Just because they Look Great for cuddling Doesn't Mean they won't hurt you

I was glimpsing at Yahoo headline which for once did not revolve around Lindsey Lohan and read an article about a 20 year old college student in China who hopped the fence to get a hug from a Panda bear. He was mauled by the Panda bear and is in stable condition now, but he felt that the bear seemed so cute. You would think this would be something that a younger child would do, but not someone who is 20 years old. We as people are so starved for physical affection and love that we would hop a fence in hopes to receive it from a giant Panda bear. He was in awe of the Panda's cuteness and willing to put himself in harms way. It appears the Panda did not feel the same way about him or has issues with physical contact when it involves a different species. I really understand after incidents such as this why people wait hours on line to get a hug from Amma. There really is such a shortage of love that people show each other that some people are willing to risk their lives to receive love from Panda bears in the zoo.

Maybe the Panda really did want an embrace from the student but had his own abandonment issues from his mother and felt that the boy would do the same thing to him. The panda figured he would hurt the boy before the boy could hurt him. Or maybe the better had psychic abilities and realized that by biting him he would save him from the far greater disaster of him trying to hug one of the lions in the zoo. This Panda bear may have very well saved this young man's life. Though I must admit I too find Panda bears to be cute, but I recognize that not everyone that I may find cute wants to be hugged by me. I have made peace with this simple truth of life and I hope this young man can do the same without a resentment towards Panda bears.

Accepting Loss as Gain and Gain as Loss

Recently I learned via myspace that a good friend of mine had been swept away by waves and drowned. It happened just a couple of days ago. The first feeling was a bit of denial and that it was some sort of joke, but as I dug deeper I realized that this was indeed the truth. It was somewhat startling and I looked back on when we first met and looked back on the last time I saw him which was this year at Burning Man. He was sleeping on a rock with a female friend and low tide became high tide. He was able to save her life, but he was not able to save himself. I was told that my friend had passed and was given no details of any sort. So being that my friend has a very unique name I googled him to find out what had happened. If it was not for the internet it might have taken some time before I received this news perhaps I might not have known until my next visit to Portland. I had spent time on his couch on a few occasions and we had talked about a multitude of things. He was always working on some sort of charity work to improve the lives of people on this planet. He was a beautiful ball of energy and he still remains exactly that. I won't be running into his physical form anywhere on the streets of Portland or Burning Man, but from time to time I will always feel his presence. I wish my friends around me in LA knew this friend of mine so that I could have someone to talk to about his departure from this world. Yet this world was never meant to be permanent and yet this is nothing to be upset about, but rather something to rejoice. My friend Sokhak has graduated onto another realm and can feel me typing away and perhaps even read the words that I am writing. I send my warmest wishes to his family and friends many of whom I never met and smile at his spirit as he looks from beyond this world.

We beat the Dress off of Hilary Clinton

I know some of you think that I didn't win this presidential campaign, but you are completely off your rocker if you think. Because I am still running and more importantly we outlasted the Clinton campaign machine with almost no money spent and no real effort made. She is still in debt and considering taking a position in Obama's cabinet. We are not even considering taking a position not that he has bothered to ask. Perhaps Obama's staff is mildly bitter that we did not concede and still have not conceded. Victory is ours we will not declare defeat we will be like Apollo in Rocky IV which worked out really good for him. We outlasted Hilary and Bill we are the Champions My friends like a Queen song during a Freddie Mercury marathon when she folded we proudly sang the song "another ones bites the dust and kept going". We can not be held down. When times were tough we said "what would Puff Daddy Do?" Instead of others who might have asked what Jesus would do. We considered being Martyrs and being on that whole cross thing, but Fox news never would have covered so why bother. We shall overcome my friends there will be couchsurfing in the white and we will sell pot to Taliban and get them stoned out of their mind and then we will get them laid and then they will lack motivation to do anything against other then bitch like my mother when I forgot to take out the garbage and or when I did not do my homework.

People absurdity is the greatest force that our campaign has we are fast approaching history and we are gearing up for 2012 and the buzz about our campaign is huge it is bigger then Pee Wees Big Adventure bigger then Johnny Deep on 21 jump street. We have seen the promise land and there is free music festival tickets for everyone. We have lots of people from Canada and Mexico who tried to vote for us and one day we will invade them for their water and workers and watch out democratic party because we will make this country very green.

