Just Trying To Make It Back Home

(Re-publication 11-17-09 post-edit)

"Where is home?" is the question that people either take for granted or for which they give an immediate response. It is usually one to which I find myself always giving a different reply. Recently I find myself wanting to say the Himalayas. In the past I used to say Burning Man, or the same place as everyone else, or wherever I happened to be in that moment.
I keep concentrating on the thought that we are all just beams of light making our way back to the sun/God/divinity/whatever you call or don't call it. I find myself trying to put pieces of the puzzle together, yet there is nothing to put together. Rather it is layers within myself to unravel. There are self defenses to let down, and expectations to drop so that I can experience things exactly as they are, instead of how my mind says they should be.
Sometimes I find myself wanting to be egotistical for the sake of being egotistical--ignoring the truth of who we all are. If other people pretend they are not special long enough, you might actually start to believe their story. And that's all it ever is: a "story" until we drop the story and there is just a beautiful infinite emptiness and oblivion of bliss. People seek to imitate this through sex, drugs, and other sense gratifications and yet it only poorly imitates these things sought.
I can't keep pretending or imitating or duplicating and trying to make sense of infinite with a finite perspective. I have known people in their different phases as they have known me in my different legs of the journey. One day soon someone will be sitting down to edit this, and it will reach millions of people around the world. This is something I have known and it is not because I am such a great writer, but because I offer people a small reminder of their true nature.
Whether Buddha/Christ/Mohammad/Moses/Khrishna/Ala or NO thing at all may all the egos fall and none of us will be small or tall. We are all part of the same cosmic ball.

We are reaching towards a new day and before we get to that point it can sting and be quite painful. However, that can lead to a GROWTH of a new awareness that is more vibrant yet constant so that it becomes the norm, instead of merely a passing feeling.