I am a couchsurfer and the couch is merely my vessel.

I have slept on a lot of couches. A LOT of couches... so many that I will often lose count. Yet, the couches are merely a vehicle or vessel to enter into people's lives and help them become more aware of all the greatness that exists within them. All the music, all the art, all the dancing, all the adventure that they are capable of giving birth to if they just allow themselves to be deeply grounded into the earth- bringing their concentration to their third eye and opening their heart. We all have things we are working through and things that we are trying to avoid. We like to pretend that this doesn't exactly apply to us... and I am no exception. Sometimes it may indeed not apply to us at all, but most of the time there are universal laws that are truly regardless of time and space. For every cause, there is an effect. Every choice we make has a consequence. Every choice aids in setting up the next series of decisions we choose to make.

There are many ways to enter into people's lives; none more intimate and more strange then through the couch. Being the guy sleeping on someone's couch, giving them a perspective of who they are and what this journey is all about. The Beatles sang "You say you want a revolution," yet the truest and most enduring revolution is the evolution of humanity. All other revolutions are quickly forgotten and replaced by something else- usually as equally hideous, but given a different name and form. Yet, still the same story of God's unrecognized Glory. Glory, Glory, Hallelujah- we are marching towards a new day, with a new couch. We are helping to awaken ourselves by opening up our homes and our couches. The couchsurfers are offering us a new perspective of our own possibilities and the love that we are and the love that we can share with all the people around us who are inhabiting this world. I love how funny it is that the dude or dudette on the couch could perhaps change our life. Then again so could the bus driver, taxi driver, delivery man, secretary, police officer, even the sales rep. All of us are capable of being divine and awakening another human being to their own divinity. In my case, the vessel is your couch and I am referred to as a couchsurfer. And by one person allowing me to inhabit their couch for a couple of days, I am therefore invited into the lives of many other people. One person's couch provides the bridge to many other people's lives.

Suppose I'm Not the Ideal Boyfriend

Third party female editor = [ ]
Te' DeVan Kriyavan = ( )

People are always curious about my love life. [Why do you suppose this is?] (they don't know many nomads with large signs and I am out of the societal norms . . . sure everyone has a different reason) Some people think that I am celibate. I assure you that I am not, nor am I hoping to maintain the same pattern of dating beautiful train wrecks, which has comprised a great deal of my dating history. Neither one of us being capable of maintaining a committed relationship. I find that not only women but most people become terrified to realize that he or she has feelings. It is true in my exerpience, or perhaps yours as well, that most people are genuinely terrified of their deepest, truest feelings. It is this lack of intimacy with oneself that prohibits any real intimacy with another.

Still, I believe there are cetrain characteristics a woman is drawn to in a partner that help her feel secure and comfortable with intimacy. [This sentence is problematic in that it prefaces a sweeping generalization of female character. Consider who the woman is you are talking about. Is this a quality of all women, or just the women you are drawn to. If it's the latter, then why are you drawn to these women?](The quality of a high percentage of women though you may be an exception seek those qualities in a partner and I consider to be the realm of relative of truth not absolute truth and some of this blog is written for humor as well) First, of which is that this man have some sort of stable residence (which I have not had in over 8 years). I do not actually know where I will be in 2-5 months and I make a small enough amount of money that I could collect food stamps in most places. This is not typically the sort of things that make for an <"ideal" boyfriend (mainstream America) On the other hand, a materialist does not necessarily make for the ideal boyfriend either. I am well aware that I carry with me a sense of adventure and creativity through passion, which people are inspired by. Yet there remains the simple fact that most people would rather have a "practical" boyfriend than an "inspiring" one. Perhaps, the true ideal would be to have both. How can there be love and compassion through practicalities?

I have always had a gut feeling that I would be very successful, in the traditional sense as defined by society, and that I would be in a position to effect a lot of positive change with my material abundance. Yet people [which people?] (most people) naturally want the "sure thing". Very few people are willing to risk spiritual happiness for convenience, even though they may convince themselves that they love them. They may cheer for and hope for a long shot secretly to come through, but to bet on the long shot is an entirely different matter.

In this particular situation the investments would be time, energy, and emotion. On the surface, my life may not seem stable, but I continue to rest more and more deeply in the the "bosom of the divine mother" (as Yogananda would often say) and I find it quite ample for simple means. Yet, when a traditional western woman and a traditional western family are added to my equation [don't forget that you are specifically referring to your own experience and you cannot generalize so broadly] it would demand that a greater amount of resources be obtained. Simply put, "got to make that money to keep the honey."

I once read of a great Guru who had dispensed with sleeping and had performed many great miracles, yet even his wife, in a fit of delusion and anger, assailed him for not providing more financially for his family. Even the wife of such a wise man still had severe concerns with these things. She quickly returned to her senses after he physically dematerialized briefly, forcing her to realize the error of her ways. I have hardly achieved such a level of realization and recognize that it is only natural for such thoughts to be held by most women. Women have to be concerned for the welfare of their future offspring more deeply than the man. [I cannot let this slide. This is an ignorant assumption. You are completely disregarding the personality of the female, especially spiritual women. You are over-simplifying women on the basis of reproductive biology. Are these just qualities of most of the women you are attracted to? If so, it would be more fitting to address why you are attracted to them and they to you if you are so obviously the opposite of what they think they want.] This may not always be the case, but in developing nations, the lower class find that micro-loans are more successful in benefiting the family when they are made to the women of households instead of the men. [Have you considered that this is a result of social pressures put on these women, and that these women may not have chosen their situation but were forced into it by institutionalized restrictions on the role of women in society? As a result they have no choice but to be wives and mothers] There are always exceptions, but in someone plays the role of the provider and typically in heterosexual relationships this is the man. [Again you are speaking on the basis of assumptions. You might need to do refer to research in sociology and gender studies to make these claims hold water.] Even if the woman makes a good income many will still have the desire for their mate to provide for them in some sort of way. This providing may not always be financial but quite often that is a common form that it takes. [Are most women satisfied by this provision, or would they rather be supported emotionally and spiritually?] A woman who is seriously looking for a mate [What woman, and what kind of mate?] will not take a man seriously who has not demonstrated a reliable stream of income, sufficient to raise a family.