It won't Turn out How you Imagined

Whatever is need you to realize your life experience will give you just that and we all keep repeating the same pattern until we see to the core of our pattern and then we are free to release. Whether you believe in karma or not the way of undoing it is to merely to learn the lesson that life is trying to show you. Everyone else around you who is paying attention can see it, but it is always easier to see what someone else needs to do in order to let go of their suffering. For me when I dance I can feel myself letting go and I can feel myself working out on those internal knots and releasing them so that I can have a greater emotional and mental clarity and my body comes along for the ride. Your healing will lead to the healing of everyone around you. And yes will all get caught up and stumble along the way but in this moment we have an opportunity to release things. And maybe things won't look the way we imagined but it is more important that we have deeply touched that peace that resides inside of us.

Last night for Halloween I thought of the humor of dressing in costumes and masks to be more free. I thought the last thing I need is another mask or costume. The last costume I saw was a drunk Irish Catholic Priest with a flask of booze in his Bible that he made himself for the nights festivities. I imagined an actual priest using Halloween as an opportunity to connect with people in a way that removes the imaginary boundary that is created by the costume that they wear.

I am coming to find myself striving to find that deeper source that we all have access to if we just can just slow down and be patient and have a clearly focused mind. Stop all the mental duress and help everyone find their peace by finding our own first.

Open Up And Just Accept

I am in Chicago thanks to the magic of craigslist rideshare past and present. Sitting here listen to Jamie Lidel. All about silence doing the talking blasting in my ears. I first found Mr. Lidel at Sasquatch and I danced as if a man possessed by the dancing spirits of days past. He reminds me of Little Ritchie meets james Brown meets a British version of Feris Bueler with a touch of Detroit electronic. We live how whole lives and music and people make for the background of our lives and at certain points that background moves to the forefront. Are you enjoying this moment? If not perhaps it is the way you are looking or perhaps you need to be somewhere. By the way when your friends hook-up, date, marry, and or have kids with people that you had something with just smile and let it go because acceptance is a powerful thing that allows us to enjoy this moment for what we have now.

At times I know that this world is nothing that it seems to be I too get caught up in everything that does not mean a hill of beans unless of course you have a mad love affair with beans.

Last night I saw a Israel girl named Shira that I had met on the street a year ago. Often I don't mention people's names but I feel like I am holding back by not mentioning it. I met her on the street a year ago and was intensely drawn to her, but when I saw her she did not seem herself and I could feel all things that she was holding back and it made me anxious until I helped her let go of it. And I could tell that she wanted to drop this heaviness and felt amazing to help her do that in whatever small way that I am capable of as a vessel for change. I met up with another friend of mine Jackie last night. I first met her at a Lalapoolza and then really connected again about a year later in union square park. People that you know from one place pop up in other place and will people different roles depending on what lessons we need to realize. As I arrived in Chicago a woman banged on the car window of the car obviously intensely suffering, but not for the reasons she claimed. She said, "she was 4 months pregnant and bleeding and needed money for a taxi". Something about it felt funny though there was certainly desperation. I told my friend Jackie this story and she had been told the exact same story. The only twist was in my story she told us that she was HIV positive. I assume that she did this so we would be less inclined to give her a ride to the hospital.

I think how much somebody must be suffering to create a story up like that and how torn people must be between what the feel and what they are being told. All of us have to do the best we can in order to make thru the maze of this world and all the different challenges that are thrown at us and sometimes we have decide very quickly. It is important for us to hone our instincts and just listen to that feeling deep within our core and allow it to guide us. I do my best to hear everyday and pray that I make the highest choice for all people involved

Craigslist Changed My Life

COnstantly I will find myself in one part of this wonderful country and realize that I need to make it somewhere else and I will find a ride on craigslist. I have used this service close to a hundred times and I could probably make a movie just on the craigslist rides that I have taken. It is almost always cheaper and faster then a Greyhound and allows me to connect to one stranger or multiple strangers for a brief snapshot of their life and they get the same with me. I find most of the time that people don't even ask many questions about myself. Maybe they hear my voice and immediately get a good vibe or maybe they just need gas money really badly. Either way I find it humorous how some of thesse same people would not pick up hitchhikers on the side of road, but picking up cyber riders is totally cool. In my case though I will offer my name and tell them to google me facebook, couchsurfing, youtube, and myspace to name a few. I don't do this to show off, but to merely say hey I am decent guy and people will vouch for me. My most recent craigslist will be a roundtrip to Chicago and back. My last Chicago craigslist ride lead to me doing a healing on one of the drivers who was suffering from Siatica (I have no idea how to spell it) which lead to more healings and is now helping to lead to my return to Chicago again and potentially more healing work along with a place that will be crashing at least for a few days. I love helping to connect dots and sometimes I will do this without saying a word. Amma the hugging saint will be back in the United States in another month she brings up such love for me from the core of my being. Look her up online if you don't already know who she is and know that she has had a profound impact on me and certainly encourged me to give more hugs.
love always,
Te'DeVan

