War On Poverty

So you thought India is backwards because they have a caste system and the untouchables well it seems in additon to Yoga we are now importing a law mandated caste system. It is actually against the law to have compassion and feed homeless people in Orlando and Las Vegas along with some other places. What the fuck is going on here people. But it is laws like this that even make a conservative cringe a little bit. It is along the lines of the Dred Scott Decision back in the day. America basically said "We racist, but we don't want to be that racist". When those who are in control start to realize they are losing control they get desperate. Obviously this is one of those times. In some places they have even tryed to set up panhandling zones. We should make showing emotion in public illegal as well because it makes alot of people uncomfortable. London bridges falling down falling down. SO what's next. I'm afraid of Americans I understand this sentiment more and more.

Not Good Enough... But Why?

Today I was I sitting outside of Wild Oats eating cholocate obcession soy ice cream that no matter what I did or had done it would never be good enough to me. Now, of course always striving to do better is a wonderful trait, but the feeling that it is not good enough is a common occurrence for most people. No matter what you do you will never be smart enough, cool enough, rich enough, desired enough, respected enough, famous enough, successful enough, etc...... Luckily this is not a feeling that consumes me, but is certainly a feeling that I have and something that I need to recognize otherwise it could lead to some very umpleasant mental states.

Regardless of how many healings I may do and how many people I may positively effect there is a part of me that feels that it is not enough and I comparing myself to saints, gurus, avatars, and John of God type healers. It is great to strive to accomplish more but it is also important to respect where we are at in our journey and understand that all these things will come in due time and that patience and persistence is a necessary requirement. Yet these accomplishments within themselves will not make us peaceful. I could heal a thousand people of cancer and I would still be thinking it is not enough it needs to be more. It always needs to be more and I am always going to be falling short. My acting,dancing,singing, and art are good, but still they are not good enough. In order to stop this pattern we have to shut off the noise in our mind and just pause and be completely enthralled in the moment we are in. It is really funny when you think about it. It could get to a point where you are having sex and saying "yeah this is good, but I could still be better in performance". The mind can be the bottomless pit that never can be filled no matter how much you fill it and the more you fill it the more it craves to be feed. So it is necessary to recognize the pattern and then to break it. Breaking this pattern takes place by getting out of your head.

So I recommend that everyone get out of their head (I will do the same) and feel the perfection of this moment and realize that it is more then enough.

New York I Cry Out To You

I wake up thinking about you quite often because almost everyone I have ended up was thru a situation that first started with you. It always started with you and you send me off on the craziest adventures always to bring me back to you. Yet everytime I come back you are always different and I am always different as well. You always give me a whole new cast characters each time I come back to you. I am in Miami right now, but I am completely in that euphoric New York State of MInd. You never cease to amaze me and you always have more in store and not one second in your embrace is a bore. I have been coming in and out for 5 years now and still it never gets old and everywhere I go I see those who I first met thru you. When they see me they are in shock for the wonder how I can wander from you as if you and are I somehow one.

Your streets I have walked more in the 5 years of exploring then others have in 50 years or more. I walk and walk and walk and yet I hardly grow tired because you have constant surprises for me on each corner at each turner. People from my past and new characters for the future. There is never a shortage of people in your midst to keep utterly fascinated. They come from everywhere and I some sort of caretaker on your behalf. I help them to make their way inside of you and to help them keep their heads when others are losing theirs.

You have watched me grow 60 years in just 5 years. Each passing month being filled with a year of experience or more. I thank you for all that you have given me and continue to give me even though I am thousands of miles away, but to me it is only a hop skip and a jump and you would never bring me back before the stage is set for the next scene. For what is the point of having an actor on set if their is no action yet to take place.

You are deeply in my thoughts and prayers and I will never get over you nor you over me. We are lovers from birth from birth in your womb I arrived and in your womb I shall rest when the time comes. But you know of my wanderlust in fact you greatly encourage and aid in my wanderings because I always bring new energies back to you and your other children.

Somewhere over the Rainbow way up high I know theres a land that I heard of once in a lullabye. Truer words have hardly been spoken.

On That Verge

So I have a couple of ideas floating around in my head these days and just waiting to see which one avails itself to me. There are so many possibilities in this world and sometimes it seems a bit overwhelming, but if we can relax the most beneficia onel will make itself known to us when the time is right. A great idea and a bad idea can be separated by just one day. Yet, I feel as if I am going to make a large discovery inside of myself that will effect the way I go about my everyday living.

We are all making our own time capasules containing things from the past yet many of us seem to swallow it instead of burying it in the backyard. Perhaps by consuming we are trying to digest it, but the system was made to excrete such things. Yet time capasules are very challenging for the body to spit out. We all have dreams and when we reach a point where they might actually manifest we become excited and scared. Ultimatley none of our accomplishments will bring us the greater peace tha all of us consciously and unconsciously seek.

I write to you from Miami Beach but I just could as easily being writing this from New York, L.A., India or anywhere in the United States for that matter. We all have an amazing destiny for ourselves if we allow ourselves to follow our intution and not resist because it is unfamiliar to everything that we think that we have come to understand. We must Grok things instead of looking at things in cursory manner indicative of a generation diagnosed with "permanent" attention deficit disorder. We are all collectively flying to higher levels of peace and prosperity and new ideas will manifest at the forefront of our mind. We are all on that verge and that verge neccesitates change which will take place regardless of how hard we try to hold onto old concepts.

A New Nightlife

In a world of plastic women the plastic card is king and gold is nice, platinum is better, but the Black American Express in Trump in this game. All the peacocks show their brightest feathers. Somehow anything that is real or sincere is taken out of the equation and the most superficial and plastic person is on top of the pyramid of insecurity. This can be signified by $300 Vodkas that bars convince wealthy patrons or (desperately wanting to appear wealthy) to spend so that other people in the bar can know how succcessful they must be. Nothing tells us more of someone's character when you see them spend $300 or more on a bottle of Vodka that is worth about $30.

People will also wait online outside to go inside and spend this absurd amount of money. People must think that Utopia exists inside of these bars (as someone who has been inside I can tell you it is far from Utopia). If they go into that door somehow they will become a better person (drunker/higher/poorer person. It is alot more likely by getting a hug from Amma that you will become a better person, but she does not have any late night club yet(focus on yet). People are trying to connect with each other, but they don't know how to do this because they don't have a realtionship with themself that does beyond their appearance or status. I don't fault anyone for this, but I do recognize the insanity of this social world that has been created. We need to create a new social world.

What if there were a late bar that served organic juices, teas, (we can also make some $300 brews for those who don't want to feel out of place) give out free hugs at the door (of course tip your hugger), Healers, Psychics, and really interesting nomads that you can take home with you. We could call it "Bring Back The Nomad". These Nomads would be happy people that have found peace within them that radiates outward or just complete maniacs that have something that makes it hard not to keep staring at them.Yes, this is it a new nightlife has been formed. You have read it here first NOW! the prophecy shall unfold.

Organic Juics, Overpriced Teas, etc.. and a whole new world that is a break from the mundane. By the way, one last thing lots and lots of 80's music. Remember fellows all she wants to do is dance. She likes to party she likes to get down because all she wants to do is dance.

Sincerity is something that even when completely out of place that people always notice.

Going A Little Mad, Okay Alot Mad

There are moments where I honestly feel like the Buddha (in a state of total zen, so blissed out of my mind) that almost everyone is postive that I am rolling and wanting to know what I am on or thinking that I might be Jesus returned. There are other days of course where I feel just a bit mad. I don't feel so much angry as I do that I am about to explode with some sort of epiphany that will cahnge everything in the way that I percieve. The traveling that I do is about opening myself up to different points of view especially if others view them as outlandish.

I brandish an invisible sword every now and then and feel the desire to vanquish the invisible foes that exist in my mind. To hit the off button and succumb to the peace that represents our truest and highest nature. Yet, sometimes before we reach that point, and we are still holding onto the old ways we start to go a little mad. Perhaps a little batty. We might start laughing uncontrollabley at odd moments or having conversations outloud with no concern to how others might percieve this behavior. Being miserable and not trying to let go of that misery is the truest madism I can think of (yes I think I made the word madism up). Being apathetic and feeling that passion is some sort of fleeting novelty. Passion is the way that life was meant to be lived. I choose my madness and my sadness, but I also choose to reliquish them so that I can experience a serenity that soothes my being. We all want to feel this way; but many people are convinced that only valium or some other substance is the way to achieve this feeling. I would based off my own experience and the experience of others disagree with this idea.

We can stop the madness at any moment and surrender to the power of the moment that we are in right now. Allow Love/God/Universe/Yoda to bless our whole being thru and thru. "Alright stop! children what's that sound everybody look what's going down". Going beyond traditional thought takes us to that next point where things come into being at the mere suggestion from the lips of our minds. We have the power to shape this world in ways that most have not considered. So I ask you to consider the power of your thoughts after having surrendered your will to the higher force. If just one of us can find peace it makes that much easier for the next person to find that same state of being.

Out of the Blue Comes A Call

This call comes and all things change or at least all things appear to change. Your heart flutters madly and you are estatic, but scared simultaneoulsy you had written this whole situation off as a farce and then it comes back. With the force of a boomerang and it threatens to chop of your head if you don't keep your composure, but maybe you need to have your head taken off. Maybe the razors edge is where you need to be. I remember you so well and I loved you so much, but when I give it away it always comes back. In fact it only comes back when I give it away.