In laymen's terms, this means that I fall into the category of "one-night stand" or "fling". Neither of these categories is particularly appealing to me, but the reality is most western women [what "western" women? this is not a practical category, unless you are looking for a relationship with "most western women". specificity is going to sell your point] will consider me in these unfortunate terms. Of course, some women who are around college age or perhaps have some sort of trust fund might not worry about such things. They are more likely seeking emotional stability and geographical stability. I can provide emotional stability, but I "lose points" for geographical stability, having pursued a nomadic lifestyle for eight years. Therefore, either she also must also be a nomad, or I must allow myself to be settled.

Despite what many people may think, I am not attached to being a nomad. I merely go where I have the best opportunity to heal and pursue the creative projects that capture my imagination. Clearly, I am at a point in my journey that a romantic partner or mate has become quite appealing. I understand, as Patsy Cline put it, that you have to be "crazy" to choose a "stray cat" such as myself. I have this inner knowledge that everything in my life is about to be flipped inside-out. I am at the point of transition where my every day existence is preparing to undergo a major overhaul. I want little more than that deeply loyal and dependable love that I can take walking after midnight. And that must be found within myself first. Only then will the external world mirror my inner realization. No need for me or any female to be lonesome weeping willows. [another generalization] are deeply seeking a partner which is a reflection of their seeking of the unknown infinite. Call it God if you will, or call it unconditional love, or whatever.

"Now I am not saying she's a gold digger, but she ain't messin' with no broke .... you know what" (just ask Kayne and Jamie). I have seen on past occasions the man with finances ends up the "winner", but perhaps winning isn't always winning. I don't want a partner who would pull me away from my spiritual path to chase after worldly treasures, who would ask me to sacrifice the pursuit of God. I understand money for food, shelter, education, and health are valid reasons to choose a partner (although these costs can be greatly minimized through right lifestyle), but do we really need flashy new curtains and polished silverware...? I am simple monk who will be taking on the yogi householder lifestyle in this incarnation. [In my understanding a monk by definition takes vows of celibacy. Perhaps "I am a simply yogi who will be taking on the householder's lifestyle in my present incarnation" is more accurate]. Such is [what is your definition of dharma? there are multitudes] and I am very comfortable following my dharma. I also understand the importance of blending the spiritual with the practical, but never at the sacrifice of the divine. My wife and kids will all eventually leave me, be it death or something else. But God has stayed with me through all of eternity, and the Creator giveth and taketh away. I write this as a reminder to the part of my mind that is still caught in the maya. Have compassion for my delusions, but may all my delusions be removed through perseverance and patience.

I stand near the edge of a vast horizon that defies the scope of my vision. From here I am able to see my future partner walk with me on this leg of my journey, beside me as I transition into a being of greater service to humanity, a partner who facilitates my spiritual growth and I hers. This is no easy task and requires a tremendous commitment from us both. Now is a quiet time of reflection for me to practice kriya yoga and write. May God be my first partner and this woman be an extension of this cosmic partnership.

This was a wonderful battle of values between author and editor. Take what you may.

Take The Pain And Use It To Bring You Closer To The Goal

What is the goal? They say it is enlightenment, but that has become a word that we hear often in jest. Honestly, it is only a word unless you go through the experience. And so, you feel a great level of suffering... and most of that suffering is our own doing... really, just the way we choose to react towards a certain situation. Yeah, during those situations things that are said tend to be frustrating or just completely absurd, but the question comes down to this: how are you going to handle it? Are you going to brew in it, or are you going to burn it away and bring yourself fully into the present moment? That phone call could come any day and even if it doesn't maybe it will be an even better phone call. You can cry and scream and after that now what is your plan? All of this eventually ends. Remember our good friend Shakespeare- all the world's a stage. What role do you want to play on this stage; a positive one or a negative one? Don't look at what you believe is missing, instead look towards what has been found. I know you want to be happy and not merely the passing happiness that can be taken away as quickly as it comes. Sadness becomes happiness and vice versa... so what is the verse... and rappers become healers and healers become saints and saints were merely sinners that did not give it up. Let go of that need to be special because you see how truly special you are. No longer looking for that approval that we can't seem to get enough of, and so you keep pressing on but just make sure you press on in the right way. Love what you do; never living in that bubble of lies that says "once this one thing happens it will be all good." I hear that one a lot. Sometimes I respond, but mostly I realize that people want to hold onto that illusion. I get involved in numerous people's lives and whether it is their pain or my pain, I will use it as motivation to make it back to our true home. We are all just travelers, nomads, hobos in then greater sense. Don't get too caught up in this world because it will fail you in the end, but that unconditional never dying love that exists within you will serve you more than a bigger pay check or significant other. Those things are merely tools to assist in bringing beauty into this world... and more importantly, helping to alleviate the suffering of ourselves and therefore others. Do not try to look away when you see someone hurting because you are liable to do the same thing when you feel that way. Look at that sadness square in the face and know that there is enough love and will inside of you to disolve it.