Sometimes We All Need To Be Humbled A Bit

I recently experienced that wicked sting of placing great expectations upon another only to have hit me back pretty hard, but I knew as soon as I got there that we were not quite on the same page and it did not feel bad, but not that amazing feeling that you get when someone is on that same energetic frequency as you are on. The places I go don't matter to me much and wherever I am right now is where I want to be otherwise I would be somewhere else. I think of Plum Village a community created by Thich Nhat Hanh and we need more of these places all over the world. I have thought alot about the idea of children and the importance of sending kids to a school where there is great emotional and spiritual fostering beyond merely making sure they excel academically. Often in school I noticed my grades were of the greatest importance beyond my emotional and physical health.

I have zig-zagged around the country so many times and I never tire of the experience and feel blessed to be offered so many opportunities to travel and see all the amazing people and still I have only begun to touch upon all the incredible places that Int to go. One of my biggest roles is that of the connector helping people come together. Sometimes I feel like I might stop and inexplicable momentum keeps me moving. I do feel that I will eventually create a home base somewhere, but will always be traveling throughout this entire lifetime.

Ages past offer us lessons that would serve us well to pay deep attention to as we enter into the "troubles". That is the term that I have heard a few people bantering around and seems to catch the general feeling of this time period. All of us are here for a purpose beyond just being "successful". We are here to look to touch our truest nature and help others to do the same. I want to thank anyone who has made the attempt and encourage you to continue to make the attempt to look within yourself even if you don't initially uncomfortable. Push past the discomfort and you will eventually touch peace. All of us beneath all the dirt and dust are just light from the sun. Light is our truest nature and allow that truth to come forward in a moment of your greatest suffering. But don't just read it or say it allow into deeply seep into your thoughts and your feelings until you just become this light which you always were, but the this world of illusion helped you to temporarily forget. Now is a time to remember to ease the "troubles".

We are all Connected.

I love how in life you can look at the present moment and trace it back to a small moment that took place 5 years ago or even longer. How one person who is now your best friend is do to the result of another person that you might have not seen in years or perhaps they have passed away. It never ceases to amaze me, all the intricate webbing that takes place in this world and beyond. You never know when someone will return into your life, but I find often I was thinking about the person and then they will be walking around the corner a couple hours later. We all need to allow ourselves to enjoy these little miracles and be thankful for the daily reminders that they provide in demonstrating that we are all part of the same web.

It All Moves So Fast How Can I Possiblely Document

I need a camera crew to follow me around about half the time. No not all the time because I would still like some sort of illusion of alone time. OF course when you ususally surf the couch alone time mainly takes place wandering the streets really late or early in the morning. Sometimes I feel that people really want a revolution but usually I feel most people want the iphone a plasma television and to have sex with their favorite celebrity or any celebrity. Our culture looks at celebrities as prophets and maybe some of them are but they need to get out of rehab first. I used to write funny things and then I got really vague and general at least I speculate that is what happened. I was given second hand psychic information that I am getting a book deal. In fact I was thinking I should have a party celebrating what the psychic. He has a good track record. I went to a really long yoga session today. I observed my ego being annoyed that they gave us ruffle potatoe chips I prefer Kettle chips or something on the organic tip. My family is the greatest sitcom that will hopefully being coming to a television set near you. I am going to Philly and I am really excited and being presented with an opportunity to really evolve as a spirit. We are all shifting into different vibrations and friends become lovers and lovers become friends and life's karma never ends until the ego stops and we no longer pretend. I used to date beautiful train wrecks and then I improved and started dating recovering beautiful train wrecks. But maybe that is merely the story of humanity at this point in history. I recently met a man that hardly eats at all and believes in the power of sun gazing and starring at it directly with your eyes for brief periods of time. We don't have time, but we do have now and yes between you me and anyone who reads this "sex with turtles makes me happy". Truthfully it is just the idea of it. I love Jenny Lewis actually I just love the idea of saying that I love Jenny Lewis, but man that song "Portions for foxes". Bring back the focus and screw all the economic hocus pocus.

