Being India I have only one major regret. I wish that I had learned the Russian language I could also say German, but most of the Germans know how to speak English while the Russians usually just know a choice phrases such as "You like Trance Music", "We are having a trance Party", and "Do you want a drink?". I seriously would have had a few possible Russian romances at this point, but I have no regrets about it. Language certainly plays a factor in our interactions, but it is quite fun to have a bit of physical attraction and not have any small talk because they can't speak your language. I just do my best to let the energy speak on my behalf.
A really great show would be putting my on dates with women who don't speak english and watching them trying to figure out what they hell I am doing. Most of the time I don't even know I just let it happen. I also had an odd epiphany which is somehow it is easier to just have sex with a girl instead of asking if you can hold her hand. Holding someone's hand can be alot more intimate then sex. Not that I comparing handing holding to sex, but somehow people skip over to many steps and shaking hands has become sex and sex has become hugging. I am not sure if that makes any sense, but it just seems to ring true in my observations of people's fear of actual emotions. The moral of the story is that learning Russian is great, but learning love is probably alot better.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
Two Pieces of Chocolate Cake for A Day's Work
I am in Goa, India for those of you who did not know. And they say it is not India, but I have also heard that Key West is not the United States. People always want to tell you what something is or isn't. Goa has a much greater portugese and catholic influence then the rest of India. It was founded by the Portugese back in the day and you will find quite a few beautiful cathedrals here in Goa. A day laborer in India will make about hundred rupees a day. This will translate to about a little more then two American dollars or in my case two pieces of a cake called "cholocate Malibu almond" cake. In the states I would not eat such thing in most cases and would instead opt for an amazing vegan desert. Needless to say I have abandoned that sort of thinking in India. I will be basically in short period of times consume a day's wages for one man at one brief sittting.
Our concetps of poverty are very different then a 3rd world countries conept of poverty. In many cases people here are working for what they need and not working for luxuries though that is starting to change as India is making "progress". There are over 30 billionaires in India according to Forbes magazine and their total net value is 191 billion. Yet, even in Goa a busy tourist town the cows and dogs still act as the garbage men. THey eat the garbage, but less often because the tourists feed the cows and dogs a little bit. This causes the garbage to pile uip along side the roads.
Something is almost always burning in this country. Not a day goes by that I don't smell something burning in the air. My nostrils have grown accustomed to it. There are so many thoughts that are going on in my mind at any given point in this country that it makes it nearly impossible to express even a fraction of it in my blogs. India is amazing in ways that is quite difficult for most westerners to see. Yet, the people do smile more often and the stuggle makes them feel alive. People India don't seem to suffer from boredom. Rarely do people in India have the privilege of boredom. India has inspired me in many different ways and has formed a greater resolve to accomplish certain goals. I was recently learning of the corruption of the cops in Goa and I became outraged for a moment. Making tourists in cars pay 900 rupee bribes. Then I remember how corrupt my own country was and it was just yesterday that someone stole some election and everything returned to business as normal. In 1st world countries politicians skim off the top and in 3rd world countries they just take the top. The gap in the United States between rich and poor is widening, but it still has not reached the point that it has in India.
Amazing when you think so few people control so many resources. You might know someone that you think has acquired a bit of money, but really they have less then pencil shavings unless you know one of these billionaires. WHere does all this money go? What are they waiting for? WHy don't we help more people? People's minds make people from separate from each other and therefore they think they are superior or poorer people thousands of miles away is not something that they are forced to think about. Sally Struthers is somebody elses mother and the people on television don't look like them and they don't speak english. Only if they had a lighter complexion and spoke English then perhaps more would be done.
I know that people are starting to wake up to the absurdity of the world and we are not powerless. We can effect change and there are more and more organizations doing just that. We can be part of the solution and we don't ever have to be bored unless we really want to be bored. THere is always people somewhere that could use your help. The best way to get over your own suffering is top help someone else with their suffering especially when there suffering is much more severe.
Our concetps of poverty are very different then a 3rd world countries conept of poverty. In many cases people here are working for what they need and not working for luxuries though that is starting to change as India is making "progress". There are over 30 billionaires in India according to Forbes magazine and their total net value is 191 billion. Yet, even in Goa a busy tourist town the cows and dogs still act as the garbage men. THey eat the garbage, but less often because the tourists feed the cows and dogs a little bit. This causes the garbage to pile uip along side the roads.