Ah that Tricky Tricky Mind

There are moments when it almost seems like we have this whole "mind" thing in check. But it is truly a "quickie koala" (meaning hard to follow if you ever watched the old cartoon) first you think you've got it then you don't. And if you give it the smallest wandering thought and it will take you on a whole series of non-beneficial thoughts. Worrying about all that things that have already happened, things that might happen (causing more anxiety and less clarity), compulsively day dreaming about the future, and placing lots of expectations on someone or something to be the solution to your happiness to say the least. It truly feels like a knock-out drag-em' down sort of shoot out at the okay corral. And you were doing so well! You were all shanti shanti, blissed-out, giving smiles and love to strangers. But it is in that extended stretch of silent alone time that you finally have to face the things in your mind that you forgot could still stir. They may not ripple the surface of the waters of consciousness as frequently or as forcefully as they may have done once. Still, quite often those things we believe we have discarded are in fact packed away in some shadowy storage space in the corners of our brains, just waiting for the right moment to cast off the blanket of dust and come to light. They can shatter the illusion of all your spiritual growth, like a mirror bursting into billions of shards.

In this moment I recognize myself wrestling with such feelings. I find that when sitting in meditation sometimes a quiet, clear mind is possible, but in other moments sitting is more like an inundation of the mind by a wave of unwanted thoughts. It is an invasion of sorts. On the other hand, I find that a brief intensive workout of some sort can help defend me from this invasive feeling. Perhaps dancing, asanas, shadow-boxing, or a long swim or hike. You just have to shake it out of you. Shake the demons out of the darkness. If you move fast enough they might just jump out of the darkness of your head and once in the light the shadow disappears; you see there was never anything to fear.

During the moment of invasion you might feel an urgent need to contact certain people or indulge in certain destructive habits. Keep your awareness intact and strive to resist and resist. The more resistance you build up against this disruption of your peace, the more fortified and durable your peace will become. There is a surge of energy that sometimes accompanies this feeling of strength. We must channel this energy and direct it towards the source.

Maybe you feel lonely or abandoned or long for whatever it is your ego has you convinced you you lack at this moment. These are merely delusions of the mind and lack any objective truth. Getting at the feeling of inner peace and fortitude that exits within surpasses everything the material world can offer, yet it can be quite elusive. Sometimes you can become lost in an angry, apathetic, or jaded moods, but beyond the shadowy obscuration of all these impermanent negative feelings is the inner knowledge that you are nothing more nor less than a being of light. In these moments, I clearly see the need for spiritual community to reinforce our commitments to spiritual path and support each other in our moments of unceratinty. We can not let each other fall by the wayside of such fleeting thoughts and emotions.

All the Lives I Have Lived

I was waking around the Bedford L-stop two nights ago when a flood of memories came roaring through me. I could feel myself walking down the street a few summers ago when I stayed with friends on North 11th. I had a big sign about rapping and a smaller sign about healing, and I would switch back and forth regarding which was on display. I remember romances with girls that I was enraptured with, many that I have not even spoken to in years and would not even know where to begin to get in contact with them (except maybe mental telegrams). I remember people I thought would stay in my life for a great deal of time who have moved on. I have necessarily accepted that they may not return to me in this life. It is the present "me" that needs to return to the eternal "me", so that I can free my self from myself, and strive to realize final liberation in this lifetime.

I have woken up in Charleston, Key West, San Francisco, hung out at greyhound stations... sometimes with real tickets and sometimes with fake ones made by a gutter-fab girl I used to know at SVA. Thank you, by the way, Michelle. You made possible a lot of amazing moments on my journey. And thank you to the greyhound bus drivers who allowed that one fake ticket, that looked quite inauspicious, pass at that moment so I would not be stuck in the purgatory that is a greyhound station in the middle of nowhere.

I think of hot summer days in Michigan. I think of all the girls I chased and all the chaos I caused, intentionally or unintentionally. I think of my old crew coach who used to call me a bull in the china shop, until I met an old Chinese man named Gabriel who helped get me started on the process of taming that bull, directing that energy inward towards the infinite source, which I prefer to call God. Perhaps that makes me old-fashioned, and yes, "God" makes people nervous, skeptical, fanatical, etc., but it is simply a word pointing to the inner experience, which expresses so much more.

The Most Important Promises Are the Ones We Make to Ourselves

Every moment that we break a promise we have made to ourselves we are more likely to do the same with others. I return to the theme of not giving in to my sense desires, though this is no easy battle. If it were no onr would have to struggle with addiction. If a thought is powerful enough, it will eventually manifest itself in reality. Though I may have a few false starts, I will remain committed until I hit the mark. Sin is merely missing the mark, whatever mark you may be aiming for.

Keeping the promises I make to myself enables me to do the same with the people with whom I interact. I once dated a young woman who told me her first reaction was to lie and that truth did not come naturally. Needless to say it did not end well, but such is the folly of youth. I have promised to myself that I will not enter into romantic relationships with those who are not honest. But I need to start with my own honesty, with promises to my higher self. Yogis can not make excuses even if the rest of the world chooses to do so, either for themselves or for you. Still, sometimes the promise inevitably is broken; when the credibility of our word is compromised, we must strive our hardest to rectify the situation so that we can restore the power of our word. Honesty has that special ring to it so that you know it's true, and true love has a similar ring to it, one that romantic love lacks.