A little bit deeper and A whole Lot Sweeter

Afer I write up a blog I have almost no memory of what I wrote and I am shocked when somebody sends the comment back to me in a response and it reminds me that at certain moments I am channeling something beyond then what I have been taught. As each one of us becomes aware of our individual power and unique skills then it makes easier for the next person to do the same thing. Each one of us is capable of reaching new heights that will allow us to see from a higher vantage point with greater clarity.

It is the lack of clarity caused by fear that prevents from having the life that we desire. I have a general feeling that my life will be a long one, but I am more focused on cultivating unconditional love and acceptance and blending gentleness and firmness. Just because you are smart does not mean that you should be cold hearted and just because you are open hearted does not mean that you have to be foolish. I am always fine tuning my balancing and bringing greater awareness to the situation and allowing myself to see things from another persons perspective even if that way of seeing things seems crazy or irrational. Don't expect sane argument to work on an insane person. That makes you a crazy person. Allow yourself to understand how people operate and focus on your individual integrity if you want to feel true to yourself.

Everyone will have something to say about what you did or are doing at any moment. Allow yourself to take actions that feel good in your heart. The deeper I dig the more a find an amazing sweetness of peace that causes me to be desiring less. Yes, I still have desires but their pull on me is weaker and as it weakens it allows me to be more fully present in this moment. THis moment is the dance this moment is a time to form Kevin Bacon's army. We all need to get a little bit footloose. Meaning moving from that place that goes far beyond the mind. I was dancing on the street in the East village and I got called into a resturant bar by a short older Indian man and everyone started to dance. Each one of us is capable of being a catylst for a dance revolution. The spontaneous of life is something that too many of us deny. I am freeing my mind by deepening my breathe.

Special thanks to everyone who responded to my blog from Boston to Bama we are people desiring to better know our true self. For me Autobigraphy of a Yogi has been of great significance.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity and evolution is the manifestation of love.

Tell Me about Your Life

According something that racks up numbers there are people out there and who knows where that read this blog and I am told so by some tracking system it even tells me from where people are from and how long they were on thsi website, but it doesn't tell me anything else. I would love to just hear a few simple things about you whoever you are and what makes you tick and how and why you check out my site. I have crossed paths with so many different people and try to generally not allow myself to fall into a rut and I am always looking to break habits that no longer serve me.

Where am I exactly and where do we allow our minds to drift off to and at our core we are all the same and yet specially unique, but we all dealing with trying to figure how we fit into this life and what is our purpose on this planet. Some people are told their purpose and might very rarely question such a thing and take it at face value. The troublemakers are the ones who think for themselves, but this is not an easy thing to do. Rampant consumerism that takes place here and many other places doensn't happen because people are thinking for themselves. Most things in moderation is a phrase that I hear quite often, but moderation is something we hear about, but mostly everyone is overly indulgent or extremely rigid and never give themselves any opportunity to indulge in the smallest ways. I do not believe that moderation is a myth, but it rarely happens in this day an age and is to be applauded whenever we witness such a beautiful act of simplicty. The greatest lives are made of beautiful acts of simplicty and perhaps just telling me a few small things about yourself would be amazing. I want to know that you are alive and out there and if you don't want people reading it you can e-mail at tedevanthehealer@yahoo.com.

Many different roads but if we follow our heart it will lead us to the same destination. We all take missteps but we always have an opportunity to go a different way. I am learning to listen to the guidance that I receive in the silence. Now is a time to look wihtin yourself and you will find greater and greater results thru this inner search. We have the ability to transcend what the world appears to be. May our peace spreaad to all corners of this world and beyond.

I want an Alternative everything but lets start with Nightlife

I desire to be able to dance to 80's music and surrounded by an opportunity to drink tea and drink organic juices late at night until the early morning. I believe that the demand is there to fill a place like this in a major city in the United States. Anyone that reads my blog and is looking to make an investment may I recommend organic/alternative nightlife. It would attract spiritual people and people in recovery programs such as AA and NA it would also be very popular with people that would be curious to check it out. I have a tremendous amount of fun all day long and I love to dance and I would love to be in a cleaner space and I know that I am not the only one. If there was just one place like this anywhere in the United States it would be a wonderful thing.

