Brand New Chapter

(Re-publication 11-20-09 post-edit)

Sometimes you just know a new chapter is about to begin in your life and right before it happens things seem to get extra quiet. Appreciate that silence because you will look back on it longingly later on. We look back on things from the past with deep longing.
This moment is a perfect snapshot for all that is and will ever be, and yet knowing that, we can still strive to find more of what is inside of ourselves.
As each one of us awakens to our life's path it makes it easier for others to do the same. They are presented with more mirrors to show them the way towards their own bliss.
I am back in Ann Arbor, Michigan and recently payed respects to the wife of my former tai-chi-gong master. Still I have no more answers about how he awakened my gift within me.
My spiritual journey grows stronger and on occasion my mind distracts me from the greater task at hand. Yet it continues to lose its power to do so. My focus and concentration grows stronger and my heart opens more, and as the day unfolds more is revealed to me.
I Am finishing an 8-year cycle which represents 'infinite' and an new cycle is beginning. Remember "crazy" people have a way of seeing and speaking about the same things we see and perceive, but we refuse to acknowledge these things because it makes us uncomfortable.
The Himalayas get closer and closer to penetrating the core of American Spirituality. Jesus or Issa's missing time has always held a particular fascination for me. Anyone of us awakening helps all of us to awaken to our true Christ/Buddha nature. We are beings of "Light." Let that permeate thru your entire being.
Sometimes we can see the potential for something down the road, yet we have to deal with the ravine that we have to cross right now. We can have awareness of what awaits us later but we have to bring our immediate attention to the now and it will make things down the road much more special. Nothing is quite as it seems, but this is no reason to be paranoid about such a thing. Your unconditional love is your shield against all that the world can hoist at you.

Be your own best friend and the world will do the same with you. Have patience and perseverance and all shall be rewarded. The journey is long and arduous but the results are more then we can imagine. Keep taking your steps and keep transforming as we create a new day and a new chapter.

Just Go with What feels right for you

I wonder what exactly makes for a proper education in a world where we are taught to seek outside of ourselves for our validation. Nothing is ever big enough and everything is super sized until you become sick yet we are over eating and are still under nourished. I found myself in Woodstock New York on my way to Burlington Vermont. I recently spent time with a Saint named Amma and not the one who is known for hugging. We all have to find our peace with ourselves and we all have our own way of going about finding this. It is easy not to judge when somebody doesn't judge you, but the greater challenge lies in not judging when somebody judges you. I am not different then anyone in that I seek a greater peace and joy within my own being that is not dependent on circumstances of any kind. I have been greatly benefited and gifted by many people along the way and continue to strive to experience and know the interconnectedness that we all share. I seek to express my emotions, thoughts and sentiments and to realize that I have not fully liberated myself until I no longer look outside of myself for validation that will never be enough for an ego that doesn't want to acknowledge its fleetingness. I always felt there was something more then what I was told. To be a spiritual seeker is to be deemed a Slacker, Lunatic, outcast and prophet and yet you are known and all of these things. I seek the council of those who have found a greater peace and acceptance then myself so that I can be guided back to my natural essence which is true for all of us. I wake up in a different place on a regular basis and each day offers new possibilities if I am open to a new experience that guides me closer to the source that we all come from. We all return from whence we came from and so much of the other stuff is merely a distraction from our true nature which we are told is foolhardy to seek. May we all be so lucky to be so foolhardy.

I heard I've Got a Prayer in Memphis

I am in NYC and I can feel America and the midwest and the South a the road with all the festival season calling me strongly along with the female saints that come and grace us with their presence. I am not looking for belief or faith I am looking for inner experience. I am not interested so much in speculation and idle chit chat (well a little bit) mostly I am just interested in that inner experience and my glimpses become longer. The only king I desire to know is the one who has conquered all internal conflict. Now we are all pieces of infinite puzzle and we all are finding our way to the right place on the globe but we just have to find that right place inside of ourselves first and foremost. Now is the chance to get right whatever I may have lost sight of. May the blind man start to see once again. Let it rain let it rain and may it wash away all that pain let it rain maybe I shall go to Spain and not just because it rhymes with rain.

Give Me that music

Music is such a huge part of my journey either I am listening to it making it up or it is just playing inside of my head and my soul. I head bop to music that I hear in my head and sometimes people even join in with me. There is something about sound that has a way of awakening all the different things that exist deeper in our unconscious and super conscious. I am back in New York City, but as they saying goes I left my heart in LA/Portland the past coming back to me and making me deal with a whole bunch of stuff that I thought I had dropped only to find out more clearly how much I carry it around with me. I feel her everywhere I go these days and yet timing is everything and I just need to be patient and focus on my inner work and want I need to be doing which is being of service to those around me. Healing is feeling yet the world seems to discourage us from feeling unpleasant feelings. Now I find myself in SOHO and this pain is prod to remember the divine. I find myself mantra chanting with great urgency and it just overcomes. My being hears these words and something awakens inside of me. I am waking up to the greater love inside of me and it spreading everywhere that I go. I am taking ice cold showers and I still come out of the water warm. I feel that my heart is cracking open more and more and parts of my mind want to resist it. I had a dream involving my healing gift and just allowing it to take me over more and just get out of the way. I can feel that great changes keep happening around me and I am just focusing on being present with the change. We all just need to be present with what we are feeling even if it is uncomfortable.

Certainly I Am Amazed

At This Moment Anything Can Truly happen and I really do believe that a man or woman can fly without wings just make sure you take off from the ground first (no jumping off rooftops or cliffs). Each person connects to another aspect of ourself and a different series of events are put into motion based on each little choice that we make. I have fear but i do my best to look at them clearly and understand that eventually I will have to leave. All of us are just visitors and may this place be better for our visit. I was recently at Coachella I got to hear Paul himself though I did not see him, but music is about hearing not seeing just ask Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder and they will be able to vouch for that. His voice was incredible and I Enjoyed myself immensely and thought that there is a wave of a new awakening coming that will demonstrate a large social shift and our values and priorities. The bus is moving and all of us are on it in one way shape or for.

Just Give Me a Chance to Audition to Play Myself

Recently a writer friend of mine was telling me about a screenplay he was working and one of the main characters would be based on me. In his mind he thought James Franco would play me. I found the whole thing quite hysterical the idea the idea that James Franco could play me better then I could play me. I told my friend that I least want a chance to audition to by myself. Even if I don't get the role of me I least want to be able to tell people that I auditioned but James Franco was considered better as the part of me then I would be. I then considered the idea of sending in James Franco as my replacement in certain situations in my life. I thought this could be really interesting since some casting directors decided he was better at playing me then I am. Yet if he Played me would I then end up playing him. Is there really some sort of bizarre challenge in playing yourself in this world where people have a really hard to being themselves. Maybe we all need an actor to come and play us for a while to show us how we could better play ourselves. If you know anything about being a unconscious medium is the spirit comes thru and you are not there for the process. I once heard it being described as going to sleep while the spirit took over. I thought this was a beautiful description. I guess I would go to sleep while James Franco played me for a while. Maybe we all need a break from playing ourselves just to see how somebody else would do it.

More From Coachella

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBgF0ssmAvE&feature=related

More From Coachella

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBgF0ssmAvE&feature=related

Some New Videos From Coachella 2009

Compassion Compassion COmpassion

That is the magic word that will lead us all to the life and world that we want to experience. Let yourself experience all those emotions that you push away when you see something that tugs at your heart. Don't try and ignore it and pretend it is not happening. THe mind wants the solution to be so much more complicated but it is not allowing the mind to get in the way of our compassion. Have your heart on your sleeve and your pants and everything you touch. May your heart be involved in all things. Look at Amma the hugging saint and realize that she is telling us we all have this unconditional love in our being. LEt us not push away our feelings for fear of being seen emotional or not rational. So often I forget what really matters as I pursue trivial things to keep me from feeling a deeper emotion because it almost seems too much to bare. But it is not too much and we all need to stand the rain because it is needed just like the sun. Joy and pain are both meant to be experienced without a fear of losing our joy and without trying to run from our pain. I know we will more often run from these things but if at least we can attempt to be still with what we are feeling. Updating my facebook or flirting with a girl I just met fall short of showing somebody an unconditional love to help them thru their situation. Sometimes being in that stillness and holding a space for them to let go of their pain can work miracles. Bill Gates pointed out recently that more money is spent on baldness then a cure for malaria because rich old guys are more directly affected by baldness then Malaria. When we are faced with such an example of our vanity in the face of other peoples suffering it is hard not too lose faith but compassion towards one human being can transform the whole world. It is not the act of charity but the intention behind that is truly transformative. May your compassion towards others not fail to fall upon yourself. May we all realize the power of forgiveness and if is ability to transform our circumstances.

I am along on this journey going thru the gamet of experiences knowing ultimately I just need to be coming from a place of compassion and that is better then being clever. I get tired of clever people who are so good about not being honest about their emotions and when I mean people i mean myself because of played that role before and I desire to truly stop and just be in a state of absolute surrender without trying to make my life into a game of hungry hippo for my ego because my hippo of an ego never will be satiated.