Let the soul sway to a rhythym that offers to expose all your weakness and then you shall know truth that you have never known because it was never shown the light of day. It was always comfortablely numb and then there are those who cut so that they can taste the blood. You are their refuge and each time you step your ego meets its demise. Only the love was real and nothing can change that.

I will see you again when both of least it expect it rationally, but feel it with an intution that nothing will be the same and everything will be the same simulataneoulsy. Caught between your thighs and baptized by a dance that will break all the false ties that I no longer need.

Some Thoughts to Help You On Your Path

I always hear people saying that they don't have enough time do what they want. Usually because they are too busy doing things that they don't want to do. Do you realize how many jobs we create in this country just to keep people busy and contributing to the economy. Yet, there are much more enriching things that we could be doing with our time. Allow yourself to make two lists. On the first list you write what you spend most of your time doing and on the second list you write things that make you most happy. Ideally both lists should match up. Often when pressed we are quick to admit that life could come to an end in the blink of an eye, but despite this fact we keep living as if things will always be the same. We keep playing it safe even when playing it safe is killing our desire to be alive.

What the heck does playing it safe mean? It means that you want to do something or say something and you don't because you don't want to risk the possibility that some change could take place. I know that we all have our own bridges of fear to cross and it just demands that you put one foot in front of the other and allow your voice to be heard. We all need to be heard, but most people usually suffer in silence and are not heard. Are you being heard in your life or do you merely suffer in silence?

What do you want out of life?
What are steps that you are taking towards that desire?
Could you make greater efforts?
What things are holding you back that are in your control?
Have you been honest with yourself and your loved ones?

These are just a couple of questions to bounce around in your head. We all have an opportunity to live brillant lives full of many wonderful things, but we must take steps that enable us to live in that way. I have not mastered any of these things, but I continue to strive to become better and more honest with myself.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity,
Te'DeVan

Destination Unknown

So often people are always asking me when I am going to be showing up at such and such location. Even some of my dearest friends ask me this question. Truthfully I have almost no idea, but I find myself giving vague timelines as to when I might end up arriving. People's minds have this intense desire for everything to be very neat and orderly. There is very little about my life that qualifies as neat or orderly. I am a nomad that moves which ever way the winds may take me. I surrender myself to the magic and allow things to play out as they will. Of course on occasion even I desire to be able to say with some degree of certainity that I will be in a given place for an exact amount of time. But I simply do not know these things nor do I want to know. I simply want to be wherever I may be and bask in the wonder of the moment that I am in.

Sometimes I will arrive in a place and as soon as I get there people will ask me where I am going next. This obcession with what is next takes people out of the current moment. I have been guilty of this myself, but I realize that the future does not exist nor does it hold a solution to any problems. This very moment that exist in is the only moment of any real significance. All other moments are based on what follow from the moment of now. I command (in an uncommmanding sort of way) you to be wherever you are,to be with the people you are surrounded by, and to be with the stillness that exists within the silence of this moment.

Ripples on the pond do not change the pond from being a pond nor do raindrops on the ocean make the ocean anything more or anything less then an ocean.

I used To write

I nver want to utter that sentence. I always want to go at this keyboard with reckless abandon like Hemingway after another drunken night on the streets of Key West. I would rather be an emotional hack than eloquent corpse. I want to take chances in every respect in my life. I want to have occassional bad sentecne structures I want to mispel words. I want to dance the drunk words sober. I want the madness to become waves of acid color rainbows from some sort of astral plane. I want to make no sense at all and have women that I have never met fall in love with some sort of alternate identity that comes out late night to the dismay of man who is too often rational. Would does being rational ever get you. I must take chances in my work, writing, love life, dancing, swimming and everything in general. I must immediately go full force and become the renegade turtle who has been lulling people to sleep only to nail them with the crucfiction of the hare. Give me hair and lots of it all over the ass crack of the plumbers that come to late in a world of overflowing highschool toilets with cherry bombs that were purchased in person and not on the internet. May I meet bold, beautiful bisexual women that know I am a bit of a sexist and are not trying to change me. We must fight nothing there is no good fight. Fights are for suckers I just want the good blowjob on the beach.... I am Hunter S. Thompson I am Native American back for revenge. I will make Don quixotee to seem reasonable.

Let it all flush down the drain and may the clowns make me laugh cry and run to the nearest organic grocery store. May people realize that Utah has for major M's Marines, Mormons, Mountains, and Meth heads. I still believe in you and this country and I don't have to do anything but be. Let it Be my friends. John Lennon still lives and Bob Marley is now a tall freestyle rapping jew. I will do my best to make outrageous comments and keep you in a cage made of straw. Viva La Conch Viva La COnch. Read about Key Weird or Key West or whatever you think about calling it.

Button Clicking

Key West (Weird)

Key West is a place that many people have heard of, but few people(with the exception of people from Florida,Jimmy Buffet fans, cruise ship casualities,and people that make your stumbling drunk uncle look like he has drinking under control)actually visit. The Roosters and chickens are wandering the streets at all hours of the night cockadoodle doing all the live long day and if you kill one of the roosters it is a $5000 fine. There are drag queens who are admantly relgious and have been saved by Christ. There are people who came for a 2 week vacation and have now been here for 20 years. This place has every sort of degenerate you could imagine, but it also has some the kindest and gentelest souls possible. Life is measured in extremes and Key West is a prime example of these extremes. Mega rich and mega poor and home to the accidental millionaire. People that found out their house is worth millions so they order another round of beers. Some people call this place the end of the line. Older people come here to die in peace or misery or a little bit of both. I once met a man married for 25 years had two sons decided he was gay got divorce gave his wife the house and moved to Key West (calls himself the strawberry man).

Key West or as some call it Key Weird reminds me of the show Northern exposure if it became Southern Exposure and tourists flocked from everywhere to buy useless souvenirs and trinkets that nobody will wear or use (unless some sort of natural disaster takes place or their laundry machine breaks down,which ever comes first). Most of these stores seem to be run by Israeli's that sell clothes at all hours of the night and will try to get you dancing to trance music. After the dancing they then convince you must buy clothes so that their boss will be happy. I have also met an Old Indian man (never actually been to India though he is 100% Indian) who seems like some sort of Sadhu and he reads your palm for $35 and he is quite good. And he sticks out like me in Japan except for the fact that most people here stick out like me iN Japan. Most people in Key West are either very wealthy or just scraping by and live on a boat or a place called Christmas tree island. It was in Key West that I met the infamous Papa Nutrino (google him) I also saw Jimmy Buffet perform at a friends wake.

Key West has been a starting point for me in many respects and my life will never be the same because of this blessed little out of the way place that is East everything and West of nothing. The people of Key West greet me like I have lived here always even though I spent 2 and half months here 3 years ago. Yeah, they know I've been gone but they are glad to have me back no matter how brief. Key West is the end of the line and I came here for the first time chasing something that was still a ways away. If you ever get a chance and decide that your life could use a little more weirdness in it then come to Key West and you will begin to grasp the essence of this place. I would say it is the oddest place that I have been to in the United States, but there are still places I have yet to explore.

Recently I was stopped by the cops and told that if they caught someone giving me a donation for spiritual healing I would go to jail. I thought wow!, Key West is really changing and then a good friend of mine reminded me America is the one who is changing. Then I remembered a little known fact that Key West for a few hours in the early 80's became it is own country called the "Conch Republic". Viva La Conch Viva La Conch it shall come back and spiritual healers and other street performers shall be able to do their things as protected in an often forgotten document called the constitution or should I say Conchstitution.

About My Friend Mimi (from Austin, Texas)

Since the amount of people that read this blog only is in the mid double digits on an active day. I have developed a very close relationship to those who read my blog especially to those who respond. Mimi in her mego mania has decided that I needed to write a blog about her. Recently she has even begun to put her non-existent son and my non-existent son into competition with each other. Obviously, things have reached a breaking point.
So here it goes I met Mimi in 2005 when she was selling jello shots at Bar None. We only met briefly a couple of times on the street, but she was memorable nontheless. Yes, there I said it. I hope your ego is relishing in the fact that despite the millions of people I have met that you are memorable (and yes I have met millions). I could end the blog here, but for the benefit of Mimi's ego I will go on, but it will be a long time before I ever do this again. So please enjoy.

Mimi and I have had many wonderful conversations despite her ability to sometimes be easily distracted by a Marc Jacob's sale or a cute boy. She is also a really good person to cuddle with under most circumstances. Furthermore since Mimi is a girl who guards her virginity ferciously we never copulated though we once had an extensive make-out session and it was fabulous (she is very kissable). I recommend that you make out with her if you ever get the chance. Mimi is also a model and once I made the mistake of thinking it was called a full figure model and she became enraged and threatened to brutally mock my unborn son, but I quickly explained I had no idea what the term meant. Amyway.... where was?... oh yes Mimi she has been kind enough to give me a place to crash on occassion and is thoroughly amusing. I am very blessed to have her in my life. Hopefully this will suffice and anyone else out there who wants a personalized blog if the mood strikes I just might grant you one.