I have promised my soul that at some point I will go back to Nepal, though I have never seen the country with the eyes of this life. I recently took a tack and marked it as the place where I am from. We live countless lifetimes and at certain points in our current life we are called to retrieve something that resides inside of us. Certain environments help to awaken the hidden gems that lie within our being. May I keep this promise regardless of the alluring worldly temptations that are placed before me, challenging me to forget my pledge. I have known for a while that my guru awaits me in Nepal. I don't know how I know; I just do. Though I have met many great saints, all of whom are wonderful, still not one is not my guru. Yet I have not shown myself to be fully ready to receive my guru. I have more promises to myself that are yet to be fulfilled. The greatest promise I have made is to seek the love and peace that resides within and not desire to obtain that from others. Once I am blessed enough to find this within myself, then I must assume responsibility to share it with those other seekers and strivers who sincerely work to realize the same treasures. But it is hard to remember this at times, and romantic delusions still assail me.

Move On to New Things And let the Old Rest

I can catch my mind looking to go down a road I already know merely because I know it, not because I feel that it will enrich my soul, but a longing for the familiar and it is at that moment that I have to be most vigilant towards staying on my path and not looking for a way to go on an unecessary ten mile detour thru the -tourist trap of the spiritual journey-. It is necessary that we aspire to new heights even if we don't know what we will experience. I keep looking towards revolution as the evolution of humanity. I have to walk my talk as best I can and staying away from the obvious detours that longer offer so much joy as the comfort of a security blanket, and finding it keeps causing you to trip all over the place. Not to mention all the energy you spend keeping track on where the security blanket might be. If we are secure in ourselves then we no longer need security blankets and we can pass those security blanket on to others. May we all head forward with empty hands and empty cups to see what grace life has to fill our cups and along the way fill the cups of others the best we can. I am not fully anchored in the omnipresent spirit of love. Though I strive to get there momemt by moment with an intensity for God that does not draw only from intellectual speculation but from inward accumulation.

So I adhere to all the old to rest and the new to rise and keep creating the space for the things I want and not settling for the things that come around just because they are comfortable and convient. "I care too much to compromise" is my mantra for this moment and may I remember it in all moments of weakness to keep striving towards a greater reverence of the higher self. The higher self does not have room for the nonsense of the past, merely a keen yearning to realize that we are complete and do not need to be completed.

Those Pesky Negative Thoughts

Yes, you meditate and chant and go out and are of service to humanity. And yet you still have negative thoughts making their way into your head. And this will continue to happen for most of your life. Yet, I find the more committed I become the less this happens. The more immersed I become in this moment the less of an effect it has on me. The negative thoughts become increasingly quieter and have less bite, less often. You must persevere. You must push ahead. You must not fold. You must strengthen your will, your resolve to return to your highest, truest essence. You shall not be denied if you always continue to strive. Strive towards the infinite and your success will inspire others to do the same. Negative habits of thought, that your efforts are fruitless or that you are not good enough, and all the other doubts, are merely the delusions of an ego seeking to deter you from realzing your connection with the source. You are an infinite light and when light is shun darkness can not help but remain. All of us, through our commitment to do so, are beginning to shine more brightly. Many people use the word ego without necessarily understanding its meaning, but in its simplest essence it is the very limited concept of who we think we are in this world. My name is Rick, Bob, Sara, Rachel etc.. I live London, Kansas, Jersey, Texas etc.... I work in investment banking, teaching, healing arts, etc.... My friends are Lucy, Thomas, Rafael, Julio etc.... It is our story in a nutshell, who we believe we are. And we become very protective of our story though it may be quite painful or even boring. But still we see it as our story and that which makes us superior or inferior, but most importantly what makes us "us". Yet it is neither more nor less real than the role an actor or actress plays, and our true essence remains hidden to ourselves and our communities when we perceive ourselves only through the limited concept of the ego.

Awkward For Other People Isn't Always Awkward For Me

This evening I attended a dinner party on the upper east side and, as always, I allowed myself to just be myself and to do what felt natural. While I can say that there was a noticeable feeling of inhibition in the room, still I found myself preoccupied with my own inner bliss and quietly listening to the people that chose to open up and share with me. Some did with great joy and others seemed somewhat terrified of me and kept a polite and safe distance. The space had the essence of an over-intellectualized art scene which strives for rationality at all times and believe that solutions can always be found in the mind. In such an environment I always just allow myself, to the extent that I can, to go beyond the mind into a place of spontaneity and naturalness. I find that this is perceived as either a breath of fresh air or rather unnerving, and people either run towards it or from it. At some point people become slaves to social rules and I find that dinner parties often suffer from this malady. I seek to create a home of hospitality where people allow their true essence to shine through, where understanding can be reached in moments of complete silence; where conversations arouse what is in people's hearts rather than topics that will be perceived as clever or merely scandalous. I desire to create a home for many people, a place where people's highest natures are nurtured. Some people have a tendency to become awkward in the presence of anyone who is raw and honest in their expression of self. It is the self-censorship of the mind that keeps us trapped. At one point in the dinner party the guests began to watch old porn that was abstract and artsy. However, I did not pay much attention to what was being shown, and instead became engaged in staring at the third eye of a young woman who was next to me. She kept mentioning that she felt self-conscious and telling me she was sorry. Yet she kept attempting to hold my stare, pulling her eyes away only to turn them back, and occasionally asking me to tell her what I was thinking. I explained that I am not so much in a thinking state, but merely in a state of awareness or no-thought. There was something beautiful about watching her become unraveled and I literally did nothing. I was being the best mirror I could be and holding a space of stillness for her to reflect in. I could see her eyes darting and not knowing what to make of me. I was not flirting with her but just staring as a way of looking through her, into her soul-essence. On many occasions I steer clear of small talk and prefer to just quietly stare, instead of entertaining the typical questions of age, location, birth, school, etc.... because none of that really tells me who you are, nor does it tell you who I am. This can be an akward experience for the mind, but to the soul it is truly delightful. As people spend more time away from the limits of their minds, in their soul-essence they will begin to recognize this as a much more preferable experience.