So Far Away But So Near and No More Fear

It is not about me its about the spirit or the love that we hold the space for. It is not about my glory but the glory of God and the unconditional love that reigns from the realms of light that we can feel when we can silence the mind. Healing is our feeling and our dealings with the inner truth in the deep recesses that we sometimes refuse to dwell in. I find myself back in different places for different reasons during seasons that my rational mind would never choose. I know that we are all going to have to get back to what was natural becoming natural men and women who are in greater communion with nature. I have always had a kinship with giant trees be they redwoods, oaks, birch, or palm trees. I am reaching deeper into the soil of this earth and reaching into higher dimensions that I act as a vessel for channeling into this world. It is always there it is merely that we have the awareness. We are meant to feel and overwhelming waves of peace and prosperity that we share with all whom are ready to receive these blessings. We all have a great deal of spiritual work to do together.

Now is the time for an era considered fiction by many to return to the forefront. I am a threshold of stepping onto a much bigger stage and may I just hold that space for magic. To remind people of the magic that exists inside of all living beings. It is not a sprint but a marathon that sometimes consists of sprints, walks, skips, leaps, and trots. Sometimes when we are hurting someone will help us carry on until we can continue on our own.

Screw Kellogs CornFlakes and Their Endorsements

I want to take this moment to say that many potheads probably eat crappy cereal such as Kellogs cornflakes and if they are so committed to a drug free policy why don't they start drug testing their employees for legal and illegal drugs. I know that many Americans would be disappointed if the wonderfully wholesome people at Kellogs (very sarcastic here) did not take a stand against pot. Drinking alchool and being alchoolic is fine but don't smoke pot. What a joke I the hyprocritical nature of such a drug using nation take a stand against Phelps for smoking pot is a giant hoax of a moral high ground that none of these people. I don't take any legal or illegal drugs (with the exception of some cappucino coconut ice cream) and in no way shape or form am I disappointed with this young man smoking pot. Heck in San Francisco it is legal why not condemn super bowls champs for drinking champagne after winning. They are sending such a bad message to young kids everywhere. This stigma on Pot has to got go at least if the people taking a stand against him were not hard drinking pill poppers they might actually have some credibility. I say Phelps lets the growing Pot and Hemp industry sponsor him instead of a highly processed and mildly toxic low grade cereal company.

Healing In Austin Texas

Videos from the summer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQDOKty6sOI

I wonder how much random footage is out there?

Sometimes To Write Is the Last Thing I want to do

It is hard for me to conceive that in this virtual world that people are actually reading my blog or that what I am saying in some way helps them with their journey. So maybe this one is more for me. I am at Sundance right now it is my fourth and it is the sort of thing where things come back around from finding a british guy that looks alot like Smiley if got fatter and started drinking heavily again to finding a pair of sunglasses which had I been given at Sundance 5 years ago. I have run into people that I have met from all over here and just reminds me of the all amazing people that come along on the journey just as you need them and not before or after. I have also been locked on the mantra of seeking the creator not the creations. In my case that creation is almost always been women. Somehow I still have a delusion that the right one can wipe away all that pain that I can't seem to drop myself. I continue to get lighter on this journey and help turn other people on to looking inside of themselves. My next stop looks to be LA with an outside shot at Vegas, but at least my mind has no desire for Vegas. I must admit I have a bit of a biased against the place. I am realizing more and more that "success" won't ever bring me what I am looking for. I want to merge with the infinite no longer attached to this world of things but in constant bliss with another realm. I am not sad but rather more determined on my spiritual quest and focusing on bringing more of mental energy to the source called GOD. Be the change and allow myself to receive and find a peace that enlivens my soul.

Looking For Adventure I suggest Couchsurfing and Craigslist

Many people complain that they are somehow stuck in a box and it is the same thing day in and say out and yet now more then ever there is opportunity for people that are usually prudent respectable citizens who have a hard to have spontaneous adventures to have one. (Of course you could always just call me and pick me up in your car, but I am not always available for spontaneous adventures, but that is still always a possibility). So first off you might have a car and you can put an add on craigslist looking for people to join you on your adventure and you can always meet them for tea and coffee to see if you vibe. Next you go on to www.couchsurfing.com and look for available couches with people who seem interesting to you. These people have references and you get a pretty decent sense of what they will be like by carefully reading their profile. Some of you might want to start more local and perhaps you can just make a sign offering free advice or free hugs or perhaps both. All of us are capable of stepping out of our routine it just takes that first step and suddenly we find ourselves steering a very different course.

Sheep ALiens And Sex That is Taboo

Recently I was pondering how we love to make jokes about people screwing sheep and the I wonder if Aliens view us as sheep and maybe a few of them in the long ago past visited us and some of them had sex with us viewing us in much the way that we view sheep. I guess there are good Aliens bad aliens and those aliens who screw humans which is our evolutionary concept of people who screw sheep. I hope this thought makes you laugh or smile or think that maybe I have too much time free time on hand. This might very well be the case, but I just wanted to put this thought out there because I like to have a good laugh as much as the next person.

You Can't Always Be Perfect Just regain Your Balance quickly

I once read from a martial artist that he does in fact lose his balance he merely regains it quicker then most people can perceive. That is some amazing awareness. Sometimes we have to be out and about mingling and sometimes we need to be in the cave regaining our focus remembering what our greatest motivation behind our goals. I have lost balance on countless occasions and I just seem to catch myself more quickly. My mind still wanders and I am still drawn towards things that are not always the best thing for me. i notice that I do stumble less and beating yourself up over it does not make it go away. I have come very far and yet I have only begun. I am ready to bring myself back into the crowds more grounded and more prepared for whatever the world has to throw at me. OFten we need to get out of comfort zone to find out what we are capable of achieving.

I love everyone and anyone who makes strides to go inward and look at the good and bad with even mindedness has my deepest respect and thank you for being a mirror for me and everyone else you come across.

Hey You Want To Start A Revolution?!!!!!!!!!

It was the simple sentence yelled to me from a beach pier in Long Beach Island, NJ in August 2000 by a young man that I did not know named Smiley. This simple sentence has echoed in my soul and to this day is one of the greatest things that anyone has said to me when first meeting me. My response was "Hell To the Yeah!!!!". That night I was harassed by a cop who threatened to search me for drugs because I had a shirt that said "Legalize Pot". Keep in mind I have never smoked this substance, but hsve always recognized the absurdity in making it illegal. Smiley and I have since gone on numerous adventures and perhaps have almost gotten each other in small and serious trouble and have counseled each other in our Don quioxtish missions in a land where being serious is so important. Smiley and I have always been very serious about our absurdity. I think of all the people in this world right now that are just waiting for someone to come along and say "Hey You wanna start a Revolution?!!!". All of us have that revolution inside of us that is brewing and sometimes it merely takes just a little awareness and one simple action like refusing to sit on the back of the bus to light a blaze to encourage people to take the steps that we have always needed to take. Now is our time to shake ourselves to the core and this country and world will come along with that shaking. We all need a good shaking and with that habits that are holding us back can be dropped. I want to thank everyone that I have met along that is starting their own revolution driven by their heart. Che was once quoted as saying at the risk of being laughed at that waves and waves of love were the greatest revolution of all. So whoever you are sitting wherever you are may I echo this simple sentence at you. May it bounce around in your head and implore your heart to reach out in ways that you have not previously allowed yourself to do. Now is the New Year but beyond it is a new moment and we are the movie of life unfolding and each one of us has the ability to knock people on their ass with a rebel yell that sometimes is just a sound and sometimes an intense waves of silence and calm that causes an inward reflection that keeps people running on their gerbal wheels. It is not your yelling that changes the world but your stillness your quiet riot that screams louder then the loudest siren in a world where silence will trump sound. Its not the words but the deep silence between each word that are infused with a truth that can't be denied.

George Bush Cocaine and the Fugees

Some of you may have already heard and others of you might be shocked about what I am about to tell you. I hope your sitting (being that you reading my blog I would assume this to be a really safe bet). John Forte from the Fugees had his sentenced commuted by George Bush. I really have no way to explain such an event, similar to how I can't explain why people are so concerned about gay marriage. My theory is that George Bush loves his cocaine as much as the next man in Washington DC and is hoping that the Fugees can come up with a great follow-up album and John Forte brings such a balance to the group dynamic. Heck George Bush probably would have been smuggling 1.2 million worth of Cocaine if the whole pesky white house thing had not sidetracked him. He felt finding Jesus meant that he should destroy the economy and send us to unnecessary war in Afghanistan, Iraq and a few other places that they try not to mention much in your yahoo headlines (which are too busy informing you about the most important current events involving anything to do with Brittany Spears and her extended family and anyone who may have seen her driving barefoot with no underwear while belching her newest hit song "womanizer", and reliving every million dollar photo up she has when she self destructs.). Yet all of this can be forgiven because George Bush is going to save R&B be helping to get John Forte out of prison. Who knew that George Bush indeed does not hate all black people (Kayne west you were wrong how foolish you must feel now please apologize to George. All can be forgiven its all just water over New Orleans) he seems to have a special place for the ones who help to keep the White House white in that way that nasal passages have just as many holes as the levies in New Orleans.

