A blog for laughter

There a couple of things that I want to bring to your attention.
1)Spiritual healing is a better way to get kicked off college campuses than drug dealing.
2) Safe Sex is a great way to dissuade people from wearing a condom. Dangerous sex sounds much more appealing than safe sex. Basic marketing tells you that. To promote sex with condoms, it should be called "experimental sex" or "dangerous sex" or "extra sex plus."
3) My father and mother have no idea whatsoever how I turned out the way I did so if you ever meet them don't bother to ask.
4) Sex with your cousin does not make you an inbred, only the child between the two of you would be inbred.
5) I have never had a threesome despite all my talking and writing about it.
6) George Bush, despite your criticisms of him, will most likely remain in office until the end of his term in 2008.
7) I am still a virgin in that same way Madonna is like a virgin.
8) New York City and I will always have torrid love affairs.
9) I take myself a bit too seriously more often then I let on.
10) My parents secretly think that I might be the messiah, but are still waiting for the New York Times to report it first.
11) My sister makes about 20 times more than me a year and I am proud of her for it. She has offered to send my non-existent children to private school.
12) Chronic masturbation helped me to be asexual during school hours in high school, but it also made me horriblely sluggish.
13) The first time I had sex I was a 4 pump chump - maybe 8 (but she was in a semi-rush to get back to work).
14) I love most - probably all - women with whom I have ever made eye contact.
15) The White House press secretary is going to fall in love with me.
16) I will rule Holy White House (a fusion between Hollywood and the White House. Ronald Regan was a fusion of bad cowboy actors and republicans, which was certainly a starting point).
17) Being in Portland is secretly all about my desire to be Tyler Dirden.
18) I will try not to sleep with your sister/girlfriend/cousin, but if they hit on me I will crumble quicker then Bill Clinton at a whore house during happy hour.
19) I have said more then enough repugnant statements in my life, yet I still proclaim myself a Christian (a follower of Christ or at least the Christ of my liking).