Something is almost always burning in this country. Not a day goes by that I don't smell something burning in the air. My nostrils have grown accustomed to it. There are so many thoughts that are going on in my mind at any given point in this country that it makes it nearly impossible to express even a fraction of it in my blogs. India is amazing in ways that is quite difficult for most westerners to see. Yet, the people do smile more often and the stuggle makes them feel alive. People India don't seem to suffer from boredom. Rarely do people in India have the privilege of boredom. India has inspired me in many different ways and has formed a greater resolve to accomplish certain goals. I was recently learning of the corruption of the cops in Goa and I became outraged for a moment. Making tourists in cars pay 900 rupee bribes. Then I remember how corrupt my own country was and it was just yesterday that someone stole some election and everything returned to business as normal. In 1st world countries politicians skim off the top and in 3rd world countries they just take the top. The gap in the United States between rich and poor is widening, but it still has not reached the point that it has in India.
Amazing when you think so few people control so many resources. You might know someone that you think has acquired a bit of money, but really they have less then pencil shavings unless you know one of these billionaires. WHere does all this money go? What are they waiting for? WHy don't we help more people? People's minds make people from separate from each other and therefore they think they are superior or poorer people thousands of miles away is not something that they are forced to think about. Sally Struthers is somebody elses mother and the people on television don't look like them and they don't speak english. Only if they had a lighter complexion and spoke English then perhaps more would be done.
I know that people are starting to wake up to the absurdity of the world and we are not powerless. We can effect change and there are more and more organizations doing just that. We can be part of the solution and we don't ever have to be bored unless we really want to be bored. THere is always people somewhere that could use your help. The best way to get over your own suffering is top help someone else with their suffering especially when there suffering is much more severe.
Monday, March 12, 2007
I bought Jewelry
I bought some Jewelry from a man from Kashmir in Goa. This is something that I never would have done in the past , but somehow I couldn't resist and I don't like to be overly dogmatic about anything in life. I even have a ring on my finger. It is wonderful in life to break from patterns. Everyone here is always trying to sell me something. It can be quite intense at times. If you have ever wondered what being a celebrity might feel like come to Goa. So many people will approach and one of the best lines they will use is "Remember Me". I have been hanging out with my go buddy Stephon I know him from Shelter Island. He was raised in Kentucky and we met on Sunset beach Shelter Island and then we ran into each other naerby a place called Sunset in Anjuna, Goa.
I have been learning a great deal of things while being in India. Firmly saying no is something that I am perfecting at times it is a little harsh, but you will be approached by over a hundred people everyday at least and sometimes more. You can not afford to hesitate or be indecisive in anyway. I understand the value of good schools and good sanitation. I hope to give my garbage man a hug or at least a handshake and maybe some sandwich. Garbage is everywhere and it is either eaten by the cows or dogs or it piles up until someone decides to burn it. The idea of perserving the environment is a very foreign concept here in Goa. THey are following the example that we set many years ago during out major industrial revolution
The people here are in such a different world then us. We are sort of bizarre aliens that walk among them. THey are amazingly fascinated by my height and will constantly ask me how talll or what length I have. This is another way of saying how tall. They also get very excited about where I am from and what is my height and then the conversation will come to an abrupt end.
I do love here it quite alot because it gives me a great deal of time to think all sorts of things that I want to be focusing on with my time. I have thought of many of my friends and many people that I have met along the way. I want to send everyone my warmest and will see you soon.
much love and relaxation,
Te'DeVan
I have been learning a great deal of things while being in India. Firmly saying no is something that I am perfecting at times it is a little harsh, but you will be approached by over a hundred people everyday at least and sometimes more. You can not afford to hesitate or be indecisive in anyway. I understand the value of good schools and good sanitation. I hope to give my garbage man a hug or at least a handshake and maybe some sandwich. Garbage is everywhere and it is either eaten by the cows or dogs or it piles up until someone decides to burn it. The idea of perserving the environment is a very foreign concept here in Goa. THey are following the example that we set many years ago during out major industrial revolution
The people here are in such a different world then us. We are sort of bizarre aliens that walk among them. THey are amazingly fascinated by my height and will constantly ask me how talll or what length I have. This is another way of saying how tall. They also get very excited about where I am from and what is my height and then the conversation will come to an abrupt end.