How Do you measure Spiritual Progress

One of the biggest challenges that I notice on the spiritual journey is how to measure spiritual progress. I have been trained like so many other people to always have neat and easy ways to measure your progress yet involving the most important things in life this can be very challenging and the most significant part is being love and open to this very moment. Yet at sometimes these seem like cliches or things that other people can achieve but we seem to be struggling with not flipping out on some cop or security guard that is making our life more difficult then it need be in a world that already seems to have more obstacles for us to over come everyday. I believe it is important to let go of any incessant need especially the need to try and measure spiritual progress. More then anything it is just a inner knowing which is a difficult thing to convince your rational mind that you have made progress based on some sort of inner knowing. If you can finally let go of this incessant need to measure growth you also have to avoid allowing yourself to be complacent and always keep striving to be the most authentic and honest that you can be. I have continued to be on my spiritual journey in a conscious way for over 7 years. In that time I have felt really close and I felt really far away and I have reached quite a few false summits. Yet each one of those false summits needed to be reached in order that the highest summit can be reached. I must be compassionated yet I must also use wisdom and good discretion and know when to disregard both of these things for the heart. It is a very fine line and that is one of the reasons why there are few saints. Yet I am always reminded by more aware beings who came before me that a saint is merely a sinner that never gave up. As long as we keep striving to be the most authentic we can be the more we can feel ourselves in tune with all the little nuances that lead to a success much greater then they are showing on in the movies or on television. At what point do you have enough of the material and what point are your willing to take your fools leap.

Now is the time and this is the place but can you just sit with that and let that penetrate you deeply and stop reaching for the past or future and harness all of that incredible positive energy that wants to flow freely from your being into this world that has forgotten. May we all awaken may we all remember and may we do this when we decide that we are ready to stop suffering needlessly.

A good wingman knows when to hold and knows when to walk away and knows when to run

Tonight in Ventura I was my buddy's wingman. I saw that he had an opportunity with a young lady that he had met I also sensed that many people might have also had that opportunity but the same could be said for many men as well. At certain point he was trying to convince me to keep talking to her friend. Her friend liked me but did not like when my eyes roll up and flutter which sometimes happens when I am mediating at the bar. I know what your thinking (Yes I really meditate at the bar) but that's just how I roll so make peace with it. Anyway I don't like be told to stop doing something especially when that is natural so I ended up walking away. While he was talking to me the girl that he was making out with started making out with another guy. Then shortly after that this same girl got in a minor confrontation with another guy (who we are pretty sure that she was making out with later in the evening as we left). Yes all and all this is pretty piontless story that could be on a episode of Cheaters, but I told my buddy that I was out and wanted nothing to do with it. He then went back to make out with her some more and the other girl became distraught and was on the verge of tears because she could not find her friend and she was the only girl not making out with a guy. My friend then decided it was time to get out of there (which of course was encouraged by the fact that this other guy wanted to fight him over feeling threatened. Yet my buddy did not dig her enough to consider fighting for this girl.) which I had done about 20 minutes earlier. If your friends want to make bad choices you don't have to stick around and watch the drama. Sometimes a good wingman or wingwoman just walks away and sometimes even runs away if necessary. Some people are just make bad choices and really are addicted to the drama, but that does not mean that you have to join them for it.

The Mind always Wants to Escape

Though I have made alot of progress in taming my mind from dominating my life I still find at times that it still has a strong momentum from previous years and yearns to feel superior/inferior and many other emotions that keep me in cycles that keep me repeating the same story lines that stop me from feeling myself fully present and in the zone. Looking to the future is something that can often be a distraction from fully appreciating the present moment even if this moment holds discomfort. I had a recent moment in Dolores Park with a few of my best buddies from Stanford and I felt very appreciative to be there being present with them, but I could feel that subtle momentum of the mind trying to have me trying to chase or obtain something else. We are all these crazy bunnies always seeking carrots that either we or someone else we knows desire. Having the most carrots denotes a certain level of status yet not chasing the carrot within itself is not victory. There has to be an inner experience taking place that far surpasses anything that the outside world can offer. I am yearning to seek the creator beyond all the creations. I move from the mystical to the mechanical just like many people in the modern day western society. I often find people are always projecting that I am sitting there on a throne placing judgment upon them. Yet that does neither myself or them any benefit and I will not allow my mind to head that direction because I merely want to experience that infinite joy that we all experience at to make that experience a perpetual feeling that other people can contribute to but a feeling that nobody can take away. It is our birthright to feel a deep underlying peace at any given moment. There will be pain but we come to understand that everything will come to pass and we are just beams of light currently residing in dense matter that we call the human form. May we never become overly attached to a world that is merely full with temporary pleasures that can never give any of the highest love that we seek to experience.

Experts Aren't All that

It occurs to me that shrinks in theory should always be the happiest people on the planet being that they studied the human mind to such a great extent and therefore have the knowledge to fix all of their problems. It seems to me also that the United States should never have financial problems because we have experts that know what they are doing. We should never have any military problems because most of our military leaders graduated first in their class at West Point. That doctors should never prescribed medicine that makes people more sick then when they entered the doctor's office. In case you didn't none of what I just said is true. Experts have some value but often they impede us in attempting to go about things in new ways to yield better results and sometimes we know something that the experts don't know and may we be brave enough to go with that. I remember being young and the doctor's trying to prescribe medication for a bad cold I had and I refused very strongly to take for some instinctive reason my parents listening to the expert gave it to me and the reaction was intensely adverse. We should listen to what experts have to say but realize that there are many factors that they can't account for and sometimes the beginner has a fresh way of viewing things that allow for many amazing results.

You Me we were the Pretenders

We let it all slip away then we awoke. I woke up from a dream last night and I saw my old tai-chi-gong master. I gave him a $20 donation in my dream and he was standing fully upright. It was a small token of my thanks and then suddenly it struck me that he had passed away 3 years ago and therefore I knew none of this was taking place on this current earth realm. I immediatley snapped up from my sleep. He gave to me so greatly and freely at a point in my life where I had no concept of how amazing the gift that I was receiving. An astrologer I once saw India mentioned this significant period in my life and how it was ordained before I was born to be given such an experience. One part of me greatly believes in fate and another also believes in our free will. Somewhere this two things coincide and share the same space some how and may finite mind may never understand this, but it is not necessary for me to grasp such a thing. Last night I saw a young man named Kevin then I went to college with and could see that pain and suffering that is caused when you awaken but you do not fully allow yourself to embrace the realization in the way that you live your every day life. There is nothing here other then the love that I give and share that will cross over with me. The rest is merely smoke and mirrors. Yet I noticed that my friend Kevin had more of a humitlity and humanity that resonated from him more strongly. Once you have already begun the process of waking up you must allow yourself to see it on thru. Your options are suffering more or accepting. Either we accept or we suffer and all of us are justing passing thru all of us are just visitors and nomads with our moments and stages both large and small. The unvierse conspires in way that seem absurd at times to allow these glimpses of divinity to shine thru if we allow ourselves to see it. May I always allow myself to be see it especially when it is not pratical or convient to recognize. No more pretending just being as much as I will allow myself to be.

Remember When Stalkers Used to BE Creepy and Hard WOrking

It recently occurred to me that because of facebook/myspace that the ancient art of stalking has become something that everyone does now. No longer is it necessary to dig thru the garbage, memorize schedules,dedicate hours of your day talking to and making friends with the person you are stalking. We live in a whole new era where almost everyone on facebook, myspace, and blogs has used this to some degree as a means of stalking and it is completely socially acceptable to do this sort of thing. I have been on occasion stalked thru this means or thru my blog. I have no qualms or problems with this at all. I just think it is really funny that at one point it was considered really uncool or creepy and now everybody's doing it. Heck I would even say it is hip. You can know what someone's mood is where they are and where they are going to be. You can see who they are friends with the friends that you have in common and read their wall posts (which share more information then you could imagine). You can discover if they are single, in a relationship, and my personal favorite "in a relationship but its complicated". It is amazing how technology effects the social norms and dictates that certain behaviors that were socially deviant are now normal. I welcome anyone reading this to feel completely comfortable in knowing that once again we have become the very thing that we judge most. The only difference between stalking of yesterday and today is that it is virtually untraceable now and it takes little or no effort. Everyone has gained easy virtual portals into other people's lives.

Long Live Video It is still killing the writing star!!

Video Killed the writing star!!!!!

May I feel the suchness of it all

This time of year I find that we are all more likely to think about people that we have lost touch with and reach out to them via e-mail or phone call and sometimes it gives us an amazing chance to bury the pains that we are holding onto in our mind and body. I am waking up more and more to the simple fact that one simple moment happens and the direction of our lives can change very quickly. Sometimes perhaps we were headed in that direction all along and other times great efforts can be made to avert emotional and mental suffering. I have been blessed to meet some very incredible people on my journey who have consciously and unconsciously made me aware of things that I need to work on. I often view myself as simple man, but in actuality I still have mind clutter that I am bring more attention to it so that I can allow it to quickly pass and not placing judgment on it. I was recently spending time in the physical presence of Amma allowing me to reconnect with numerous people from different points in my journey. I know that there are many methods to making the mind still, but find Yoga in conjunction with tai-chi/chi-gong and the blessing of saints to be beautiful ways to progress on our spiritual path.

I find my mind in difficult emotional moments looking to find a external distraction so that I won't have to be present with an unpleasant emotion. I try to catch myself more quickly when I do these behaviors. Today I ran into someone at the grocery store in SF who I had seen outside of a coffee shop in Silver Lake and we started talking and when I told her my name she realized that I had hung out with her and her boyfriend in San Diego 3 years ago. I felt that she was familiar when I saw her in LA and in SF I had an opportunity to understand why she was familiar. I have always been fascinated by the web of connection and I do my little part to make people of aware of it by my own awareness of it.

THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT IS NOT CONNECTED and when we realize this things like war will eventually become outdated. May this new year bring in greater awareness and may we all take time to slow down and appreciate the simple amazing things that we take for granted. May we take this time and send blessings to people that enrich our lives currently and from the past. May we allow ourselves to fully value that amazing people that we have in our lives. After seeing Amma and even during I had the thought in my mind that everyone before me has an opportunity to show that unconditional love to all beings who we encounter.

Odd Synchronicity Brings My Awareness to the ways that we are all connected

Yesterday I celebrated thanksgiving with a girl who had first spotted me in Cambridge, Mass when we both happened to be visiting at the same time. We then saw each other at Rainbow grocery and she invited me and a few of my friends to celebrate the holidays. With her I met her friend Ashley and confessed to her my instinctual love of Kansas even though I have spent almost no time there at least in this lifetime. Well at the party they had two friends visiting from Kansas specifically Lawrenceville, Kansas which is the spot that I am most drawn to have heard the most about in this past year. She then mentioned Portland which made me think of my good friend Sokhak who passed away about 2 weeks ago in Portland when low tide became high tide and he and a friend had fallen asleep on a rock. I then mentioned my friends name and my other new friend from Israel jumped in excitement because he had spent an amazing day with Sokhak in Dolores Park, but he did not know about the news. I then let him know of Sokhak passing away which I found out from a myspace e-mail that I had received from one of his friend. I initially was confused about what had happened and if this brief two line e-mail was true. After then digging online a bit more I came to find out what had happened. Later in the same week a good friend of mine Stephon had his first son action Jackson and reminded me of this circle of life never ending or beginning. I had recently noticed the headline in Mumbai about a terrorist attack and realized at one point they had at listed at 119 dead. This number has always been significant to me. Since then the number has risen and I was reading an article and found that two members of an organization called the Synchronicity foundation out of Virginia were two of the people murdered. I then remembered a couple years ago meeting a man in NYC who was highly involved in this group. I did a healing on his friend that was quite memorable and he then gave me his card which had this organization written on his card. I do not believe it was the person who died in the attack, but it certainly made me think of him and his organization which is not something that had crossed my mind in sometime. My friend Stephon is from Kentucky, which is the state Edgar Cayce was born in, part of the reason Stephon has been really drawn to Cayce and this helped to stoke my own interest in Cayce. I am not trying to say that any of this means anything in particular other then that we are all connected and tragedies in other parts of the world that don't seem relevant can eventually make there way to the forefront of our lives in ways that we would never expect. It also amazes me how the presence of a person making one comment about a vegan spot In Portland will lead you to discovering that you and another good friend have the same friend in common. We are all interconnected and though it might be hard to follow this it is something that deserves attention. It helps to make the intangible more tangible in a way that we can understand. It inspires me to treat every person that crosses my path from the highest intention that I am capable of doing in each moment

I pity the Fool WHo Steals My SIgn

I know what your thinking really people actually steal your sign. I guess these hard times where people have lost their faith in humanity they have not lost their faith in signs. Personally I like to believe that they turn the sign into some sort of alter and pray in front of everyday in a desperate but beautiful attempt to make it back to God/SOucre/plug in your favorite word. I have no ill will towards the people not just because thats not my style but because by not having a sign from time to time and now with the short hair I have the experience or the adventure of being as about as normal as I can appear being that I am a bit tall. By the way I still think of myself as medium height. Oh yeah back to the sign I got sidetracked here these people will be haunted down dead or alive and then afterwards when nothing is accomplished I will use this an excuse to have a huge mission accomplished party.

In other news I am so over coherent one message blogs I want to be all over the place and allow you the reader to unify whatever is you want to unify. I love the comments keep them coming makes me feel that I am not alone in space. I wake up one day and sometimes I honestly forget where I am and think it might be the closet I get to actually remembering that everything that I have come to believe as certain is not really certain at all. Hey someone out there reading this I have an idea make a sign that says something that you believe or that just makes you laugh and walk around with it. I promise it will add some spice into your life. Open up to a new adventure take a chance allow yourself to maybe be rejected. SOmetimes we need to get back to Basics and sometimes we need to adapt and sometimes a combo of the two somewhere in the middle of Kansas to find out the madman make alot more sense then our world leaders and you don't have to be famous or a senator to get caught trying to solicit sex in the bathroom and on the other side of the coin we don't have to be famous or a political person to do good deeds. We don't need a press conference/photo up or a whole bunch of cameras. Imagine that you were watching your own life from the outside what do you want to see happen. Make your life more interesting then housewives of Atlanta or the OC or anywhere for that matter. We are the real world and even this is somehow part of the real world. Even this might inspire you to go hitch hiking like a 19 year old named Alec that my friend and I picked up as we drove the scenic route from SF to LA. He read somewhere that people did this sort of thing and it inspired him to do the same. He had a great heart and soul to him and every experience he had was a treasure to him. Bless you and God speed wherever you are Alec and all the Alecs on the winding roads and waterways of this world.

6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping chi-gong healing couchsurfng jew looking to be bailed out

I have recently added addsense to my site and the idea that I could buy a meal once every other month as result of my writing makes me smile. These are challenging economic times. I recently had my sign stolen (though I did leave it outside for a few hours) and have noticed that I am spending more then I am making. I have asked my local congress person if they could add one spiritual healing freestyle rapping jew to the economic bailout plan. Since this might take some time and since the psychic did not tell me when I would be getting the book deal and the bank currently won't loan me money based on the psychics prediction and therefore I have opted to allow adds to be posted on my blog. One day I hoped to receive sponsorship similar to the banks, but unfortunately or fortunately I have not defrauded the US taxpayers of billions. In order for the US government to bail you out it appears to me that you must be completely irresponsible, wasteful and commit lots of fraud then they will take pity on you and ask for donations from US citizens in the form of "taxes". Life is funny in the way that it teaches that the truth is one of the most absurd things possible. I would really also like to see the US government bail out single moms, college students with debt, low income people in the hospital and a few others that I feel could use a break a little bit more then bankers and desperate automakers that keep most of their profits in the hands of a few.

Virtual World becomes part of Real World

It can be a huge self esteem builder in a world of virtual everything but actual nothing. It is as if everyone has become some sort of socially akward gaming nerd who doesn't know how to form sentences or witty sentences unless they have been way too thought out. The paxil, zoloft, and prozac obviously are not working and people want to have more facebook and myspace friends. I will not pretend that I am immune to this I might also have to seek professional help. The notifications are like news feeds from CNN but better I catch myself drooling when I stare at them too long. Just when I am ready to get off line and end my virtual life somebody starts facebook chatting me. After that I obcessively google myself with ever possible spelling possible to find what random people I don't know have written about me. Then I go onto Yahoo to read about 20 year old college students who just want a hug from a Panda because they are so cute. But maybe he was just saving himself the pain and suffering of a virtual life that takes place on youtube where all of your friends can put up videos of your favorite people being trashed out of their minds so that at least one person can be humiliated and then someone's mother can pose as a non-existent 13 year old boy that causes some girl to kill herself. All of sudden the virtual world has entered the actual world and it does have an impact. I read of someone committing suicide online as other people egged them to do so either because they thought it was a joke or because they just don't have any connection to their actual feelings. Only the virtual feelings were guiding them. In conclusion when you read this get up and go out that door and smile and wave at a complete stranger because we could sure as heaven use alot more of that.

Just because they Look Great for cuddling Doesn't Mean they won't hurt you

I was glimpsing at Yahoo headline which for once did not revolve around Lindsey Lohan and read an article about a 20 year old college student in China who hopped the fence to get a hug from a Panda bear. He was mauled by the Panda bear and is in stable condition now, but he felt that the bear seemed so cute. You would think this would be something that a younger child would do, but not someone who is 20 years old. We as people are so starved for physical affection and love that we would hop a fence in hopes to receive it from a giant Panda bear. He was in awe of the Panda's cuteness and willing to put himself in harms way. It appears the Panda did not feel the same way about him or has issues with physical contact when it involves a different species. I really understand after incidents such as this why people wait hours on line to get a hug from Amma. There really is such a shortage of love that people show each other that some people are willing to risk their lives to receive love from Panda bears in the zoo.

Maybe the Panda really did want an embrace from the student but had his own abandonment issues from his mother and felt that the boy would do the same thing to him. The panda figured he would hurt the boy before the boy could hurt him. Or maybe the better had psychic abilities and realized that by biting him he would save him from the far greater disaster of him trying to hug one of the lions in the zoo. This Panda bear may have very well saved this young man's life. Though I must admit I too find Panda bears to be cute, but I recognize that not everyone that I may find cute wants to be hugged by me. I have made peace with this simple truth of life and I hope this young man can do the same without a resentment towards Panda bears.