I want to take this moment to send my love to Manhattan and Brooklyn. I feel a lot of warmth being back in town, even if the external weather might be cold... so if you happen to be around feel free to contact me.

Laughing At A Foolish Young Man

At time I still laugh at the foolish young man who resides within me. But I now am able to observe the insanity that years ago would grip my mind and lead me to make embarassing and ego-crushing decisions. These memories give me a fresh understanding of the habits that I work to cultivate, and of the habits that I work to break.

As we gain greater wisdom, there is that part of us that says, "why did I not understood these things years ago? Then I would not have committed such absurd follies!" But perhaps others can learn from my follies and avoid those same pitfalls. Or, perhaps my insights can help someone climb out of the hole that their mind has dug for them.

All of my follies were simply perpetuated by delusions of grandeur and a general fear of being hurt.

Sometimes You Are Neither Happy Nor Sad--Just A Peaceful Even Keel

I find myself in a place of feeling neither particularly ecstatic nor sad. I am feeling on a very even keel and there is a part of my mind that feels it needs the extremes of happiness or sadness. Yet there are only feelings acceptance and peace, and not too much taking place in my external life in this respect.

But whether things are up or down, I want to keep this even-mindedness in my experience of all things that may or may not come my way. I feel myself as the watcher and observer of my experience, as well as the experience of those around me. I am not sure if this mood makes for the most exciting writing. But things don't always need to be exciting nor do they need to be dull.

I have watched so many people come in and out of my life and more and more it has taught me to love with detachment, because attachment does not seem to help anyone through life's processes. I find that I am much more beneficial to those around me when I am feeling this peaceful and even keel. The key for me is not trying to force anything right now, remaining patient in this present moment and continuing to listen to my inner guidance.

The saying is that it is calm before the storm, and ulitmately I seek to be the calm at all times and never be thrown out my center into the storm by whatever may come my way. I am working towards not being a slave to the whims of my sensory perceptions. I am striving to remain objective when observing my behaviors, and to remain present to subconscious agendas that I may have.

To the mind, peace can seem boring because it often seeks a chaotic state in order to maintain its hold on you. The greater your peace becomes, the less of a hold your mind has on you. And you neither chase after happiness nor indulge in sadness. I was looking back yesterday and today on my earlier years and how much more angst there was, and how far I have come from that early part of my journey. So I here I am, valuing the discovery of a simple state of mind where I can just be like a five-year-old, blissed on breathing and dancing and singing and enjoying all the simple things. Recently, I have been longing for Georgia, a feeling that has manifested through listening to the song "Midnight Train to Georgia". I want to go to the hostel in the Forest, among other things. It is time to utilize my couchsurfing profile and venture out into new terroritory. Though it might be a few months before I make this trek, I feel Georgia on my mind and with it the desire to deepen my meditations and share my bliss in nature, enjoying the beauty of the sun and experiencing some Southern hospitality.

When Did It Become SO Trendy To Be A Pleiadian?

Really I want to know when this happened. I was not sent the memo and all of sudden, people started coming up to me at music festivals telling me that they were Pleiadians and they thought that I was one too. Or people would just flat out ask me if I was Pleiadian or they would tell me that I was a Pleiadian. And I feel slowly but surely there must be more Pleiadians than Earthlings which made me think we must not be on Earth. In fact maybe we are Pleiadia (take a guess at the name of the planet.)
It always seems to me that everyone wants a new identity, and a way of explaining why they never feel like they don't fit in. The old answer used to be that you were Gay or some sort of Artistic type and that is why you did not fit in. Or that you march to the beat of a different drummer, or perhaps you are on a spiritual journey.
Now times have changed and obviously all those anwsers became too contrived or too normal and it is obvious that the only explaination must be that you are a Pleiadian from Pleidia here to transform the earth. I am open to this possibility because after all, what do I really know. All of these different labels seem to be alternative forms of exclusivity. It all goes back to that "I don't want to be a part of any club that would have me as a member." (Groucho Marx.)
And maybe that is my real issue here: that they are so quick to embrace into the group as a long lost Pleiadian. It seems to be in that same vein as people who tell me about being a poweful sorcerer, king, or shaman in their previous life. I am cool with that. In fact I will accept that totally. But right now you are working the slurpy machine at Seven Eleven and it's broken so assuming you want to keep your job, maybe you should fix the machine.

Really at the end of the day I am a simple man and I belive in simple miracles. In fact all miracles are quite simple. That is why we often overlook them. I did not invent any eloborate labels. Merely I just strive to have the inner experience without trying to intellectualize or hypothesize different theories.
I am not opposed to any of it and find it all quite amusing. I just want to express the very simple zen saying: "before enligtenment chop wood and carry water and after enlightenment chop wood and carry water."

I Find My Strength In Kindness.

