at this point you no longer need their cheese and you give their cheese to other people who don't have cheese. I don't sleep much anymore. I am not upset or happy about it. I merely am accepting this fact. I look forward to Goa but I also look forward to my friends knowing that I am processing quite a few things and sitting and walking in great deals of silence. I focus on Ganesha's feet and I have had some experiences that had me crying in the most serene and majestic way. We hold back all the time because we learn to imitate all of the people around us who are holding back.
Coming here to India for me is about not holding back and surrendering to that feeling that have inside of me at all times. To stop questioning my intution. I had a feeling I would meet someone on the plane and they would play a role in my journey and for a brief moment I doubted myself. The stewardness then changed my seat and I met a women who allowed me to travel in her taxi with her to Sai Baba's Ashram. I arrived in on Feburary 16th which is one of the most hectic days of the year. First night I slept outside on the grass with a whole bunch of Indian people around me on all sides. I felt neither separate nor different merely someone who came to expereince something that would perhaps bring me closer to God.
God is inside of us but certain moments help to trigger that. It is as if God constantly pokes us with a stick so that our own God essence will pour back into the source. I am tired but still I am filling my cup with love. I have no anwsers just more questions to ponder and a focus that will lead more rapidly towards my destiny. Is it written or do we write it? I don't know really know I think there is somehow no difference and it is a little bit of both and nothing at all. That certainly might not make sense to a rational mind, but it makes perfect sense to the infinite mind of God. God understands all crazy people though not all crazy people understand God. What is any of this. Am I actually here in India or is it merely another dream. Stop doing acid people and just save up for a ticket to India. Ram Das came here to find the "Real Acid". I suggest you do the same if the mundane is not enough for you. WHo are you and does the feeling of omnipresence something you have comtemplated in deep silence.