In other news it appears that we maybe entering a deep recession/depression and I remember actually writing a blog about this in the last year. I am sure I was not the only person that realized this day was coming, but it has finally arrived and in the very near future we will no longer be an economic superpower. All of this war in Iraq and everywhere else has drained our treasury chest and American taxpayers. At moments like this it is very important to intensify any sort of meditative or spiritual practice and start simplifying your life. We all need food, water, and a place to stay and many other things are essential.

I had a few Frat guys threatening to physically move me for dancing on the street to the music that was playing from their frat house. I starting praying and focusing on my breathing and they were somewhat bewildered. One or two of them started yelling at me, but I stayed mostly internally focused. I continue to reach deeper within and have been realizing that if you stay completely calm it makes it very challenging for people to fight you. It stirs up a strange anxiety of sorts and they usually end up feeling very uncomfortable about their behavior.

There are things that I feel and sense that guide me on my journey and sometimes people take this as some sort of slight or offense. It is merely that I have a certain way of doing things that feels right to me and social customs are not that important to me. For instance after I do healing work most of the time I prefer not to shake hands there are of course exceptions to this, but most of the time I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal just something that feels strange. Of course I am usually open to hugs instead if bowing seems to impersonal.

More videos because it is easier then writing

New comedy video

NYC/Brooklyn we see each other only on a part time basis

I am currently quite content in the Bay these days I guess Oscar Wilde was right when he said something about that everyone who is said to be missing ends up in San Francisco. I keep feeling this drumming of revolution in all sorts of ways and I know that we all know this happening and for many of us it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. Immediate gratification not fast enough well you just have to learn to accept certain things, but there is so much we can change starting with ourselves. I sometimes can feel myself looking for that distraction to take me away from taming my mind, but I know that my truest peace and ever lasting joy does not exist in what I say or do, but in how I just allow myself to be intensely present and experiencing what is before me. I don't know what 3 months from now holds for me and though I may change greatly on the surface the things that are real about me never change it merely shines thru stronger. At Burning Man I ran into a few folks that had not seen me in a while and they all noted that I seemed more grounded and a deeper calm. This is my greatest quest and opening of my heart to help me overcome a collective mind and society that always wants to place limits on the limitless.

I am looking to help reshape society to natural flow where more people get what they need not what they think they want. I am feeling a greater desire to make people starting with myself and I have been doing just that. Right now the greatest adventure exists in making your mind serve you, but it demands great self control and willingness to accept this moment.

There Is Power that comes in when we let go

Even though I have let go of a great many things I still find my mind trying to dictate my feelings and my actions in a way that will not bring me the peace that I truly believe is our natural birth right. I can also be honest with myself and reelize that I am overly self obsessed and other times I just allow it to all drop away and I am just naked and I have nothing to say and I am amazingly happy to be in that place. I have been in San Francisco since Burning Man I just got ticket back east to NYC and then will make my way to Chicago, Ann Arbor, Philly, and perhaps montreal depending on feelings that have in the moment. Certainly Ann Arbor has been strongest in my mind as of late. THat is where I first met the tai chi chi-gong master who as I learned thru the grapevine left this realm 3 years ago. I never knew how much he effected until years later. I am going to my family's Yom Kipur and bringing a friend of mine who shall keep me highly entertained. I have always noticed that women seemed really intrigued at the prospect of meeting my family. There are always these places that call to me and it is almost as if they shout to me to come on over. Occasionally on couchsurfing I get e-mailed from people around the world to come and visit them. I don't have the funds to visit all of these people. I hope to be able to travel thru Europe in the near future. I desire to expand my ability to speak more languages. I love being silent in group situations at certain times and it is fascinating how much this seems to cause some people great frustration. I recently discovered jamie Lyndel at Sasquatch and danced so hard even though it was my first time being exposed to it. I have been digging on alot of Elvis as of late and threw a huge dinner party with my old college roommate and my compadre Matt Stoltz and we had lots of laughter and people dancing and performing.

I need to continue to work at clearing out my mind so that I can more clearly see closer to an absolute truth. Unconditional love for myself and everyone else allows a peace to be experienced that uplifts everyone. Sometimes it feels like everything has been said and I want to go months without using any words unless they are foreign words which seem to hold much greater interest for me. THe more people you know in this world the more people will try and talk to you as a way of avoiding themselves. I know that I have subjected people to this at certain points in my life. Mountains are still mountains and trees are still trees.