I walk by so many people and sometimes I am merely compelled to stop in my tracks and acknowledge them through a deep bow through a smile through a handshake or through a hug. This society has taught me to fear strangers, yet within that stranger is an aspect of God. If I fear them then I am fearing God. How can I get to know anything if I am afraid of it. To fear strangers is to fear God. To fear God is to block the never-ending wave of unconditional love that God offers us if we fully accept it.
The mind wants to block that wave because the small concept of ourselves becomes enveloped in the infinite aspect of who we truly are. I am on a sojourn of truth and I will seek and I seek those who have found, so that I can make it to the destination as well. God is so close to us that at moments it is hard for us to see. God is closer to us than our nose but also just as difficult to see without a mirror.
The saint, the master, the true guru, and the Avatar act as mirrors that allow us to see our true selves without name without form. That is why I seek out such individuals. Each time I touch a deeper aspect of my peace which I can then share with others. The more we give the more we are capable of receiving. The more powerful we become the more humble we must also become. It is only the weak man who truly feels the need to let everyone know of his supposed "power."
I have had certain moments in my life were I was possessed by the illusion of power seeking to appear strong. The only strength I desire is that strength which pushes me forward to my beloved infinite. There is a guru named Babaji, also known as the deathless Guru. Often he is a the forefront of my mind and I feel him guiding my steps as I feel the hand of Christ guding my steps towards the goal of enlightenment.
We need not spend so much time speculating on whether or nor the water is cold or whether or not we can make it to the other side. We merely need to jump in the water and then we will know for ourselves. Once we jump in we must then seek to make it to the other side. Thru the grace of the Guru who is truly our divine Sherpa we are capable of making it to the final desination of enlightenment, which is a new beginning within itself.

God is endlessness, but to reach a point where the Maya or illusion of this world can never pull me back down is liberation that I seek with great sincerity. Our kindness paves the wave for such blessings as finding our guru when we are ready to receive such graces.

Seek the Creator Over The Creations.

Often I describe a one-month time frame as being a full year in my life because of the many events that transpire. I find the more work I do internally the more the external has to respond to us. I cultivate a stillness within myself or rather bring my awareness to the stillness that is naturally there. As a result, a lot of things start happening around me.
I am merely here to be a facilitator of music, magic, mishcief and general merryment. I have come for the awakeing and yes of course I have come for the revolution, but the revolution is the evolution of humanity. Our humanity is jeopardized when we become ensnared merely in seeking sense pleasures. The greatest pleasure never takes place in anything that I have obtained. I still feel many desires lurking in my mind. I try to remain present to them so that I do not become a slave merely here to fullfill these cravings, because it only leads to more cravings and it is never satiated.
Here I am 'here you are' and I am reminded of our first encounter and all that was to become was easily expressed in a few gestures and a few sentences. The details were unknown but the overall arching story line was expressed. When I first met one of my best friends, Smiley McNamara, there was this great sense of "Here We Go Again." It was as if we had embarked on a journey many times before and we had come together to embark on the journey in this lifetime.
Nothing is placed arbitrarily on our path. It is all there for our greater understanding and betterment of our higher self. Even our enemies serve as great lessons to further and deepen our understanding of divinity. Pain is the prod to remembrance and that remembering is divine.
This world is not our home, but may we treat it with more respect for the brief time we happen to reside on this floating spaceship of sorts. Sometimes I view my sojurn on Earth as being at sleep-away camp. Yet I am determined to stop sleeping and awaken more fully to the essence that prevades all of life.

God is my fashion God is my redeemer God is my partner God is my protector God is my lover God is my comedian God is everything that I could ever desire. Now it is removing the obstacles of the mind so that I can perceive more fully these simple truths. Believing in God and talking about God will not give you the God experience. God is not here to punish or condemn. That is the nonsense going on in people's minds.
God wants us to make it back home to him, but has created a game to see if we seek him the creator, or his creations. We can have his creations as well but first we must have him the creator at the forefront of all our thoughts and actions so that we can more greatly enjoy his creations. Here Here for seeking creator beyond the creations may we never lose sight of the goal.

God is the goal and if you take a few steps towards him, he will take many more steps towards you.

Keep It Fluid

There is a wildness to the busy city streets and there is proverbial manic magic that permeates the streets of NYC. I keep walking the streets and I am continually blessed from numerous people from different chapters in life, all there to bring me to my next step of the destination.
I feel a greater determination brewing inside of me and the motivation to seek God is ever-expanding. I am here to be present for this moment and find myself thrust into NYC just as fall is soon becoming winter. I know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I went from living on a bus in Venice, California to crashing with two of my dearest friends in Brooklyn off the Jefferson stop. When I wake up, quite often I take a cold shower that brings about a refreshing wave that reminds me how alive I am in the physical form.
I find myself seeking a sweet mischief and pushing my boundaries and heading down these new paths that are starting in my brain and it is a lightening coursing thru my entire being. Just the earliest flicker of a an ever-expanding blaze and my fears are slipping away. A prevailing love is dominanting more and more of my existence. I have come to be a part of history for the new spiritual renaissance, where man remembers that we are a truly immortal spirit that temporarily has a body experience.
I will use media to broadcast the message as the Guru's grace sees fit. There are things brewing inside of me that will lead to a furthering of people's quest to know God. I am here to know God. Not to believe in God or merely speculate on God, but to have the God experience. All of us are capable of this experience and I realize that all is given to me by God.
A couple weeks ago in Los Angeles a man handed me twenty dollars and said it was on him and then immediately corrected himself and said it was on God. Then I walked further down and asked my friend J.T. for a juice recommendation and he told me God was telling me I should have such and such a drink. I found this particularly interesting being that J.T. has never before told me God was telling him to say anything in particular.
We all have these moments and then we have dramas that attempt to suck us in and zap and deplete our peace of mind. We must be the rulers of our mind and this demands a mastery of the mind. I find that bringing my attention and awareness to my breath ensures that I keep myself coming from my being. I remain present so that I can respond to the situation as it best can be responded to, and do things that I never would have been able to think of in my mind.