Excuse the grammar but the English seems to have left me recently...

For Anyone Out there Having A Rough Time

There are going to be times where you feel like you don't know which way to turn or if you even want to turn at all. Left will seem right and right will seem wrong and you will feel like wherever you go that you don't belong, but that is merely the mind playing tricks on you. So often are minds are running wild and it prevents us from fully being in the glory of the moment that we have right now. Only right now offers us an opportunity to be truly at peace the past is gone and the future does not exist. Everything depends on this very moment that we have before us. If we are hopeful and brave then things will happen that coincide with that. So many thoughts but not enough breaths. The breath is the key to escaping the many prison cells of the mind. Sit. lie down, or stand-up and surrender to your breathing. I mean this do it as if your sanity depends on it. Take in the fullest of wherever you are and whatever you are doing and know that when you are in a state of calmness you make your best choices that enrich your life more.
Revolution is the evolution of humanity,
We are humanity and we are evolving one moment at a time

The Yo Mama Debacle

For those of you who don't know I was on Yo Mama (God, Jesus, Buddha, Moses may all of u forgive me). I had never previously cracked a Yo Mama joke in my entire life. Then one of my good friends took me to an audition and I started making them up on the spot. It turns out I am actually pretty good at it. It is not a skill that I am actually proud of, but apparently one that I have. Spiritual healing is less relevant than a good Yo Mama joke to the average young person that watches MTV. How the world got to this point I am not sure. I also think there is a possibility that this episode could end up upsetting the religious right ( I guess there are worse things that could happen). I plan on hiding and keeping to myself in Key West and then India. Please don't ask me about the episode I don't remember what happened. I had just gotten back from Bonnaroo and I had not slept at all and I had already agreed to do this show. By the way, in case you are wondering, many of the people involved in this show believe it is ground breaking. Yes!!!! it is true, I was told this by people involved in the show, but when you compare this to other shows on MTV-glorifying rich spoiled 16 year olds- maybe it could be considered ground breaking.

I guess Yo Mama is my first presidential scandal. Most people tell you they found Jesus well it appears that I have found youtube and blogging. Hopefully Smiley will trump this controversy quite soon and surpass me on this first scandal on this presidential campaign. I would also like to apologize to you and any of your mothers. Furthermore, not that it matters, but the best Yo Mama jokes are never aired being that they contain too much profanity. I was told not to tell those sort of jokes which is ulitmately how you win over the crowd. They will ultimately splice in the crowd with them laughing about jokes that you will never hear. So if you see them laughing too hard at a bad joke it was actually a good joke that you will not hear. I had my hands tied behind my back as I tried to stay away for these sort of jokes. Speaking of Jokes, while most young people in the country are focused on this show many people contiune to die in a war in Iraq that President Bush and TRL assured me ended in 2003. So these last 3 years have been some sort of illusion. And if they can all pretend this is some sort of farce then I plan on using the same strategy for Yo Mama. To quote my good old buddy Ronald Regan "I do not recall sentator". That was fucking brilliant... where do they come up with this stuff?

My VP was Seconded By A Cat

Luna the Cat (don't ask) has given Smiley an endorsement as the best possible VP candidate available for my upcoming presidential election. Some of you that don't know Smiley or Luna may have their doubts, but if you knew them you still might have your doubts. I have the utmost faith in Smiley despite problems with the "sauce" and other pharmactical products which remain mere speculation by people who are intent in hindering the rolling tidal wave. Ultimately I don't give a fuck about what the media, critics have to say about my VP (who may or may not exist). He is going to rock this country and help me to court voters who happen to hate hippies ( I still don't view myself as a hippie despite any overwhelming evidence to the contrary). Ultimately he has a lot of heart, passion, and moxy to roll on the this traveling circus.

It might be dangerous and he might end up getting killed (please don't tell him that though), but he will have to save this country even though he doesn't want to. He was content for a while spinning the ferris wheel at Fantasy Island and being a lifeguard (that's right he saves/protects lives). I am not sure if he is real, but if I put him on television I will be much more convinced that he actually exists and this will help my sanity. So maybe I selected as a VP to assist my own sanity and maybe I selected him because he is really good at selling t-shirts and maybe I selected because he was the only person insane enough to hold the position. I have faith in this man and he has some ideas he has a lot of ideas some of which may turn out to be very dangerous, but still they seem really interesting.

He is also capable of being involved in more scandals then myself which will help to take some of the heat off of me assuming he actually exists and it is not my pseudo creation of Tyler Dirden. Te'Devan & Smiley 2008 Te'DeVan & Smiley 2008 Te'DeVan & Smiley 2008. God Bless America!!!!! God Bless America!!!!!!!

Love Being A Traveling Man

So my friend Matt Fisher wrote a song and in it he says "will somebody please tell me where I'm supposed to be". This is certainly how I am feeling these days. I am actually attempting to settle into Portland for the next couple of months and just rent a little room/basement somewhere here and focus intensely on my meditation. It is an emotional time for me and also a great time to challenge myself in regards to any fear that I have. Recently I have been reading "Be Here Now" and contemplating the idea of dying -- for only when the ego dies can we truly be free. I want to let go of my attachment to everything that I have held so dear. I need to rediscover a greater peace inside of me.

I took a break from this and now I revisit it and am leaving Portland on my way to Northern Cali and Key West. Who knows what awaits me there? I first was driven to Key West because of a girl that I was madly in love with at the time 3 years ago. I was dressed in a white robe (jesus) and she had on a blonde wig (supposedly Marilyn Monroe) and she broke my heart in front of a Denny's. I laugh about it quite a bit now, but something else pulls me back there this time. There is something about little Magaritaville that is calling me beyond what people would expect. I first learned about John of God while in Key West along with a few other things. Now that I have been to Brazil and spent 5 weeks with John of God I want to bring that back to the people of Key West Florida and all the people that pass on thru while I am there. Key West is the end of the line, the southern most point in the United States. It is west of nothing and east of everything. It is where Hemingway started doing his thing and a place that calls me back 3 years to the day. This time it is something completely different, something that I will not even begin to try and explain. This time I feel that I am playing for keeps.

I'll see many of you soon, and Portland, know that I will come back when the timing is right. You have made your love clear to me and I thank you for that.

Written To Blue In Green

This one is dedicated to a girl that told me I won't know her when I'm famous. To a girl that was crazy, intense, passionate, brillant, sexy, and holding onto her sadness. She thought that things had to remain dysfunctional and she was scared to let go of those dysfuncitons whether booze, coke, or bad boys. She has so much promise but seemed scared to deliver. When I told her we shouldn't date she told me that I had made the right choice. She said this in a truthful, matter-of-fact way without any indication that I should feel sorry for her. At that moment I wanted to make the wrong choice more than anything. One time she told she was falling in love with me and having recently watched Cary Grant I told her "that's a ridiculous thing to say".

She was falling in love with someone who said it was okay just to be yourself. She was fiercely loyal and well-read and she really understood me and what my greater purpose was in this world. On the surface I am a spiritual healer and she was a boozing coke-head nympho, but that is bullshit and doesn't say anything about either her or me. I will always remember her and especially when I hear Miles Davis. She was half black & half white, from Virgina and she called herself "High Yellow". She had an amazing body, but all I wanted to stare at were her eyes and she would always ask why I was not staring at her body. She was so used to being objectified that another way made her uncomfortable.

I knew when I met her exactly where it was all going, but I wanted to experience all of it anyway. I told her if she ever started a revolution and needed some help to give me a call. And this one is for "you" even if you never read this -- in some way or another this will get to you. I meant what I said. I always meant what I said and I think that is why you loved my freestyle rapping so much because it came from the entire core of my being. I love you "Blue In Green" and I think about you all the time. You came at a time in my life when I needed you and I hope in some way that I gave you some sense of hope as well.

A New Dawn

This is what's up with me. I am in Portland seeing deeper and deeper into myself and facing fears and dealing with emotions and figuring truly what I want beyond any sort of goal accomplishments. People are waking and I can see it the eyes of the people that I gaze upon every day. I only represent a small fraction of what is about to happen. I will represent a whole new craze in the sense of people being mad for God/Love/Universe without any religious affiliation in the mainstream not just some "new age" craze. The divisions are coming down and I am meeting with new people each day who will have a large say in which the way this world is going. It won't take as much as people believe for a new day to come.

The way of going about things will not hold. Each one of us is responsible for our own awakening. I know that all of you are part of this in some way shape or form. Just smile, laugh and stay present in this moment because that is what allows the magic to happen. Being in the moment is similar to that feeling of your life feeling like a movie that gives you chills and hits your emotions. Stop playing it safe, don't settle, because it all ends before your eyes can blink. Don't live in fear of something that was not even real. Eyes open, especially the 3rd one which can be tricky but just open it up because people are going to need you to use that extra sight to the guide them in the times ahead.

Waves of passion and fire and never for a second doubt that we all have a place in this producution that we call life.