I do love here it quite alot because it gives me a great deal of time to think all sorts of things that I want to be focusing on with my time. I have thought of many of my friends and many people that I have met along the way. I want to send everyone my warmest and will see you soon.
much love and relaxation,
Te'DeVan
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Are you strong enough to be My man
Love the song and having been thinking alot about the sentiment. I Keeping hearing it all over Goa. When you travel there are certain songs that keep popping up and this is one of them for me. I want to be at that point. There are so many pitfalls that I have fallen into before in my previous relationships and I don't want to do that anymore. It is unnecessary suffering for both me and the woman. There were quite a few times that both of us might have been better off if I just loved them and did not give into them physically. In those cases I was not strong enough to be their man.
Sometimes to be strong enough to be their man you have to be willing to walk away when they want you to give them something that will truly hurt both of you. We constantly confuse love and sex and I want sex, but I want it to be deeply enmeshed in love otherwise it doesn't fill me the way I want to be filled. My heart is dictating more and more of my actions. I am just trying to be honest even if it sounds insane, corny or cliche. If it isn't love then what is the point of it? I am sure a bunch of people could say numerous things but not one of them would truly make my heart feel any better. I have always wanted my sex to be strongly intertwined with love. The culture feels intimacy. People are less likely to put on condoms then open up their heart fully. There is always this protecting of the heart even though it really it is the most powerful thing that we have.
Che once made a quote that a truly great revolutionary is moved by waves of love. I am paraphrasing, but he was dead on. In the west we are often sleep walking because we have created a society that is sterilized and people only see most brutal things on television. There are people that see this brutality in the United States. Just go down to certain parts of New Orleans, but it is far more common in what we call third world countries. Jimmy Carter said the country was in a "Malaise" and they crucified him for it, but there is the malaise of most people having everything they need, but not knowing what they want. Come to India/CHina/Mexico/Brazil/Africa and many other places and then you can see struggle and
realize that having clean drinking water and people that come to pick up the garbage is a huge luxury.
There is so much in the West we will not understand in our bubble world. Some of us decide to leave the bubble and come back to break the bubble which harms us more then it protects us. Americans need to get out there and see what is going and talk to other sorts of people. We need to take on a different role. Many in the world view as war mongers. Lets be seen as peace keepers and be the ones to bring the food and the medicine and education to the masses of children that will never be given this chance.
I hope in my heart to be strong enough to be this man. When I return to the west it is easy to forget then struggle when it is not in front of your eyes, but it burns in my heart and imprint has been made and that can not be forgotten no matter how much advertising and propaganda that I see. As I sit here writing I keep blaring in my head "Are you strong enough to be my man" "when I am throwing punches in the air". I change some of the lyrics but the feeling is there and pulsates intensively. Are you strong enough to be that man or woman. I know you are now you must know. Not me you. You need to see it and I need to see it but we have to "stop children what's that sound everyone look whats going down"
No more wool over the eyes besides its itchy and I am tired of crying.
Sometimes to be strong enough to be their man you have to be willing to walk away when they want you to give them something that will truly hurt both of you. We constantly confuse love and sex and I want sex, but I want it to be deeply enmeshed in love otherwise it doesn't fill me the way I want to be filled. My heart is dictating more and more of my actions. I am just trying to be honest even if it sounds insane, corny or cliche. If it isn't love then what is the point of it? I am sure a bunch of people could say numerous things but not one of them would truly make my heart feel any better. I have always wanted my sex to be strongly intertwined with love. The culture feels intimacy. People are less likely to put on condoms then open up their heart fully. There is always this protecting of the heart even though it really it is the most powerful thing that we have.
Che once made a quote that a truly great revolutionary is moved by waves of love. I am paraphrasing, but he was dead on. In the west we are often sleep walking because we have created a society that is sterilized and people only see most brutal things on television. There are people that see this brutality in the United States. Just go down to certain parts of New Orleans, but it is far more common in what we call third world countries. Jimmy Carter said the country was in a "Malaise" and they crucified him for it, but there is the malaise of most people having everything they need, but not knowing what they want. Come to India/CHina/Mexico/Brazil/Africa and many other places and then you can see struggle and
realize that having clean drinking water and people that come to pick up the garbage is a huge luxury.