I find myself merely fluidly moving from one moment to the next. I feel as if I am moving like water and therefore a cascade of grace. I have become enamored with this word Grace and a realization that all that I have is merely the Grace of God/Guru. I also love the word God and know it has typically caused people a lot of trouble, but I want to do some positive PR for the word "God." It is merely a way of pointing at the infinity of divinity that is dwelling in all things.

May we remember that we have come here to experience an unconditional love and share it with our fellow brothers and sisters.

Life Will Conspire For You

So last night I was and for that matter I am still in Atlantic City, New Jersey. I came for my uncle's 60th surprise birthday party. I had just won $50 at the blackjack table (an old habit of mine), but I managed to walk away on the upside. I then ran into a few family friends that were heading to the restaurant where we were convening for the surprise birthday dinner. I then started chatting with my uncle's best friend's son's girlfriend. My uncle is also currently their realtor. She thought I would make for someone interesting to sit next to during dinner at the very least. I then proceeded to share with her an idea I had for a reality television series specifically of the comedy variety.
She then mentioned that she works for MTV, and comedy is exactly the department that she works in, and they are looking for something exactly like the show I had just described. She also realized that she happened to recognize my mother because they had recently sat next to each other at the nail salon in Springfield.
She herself had some unique psychic experiences in her life and comes from a family of Romanian Gypsies. When they get a feeling about something, things happen. She mentioned that she was overwhelmed with a desire to bring her business card, but thought the notion absurd because of the circumstances of the night. Needless to say, as usual the absurd prevails in my life and last night was no exception.
I then proceeded to do some healing work on a migraine issue that she had been having. The room we were in was well air conditioned and despite this she felt a wave of heat through her entire body. This of course is not an uncommon experience that people have during a healing session.
Shortly after that while on the way out we ran into a young man who was a bit tipsy to say the least. My uncle had been chatting with this young man earlier in the garage and he recognized me from music festivals and referred to me as the 'shaman.'
He and his girlfriend asked me if I would do what I do for them and I agreed. He said he only had $5. I said that I never turn anyone away if they are sincere in their desire. I could greatly sense his sincerity. We ended up in the back hallway intended for employees only. After his healing while I was working on his girlfriend we were told that we were not allowed to be there. Although, we were left alone for a few moments to allow the healing energy to run its course.
Shortly after that I was doing some tai-chi exercises in the hotel lobby area of the Casino-Hotel. Needless to say, it isn't China and the simplest actions of calm can cause such large ripples. One young gentleman preceeded to do some of the exercises with me. He was struggling intensely with anger and sadness in regards to a particular female in his life. This is something that I know all too well. After a little while he calmed down. Although he was feeling more of his sadness, the mask of anger and confusion was slipping away. You could feel more of a peace emanating from him. Later in the evening someone else recognized me from somewhere, but he did not know where and he decided that I must be famous. Thirty minutes later he was talking about fame and I simply said, "I know many unhappy famous people--it fades: seek enlightenment that will never fade." There was a look of understanding and a deep appreciation on his face for pointing out the delusion of fame which our society is taught to regard so highly.

Life is a funny and splendid thing. I never would have imagined that any of these events would have taken place in Atlantic City during my Uncle's surprise birthday party. There were other beautiful moments and events that occurred last night. It is the constant reminder that will always conspire for you, and we merely have to be present for the moment and allow things to unfold as divinity had planned.
I send all my love to whoever reads this and I hope that you find more than you can imagine inside yourself. My life can appear to be very adventurous and it most certainly is. There is also a lot of peace and the greatest experience is the one that exists inside of us, and that is something we take everywhere we go. At any moment we are capable of experiencing a love and a bliss that words are not capable of expressing such sensations and feelings. We can only vaguely point to the experience. Ultimately we all have to open ourselves up to having that experience on our own.

The Guru just left for Vegas.

Recently I ran into a friend of mine that had seen me in the Diag of Ann Arbor, Michigan. He also ran into me a few times in the Venice and Santa Monica, California area. I went with him to Laguna Hills, California to see a guru that I had heard about thru a flyer I was given at Bhakti Fest, a Kirtan Yoga music festival that took place just outside of Joshua Tree, California in the middle of September.
On the way there my friend and I got stuck in traffic and were running about an hour late for the Darshan (spiritual blessing from a saint.) On our way I told my friend that often we think we are going somewhere for a particular reason only to discover it is not quite what we expected, but that there is always a reason why. Once we arrived at the address we noticed that we were in a cul-de-sac in Laguna Hills and the lights were not on and nobody was around at all.
We made a phone call only to discover that they had changed the date of the Darshan on the website and we had an older flyer. I figured we had come all this way for a reason and I was so determined to have my experience that an urgent need to use the restroom encouraged me to ring the door bell of a house across the street from the address we were given. We were told by another neighbor that the people in these houses were indeed connected.
A very sweet woman who opened the door told us the Guru had gone to Vegas. Well of course we were somewhat disappointed, but my immediate need was to use the restroom. She obliged very lovingly to allow me to do so and my friend also entered into the house/Ashram (religious hermitage.) After I got out I incessantly pushed her to share her experiences with her Guru. After all we had come an hour and a half, at least we could hear some good stories. As she started to speak of her experiences I could feel an ever-deepening calm and peace descend upon all of us.