It hurts so Bad

So you want to tear out your hair and dance naked in the rain in a busy city street because you have reached that breaking point when you realized that you've been had. You've been told so much nonsense and now you just want to be swallowed by Moby Dick and tell the Captain to go fuck himself because he is wasting his time. That is right Oh Captain my Captain find yourself another quest because I don't want to be anyone's charity case. It is over between you me and the editor. No m ore editors let it be sloppy. Hyperventilate into your paper bag because I will give you something to freak out about. You can guranatee that I will give you something to lose your breath over. Let me take your breath away because you weren't reeally using it for anything anyway. This is raw and right out of that place that is just tired of being kicked around and I don't need anything other than to stay hungry. Cut quickeer then you could pick up your knife. Why do you want me so bad if you couldn't handle me anyway. So it is at a point where something has to burst. I am going to snap out of this dream in the blink of an eye I will it so and the will is fierce and the hearrt is willing. Give me extra letters and don't butterr me up in some sort of attempt to shoot me up with dope. I don't want to be numb I am here so look at my hands and tell me if you see your destiny in them. I'll keep them wide open and energy beams will shoot on thru them as I have peeled away the layers. Give me your imperfections and I'll tell you that I am jusst a giant boy and the universe tells me I have a role to play so I am here to play and if you have any questions get the anwsers from yourself because it is Christ within you that saves.

Sincerely your favorite lover/sinner/winner and guest for dinner,
Te'DeVan

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Greatest Happens Can Happen Accidentally

If we allow ourselves to constantly to be doing the things that we truly enjoy and are passionate about in our lives as much as possible we would all experience more joy. The side effect of this type of living is that truly great things start to unfold around us all the time. It is one enjoyable action, after another and then it spreads and becomes contagious. We truly alter the world thru this mentality. Many of our great actions could be stopping and hugging a tree, asking someone if we can help them out, taking the time to listen, planting flowers in a retired person's home. All of these thinga are quite simple, but have the potential to alter everything that we know.

The world changes quicker as we allow that amaxing change to take place thru us in each and every moment. We must allow ourselves to take chances towards the things we desire and the eventual outcomes will be perecieved as greatness in regards to events that unfold.

Tell Me Lies Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

It is more than just a catchy 80's song if you ask me. I think many of us, myself included, love to hear sweet little lies. My favorite one is that "I want to be with you forever" (or until you piss me off). Another favorite is "I know best" (I just don't want to be questioned in any way, shape or form). We live in a world where we beg people to tell us the truth and call them cruel and hurtful when they do. So instead we want people to tell us sweet little lies especially the people that we are intimate with. We want them to tell us there has never been anyone like us and they don't know how they could go on without us. We want to be told that we are their sun, moon, and earth. We want them to confess their undying love for us (even if it only lasts as long as the orgasm fades). Though I do my best to demand the truth from myself and any woman that I become involved with, I also suffer from the desire to hear sweet little lies.

Often what seems sweet is actually vicious and what seems vicious might ultimately be sweeter in the long run. I am curious to hear your favorite sweet little lies. Talking greatly increases the likelihood to tell lies. We spend so much time uttering nonsense and that nonsense is a series of lies that becomes more lies. I want the truth when it is needed. When you change your mind about something, let me know instead of pretending you still feel the same when you don't. I promise we will all be better off in the short and long run. Lies have a damaging effect on our being. I met a chi-gong master and he would say "If you tell one lie then you must tell three more lies". I never forgot that quote.

My favorite lies:
1) Lying about having a boyfriend/husband thru omission/vagueness (you want my attention and are scared to lose it)
2) Telling me how you would love to have a threesome (even though there is not a snowball's chance in hell)
3) Telling me money doesn't matter (it usually matters a little bit)
4) Telling me you haven't slept with anyone else since the last time I saw you
etc... I think you get the point. What is our obsession with lies? Do we love the extra pain and suffering that they cause. How scary can the truth really be? I am going to examine where my intention is at this moment and do my best to speak truth and feel the greatness of truth.

A blog for laughter

There a couple of things that I want to bring to your attention.
1)Spiritual healing is a better way to get kicked off college campuses than drug dealing.
2) Safe Sex is a great way to dissuade people from wearing a condom. Dangerous sex sounds much more appealing than safe sex. Basic marketing tells you that. To promote sex with condoms, it should be called "experimental sex" or "dangerous sex" or "extra sex plus."
3) My father and mother have no idea whatsoever how I turned out the way I did so if you ever meet them don't bother to ask.
4) Sex with your cousin does not make you an inbred, only the child between the two of you would be inbred.
5) I have never had a threesome despite all my talking and writing about it.
6) George Bush, despite your criticisms of him, will most likely remain in office until the end of his term in 2008.
7) I am still a virgin in that same way Madonna is like a virgin.
8) New York City and I will always have torrid love affairs.
9) I take myself a bit too seriously more often then I let on.
10) My parents secretly think that I might be the messiah, but are still waiting for the New York Times to report it first.
11) My sister makes about 20 times more than me a year and I am proud of her for it. She has offered to send my non-existent children to private school.
12) Chronic masturbation helped me to be asexual during school hours in high school, but it also made me horriblely sluggish.
13) The first time I had sex I was a 4 pump chump - maybe 8 (but she was in a semi-rush to get back to work).
14) I love most - probably all - women with whom I have ever made eye contact.
15) The White House press secretary is going to fall in love with me.
16) I will rule Holy White House (a fusion between Hollywood and the White House. Ronald Regan was a fusion of bad cowboy actors and republicans, which was certainly a starting point).
17) Being in Portland is secretly all about my desire to be Tyler Dirden.
18) I will try not to sleep with your sister/girlfriend/cousin, but if they hit on me I will crumble quicker then Bill Clinton at a whore house during happy hour.
19) I have said more then enough repugnant statements in my life, yet I still proclaim myself a Christian (a follower of Christ or at least the Christ of my liking).

And The Beat Goes On

Recently I just got banned from Reed College as I had previously been banned from Lewis & Clark along with SVA in (NYC). It appears that despite the many friends I had on campus that a few kids were uncomfortable with my presence and it only takes a few. Intially I was disappointed that this has happened to me again, but it was a smiliar moment just like this one, that lead to one of my greatest moments in my life thus far. I was on a ferry and this angry woman was yelling at me to turn off the music in the car. Since the music was off I went over and talked this girl I had made eye contact with earlier. This lead to me and her swimming naked in the bay and making love on the beach. It was one of the greatest love making experiences of my life and it was all made possible because of one angry woman yelling at me.

Sometimes something that seems awful or just a large annoyance is the best thing that ever happened. Somehow getting kicked off of Reed's campus will end up being the best thing that ever happened to me. It has totally transformed my schedule and all the people I will end up interacting with as a result. I truly believe this and I am very excited about what the days ahead have in store for me. It is important to look at things beyond our control as an opportunity to have a greater adventure. When the rug gets pulled out from underneath you allow yourself to rediscover the wood underneath the rug. I will always think fondly of my brief time at Reed and will have a sweet spot in my heart for the school and the friends that I made there.

Middle America (a.k.a the red states) are going to LOve US

This may come as a surprise to you, but I am thoroughly convinced that Middle America is going to love me. I am going to reach them in ways nobody has ever previously thought of. I am going to walk a mile in their shoes and not judge them for the shoes that they wear. And when they make fun of me I will laugh too and I am going to form an alliance with these people because they are people that have been isolated for too long. We need to bring this part of our family back home and let them know of what is going on in the world. Soon thousands and thousands of couchsurfers from everywhere will be arriving in Middle America and ?they? will start to become more aware of the world through this influx of nomads into their homes. (improve) We will collectively help them get over their fear of strangers. (specify them and what the condition of middle america is. Doesn't make sense to compare middle america (place) to them (people))

Awareness is something that is inevitable and people holding anger/disdain against those who are not aware does not help to bring about change. It brings about more unnecessary gridlock. When people are scared there is no real reason to try and make them more fearful. At one point or another we have all been afraid of something. Middle Americans fears change and a feeling of being left behind or feeling out of step. Lets help them to not feel this way. Many of them will yell and scream at me and I will merely smile and tell them that I love them anyway and that peaceful change will not go away.

Our collective evolution is the most powerful revolution and we are all coming together to realize how everything we do effects everything else. A smile or just telling an inspirational story to one person can have massive effects. Let your actions not be reactionary responses because that will only repeat the same drama. Diffuse the situation by using your own opponents force against them. Do not become overly agitated but instead continue to find your meditative center. Get to the point where you understand the nonsense so it no longer consumes you. Be there for Middle Americans for the change is coming.

I'm Back In College

I now attend Reed College in Portland or so it seems. I am a freshmen all over again and I live with an Indian guy named Anand all over again. School just started and I got here about 2 weeks late which is right on time for me. After all I was in Black Rock City. The move has not become official yet, but it appears to the outside observer and myself that I now attend college at Reed. I really love this school they let you run around Naked. More schools need to allow that on their campus. I don't think I will be getting kicked off this campus anytime soon. I was destined to go back to school and, Now I have, but I must continue to meditate and write so that I can help spawn greater revolution inside of myself. I miss all of you my friends wherever you maybe. I have been adopted by the dorm know as the "outhouse". A friend that I made at Bonnaroo goes to school here and thank to a friend from named Patrick from www.couchsurfing.com I have found myself in the mist of college life once again.