Accepting Loss as Gain and Gain as Loss

Recently I learned via myspace that a good friend of mine had been swept away by waves and drowned. It happened just a couple of days ago. The first feeling was a bit of denial and that it was some sort of joke, but as I dug deeper I realized that this was indeed the truth. It was somewhat startling and I looked back on when we first met and looked back on the last time I saw him which was this year at Burning Man. He was sleeping on a rock with a female friend and low tide became high tide. He was able to save her life, but he was not able to save himself. I was told that my friend had passed and was given no details of any sort. So being that my friend has a very unique name I googled him to find out what had happened. If it was not for the internet it might have taken some time before I received this news perhaps I might not have known until my next visit to Portland. I had spent time on his couch on a few occasions and we had talked about a multitude of things. He was always working on some sort of charity work to improve the lives of people on this planet. He was a beautiful ball of energy and he still remains exactly that. I won't be running into his physical form anywhere on the streets of Portland or Burning Man, but from time to time I will always feel his presence. I wish my friends around me in LA knew this friend of mine so that I could have someone to talk to about his departure from this world. Yet this world was never meant to be permanent and yet this is nothing to be upset about, but rather something to rejoice. My friend Sokhak has graduated onto another realm and can feel me typing away and perhaps even read the words that I am writing. I send my warmest wishes to his family and friends many of whom I never met and smile at his spirit as he looks from beyond this world.

We beat the Dress off of Hilary Clinton

I know some of you think that I didn't win this presidential campaign, but you are completely off your rocker if you think. Because I am still running and more importantly we outlasted the Clinton campaign machine with almost no money spent and no real effort made. She is still in debt and considering taking a position in Obama's cabinet. We are not even considering taking a position not that he has bothered to ask. Perhaps Obama's staff is mildly bitter that we did not concede and still have not conceded. Victory is ours we will not declare defeat we will be like Apollo in Rocky IV which worked out really good for him. We outlasted Hilary and Bill we are the Champions My friends like a Queen song during a Freddie Mercury marathon when she folded we proudly sang the song "another ones bites the dust and kept going". We can not be held down. When times were tough we said "what would Puff Daddy Do?" Instead of others who might have asked what Jesus would do. We considered being Martyrs and being on that whole cross thing, but Fox news never would have covered so why bother. We shall overcome my friends there will be couchsurfing in the white and we will sell pot to Taliban and get them stoned out of their mind and then we will get them laid and then they will lack motivation to do anything against other then bitch like my mother when I forgot to take out the garbage and or when I did not do my homework.

People absurdity is the greatest force that our campaign has we are fast approaching history and we are gearing up for 2012 and the buzz about our campaign is huge it is bigger then Pee Wees Big Adventure bigger then Johnny Deep on 21 jump street. We have seen the promise land and there is free music festival tickets for everyone. We have lots of people from Canada and Mexico who tried to vote for us and one day we will invade them for their water and workers and watch out democratic party because we will make this country very green.

It won't Turn out How you Imagined

Whatever is need you to realize your life experience will give you just that and we all keep repeating the same pattern until we see to the core of our pattern and then we are free to release. Whether you believe in karma or not the way of undoing it is to merely to learn the lesson that life is trying to show you. Everyone else around you who is paying attention can see it, but it is always easier to see what someone else needs to do in order to let go of their suffering. For me when I dance I can feel myself letting go and I can feel myself working out on those internal knots and releasing them so that I can have a greater emotional and mental clarity and my body comes along for the ride. Your healing will lead to the healing of everyone around you. And yes will all get caught up and stumble along the way but in this moment we have an opportunity to release things. And maybe things won't look the way we imagined but it is more important that we have deeply touched that peace that resides inside of us.

Last night for Halloween I thought of the humor of dressing in costumes and masks to be more free. I thought the last thing I need is another mask or costume. The last costume I saw was a drunk Irish Catholic Priest with a flask of booze in his Bible that he made himself for the nights festivities. I imagined an actual priest using Halloween as an opportunity to connect with people in a way that removes the imaginary boundary that is created by the costume that they wear.

I am coming to find myself striving to find that deeper source that we all have access to if we just can just slow down and be patient and have a clearly focused mind. Stop all the mental duress and help everyone find their peace by finding our own first.

Open Up And Just Accept

I am in Chicago thanks to the magic of craigslist rideshare past and present. Sitting here listen to Jamie Lidel. All about silence doing the talking blasting in my ears. I first found Mr. Lidel at Sasquatch and I danced as if a man possessed by the dancing spirits of days past. He reminds me of Little Ritchie meets james Brown meets a British version of Feris Bueler with a touch of Detroit electronic. We live how whole lives and music and people make for the background of our lives and at certain points that background moves to the forefront. Are you enjoying this moment? If not perhaps it is the way you are looking or perhaps you need to be somewhere. By the way when your friends hook-up, date, marry, and or have kids with people that you had something with just smile and let it go because acceptance is a powerful thing that allows us to enjoy this moment for what we have now.

At times I know that this world is nothing that it seems to be I too get caught up in everything that does not mean a hill of beans unless of course you have a mad love affair with beans.

Last night I saw a Israel girl named Shira that I had met on the street a year ago. Often I don't mention people's names but I feel like I am holding back by not mentioning it. I met her on the street a year ago and was intensely drawn to her, but when I saw her she did not seem herself and I could feel all things that she was holding back and it made me anxious until I helped her let go of it. And I could tell that she wanted to drop this heaviness and felt amazing to help her do that in whatever small way that I am capable of as a vessel for change. I met up with another friend of mine Jackie last night. I first met her at a Lalapoolza and then really connected again about a year later in union square park. People that you know from one place pop up in other place and will people different roles depending on what lessons we need to realize. As I arrived in Chicago a woman banged on the car window of the car obviously intensely suffering, but not for the reasons she claimed. She said, "she was 4 months pregnant and bleeding and needed money for a taxi". Something about it felt funny though there was certainly desperation. I told my friend Jackie this story and she had been told the exact same story. The only twist was in my story she told us that she was HIV positive. I assume that she did this so we would be less inclined to give her a ride to the hospital.

I think how much somebody must be suffering to create a story up like that and how torn people must be between what the feel and what they are being told. All of us have to do the best we can in order to make thru the maze of this world and all the different challenges that are thrown at us and sometimes we have decide very quickly. It is important for us to hone our instincts and just listen to that feeling deep within our core and allow it to guide us. I do my best to hear everyday and pray that I make the highest choice for all people involved

Craigslist Changed My Life

COnstantly I will find myself in one part of this wonderful country and realize that I need to make it somewhere else and I will find a ride on craigslist. I have used this service close to a hundred times and I could probably make a movie just on the craigslist rides that I have taken. It is almost always cheaper and faster then a Greyhound and allows me to connect to one stranger or multiple strangers for a brief snapshot of their life and they get the same with me. I find most of the time that people don't even ask many questions about myself. Maybe they hear my voice and immediately get a good vibe or maybe they just need gas money really badly. Either way I find it humorous how some of thesse same people would not pick up hitchhikers on the side of road, but picking up cyber riders is totally cool. In my case though I will offer my name and tell them to google me facebook, couchsurfing, youtube, and myspace to name a few. I don't do this to show off, but to merely say hey I am decent guy and people will vouch for me. My most recent craigslist will be a roundtrip to Chicago and back. My last Chicago craigslist ride lead to me doing a healing on one of the drivers who was suffering from Siatica (I have no idea how to spell it) which lead to more healings and is now helping to lead to my return to Chicago again and potentially more healing work along with a place that will be crashing at least for a few days. I love helping to connect dots and sometimes I will do this without saying a word. Amma the hugging saint will be back in the United States in another month she brings up such love for me from the core of my being. Look her up online if you don't already know who she is and know that she has had a profound impact on me and certainly encourged me to give more hugs.
love always,
Te'DeVan

Sometimes We All Need To Be Humbled A Bit

I recently experienced that wicked sting of placing great expectations upon another only to have hit me back pretty hard, but I knew as soon as I got there that we were not quite on the same page and it did not feel bad, but not that amazing feeling that you get when someone is on that same energetic frequency as you are on. The places I go don't matter to me much and wherever I am right now is where I want to be otherwise I would be somewhere else. I think of Plum Village a community created by Thich Nhat Hanh and we need more of these places all over the world. I have thought alot about the idea of children and the importance of sending kids to a school where there is great emotional and spiritual fostering beyond merely making sure they excel academically. Often in school I noticed my grades were of the greatest importance beyond my emotional and physical health.

I have zig-zagged around the country so many times and I never tire of the experience and feel blessed to be offered so many opportunities to travel and see all the amazing people and still I have only begun to touch upon all the incredible places that Int to go. One of my biggest roles is that of the connector helping people come together. Sometimes I feel like I might stop and inexplicable momentum keeps me moving. I do feel that I will eventually create a home base somewhere, but will always be traveling throughout this entire lifetime.

Ages past offer us lessons that would serve us well to pay deep attention to as we enter into the "troubles". That is the term that I have heard a few people bantering around and seems to catch the general feeling of this time period. All of us are here for a purpose beyond just being "successful". We are here to look to touch our truest nature and help others to do the same. I want to thank anyone who has made the attempt and encourage you to continue to make the attempt to look within yourself even if you don't initially uncomfortable. Push past the discomfort and you will eventually touch peace. All of us beneath all the dirt and dust are just light from the sun. Light is our truest nature and allow that truth to come forward in a moment of your greatest suffering. But don't just read it or say it allow into deeply seep into your thoughts and your feelings until you just become this light which you always were, but the this world of illusion helped you to temporarily forget. Now is a time to remember to ease the "troubles".

We are all Connected.

I love how in life you can look at the present moment and trace it back to a small moment that took place 5 years ago or even longer. How one person who is now your best friend is do to the result of another person that you might have not seen in years or perhaps they have passed away. It never ceases to amaze me, all the intricate webbing that takes place in this world and beyond. You never know when someone will return into your life, but I find often I was thinking about the person and then they will be walking around the corner a couple hours later. We all need to allow ourselves to enjoy these little miracles and be thankful for the daily reminders that they provide in demonstrating that we are all part of the same web.