There is so much in the West we will not understand in our bubble world. Some of us decide to leave the bubble and come back to break the bubble which harms us more then it protects us. Americans need to get out there and see what is going and talk to other sorts of people. We need to take on a different role. Many in the world view as war mongers. Lets be seen as peace keepers and be the ones to bring the food and the medicine and education to the masses of children that will never be given this chance.
I hope in my heart to be strong enough to be this man. When I return to the west it is easy to forget then struggle when it is not in front of your eyes, but it burns in my heart and imprint has been made and that can not be forgotten no matter how much advertising and propaganda that I see. As I sit here writing I keep blaring in my head "Are you strong enough to be my man" "when I am throwing punches in the air". I change some of the lyrics but the feeling is there and pulsates intensively. Are you strong enough to be that man or woman. I know you are now you must know. Not me you. You need to see it and I need to see it but we have to "stop children what's that sound everyone look whats going down"
No more wool over the eyes besides its itchy and I am tired of crying.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
So Much to express about my expereince here. I have traveled only a little bit in terms of physical geography in India. I do not feel a desire to rush around and see all the sites. Instead I am taking my time and taking in the more Southern Parts of India. I have been To Goa, Bangalore, and Sai Baba's Ashram which is three hours North of Bangalore. Perhaps I shall remain in Goa and maybe I will check one or two more spots. I appreciate so many things about the United States everytime I leave, but one of the biggest is sanitation. We can still make great strides in our own country towards perserving our environment, but in India they are still racing to catch up to become developed and the environment is not a priority.
Goa specifically Chapora where I am staying is a little bit of a dodgy part of town though I feel no sense of danger, but there are certainly a few shadows lurking and substance abuse is way for many of the toursits and quite a few locals. I am learning a great deal about the sort of space that I desire to create. I want to create a truly magical wonderful place where many people will come to live and many will pass thru. I do not want it to be tainted or clouded by substances. I want to create a place similar to the "Dharma Pad" I had encountered in Santa Cruz. I am lead to believe that this place will manifest in Astoria Queens. I have been feeling quite a pull there as of late.
Life changes rapidly and people really let their guard down in the most wonderful ways when they are traveling. Traveling alone may seem sad at first, but it is truly remarkable. Most of my last five years has consisted of this sort of traveling and when I do have a companion it is quite natural and wonderful and never forced. I miss all of you so much and desire to visit you all at once when I return. I will be coming into San Fran April 3rd and be guided by the flow. Though I will be back in NYC shortly afterwards and starting to build a home base or "dharma Pad" if you will. I have many ideas and things that I want to do, but the base must be made first before the buses can roll as smoothly as possible.
much love and compassion,
Te'DeVan
Goa specifically Chapora where I am staying is a little bit of a dodgy part of town though I feel no sense of danger, but there are certainly a few shadows lurking and substance abuse is way for many of the toursits and quite a few locals. I am learning a great deal about the sort of space that I desire to create. I want to create a truly magical wonderful place where many people will come to live and many will pass thru. I do not want it to be tainted or clouded by substances. I want to create a place similar to the "Dharma Pad" I had encountered in Santa Cruz. I am lead to believe that this place will manifest in Astoria Queens. I have been feeling quite a pull there as of late.
Life changes rapidly and people really let their guard down in the most wonderful ways when they are traveling. Traveling alone may seem sad at first, but it is truly remarkable. Most of my last five years has consisted of this sort of traveling and when I do have a companion it is quite natural and wonderful and never forced. I miss all of you so much and desire to visit you all at once when I return. I will be coming into San Fran April 3rd and be guided by the flow. Though I will be back in NYC shortly afterwards and starting to build a home base or "dharma Pad" if you will. I have many ideas and things that I want to do, but the base must be made first before the buses can roll as smoothly as possible.
much love and compassion,
Te'DeVan
Monday, February 26, 2007
You Have Not Seen Begging
In India the begging is intense and quite often most of the money you give will actually do harm. It is actually against the law to give to beggars, but the same is true in the United States, but I have yet to see someone stopping a toruist from giving money. My "avorite hustle"that I have seen is called Baby's Milk. This involves a little child or a woman with a child convincing you that the baby needs milk. Anyone with any sense of compassion would immediately walk over to the drug store and buy them their Nestle's baby's milk. I was in the process of doing just that and then I thought. Why would anyone want this crappy skim powdered milk? She looks reasonablely healthy why doesn't she just give the child her breast milk. Something did not seem quite right and I pulled away and bought them a bag of rice instead.