College without the colleges is quite wonderful I think I will be teaching some classes soon involving healing, meditation, couchsurfing and brainstorming some good merry prankster stunts. It only takes 8 very dedicated people to spawn a contagious uncontrolable bush fire of a revolution. I remember a pledge I made to step onto every college campus in this nation and it certainly seems to be the case more and more. Infiltrating colleges is the key to a massive revolution in this country. I have said it before and I will say it again the revolution explodes with the youth. I am merely here to make the path more accessible. I will keep you posted on my Portland planting.

What is the Deal With Burning Man?

For those of you who don't know there is a place that exists for about 8 days in Nevada every year around this time. It is called Black Rock City and as quickly as it appears it disappears. Some of you might know of this place as Burning Man. It is something that I recommend that you explore at least once if not more in your life. Let's just say it has aspects of Halloween, Tailgate party, Meditation retreat, swingers club, Rave,Fashion & art show, Couchsurfers, etc...

Simply put, it is a place that is very open for whatever you want to express in anyway that you want to express it. It is a place where people who have RV trailers are considered to be upper class. It is a place where most people have little interest in talking about what they do for living unless they are truly passionate about it. It is a place where you can walk around with your boxers around your knees and telling people that you are the mayor and most people will assume that you must indeed be the mayor. It is a place to really let go of your fears and inhibitions. It is one of my favorite cities in the country, but the thing is it only exists for about 8 days, but it will feel like 80 days or more because of all the experiences that you will have. Black Rock City is always a good indicator to see how far you have come and far you truly desire to go.

I send you all my best and wanted you to know that there is a place out there that you can call home for 8 days called Black Rock City and I'm your crazy mayor. Much love and evolution

Te'DeVan Rocketman Wacha Kurzweil

Okay The Middle East Has Looked Better

Okay I am not an expert on foreign policy by any stretch of the imagination, but I know that there will be more turblence ahead and more violence, but eventually this will all come to an end. The worlds dependency on oil has made this situation worse because the world supplies these countries weapons which certainly causes more problems.

It seems at times that when looking at the situation that everyone there seems to dislike everyone else, but this will all change in about 8 years. Why 8 years you ask I am not actually sure I just think 8 seems like a pretty magic number. And what we need in the middle east is a whole lot of magic. And by magic I mean the ability to make everyone forget all the previous fighting and start with a blank slate. How can this happen you ask? Love which also includes sex that is so amazing that people can't remember how to load a gun much less have the motivation to fire it. If we loved more and part of love is taking your time during sex then there would be less time for war. It is really true when they say make love not war. So simpe but so true I would rather be making love then going to war any day of the week. We need to improve the world's love lifes. Though I joke I am also somewhat serious.

If people loved to garden more or loved to play sports more or loved to write more there would simply be less time for war and less time for oil consumption. Now I can be certain but I think there is some odd correlation between oil consumption and the intensity of war in the middle east. Perhaps if this country and other countries relied more on other forms of energy perhaps it would help to diffuse the middle east and perhaps in 8 years or less that will become the case.

Things in the world were once peaceuful and they shall become that way again even in the turblent middle east, especially in the middle east.

Its ALL Happening

Anyone out there feeling the earth shifting? because I swear we are in the midst of swing that I can't even begin to get at in words. I feel my ability to heal and sense things before they happen is becoming much stronger. As any one of us evolves it makes easier for other people to do the same. The rolling ball of evolution was dropped a long time ago and now we are approaching critical mass. More and more I find myself nsync with things going on around me. I am resisting less and less and it is helping me fly further and further. Your awakening is also my awakening and soon many of us will come together in ways unimagined and there will be a whole lot of shaking going on.

Recently I have noticed more and more people from foreign countries are reading this blog and I realize that what I am saying is getting out into the world. Even if it causes just the smallest glimpse of inward introspection it means that we as species are getting closer to realizing a more peaceful existence. I am not an astrologer, but I can feel a shift similar to the feeling when you realize that the team that is up by 20 points is going to end up losing the game. THe tide is turning and I see a fleet of vegetable oil buses going around this country and bringing about rapid changes. The people are ready to grow and nothing can stand in their way.

I will be everywhere and anywhere spreading this message of our interconnectedness, but it is something that must be internalized not intellectualized in order for lasting change to form. Take a moment right now and do something that makes you more aware of something around you that you had previously never given thought to. Think of the process involved in making your computer work or turning your light on. These are all things that are very intricate and by themselves seem to accomplish very little until the moment the light comes on. The light is about to come on my friends and once it comes on it can never be turned off in any way shape or form.

I send my love to all of you who are reading this and using this to become more enmeshed in the moment your in. Use your ability to create and just let things unfold accordingly.

Give Me A Prophecy

And I'll give you a prophet. It happened and you know it; stop kidding yourself there is a reason that you can't sleep. You woke up and with it we all woke up. It was your dream and then you became a part of the dream. Miracle pranksters, here we come because we were born for a prophecy just like we were told, but they twisted it and now in the moment of clarity it has become untwisted and we all just pause.

Sure I go to extremes and somewhere in between I find a balance and free falling that Tom Petty would envy. Into the great wide open there is a truth and you need to stare it straight in the face and laugh, cry, scream, and just stop. Fuck and forget what they said because they said it out of fear. Dream bigger then anyone accepts as plausible and never stop being that dream. We are all wanderers even if we seem not to leave our towns, villages, or cities very often. Every night I see all of you on a realm where we construct this very world that begs to bring forth a beauty that makes us stop.

We all run so fast, spinning wheels and getting nowhere because we were always there. Accept the new eyes being offered and perecieve this world for all the amazing things that it offers. View as it alien here on a temporary adventure/vacation and you will never grow tired of anything.

Get on the bus, boat, plane or car and let's charter a new course. Let's send this game into overtime and let's all nail that shot, the one that is impossible; accept that we nail it all the time in our dreams and this is our dream. We stop and drop into the river and ocean and go with this current but see everything pass us by as we remain in a state of serenity.

Who is The Messiah

Instead of American Idol we should have a new show called American Messiah. I think it would be fascinating who the American people would choose as their messiah and then our Messiah could go head to head with other people's messiah. We all seem to want someone to worship, but all of the people we worship are usually very vain, destrutive, or apathetic towards anything other then their careers. The more self absorb they are the more we seem to admire them. Maybe we should pick a half way decent messiah and maybe somebody will start to ponder and with that pondering a change would take place. That change would spread and all of sudden people would not be held in bondage by religion but feel relief and true freedom instead as we probably intended.

Most religious people I have come across are so in their heads they miss the point of everything that they spout from their own mouths. If we transcend thought then we start to realize the oneness of everything. Wake Up Wake up wake up and I will do the same and we might realize that we are all sleeping messiahs. I do believe everyone has the potential to be a messiah they just need to become aware of themselves and the world that we are currently emeshed in. Somehow the sane people are crazy and the crazy people are at very the least more sincere. So if the messiah is reading this which I am sure that they are wake up to who you are and I'll do the same and maybe we could bring some people back from the dead and perhaps they already have come back.

This idea of a messiah intrigues many people and they talk about a messiah complex, but really a few more messiahs in the mix would be an awesome thing. I am in Boulder and then I am going to Burning Man and I will keep on the look out for a messiah and if you find a good one notify me. I was recently part of a project and they were looking for a messiah they actually chose me and another guy, but I am still looking for clues as to where this mysterious messiah may rest. I feel that we are so close and once all the illusions fade away they will make their presence known. Long live the American Messiah and long live alll messiahs for that fact.

A little Something

Somehow in life we are inspired by people that we never knew or met or are inspired by people we never even existed. I just get out there becasue it is the only thing that makes sense to me. I won't let anyone especially myself box me into what I have to do or where I have to be. I have a cosmic wave that I am riding and with that wave comes change and change is the basis of life. Of course you probably know this now live it. All things change so that new things can come about. I am currently in Boulder Colorado listening to Radiohead and taking a moment to just write.

It does not matter what you write about as long as you mean what you say in that moment of course moments change and people are nervous about their next move when everything is in doubt. I get pulled to places and people and I arrive at moment just before major change. I learn from each encounter. I have found a peace inside of myself in every place that I venture to and something there for me to realize. There is a waking up taking place and it will change everything that we know even now. This change is taking place and we are all part of this massive change. We are all maigcal if we open ourselves up and not try to shut down and numb ourselves. It is okay to cry and be sad these are emotions that have to be processed, There is nothing wrong with being scared, but you just push forward and follow your intution. Either play it safe or go all out don't just sit in the middle.

I want to reach out and grab everyone of you and know that all encounters help us to become more aware if we allow ourselves to experience this awareness. We are all rolling stones and thru that movement we create networks of energy that bring about a new way. The old model wiill not work so start creating new ones. We can not sustain ourselves unless we start to inwardly reflect and slow down. A little something is all we need to change everything. A little something exists inside of us and does not need to be sought externally.

The Coolest Hipster Ever

The Stock Market Will Crash

I know this is really weird thing to blog about, but I can't help it. I was meditating and I got this strong feeling that the Dow Jones and the rest of the market was going to a major turn towards the downside in the next 6-12 months and continue downward for a while. I am sure some expert out there might think the same thing, but my opinion is merely based on a feeling. I would say there would be a 40-45% correction within 2 years time or less. I would put my money if I had any in precious metals, overseas markets and real estate (when paper is not worth anything land still has value).