You Can Not Please Everyone

We won't be able to make everyone happy, but we can find the things that bring us joy and share with those who desire to experience these things with us. Sometimes I can feel myself mildly wounded or hurt about people's responses to me. Yet we all are just attempting to find our true self and at certain moments we have more clarity and insight then at other moments. Yet I am always respectful of the attempt even if greater treasures are not immediately found.

Hope in Heaven and hell is your state of mind

I am transversing all different spots thru SF finding my way up and down numerous hills and I truly love these steep climbs and approaching with a fast pace that almost borders on jogging. So often phone conversations can be shortened or done without entirely. There is a gap that is being closed and opened between form and formless and moving from one to another with greater ease. SOmetimes I suffer that ache of gluttony but still it pals in comparison to my desire to be present and make my way deeper into the stillness and surrender that identity. That all troubling identity and that ego that has been beheaded so many times yet keeps coming back for me. Like el Capitan in Yosemite. in the wild there is a taming of the mind to lead to a more clear hearing of the heart. How can I feel more when my mind fears losing itself. It takes four when it used to take one. but the words cut sharper and sharper and that compassion has to expand and stopping merely looking for a way to get off on this Jersey turnpike because you can't handle the smell and you don't have the cash for the toll booth of life. Just walk and keep walking and drop the backpack just a small bag and even if you lose that then let it be. The Vice President has quickly become the president and Kennedy's ghost still haunt this nation and pop songs don't always pop and fades quickly drop and there is a point when we stop pointing and just listen to the wind. A country full of people willing to do anything to avoid intimacy with a stranger. A lonely road of Mcdonalds and truckers with bigger hearts then any of our leaders. In a land not too far away there is a much simpler life where currency is not that important if it even exists at all.

All of Those Raw Feelings And Fast to drop the Past

I can feel a brand new day and Stevie Wonder playing at Rainbow grocery in SF as I listen to a prophetic singer speak truth to me that brought me to tears while my other friend Max also became a bit misty eyed. Time stopped and great truth was shown. It is time to realize a much greater power that exists inside of my being. I have nothing to fear and nothing that I can not face. There is an immediate feeling that transcends this mundane and there is a dance that is perpetual sundance and dormant powers that exist within an unconditional that makes us aware of our wholeness. DO NO DOUBT that inner voice it is not nonsense voodoo but a perfectly timed dance. I am reaching for a higher point by creating new habits that come from a feeling in the moment.

We all have to allow ourselves to not be held back by fear. We are all hearalding a new day and we don't need to be teaming with anxiety. Lots of exercise and food that serves as medicine. I ran into a another friend of mine at power to the peaceful and he was mentioning that people coming together in large groups was a big part of astrological chart peeking in late spring. I place value on planetary alignments but we have a free will that allows us to go beyond anything.

Feel the sunflower and her subtle smell that feels your nostrils. You are the greatest force that grows as you merge with the creative force.

Back From My 5th Burning Man

Burning Man Education for 2008. It truly is a wonderous place for many different reasons for many different people. This year was my most relaxed burn ever and it felt almost like a stroll thru a park. 7 nights I slept in 7 different couches and tents around the playa. The life I live in Burning man and outside continue to blur to the point that it is hard to tell the difference with the exception that things move faster at Burning Man. I rode there with a woman who I met at Amma's in Dallas and rode back with some documentary filmmakers from Italy, Columbia and England. I met them on my last day there. We briefly wen to Lake Tahoe for my annual dip in the water and continued on San Francisco. The temple was amazingly beautiful would have loved to seen it stay around or be relocated to someone's property somewhere so that I could hang out and meditate. Things are changing quickly in this world and the internet has interesting way of allowing people to say things that they would never say out loud, but at times they do it merely to make people upset. We are so easily conditioned to respond a certain way when people say certain things. I am working on continuing to respond and not react.

Being present in this moment and receiving the guru's blessing or Darshan is my only plan in the moment. The world moves as we move and I look forward to exploring Europe and other parts of India in 2009. I have no idea where I will end up or how things will unfold, but I can feel that ever seducing pulse and I can handle the critics and just keep pushing on towards that deepest of inner realizations that was always closer at hand because it was buried deep within our hand.