We stayed for an hour and a half, mostly listening. I shared a few of my own experiences as well. And even though the Guru's physical body had left for Vegas, his presence in the house/ashram and his presence thru his disciple poured out an experience that was exceedingly blissful and palitable.

It is funny how things won't turn out how we thought they would, but exactly how they were meant to be. We need to accept this very basic fact and life becomes a lot easier. I continue along this journey amazingly thankful and blessed for the people that continue to come into my life and even the ones who almost come in. They are just right around the next ashram.

Say It isn't so, but if it is so may I accept it.

I want to find myself constantly in a state beyond the mind. This does not mean that you can't function, but merely that you come from a place of awareness that feels light and easy like a George Michael Careless Whisper.
Yeah maybe I have to say goodbye for a few years. But it is better than saying hello when I can't even talk to you and all I got was an occassional text message. I had to push it to the point that you said no more. It had to be no more so that I could be free to pursue my heart and purpose without holding onto something that is merely in the ether. I deepened my love and the hurt was deep, but it has made me more compassionate and empathetic and stronger in my resolve towards the infinite.

The mind is a stubborn thing and it sometimes has to be everything or nothing and something in between in the bardo of uncertainity that stops us from what we both deserve, which is to be happy.
It would have been easier had it happened with even a phone conversation or just one in-person meet up. I figure it only fair based on the things that were previously said and shared, but you were scared and so was I, yet I had a willingness to explore that fear.
Now I enter into a brand new chapter and part of that chapter is building a foundation along what I have spent the better part of lifetimes formulating thru the soul's eternal quest. And when love is true there is not always a need to call and say I love you. As love becomes more true it is reflected in our very being and that love needs to start within ourselves, and I will start with myself right here right now.
And that is all we can do, is start with ourselves.

Back to New York City for the winter. Are you serious?

As I sit here, my friend sits here telling me it is now women breaking men's hearts and there has been a role reversal. Or this is at least among the male friends that I am hanging out with in San Francisco at this moment. I am a few hours from going back to New York City after spending a few days in San Ramon at Amma's ashram. There I reconnected with old friends and made new ones and kept noticing a reocurrence of people who practice Kriya Yoga and who are very drawn to Yoganda. I am feeling as if I am back in college and that I am heading back for Thanksgiving break but that was nearly 9 years ago. "Time flys" becomes more than a cliche as we get older.
I find myself striving to create more good habits and allow bad habits or things that no longer serve my higher self to fall away. ,Along the way we are going to stumble, but we just have to keep getting up at not beat ourselves up over being selfish in our last relationship or over hurtful thing that we said to a friend of ours.
We need to forgive ourselves and return to old places as if they are new places. When I was at Amma's ashram I was given opportunities to go down old roads, but I just let them move along. I find myself at a new stage where I want to be with a partner who has found her own footing.

In the past I have found myself in situations that were good in many ways but still not what I was looking for. There was that feeling of loneliness and that desire to have someone with which to share the journey. But we crashed and burned and many times we choose each other for that very reason. It was a part of me that was stubborn and seemed to need constant reminding. And even a great heart with a messy mind that wants to stay that way makes for an imbalanced relationship. It always takes two on the same level of awareness and willingness to work towards the higher essence that exists within both people.

Lets raise the bar and lets not settle and compromise and maybe we will have less infidelity and wandering eyes and all that stuff. Yes the mind is a messy thing. I know this very well from my own experience, but I also know that if we seek deeply we can go beyond the mind. And beyond the mind we can find a love that brings us together to seek the creator and not get stonewalled by the creations.

By the way I am doing my first Manhattan winter in quite some time just because I feel that is where I need to be. Not because I prefer the cold, but because trusting my inner voice gets me to all the blessed experiences that I have received. It has been 7 years since I have been in New York City during this time of year. I look forward to all the new experiences and people that will come forward.

I Missed You Even Though We Just Met

Sometimes I meet somebody along the way and though it is the first time we have met, the feeling that I know them is quite strong and powerful. When I give them a hug it is a feeling that I have missed them or of being in contact with their soul in the human experience.

I often find that with certain people we have an immediate connection, and from my experience it is connected to previous lifetimes that we have spent with them. We all have been here so many times. Energy can not be created or destroyed, it merely changes form or is transferred, to paraphrase the law of the conservation of energy. Our energy was here before, it is here now, and it will be here when we meet again. Same energy, different time.

I am honoring the simple beautiful fact that I know people whose names I have never uttered before in this lifetime. There is a feeling that everything slows down and you are given at times an over-powering hit of 'here we go again.' It feels as if I am picking up with them where I last left off. It may have been 3 lifetimes ago but in this present lifetime and moment they have returned sometimes briefly and sometimes for the long haul. But they have been a part of my journey long before I met them and will remain a part of the journey long after they are gone. And when I part ways from them I think I want to tell them I missed them and it was good to see them again even though it is merely our first encounter in this lifetime.

All of us are marching towards the infinite; all of us are remembering more and more that this is not our first lifetime. Eventually it will be accepted as common fact and in some cultures it is indeed accepted as fact. Call it reincarnation or any number of explanations. You never know when somebody will re-enter your life from the past.

I recommend remaining present and allowing yourself to explore it when you feel that wave of familiarity that you can not quite explain. Allow yourself to talk to these individuals as if you have known them because in likelyhood you have known them before.