Someday somebody will find this and say holy shit and it will have slipped my mind that I even wrote this, but we are due for so major changes in this world and the stock market crashing will be an outward indicator of this change. We are a very over extended nation and we need to collectively self reflect a bit more and see what really matters and what we need and what we don't need. A stock market crash will certainly trigger that for many people. I recommend that you meditate on this idea and see what comes thru for you, but this is what I got while meditating yesterday.

much love and evolution,
Te'DeVan

It's All Smiley's Fault (and maybe Doctor Jones as well)

I think it is about time like every good politician that I blame everything on someone else who may or may not be real. His name is Smiley and "He Hates All Mass Media". Or at least he has yelled this phrase a couple of times while extremely drunk and maybe sober. If it was not for him I would be a stockbroker/investment banker with short hair living the life that was more expected of me (think wall street but taller).

But one day in LBI on a beach pier nearby a police station he yelled down to me "Hey you want to start a revolution". Without missing a beat I replied "Heell to the yeah" or maybe just "Hell yeah" time has faded my memory on exactly what my response was. This is the moment that everyone can look back on and say it was all his fault. I am not upset about all the craziness that has ensued and will continue to ensue, but I just wanted to take this time to tell you it was all Smiley's fault and perhaps a man who goes by Doctor Jones (who is not actully a doctor, but he does have lots of patience) who was involved in more ways then I could even begin to imagine. I feel that they had scoped me out for years without my knowledge. They knew what I was capable of and decided without my knowing that I would be the one. They knew that I could not resist such an offer. The offer of a lifetime (the one that Castro had given to Che back in the day) to bring about a revolution at a point in society where most people had given up on such an idea or merely viewed it as fantasy.

They knew that I was indeed naive enough and crazy enough to attempt this revolution and so it was decided in mid-August of 2000 without my knowledge that I would start this revolution.
I am truly thankful that I was chosen by the powers that be to start this revolution and have no regrets, but when it all goes down and they are looking for clues on how all this took place I suggest talking to Smiley and Doctor Jones, assuming they actually exist and people around me have not just be humoring me about their existence for the last six years. Sometimes I wonder if I might be living in some sort of fight club world (without the violence or operation mayhem) with the same idea of breaking down the system in ways that nobody; and I mean nobdy saw coming with the exception of Smiley and Doctor Jones.

Whether they are real or not does not matter, but when you want someone to blame for me going so far off the deep end blame them, but I will still always thank both of them from the bottom of my heart. When a revolution came knocking I couldn't resist. Could you?

It's All Smiley's Fault (and maybe Doctor Jones as well)

I think it is about time like every good politician that I blame everything on someone else who may or may not be real. His name is Smiley and "He Hates All Mass Media". Or at least he has yelled this phrase a couple of times while extremely drunk and maybe sober. If it was not for him I would be a stockbroker/investment banker with short hair living the life that was more expected of me (think wall street but taller).

But one day in LBI on a beach pier nearby a police station he yelled down to me "Hey you want to start a revolution". Without missing a beat I replied "Heell to the yeah" or maybe just "Hell yeah" time has faded my memory on exactly what my response was. This is the moment that everyone can look back on and say it was all his fault. I am not upset about all the craziness that has ensued and will continue to ensue, but I just wanted to take this time to tell you it was all Smiley's fault and perhaps a man who goes by Doctor Jones (who is not actully a doctor, but he does have lots of patience) who was involved in more ways then I could even begin to imagine. I feel that they had scoped me out for years without my knowledge. They knew what I was capable of and decided without my knowing that I would be the one. They knew that I could not resist such an offer. The offer of a lifetime (the one that Castro had given to Che back in the day) to bring about a revolution at a point in society where most people had given up on such an idea or merely viewed it as fantasy.

They knew that I was indeed naive enough and crazy enough to attempt this revolution and so it was decided in mid-August of 2000 without my knowledge that I would start this revolution.
I am truly thankful that I was chosen by the powers that be to start this revolution and have no regrets, but when it all goes down and they are looking for clues on how all this took place I suggest talking to Smiley and Doctor Jones, assuming they actually exist and people around me have not just be humoring me about their existence for the last six years. Sometimes I wonder if I might be living in some sort of fight club world (without the violence or operation mayhem) with the same idea of breaking down the system in ways that nobody; and I mean nobdy saw coming with the exception of Smiley and Doctor Jones.

Whether they are real or not does not matter, but when you want someone to blame for me going so far off the deep end blame them, but I will still always thank both of them from the bottom of my heart. When a revolution came knocking I couldn't resist. Could you?

Someone In Iran Inspired This One

Recently I was looking thru the ticker on my blog which tells me where people are reading my blog from and I was shocked an estatic to see that someone from Iran was looking at my blog. I could only begin to imagine who that would be and I just want you to know I hope to do something about changing the foreign policies of this country and move them more in the direction of peace.

I am just wanderer in country where people can't seem to let themselves wander just because they desire to wander. Not all who wander are aimless is the famous quote and not all who are aimless wander. Some of them seem content not to explore, but I desire to explore and remember my many lives past. Recently I have not been fired up to write, but knowing that was reaching someone all the way in Iran made me realize the one amazing benefit of something like the internet.

I am currently in Chicago and the only somewhat certain plans I have is to make it to Burning Man and meet some amazing adventurers and people that tip the scales. This revolution starts deep inside of our core and continues to spread as we all ourselves to pause our minds and increase our awareness. I am aware of you and you are now aware of me. I want peace and I will find inside of myself and make it thru all the doubt and fear to get there because the peace has to come from within if it is to be lasting.

Dance Dance Dance

I love to dance and when I do people flip out and then I flip out more and I nobody expects me to talk while I am dancing. It is so simple it is movements made inspired by music that you are enjoying. It is wonderful to express who you are thru your movements and then people learn more about then they would of having an hour of typical conversation. Dancing personifies being and is something that so many people claim that can't do. I have yet to meet a three year old who can't dance. Stop censoring yourself from expressing yourself especially when you are joyful. Life is a dance that never begins or ends.

I want you to dance wherever and whenever the inspiration strikes. I want you to stop taking things entirely too seriously to the point that you can't seem to enjoy anything. Let it all out and twist and shout and twist and shout and stop whining about a lack of dance skills. It is not a dance off it is about being and feeling aliving and encouraging others to do the same.

Remember all she wants to do is dance dance and that is all I want to do as well.

It is All Inside

I don't know what I am doing and I have not fully realized who I am and I still get caught up in things that don't matter and sometimes I lose sight of the most important things, but I continue to catch myself doing it and make changes in a more immediate fashion. I am not enlightened merely another human trying to remember his soul. I am immensely happy and though not easily angered or annoyed I have my moments. I try to stay connected to my breath and all the amazing things that exist in the current moment.

I am on quest to be the impossible dream and I am here to play it out all the way. I recently had the pleasure of seeing Amma again and sometimes by seeing such a remarkable individual we are inspired in ways we don't understand and sometimes it is subtle and sometimes it is more dramatic, but either is significant. I know that if I want to see a change in the world it truly needs to start by me going deeper inside of myself on a regular basis and participating in things that bring about a stronger sense of fullfillment. Life is too short not to pursue what exists inside of ourselves. Nobody can offer me utopia unless we find it inside of ourselves. Yet, seeing it reflected in another person makes it easier to find it within.

Good Vibrations

Desperately seeking something a little more absurd

I need something a little more absurd in my life. Somewhere along the way of in this sea of not trying to be like everyone else, I have boxed myself into this contrived 6’7” free rapping chi gong healing Jew hat everyone thinks is so unique or so original but at this point neither do I find it unique or original.

It’s more just something I do. I feel somehow ordinary, and not that being ordinary bothers me, but I need something more absurd in an eccentric wet dream sort of way.

I want to ride camels through New York City spouting out the philosophies of Dead Kennedys. I want to be in an 80s rock band. I want to suddenly discover that I have pitch. I want to wake up to find out that I really am a lesbian black Eskimo trapped in the real world . I want to fight walruses and fuck tigers. I want to make David Bowie look painfully straight. I want to cut like a ninja fucking his dead mother in Prince’s purple rain. I want to be a King of Spain even if no one will acknowledge me as such. I want to be the princess of Barcelona. I want to succeed from Union Square Park within Union Square Park and create a special park for people’s balls who hang really low and who somehow don’t know that they’re balls hang really low until they walk around at Burning Man and someone says “Hey, you’re balls hang really low.”

I want to develop profound crushes on autistic 40 year old women who work the counter at Whole Foods while I whack off in the magazine section thinking of pixies and fairies and the autistic 40 year old woman who works the counter at Whole Foods. And mermaids.

I want to breathe through my dorsal. WHAT THE HELL IS A DORSAL? (I’ve just been informed it’s a fin). I want to commit sins and still win. I want to kick Tin Tins ass. I don’t so much want to shoot Lassie but piss in his eyes. I want to wrestle the Beaver, take the Partridge Family on a real adventure, and insist that no matter how light my complexion may be that I am really a part of the Jackson Five and that everyone just can’t remember. I want to give head to Hillary Clinton and I want everything I write now to be used against me at a later time. I want my sanity or lack of sanity to be put in question, and I want people to know if insane is really just a better way to go, or if we should even go at all ,or if George Michael was really wrong to wake me up before we go-go.

