Why Do I Care So Much What You Think

I am not sure why it is that maybe 8,000 people can tell you that you are amazing and it will feel good, but ultimately you pick out one person and decide that if they tell you that you are amazing then it means the entire world to you. Why and how is that we pick this person and bring them into our lives or push them out of our lives. We can't really seem to do one without the other. I am in uptown NYC which is not my usual stomping grounds, but these are not my usual days either. I still seem to do things to make myself jealous of things that I don't even care about because there is a part of me that seems to enjoy the slight anguish that causes me. I continue to become more aware of the unecessary challenges I place before myself and I am focused on just allowing them to fall by the wayside. We are part of an ongoing spontaneous Jazz song in the city of NYC and following our heart and meeting the friends of friends and intersecting at the most perfect moments as the clarinet and trumpet combine with a stand up bass that bring us to a point where it all makes sense. That all of the rational thought is not so rational.

There is something about a rainy night in NYC and random couchsurfing that only a few people have ever gotten to experience. We are all part of a play exiting and entering as some unseen force behind the curtains sets up the stage for the next scene. I am about to enter the next scene of my life and it will be one displayed before the masses of the public and hopefully it helps at least one other person to better understand themeselves. May they see a reflection of themselves within me and may I do the same with them. It is not about me but about team and the team is the human race and it is not a battle but a cipher that most be stirred so that we can have a lasting change. The cipher must swell within us and move outward. I must surrender the I so that I can just be a drift in streams of life that show anything can truly happen if we are open to it. Here I am and there you are very close and yet very far. I want to grab you thru the computer screen and slam you down in the most gentle and sensual way possible. I want to get thru all the illusions that we place before each other and see you for the omniprescent soul that bounds from your being that pulled me towards you and keeps my spirit with you and has unforseen surprises that will better help me to find the boundless love that is at the core of our being. All of us just want to know that love and somehow we settle for something less then that love. I am the love and in a look there is love and in a thought there is a love that is sometimes obstructed. Go beyond that thought and may those emotions be released and let your heart take where it will and may I find you when I will.