It All Moves So Fast How Can I Possiblely Document

I need a camera crew to follow me around about half the time. No not all the time because I would still like some sort of illusion of alone time. OF course when you ususally surf the couch alone time mainly takes place wandering the streets really late or early in the morning. Sometimes I feel that people really want a revolution but usually I feel most people want the iphone a plasma television and to have sex with their favorite celebrity or any celebrity. Our culture looks at celebrities as prophets and maybe some of them are but they need to get out of rehab first. I used to write funny things and then I got really vague and general at least I speculate that is what happened. I was given second hand psychic information that I am getting a book deal. In fact I was thinking I should have a party celebrating what the psychic. He has a good track record. I went to a really long yoga session today. I observed my ego being annoyed that they gave us ruffle potatoe chips I prefer Kettle chips or something on the organic tip. My family is the greatest sitcom that will hopefully being coming to a television set near you. I am going to Philly and I am really excited and being presented with an opportunity to really evolve as a spirit. We are all shifting into different vibrations and friends become lovers and lovers become friends and life's karma never ends until the ego stops and we no longer pretend. I used to date beautiful train wrecks and then I improved and started dating recovering beautiful train wrecks. But maybe that is merely the story of humanity at this point in history. I recently met a man that hardly eats at all and believes in the power of sun gazing and starring at it directly with your eyes for brief periods of time. We don't have time, but we do have now and yes between you me and anyone who reads this "sex with turtles makes me happy". Truthfully it is just the idea of it. I love Jenny Lewis actually I just love the idea of saying that I love Jenny Lewis, but man that song "Portions for foxes". Bring back the focus and screw all the economic hocus pocus.

A little bit deeper and A whole Lot Sweeter

Afer I write up a blog I have almost no memory of what I wrote and I am shocked when somebody sends the comment back to me in a response and it reminds me that at certain moments I am channeling something beyond then what I have been taught. As each one of us becomes aware of our individual power and unique skills then it makes easier for the next person to do the same thing. Each one of us is capable of reaching new heights that will allow us to see from a higher vantage point with greater clarity.

It is the lack of clarity caused by fear that prevents from having the life that we desire. I have a general feeling that my life will be a long one, but I am more focused on cultivating unconditional love and acceptance and blending gentleness and firmness. Just because you are smart does not mean that you should be cold hearted and just because you are open hearted does not mean that you have to be foolish. I am always fine tuning my balancing and bringing greater awareness to the situation and allowing myself to see things from another persons perspective even if that way of seeing things seems crazy or irrational. Don't expect sane argument to work on an insane person. That makes you a crazy person. Allow yourself to understand how people operate and focus on your individual integrity if you want to feel true to yourself.

Everyone will have something to say about what you did or are doing at any moment. Allow yourself to take actions that feel good in your heart. The deeper I dig the more a find an amazing sweetness of peace that causes me to be desiring less. Yes, I still have desires but their pull on me is weaker and as it weakens it allows me to be more fully present in this moment. THis moment is the dance this moment is a time to form Kevin Bacon's army. We all need to get a little bit footloose. Meaning moving from that place that goes far beyond the mind. I was dancing on the street in the East village and I got called into a resturant bar by a short older Indian man and everyone started to dance. Each one of us is capable of being a catylst for a dance revolution. The spontaneous of life is something that too many of us deny. I am freeing my mind by deepening my breathe.

Special thanks to everyone who responded to my blog from Boston to Bama we are people desiring to better know our true self. For me Autobigraphy of a Yogi has been of great significance.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity and evolution is the manifestation of love.

Tell Me about Your Life

According something that racks up numbers there are people out there and who knows where that read this blog and I am told so by some tracking system it even tells me from where people are from and how long they were on thsi website, but it doesn't tell me anything else. I would love to just hear a few simple things about you whoever you are and what makes you tick and how and why you check out my site. I have crossed paths with so many different people and try to generally not allow myself to fall into a rut and I am always looking to break habits that no longer serve me.

Where am I exactly and where do we allow our minds to drift off to and at our core we are all the same and yet specially unique, but we all dealing with trying to figure how we fit into this life and what is our purpose on this planet. Some people are told their purpose and might very rarely question such a thing and take it at face value. The troublemakers are the ones who think for themselves, but this is not an easy thing to do. Rampant consumerism that takes place here and many other places doensn't happen because people are thinking for themselves. Most things in moderation is a phrase that I hear quite often, but moderation is something we hear about, but mostly everyone is overly indulgent or extremely rigid and never give themselves any opportunity to indulge in the smallest ways. I do not believe that moderation is a myth, but it rarely happens in this day an age and is to be applauded whenever we witness such a beautiful act of simplicty. The greatest lives are made of beautiful acts of simplicty and perhaps just telling me a few small things about yourself would be amazing. I want to know that you are alive and out there and if you don't want people reading it you can e-mail at tedevanthehealer@yahoo.com.

Many different roads but if we follow our heart it will lead us to the same destination. We all take missteps but we always have an opportunity to go a different way. I am learning to listen to the guidance that I receive in the silence. Now is a time to look wihtin yourself and you will find greater and greater results thru this inner search. We have the ability to transcend what the world appears to be. May our peace spreaad to all corners of this world and beyond.

I want an Alternative everything but lets start with Nightlife

I desire to be able to dance to 80's music and surrounded by an opportunity to drink tea and drink organic juices late at night until the early morning. I believe that the demand is there to fill a place like this in a major city in the United States. Anyone that reads my blog and is looking to make an investment may I recommend organic/alternative nightlife. It would attract spiritual people and people in recovery programs such as AA and NA it would also be very popular with people that would be curious to check it out. I have a tremendous amount of fun all day long and I love to dance and I would love to be in a cleaner space and I know that I am not the only one. If there was just one place like this anywhere in the United States it would be a wonderful thing.

In other news it appears that we maybe entering a deep recession/depression and I remember actually writing a blog about this in the last year. I am sure I was not the only person that realized this day was coming, but it has finally arrived and in the very near future we will no longer be an economic superpower. All of this war in Iraq and everywhere else has drained our treasury chest and American taxpayers. At moments like this it is very important to intensify any sort of meditative or spiritual practice and start simplifying your life. We all need food, water, and a place to stay and many other things are essential.

I had a few Frat guys threatening to physically move me for dancing on the street to the music that was playing from their frat house. I starting praying and focusing on my breathing and they were somewhat bewildered. One or two of them started yelling at me, but I stayed mostly internally focused. I continue to reach deeper within and have been realizing that if you stay completely calm it makes it very challenging for people to fight you. It stirs up a strange anxiety of sorts and they usually end up feeling very uncomfortable about their behavior.

There are things that I feel and sense that guide me on my journey and sometimes people take this as some sort of slight or offense. It is merely that I have a certain way of doing things that feels right to me and social customs are not that important to me. For instance after I do healing work most of the time I prefer not to shake hands there are of course exceptions to this, but most of the time I prefer not to shake hands. Nothing personal just something that feels strange. Of course I am usually open to hugs instead if bowing seems to impersonal.

More videos because it is easier then writing

New comedy video

NYC/Brooklyn we see each other only on a part time basis

I am currently quite content in the Bay these days I guess Oscar Wilde was right when he said something about that everyone who is said to be missing ends up in San Francisco. I keep feeling this drumming of revolution in all sorts of ways and I know that we all know this happening and for many of us it doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. Immediate gratification not fast enough well you just have to learn to accept certain things, but there is so much we can change starting with ourselves. I sometimes can feel myself looking for that distraction to take me away from taming my mind, but I know that my truest peace and ever lasting joy does not exist in what I say or do, but in how I just allow myself to be intensely present and experiencing what is before me. I don't know what 3 months from now holds for me and though I may change greatly on the surface the things that are real about me never change it merely shines thru stronger. At Burning Man I ran into a few folks that had not seen me in a while and they all noted that I seemed more grounded and a deeper calm. This is my greatest quest and opening of my heart to help me overcome a collective mind and society that always wants to place limits on the limitless.

I am looking to help reshape society to natural flow where more people get what they need not what they think they want. I am feeling a greater desire to make people starting with myself and I have been doing just that. Right now the greatest adventure exists in making your mind serve you, but it demands great self control and willingness to accept this moment.

There Is Power that comes in when we let go

Even though I have let go of a great many things I still find my mind trying to dictate my feelings and my actions in a way that will not bring me the peace that I truly believe is our natural birth right. I can also be honest with myself and reelize that I am overly self obsessed and other times I just allow it to all drop away and I am just naked and I have nothing to say and I am amazingly happy to be in that place. I have been in San Francisco since Burning Man I just got ticket back east to NYC and then will make my way to Chicago, Ann Arbor, Philly, and perhaps montreal depending on feelings that have in the moment. Certainly Ann Arbor has been strongest in my mind as of late. THat is where I first met the tai chi chi-gong master who as I learned thru the grapevine left this realm 3 years ago. I never knew how much he effected until years later. I am going to my family's Yom Kipur and bringing a friend of mine who shall keep me highly entertained. I have always noticed that women seemed really intrigued at the prospect of meeting my family. There are always these places that call to me and it is almost as if they shout to me to come on over. Occasionally on couchsurfing I get e-mailed from people around the world to come and visit them. I don't have the funds to visit all of these people. I hope to be able to travel thru Europe in the near future. I desire to expand my ability to speak more languages. I love being silent in group situations at certain times and it is fascinating how much this seems to cause some people great frustration. I recently discovered jamie Lyndel at Sasquatch and danced so hard even though it was my first time being exposed to it. I have been digging on alot of Elvis as of late and threw a huge dinner party with my old college roommate and my compadre Matt Stoltz and we had lots of laughter and people dancing and performing.