And I want Wham and the son of Sam to get together and rid the world of Spam. And ham! Because pigs have 30 minute orgasms - don’t you forget it. And if they call you a pig fucker for knowing it, smile and say ‘better to fuck pigs than corpses and mannequins masquerading as people.’

I want to seethe out my pores with an ever ending flow of red carpet shooting out of my orifices asking for someone actually genuinely interesting, interested in a dramatic change of events to walk down that carpet, wearing nothing but their boxes, singing songs about Debbie Gibson. Because only electric youth can jam the circuits and only when we jam the circuits can we have black outs in New York City and only then can class barriers be broken down and only then can I fuck the cute girl in the Upper West Side who smiled at me because I don’t ski and I don’t summer where she does and I don’t wear Burberry unless someone gives it to me.

I want to glorify Gucci and kill Prada.

I want to be the biggest contradiction you ever thought about fucking. Or not fucking. Or hugging, or kissing, or missing or dissing or pissing in the wind and you realize if you piss in the wind that they’re this thing called urine therapy so if you swallow your own piss it’s actually therapeutic.

Think about something. Think about everything. Think about nothing, think about winking, think about blinking, think about Fight Club, think about too many Rubber Duckies in the tub. Think about the hub of your life and who you are in that hub, think about not thinking and just being loved from above.

Seeing, said, match, absurdist mission, be gone.

Cars Computers and televisions are not the only things evoloving

People love to talk about and think about how all these things are evoloving, but very few people discuss how we maybe evolving and what we are headed towards. It is my firm belief (knowing) that as species we are heading towards a point that more and more people will start to become aware of their natural abilites that we still ignorantly call supernatural. In most first world countries this sort of thing is considered nonsense and something to be talked about or discussed, but I know that we are evolving and with that evolution we shall become more aware of that other 90% of our brain that is often ignored.

I believe that we all have telekentic, psychic, healing, channeling abilities. Yes that is right - I believe that all of us are x-men of a sort, accept we usually call these people mystics instead. Our culture does not put an emphasis in going inside and finding these gifts. Many of these gifts will be of some amazing benefit to all of us as we continue to enter into more turbulent times. Our ability to make our mind still is the first key to tapping into these subtle energy fields that exist around us, but it is a process and not a process that will show scientifically acceptable results initally, but I have never been one for science because dismisses that which it can not understand under its current system and constructs. I am interested in the one out of a thousand or one out of a billion that has found these innate abilities inside of themselves. There is more then enough evidence out there that leads me to the conclusion that we are all heading in this direction and soon many of us will be developing our innate abilities.

One of the key components to tapping into these gifts is making the mind quiet and from there the sky is the limit as Biggie would say.

Something Important

Most writers want to say something meaningful or something that defines a generation or something that will help you get paid or laid. I probably write for all these reasons, but I also write because I am slightly egotistical and obcessive compulsive and I feel that I have to write. If I don't get these thoughts out there and some random person living in Denmark, Japan, Italy, Tennesse, Florida, Jersey, or Canda does not know my thoughts on many various subjects then I might just simply fall apart. My whole identity rests on checking my ticker and seeing who is reading my blog and from where they currently reside. I get bonus points if I have never heard of the place or if it is really far away.

I often wander how the hell people find this blog and what goes thru their mind as they are reading this. Has anyone actually gone forward with any of the ideas I put out there into cyber space. I now currently average a bit over 20 people a day who view this blog. This is the equilvalent of teaching some sort of highschool class where the subject matter changes everyday and if the students get bored they will stop reading the material.

Figure out the one important thing that you want to do in your life and pursue that to the fullest without even considering any sort of compromise of your passion. I want all of you to further revolution in your own personal life. We all have immense potential if we just slow down enough and allow ourselves to see it. I write in hopes that I can inspire just a few people to live the life they have always dreamed of and make the world a bit more colorful because we are in desperate need of a laugh. May the joksters become kings and the kings become dragon food and may the queen say "I told you so" (even if she didn't). We need more well publicized gonzo journalists delivering the news because these other guys are just blending together and seem fairly non-descript with the exception of Andy Rooney.

We must write so that people know that someone somewhere has a dissenting opinion that they are willing to share.

What Should I write About

Sometimes when we write no specific topic comes to mind, but we want to write. I love writing because it allows me to reach quite a few people and hopefully impact their day in a positive way. I want people to be relentlessly in pursuing what they want, but not to forget to enjoy the pursuit. A revolution comes in the strangest way because intially you can not see it and only if you speak the truth will the people be moved.

May I prick like a vine as you taste the grapes of wrath and we are all characters from our favorite books and movies. I want to wake up because sleeping hurts too much. I am a flower wilting in a jungle of concrete but I come back and I come back like Ivy on the walls and the writing on these walls becomes brighter to the point that you have to take notice. I have no magic that you don't possess yourself. If there is one difference it is that I am almost dogmatic in following this magic and letting it guide me in all ways. I will not deny the pull and when I feel it I will go and nothing can stand in my way accept myself. Stop time and Dance Magic Dance and find that we are living in a world that most people ignore, but it does not mean that it is not there. All things are where they need to be and we are loved by beings we are not sure exist anymore.

They all exist and I can feel there loving embrace and I ask for their assitance and that I may continue to have the courage to follow where they guide me to.

You Should Know

This goes out to everybody who has come into my life no matter how briefly. I just wanted to say a very sincere thank you. To all those people who ever gave a couch/bed/floor/tent/extra room to sleep in I just wanted to say thank you. Anyone who ever gave me money to freestyle rap...anyone who ever let me use my healing gift to help them on their path as I helped myself on my path...to anyone who ever gave me a good laugh, cry or smile of any sorts...Thank You.

Thank you's are challenging because there are so many things I can thank you for, but how could I express it all. Sometimes since I can't express it in words that which I am thankful for, I might not even make an attempt and merely give you a look and hope that says it all and hope that you caught the look. You are the people that have helped make my life what is today. I want to especially thank anyone that has ever bet on a long shot, because life itself is a very long shot. Don't ever stop betting on long shots because when they come thru they come thru big and even if they don't, the adventure that they give you makes it all worthwhile.

The world around us is changing rapidly and all of the people that I write this to are a part of this change in one way or another. Time has taught me more patience, humitlity, and bit of senility, but not so much that I can not stop and say thank you. Thank you to the people that have given me rides or taken me out to a breakfast, lunch or dinner. To anyone who has ever cooked me a meal or was there for me to talk to when I really needed it. There is no way in life to truly understand what we have meant to someone, but I lose track what all of you have meant to me at some point. I want to say thank you for helping me to dream bigger and realize that I am the dream and that we all collectively make up the dream fabric like a giant organic cotton/hemp quilt. Where would I be without you is a question that I don't have to ever answer and thank you for making that the case.

Thank you especially to all the women that have helped make me such a romantic about life and all things living. Every one of you has a real special place in my heart. And to any woman whose heart I broke, I apologize sometimes I trample harder than I mean to and there is an art to trampling that I hope to become graceful at-- And reach that point where I always make your life better than it was before I entered.

Let Go Of Tomorrow For Today

You have now this very moment to start a revolution, begin a romance, have a spontaneous romance, find something in your life that gives you meaning, experience something that will alter the way you envision the world. To forgive yourself, to find that which makes you blissful. To forget about tomorrow and embrace this very moment. The moment is always here you just choose to ignore here because later has got to be better and offers safe love from a distance with no chance to be hurt.

You and I formulate a new world in this very precise moment and we know that it started when we let go of the day that has yet to come for the day that already is. For some people tomorrow is their worse enemy because only then will they take the steps to bring about a life that they desire. For others tomorrow is day they hope will never come because they don't want life to catch up with them. They live always trying to escape the moment they are in. We are immortal though are bodies are mortal and for many of this creates discomfort and some of us don't believe that we are immortal.

I have a hopeful future, but I also have a hopeful present that is full of amazing, loving and eccentric people that have greatly enriched my life in countless ways. I wonder who I met will re-enter my life and what new role they will play. Even as I type now I just paused to take a breath and ground myself in this moment. To become comfortable with the uncertainty of the future makes the present moment more meaningful and we can immerse ourselves in the people and places that we are currently in, instead of living somewhere over the rainbow. Though I adore the rainbow, I know the rainbow is right outside your window and has always been, but at certain points it becomes more clear. The course for the future is easier to set upon once we have made peace with the moment of now. Turn off the mind and is effortless to be immersed in the cosmic wave and the dream like feeling that comes from that experience.

Funny Fantasy

Okay so I totally want to have a threesome with a beautiful girl named Virginia and another beautiful girl from Virginia. Of course this would hold true of Georgia, Kentucky, Indiana, or any other place for that matter. Truthfully, any two beautiful bi-sexual girls not doing it for the money (or at least assuming I am not aware of it) and me in a threesome, are nice. Lets be honest, I probably won't turn it down if one of them is named Sally and the other is from Virginia. But for whatever reason, this specific detail really appeals to me, and I recently saw that someone from West Virgnia was looking at my blog and Whoever you maybe, I will pretend that you are a beautiful bi-sexual woman who wants to have the most mind blowing threesome with me.

