Where Was I ? Oh yeah, there I am again and then gone again and then Reappearing

I am in New York City and it is January. It has been 8 years since I have been here this month and every time I think I have had all that I can bear of the winter weather and get ready to migrate, I feel a gnawing feeling inside of me that merely says "not yet, you have not finished what you came to do." I was recently initiated into Kriya yoga and given the name Kriyavan and in this tradition they talk about serving humanity as a larger version of yourself. I have been pondering this a lot lately. I am looking at every person as a reflection of me, though I have not gotten to a point where I am aware of this at all moments. Ever increasingly, I know that I have to allow myself to just be more and more in my being, the doing gets done. The more I allow myself to be fully natural, the more beautiful things effortlessly unfold around me. The more I try, the less things happen. It is only when I truly let go of something that anything can come back to me, but none of it ever belonged to me. I love when I am at a public place and I get up and somebody sits down. I then come back to get my stuff and they usually say "Are these seats yours?" I then reply "I don't own anything, it's yours now."

I feel a lot of liberation in that simple sentence. I never did own anything- I am merely a custodian borrowing everything that I have in my possession. I have my mind set on the guru, my mind set on God, my mind set on peace, and yes, then my mind gets distracted and then I pull it back towards everything I just mentioned. It is all the same thing and it has all been said by somebody much wiser than me, yet it bears repeating, and at this moment it is intended for whoever is reading my blog.