I need to continue to work at clearing out my mind so that I can more clearly see closer to an absolute truth. Unconditional love for myself and everyone else allows a peace to be experienced that uplifts everyone. Sometimes it feels like everything has been said and I want to go months without using any words unless they are foreign words which seem to hold much greater interest for me. THe more people you know in this world the more people will try and talk to you as a way of avoiding themselves. I know that I have subjected people to this at certain points in my life. Mountains are still mountains and trees are still trees.

You Can Not Please Everyone

We won't be able to make everyone happy, but we can find the things that bring us joy and share with those who desire to experience these things with us. Sometimes I can feel myself mildly wounded or hurt about people's responses to me. Yet we all are just attempting to find our true self and at certain moments we have more clarity and insight then at other moments. Yet I am always respectful of the attempt even if greater treasures are not immediately found.

Hope in Heaven and hell is your state of mind

I am transversing all different spots thru SF finding my way up and down numerous hills and I truly love these steep climbs and approaching with a fast pace that almost borders on jogging. So often phone conversations can be shortened or done without entirely. There is a gap that is being closed and opened between form and formless and moving from one to another with greater ease. SOmetimes I suffer that ache of gluttony but still it pals in comparison to my desire to be present and make my way deeper into the stillness and surrender that identity. That all troubling identity and that ego that has been beheaded so many times yet keeps coming back for me. Like el Capitan in Yosemite. in the wild there is a taming of the mind to lead to a more clear hearing of the heart. How can I feel more when my mind fears losing itself. It takes four when it used to take one. but the words cut sharper and sharper and that compassion has to expand and stopping merely looking for a way to get off on this Jersey turnpike because you can't handle the smell and you don't have the cash for the toll booth of life. Just walk and keep walking and drop the backpack just a small bag and even if you lose that then let it be. The Vice President has quickly become the president and Kennedy's ghost still haunt this nation and pop songs don't always pop and fades quickly drop and there is a point when we stop pointing and just listen to the wind. A country full of people willing to do anything to avoid intimacy with a stranger. A lonely road of Mcdonalds and truckers with bigger hearts then any of our leaders. In a land not too far away there is a much simpler life where currency is not that important if it even exists at all.

All of Those Raw Feelings And Fast to drop the Past

I can feel a brand new day and Stevie Wonder playing at Rainbow grocery in SF as I listen to a prophetic singer speak truth to me that brought me to tears while my other friend Max also became a bit misty eyed. Time stopped and great truth was shown. It is time to realize a much greater power that exists inside of my being. I have nothing to fear and nothing that I can not face. There is an immediate feeling that transcends this mundane and there is a dance that is perpetual sundance and dormant powers that exist within an unconditional that makes us aware of our wholeness. DO NO DOUBT that inner voice it is not nonsense voodoo but a perfectly timed dance. I am reaching for a higher point by creating new habits that come from a feeling in the moment.

We all have to allow ourselves to not be held back by fear. We are all hearalding a new day and we don't need to be teaming with anxiety. Lots of exercise and food that serves as medicine. I ran into a another friend of mine at power to the peaceful and he was mentioning that people coming together in large groups was a big part of astrological chart peeking in late spring. I place value on planetary alignments but we have a free will that allows us to go beyond anything.

Feel the sunflower and her subtle smell that feels your nostrils. You are the greatest force that grows as you merge with the creative force.

Back From My 5th Burning Man

Burning Man Education for 2008. It truly is a wonderous place for many different reasons for many different people. This year was my most relaxed burn ever and it felt almost like a stroll thru a park. 7 nights I slept in 7 different couches and tents around the playa. The life I live in Burning man and outside continue to blur to the point that it is hard to tell the difference with the exception that things move faster at Burning Man. I rode there with a woman who I met at Amma's in Dallas and rode back with some documentary filmmakers from Italy, Columbia and England. I met them on my last day there. We briefly wen to Lake Tahoe for my annual dip in the water and continued on San Francisco. The temple was amazingly beautiful would have loved to seen it stay around or be relocated to someone's property somewhere so that I could hang out and meditate. Things are changing quickly in this world and the internet has interesting way of allowing people to say things that they would never say out loud, but at times they do it merely to make people upset. We are so easily conditioned to respond a certain way when people say certain things. I am working on continuing to respond and not react.

Being present in this moment and receiving the guru's blessing or Darshan is my only plan in the moment. The world moves as we move and I look forward to exploring Europe and other parts of India in 2009. I have no idea where I will end up or how things will unfold, but I can feel that ever seducing pulse and I can handle the critics and just keep pushing on towards that deepest of inner realizations that was always closer at hand because it was buried deep within our hand.

I've got some bags that I need to drop off

I feel like I have spent most of my life carrying around a whole bunch of bags that I don't need looking for distractions to escape the pain not feeling this moment a good enough high. Yes I can escape temptation but its pull is so strong and for me that pull comes in the form of women and I confuse lust for love. But really I am not confused. And I know that my lust is mixed with love and sometimes I can walk away from them when I realize it, but other times I just want to completely a fully indulge because the not knowing even gets to me from time to time. I want something that is tangible even if it is merely fleeting. Despite my greater knowings I am still delusional which leads to suffering.

The Bus Has Come

I am in Burlington, Vermont and I have become a member of a group known as the bunny society. We have a 45 foot long bus and will be traveling around to music festivals and college campuses all around this nation following the flow and documenting our adventures. We will be surviving off of money we raise and t-shirts and things of that nature that we will be selling to take care of expenses as we travel along. Our bus will soon be converted to vegetable oil and turned into a giant bunny on the exterior. We desire eventually to add more buses as funds and people are added to the group. We are looking for all sorts of people with different talents to be a part of this adventure. If you are interested check us out on facebook. The Bunny Society or the Bunny Bus. "Ask not what your bunny can do for you but what you can do for your bunny". I am pretty sure John F. Kennedy would have said that if he was still alive today.

I first connected with this group at Rothbury and officially started sleeping on the bus at the Gathering of the Vibes music festival in Bridgeport, CT. We are adding musicians, mystics, merry pranksters, maniacs, mechanics, media people to document this once and a lifetime journey. This is a journey we encourage everyone to create on their own and we will be traveling around helping other groups of people to setup their own buses. I want to thank everyone for being a part of my journey and hopefully you will also be part of the Bunnies journey as well.

It All mErges here and Now

Adjusting to the present moment instead of talking about the past or dreaming about the future. Be here now and adjusting to those feelings that are coming up and the feeelings have left and maybe they won't ever return, but your natural bliss can not be given or taken by anyone. Cut your hair grow your hair and find that passion that keeps pushing you to a place where feeelings is different then what you have come to understand. Things will change very quickly and we grip tightly to so many things that we have outgrown but now is a chance to make room for the present. Take me out to the ocean and then let me find the bay and make my way to another overseas adventure. Yet the greatest adventure happens with knowing this is the moment that everything happens and this is the moment to base your life upon. Scream be silent or have a silent scream. Darting in a thousand different directions and remember Pablo Escobar was a hoax our government makes tons of money off of drugs and we suffer as people as the money is too much of temptation. There maybe aliens there maybe spirits and there maybe a huge conspiracy yet none of that actually matters. What matters is that you make peace with this moment for everything that is and strive to be alignment with the present. I love you this invisible force that allows karma to be resolved.

We All Figure it Out in Our Own Time

I am now in Boston experiencing Amma for the 3rd time this year though in a sense since she is an Avatar she can be experienced anywhere at anytime in the same way that we can experience anything anywhere at anytime so to be more accurate this is the 3rd time this year that My physical body and her physical body have been at the same place at the same time, but Avatars have no karma and therefore don't experience time in the same way that we do because we are still working through our karma.

All of this may make perfect sense or sound completely crazy or rather a partial understanding of something that is infinite. Everytime I witness Amma I become more aware of how special she and every other person is if they allow their true essence to poke through their shell. People ask the same questions and I am usually giving different anwsers. A woman that I met here today told me I should be on the "Today Show" and I have heard at least one or other person mention such a prediction to me. All of us are coming together to create a country of peace. Yet we have to be individuals of peace first before we can be a nation of peace.

Rothbury was an amazing experience and I am certainly a big fan of the enchanted forest and the cleanliness of the event and the avaiablity of cheap organic produce. They raised the bar on what we should expect from a music festival. I craigslisted a ride from Chicago to NYC with 4 people known of whom knew each other. Two of them were going at it a bit and started channeling a sound that sounds very similar to those Tibetan bowls that have been enjoying increaseing popularity from what I can gauge. After doing this everyone in the car would become silent for sometime and then I would open up the window to allow the energy to disperse. No one made any comment about it, but it always internally understood. Sounds can say alot more then words and silence can say the most sometimes, but sometimes you just have to let it all out and any sort of harmonic sound has always been of great assitance to me.

I want to thank everyone out there who continues to explore inwardly to find your own truth and understanding and people who put in the effort to show compassion and patience especially when we might feel otherwise.