Also to specify I don't want either of these women to be drunk. They can be lightly buzzed, but I want them very present in the moment. I also want to have some amazing vegan carrot cake prior and after the sex followed by conversation about revolution. I want there to be naked swimming in a giant lake and I want the sexual tension building for a good 3 days before it explodes and I want it to be all of a sudden. This is a fantasy that I certainly think about and by putting it out there in cyberspace I have just dramatically increased my chances. I would also be quite happy if two women felt compelled to lie to me about being named Virgnia or being from Virginia. In general I am not into lying but I would accept it for this situation, but I still have faith that it can happen organically.

(Andy) The path to righteousness is coated with the lies of men... sometimes the days are left marinating in the filth they promote. Yet, sometimes, magic is born... save yourself from the day!

Tangents All Connect Though It is Tough to Prove

I am in Providence Rhode Island because of a buddy of mine I met in San Diego and therefore have been invited or intruded into the lives of people that I had not even known before. I left NYC and its fast pace for a few days for a slower way of life and a few less walls of defenses around people. When things slow down is when I start to reach a stillness in my mind that allows me to find what is I am truly looking for. Things are not what you are told they are merely because people say they are such. It can make you feel out of touch and the emphasis is money making much.

I found that everything connects back to the point where it starts and the road beckons and keeps me more honest and true and all that i know is temporarily forgotten. It appears that the world is rotting but it is actually rebirthing as are we and we can all breathe life into dormant souls starting with our own. I try to judge less and observe more besides people already judge themselves enough. Scream it outloud and hear the spray of whispers spread that you have lost your grip. I have never had a grip or at least one that I wanted to hold onto.

We find that we struggle and bungle like clowns that can't even graduate clown school and be a successful fool. Instead we act as a tool that we used to bring ourselves down. But we rise like the Phoenix from the ashes of our own destruction and then we begin to construct and others do the same and the merry-go-round spins on and we start to understand how everything connects. We are all part of this one thing which is the essence of life and at certain times we are reminded of this in the ways that people in our lives have already connected with each other in a previous location or phase in their life. We all come into each other lives for a reason and it can seem like random tangents, but there is an intricate design to it that I sense and see on regular basis.

We can all see this if we allow ourselves to slow down and experience it in this very moment if you just stop and connect with your breathe your mind will become still and your awareness heightened.

Would You Call My Name

The love that I was giving was never in doubt (David Gray lyrics). I am tired of women that only want to talk about leaping and don't actually want to take that plunge into mystery. Life is mystery, real actual life is made of mystery, not of some fucking formula. I can not guarantee anything accept that I will follow my heart to wherever it takes me. I want a woman that desires the same and knows that they, me, or both of us, may get hurt. That is why it is so amazing, because there is a risk while being vulnerable that makes me feel alive.

I love you. I always have loved you, and when I look at you I mean it in every gesture, and In everyway. I am not promising anything except that I will say what I feel when I feel it. I will not hold back and both you and I will be better for it. If you hear me or feel me, then do something about it. Don't just stare at me or think about me, just tell me where you want to meet and I will be there. Only by following these feelings that come out from you, can I better get to know my true self. I feel humbled in your presence and when you are completely present. Not living in a state of fear where you shut down and let nothing in or out like some sort of military zone. I can feel you scream and cry when you smile and laugh for the benefit of your audience. You never fooled me for a minute. When I look at you I go through it all and you do the same to me.

Romantics are merely people that breathe deeper and cut with their eyes in ways that make them compelling and uncomfortable to be around. I am still with you as I type and as I touch your spirit. I cry out to you and I know that you hear it, for echos thru the whole fucking world.... It has always echoed be it different names, races, faces, and places. It is always the same. The setting does not matter just the emotions that are struck. I've been seeing you even before I met you and when we kiss time stops, and there we are frozen like tongues to flagpoles and there is no one else I want to be frozen with. I am melting as I type the layers of ego and facade fade away like the emotions we hide in a world where everyone has gotten so good at suppressing what it is they want so they can have something that they could do without. I still feel sadness for the last lifetime when I left you, but I will not leave you high and dry with no shoulder to cry on. I visit you in your sleep, but you already knew that. It is too akward to say in this world of silly concepts that we live in. Well.... this world is about to fall apart in all the best ways the walls are coming down and this clown has had his whole world flipped upside down.
But only when that happens do we realize that we can never be held in place and these eyes do not see like this soul sees.

Neither of us could ever get away from each other and doing thus would be merely kidding ourselves. I am not going to kid myself, everything has already happened while most of this world was busy napping. We were chasing the dream, when only being the dream makes any sense. Merging with the dream is to merge with the divinity of infinity. "Where is my mind?", The song says, I put it on a blog so that people could read and know to some extent what I was trying to express. "Yeah they don't love you like I love you, because they don't know you like I know you." First eye shot, everything that needed to be said was said, and we both began bobbing to the music that only we could hear. I left because I had to go, but unlike last time, nothing was going to keep me from coming back to see the soul that I have known better then all I have seen. We have amazing scenes ahead, and a son named Tallaque coming. Tonight at my parents house, and your future in-laws house, I told you something that you knew deep in your heart because we both have carried it for so long.

Am I Losing My Religion ?

Recently it has appeared that I am starting a new religion. Seeing that the last religion with a nomadic jew as the figurehead became fairly popular, I feel confident in the success of Revolution for Evolution, my new religion. In fact, I already have some active apostles in place. And while I have not at this moment realized enlightenment, it can only work towards the advantage of my religion.

Being that I was born jewish and I am starting a new religion does not mean that I am no longer Jewish? Do I have to stop being a 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping Jew if I am going to start a new religion? I would say hell no!... that it is not expected for any memebers of the religion to give up their previous or current religion.

This is a religion that places no lofty expectations upon any of its members. Sometimes, I feel that people shrug responsibility when there is someone who is portrayed as perfection (Jesus) then people feel like that they don't have to make any efforts because Jesus will forgive them and take care of all their mistakes for them. My religion will empower people to be accountable for their own salvation or whatever people deem as salvation.

I want people to be able to have sex with other people without any feelings of guilt or obligation. In this case the other person is a new religion that focuses on your growth and individual empowerment. We highly encourage all people to tap into their gifts and help humanity evolve towards a more peaceful future. The revolution is truly the evolution of humanity and religion should be something to bring peace into the world not to be fought on a battlefield.

The Deal With Birthdays

I am not really sure I have ever viewed this day like other people. Some of my really good friends will have no idea that April 17th is my birthday which recently passed, but I have no desire to inform all my friends that this day is my birthday. Now, because of myspace, random people that have never met me, know when my birthday happens. Since I am traveling man I just choose to celebrate my birthday when I have access to a large space and can bring together alot of my friends and interesting characters. I will pick any day of the year and make it my birthday.

I think that people should pick a day that works in their schedule and make that day their birthday. I have heard some stories where people will dedicate a whole week or more to their birthday. Your birthday is a day that gives people an excuse to be nice to you or maybe buy you some sort of handy trincket or meal of some sort. Birthdays are a wonderful thing, but should not be held to celebrating only on the day of your inceptipon. At any moment you can be conceived and remember time is not actually linear, it is merely our mind that perceives it to be linear. Time is a way to measure the distance between two points in space and that all depends upon your vantage point.

I personally vow to consistently celebrate my birthday when I feel the mood strike and I want to celebrate this with amazing people that I have come to know when the timing is good. Plus, I don't want to hold anyone not on myspace to be responsible for remembering my birhtday. It is an extra responsibility that I do not desire to place upon anyone being that I do not desire it placed upon me. We all need to celebrate our birthdays a little more often. I think that it would certainly make our year more enjoyable and give numerous different groups an opportunity to celebrate such a wonderful occassion. Sometimes I think about celebrating a birhtday every time I switch towns which can be quite frequent. I want to give everyone a chance to celebrate my birthday with me and be just a little bit kinder.

The New Rat Pack

I am sure there are about a million people that have claimed that they and their crew are the new rat pack and please forgive me for treading on such sacred ground. But I roll with the most random mix of people from the entire spectrum. It has always been the case and they get more bizarre all the time. There are many times in which I roll solo, but every now and then I roll with a crew who always brings about the most intense insanity. One insane guy by himself is just that; one insane guy by himself, but when you add a whole bunch of people into the mix, the insane becomes somewhat of a rockstar. We have this way of walking into a room and everyone saying, "who the hell are these guys". On numerous occassions the dancing has been so over the top that free drinks are offered to my friends and I though half of them don't drink. On other occassions we're so much that we're asked to leave or to cool it down.

It is as if people have never seen other people live before. I often feel that my crew (even when not participating) helps people to have better sex. They are from the entire spectrum in fields such as investment banking, (least likely one first)fashion,music,art, dancing, public relations, film, theatre, writers, revolutionaires, street performers, couchsurfers, maniac monks, nomads, and numerous other odd types. We have come to throw the world upside down. Usually if I can even get together just two of them the effects are tremendous and we pull so many people towards us. We are a walking circus and we have a series of numerous skills to bring to the table. We are the new A-team and we are ready to sing, dance, act, and couchsurf into the world's heart. It has been a long time coming but the new rat pack is back on the scene and every scene that you could imagine especially NYC. Life is a kick in the head and my friends understand this well. So start expecting alot more kicks in the head and the good times shall be rolling.