How Do you Write about silence

Often one of the most challenging missions in my life is talking about silence to people who would not resist the silence that they desire to explore. No amount of talking is going to enable me to relay this message. The words can point at it but there comes a point where the talking must cease and the being must take over. 20 seconds of silence and most people are convinced that I am either mute or will never talk again instead of accepting a 20 second period of silence. Om OM OM or as we know in the west Amen.

I remember When

I am in Chicago and I have been here a few times before and each time I here I find myself in different circumstances with a different cast of characters. I often wonder how I end up in the places that I find myself in connecting with people from my past who become part of my present and my easily forseeable future and all that it entails. I am often chasing my own tail in attempt to make it back to the place of no judgment and no pride to cause me to dishonor that which is sacred. I have often been bold to a point that I find myself being reactionary and creating more problems. More often I can catch myself from falling into the vibration. Each little thing that we do has some sort of impact we just can't always understand what it means nor should we try to place meaning on things. Everything has its place I am walking a fine line between having a mission and being completely absurd. I can't expect nor should anyone expect people to live as we live. We all have to find our own way our own inner liberation. I can't give anyone something that they already have. I can merely point it out to them if they are willing to pay attention and bring the mind to a deep silence. I am guided by heart and on occasion caught in the maze of a mind that can never be satisfied. My freedom happens when I surrender to what is and stop chasing what will never be yet knowing things can change if am willing to change. Being that Change in a perpetual state of transition and realizing that I am not any of the waves. Thank you for being a part of my journey no matter how brief.

When those Wave of Emotions Hit

Sometimes I will be sitting somewhere listening to music, watching a movie, hear certain news, getting ready to depart, sitting in the presence of a very spiritual being, reminded of a moment from the past. It will be a current a waterfall and just overtake me to a point that I almost experience a mini-panic attack. I am not even sure where they come from, but they are so strong and in the midst of them I feel as I might never stop feeling that emotional. On some level they truly scare me and make me want to contact thousands of my friends and ex-girlfriends and people that I have met in passing and somehow sit them all down at once and simply say that I love them and I am sorry for an unnecessary hurt that they I may have caused them in a world that displays too much cruelty. I wish people were not over sensitive and then I find myself being that same exact way. I am not truly sure what "over" sensitive means. In a world where most people have gone numb to feel your emotions at all will make a vast majority of people uncomfortable. When I have this experience I wonder for a brief moment if this feeling does not dissipate I will not be able to function in this world. Yet not functioning in a disfunctional world seems like an amazing blessing. Tonight the movie Juno was my trigger just in case you were wondering. I thought about what would happen to the child and about my non-existent child and the thought of that happening to me at an earlier point in my life and how that would have effected me...

I continue to explore the depths of my emotions and to embrace the passion that runs through my being and to bask in the bliss that is now when it comes over. To allow healing to flow thru my being. To be okay about making mistakes so that I am not paralyzed into not being able to make a choice. You can always pick the ball back up if you fumble it. I will attempt to make the highest choice that I can make for myself at any given moment. I will be seeing Amma the hugging Saint on Sunday in Dallas, Texas with a friend named Brian who I got to know very well on a truck ride back from Bonnaroo. At the same festival I ran into a girl who had given me a ride back to Connecticut last year. She had quit her job and was substance free and wanted some tips on being a nomad.

For anyone asking me tips on being a nomad or being domesticated I will simply tell you make the mind as silent as possible and listen to your heart it feels much differetn then your ego. Trust me on this much. Choose out of bravery courage not out of fear or of lack. Be patient and trust when you have no rational reason to merely your inner knowing. Often I rely on rides from complete strangers that I have never met from the internet and hope that they follow thru on what they told me. One time it did not work out, but that was merely a miscommunication and worked out better as a result. Let life tell you what it has in store for you as you learn to listen as we collectively remember how to listen once again.

That Road and A strangers Car/truck

I figure that I have hopped in well over 75 different strangers cars/trucks in the last 7 years of being a nomad. Each one offered me some sort of glimpse into myself and the world in general. Most were met on craigslist and a few of them I met on the spot just as I needed to get somewhere. In one extreme case in Chicago I hitchhiked a plane ride from the now defunct miggs airport. At each moment these people have played a role in my life and in many cases we had hardly spoke until I got in their car. Some of them have become good friends and others were people I connected with in passing. In one case I got a ride from San Diego to Austin as the man completely emotionally and mentally unraveled in front of me stilling reeling from his wife leaving him, a gambling problem, and a large amount of coffee, cigarettes, etc... Yet I was not upset or bothered by his emotional instability merely another experience to have on this long unfolding journey. They have taught you to fear strangers and yet some of these strangers have become some of my best friends all because I just went with my feeling and trusted that would show-up at the agreed upon time. Many of these people have given great stories of laughter and sadness. I act as an observer and witness to this American experience getting to Know myself and our country.

A Small Introduction of Sorts To Couchsurfing and My life

Being a Nomad people ask if I get lonely and from time to time I certainly I have that experience, but even if I stayed in one place and never left I would still have that acute feeling of lonliness. People ask me where I am from and merely tell them I am nomad or that I am from the same place as they are or just make a sound that explains better then any words could express. My life is about perfecting living in the present moment and accepting the things I can't change and changing the things that I can. Currently I find myself in Austin, Texas using an internet site called "www.couchsurfing.com" which strangers open up their couch/floor/extra room/backyard/ or whatever it maybe to travelers such as myself. I joined the site 4 yesrs ago at its infancy with merely a few thousand people spread around the world and now it is well over 600,000 members. People have profile which include references and the friends that they have from all walks of life.

It certainly is different then the old fashion way of going to the bar and staying late and seeing where you end up. People have a tendency to be more open after having a few drinks to having spiritual healers/freestyle rappers sleep on their couch. On one occasion in a college dorm I had the girls google me as a way of showing my references. Somehow being a psuedo-celebrity makes couchsurfing a little easier and occasion I receive e-mails from people that I have met only in passing or never met at all offering me a place to stay if I ever make to such and such place. Tonight I was thinking of all the places I have been and the people I have met.


Everyone hss a different view of me and none of it is usually accurate somewhere in between exists a truth and usually one that almost nobody can fully accept in the same way we can't seem to accept many things. There are always unseen forces in life, but some of us are more aware of them then others. I recommend getting over your fear of strangers and getting on craigslist and grabbing a rideshare. Meet up with them for coffee or tea and vibe things from there. Trust your gut feeling and continue to hone it and one day the only thing that you can count on is that feeling. I am on quest to awaken to the greatest peace that exists inside of my core the same peace that exists inside of your core. I've had many ambitions, but this is the only one that I have ever had that warrants my full attention.

Thinking in A Brand New Way

I find that I am not trying to do so much and because of that very simple fact I find that more things keep happening around me. So often we work so hard to work against the very thing that we are trying to accomplish. As we slow down we can better see the entire picture and therefore are able to make choices towards a happier that we are all entitled to live if we give ourselves permission to be happy. I am more interested in my own inner experience then I am interested in the idea of beliefs. I can feel changes taking place inside of me that are bring me closer to my higher self. Our country is conditioned to live in a state of fear that there will not be enough and that we all need to compete and fight and then we miss out on all of life's simple pleasures. The government is breaking down and is corroding as we the people need to take the reigns of our destiny. This goes beyond voting this is us not tolerating the abuse of power. We have to elect in entire new brand of politician that we as people find on our quest for peace. The old model can not sustain itself and the bubble has to burst as we have taught the rest of the world the sickness of rampant consumerism that will make this planet incapable of sustaining healthy life. We still have many of our most influential leaders denying global warming and pretending that we are making headway in Iraq only to lose our supposed success a month later.

We keep going about things in the same way expecting a new a wonderful result. Now is the time to create sustainable forms of living and cutting through the red tape with common sense instead of being enslaved by this red tape that is only removed for the benefit of wealthy corporations. We have a spiritual wealth of happiness that we are all entitled to experience.

I Am Now Back Blogging

The road was filled with so many turns and that desire to express what has been taken place and slipped away for a while, but not is veering its head out again. I am still running for president and will not be shutting down or giving a concession speech anytime soon. Hilary raised hundreds of millions and I have merely raised hundreds and I am still in this race, but for me it is more a stroll. Turtle express style I am now in Austin staying with someone named Cheney. Remember for every bad Cheney there has to be a good one. I am not focused on any particular projects merely the present moment. The focus of the campaign is about ending the war on drugs which is a war on our own people that according to Rolling Stone has cost us 500 billion with no net positive results. In fact we have spent that money only to hurt our own citizens. The only effective way to handle the drug problem is through treatment centers which are grossly underfunded because even Presidents such as Bill Clinton did not want to look weak on crime. Yet the strategy for the war on drugs has failed just like the war in Iraq is failing. We are using the same broken model over and over again. 2/3 of this country is not engaged in the political process and that will soon change.

Music festivals offer an opportunity to connect with many people around the country searching for new ways to shape the policy of our country. As a people we need some to reflect and a willingness to change otherwise many more of us will suffer needlessly. I am not saying anything you don't know merely hoping to prod a innate desire to go within your own being and touch a greater peace to share with a nation which seems to be in a spiritual drought. People are running in so many different directions anywhere as long as they don't have to be in the here and now. I thank anyone and everyone who has made some effort to let go of the suffering so that can help others do the same.