Basically what happens is that they keep reselling the same Baby's milk and they get paid by the store to guilt you into buying Baby's milk. In some cases the only two words of english they know is Baby's milk and in certain places the beggars make more money then the workers. India has an intense street grift and everyone has something to sell you around every corner. Being a person that does not desire more possessions I did get convinced to buy one flute and the salesman actually had reasonable musical talent though buying the flute did not seem to mean I would possess his talent as well. But even the sales people here beg and plead with you to buy there stuff in way that I have never seen. Take the most incessant and desperate beggar and that is par for the course when it comes to begging in India. Yet India is not a country of beggars, but when they do beg it can be a bit overwhelming at times. It is much worse in large cities. I hAVE NOT been to the country though Goa is my next stop on this adventure. Miss you guys much. I was thinking of a Jay-Z song "i'm a hustler baby" and Baby's milk is certainly my "favorite" hustle that I have seen though there is one hustle around every corner. In many cases this money will go towards things that do not benefit the family or towards helping the men get drunk. I am learning about things first hand which is one of the best ways to learn and it will force you to see the Heaven and Hell. One does not exist without the other.
Basically what happens is that they keep reselling the same Baby's milk and they get paid by the store to guilt you into buying Baby's milk. In some cases the only two words of english they know is Baby's milk and in certain places the beggars make more money then the workers. India has an intense street grift and everyone has something to sell you around every corner. Being a person that does not desire more possessions I did get convinced to buy one flute and the salesman actually had reasonable musical talent though buying the flute did not seem to mean I would possess his talent as well. But even the sales people here beg and plead with you to buy there stuff in way that I have never seen. Take the most incessant and desperate beggar and that is par for the course when it comes to begging in India. Yet India is not a country of beggars, but when they do beg it can be a bit overwhelming at times. It is much worse in large cities. I hAVE NOT been to the country though Goa is my next stop on this adventure. Miss you guys much. I was thinking of a Jay-Z song "i'm a hustler baby" and Baby's milk is certainly my "favorite" hustle that I have seen though there is one hustle around every corner. In many cases this money will go towards things that do not benefit the family or towards helping the men get drunk. I am learning about things first hand which is one of the best ways to learn and it will force you to see the Heaven and Hell. One does not exist without the other.
You Have Not Seen Begging
In India the begging is intense and quite often most of the money you give will actually do harm. It is actually against the law to give to beggars, but the same is true in the United States, but I have yet to see someone stopping a toruist from giving money. My "avorite hustle"that I have seen is called Baby's Milk. This involves a little child or a woman with a child convincing you that the baby needs milk. Anyone with any sense of compassion would immediately walk over to the drug store and buy them their Nestle's baby's milk. I was in the process of doing just that and then I thought. Why would anyone want this crappy skim powdered milk? She looks reasonablely healthy why doesn't she just give the child her breast milk. Something did not seem quite right and I pulled away and bought them a bag of rice instead.
Basically what happens is that they keep reselling the same Baby's milk and they get paid by the store to guilt you into buying Baby's milk. In some cases the only two words of english they know is Baby's milk and in certain places the beggars make more money then the workers. India has an intense street grift and everyone has something to sell you around every corner. Being a person that does not desire more possessions I did get convinced to buy one flute and the salesman actually had reasonable musical talent though buying the flute did not seem to mean I would possess his talent as well. But even the sales people here beg and plead with you to buy there stuff in way that I have never seen. Take the most incessant and desperate beggar and that is par for the course when it comes to begging in India. Yet India is not a country of beggars, but when they do beg it can be a bit overwhelming at times. It is much worse in large cities. I hAVE NOT been to the country though Goa is my next stop on this adventure. Miss you guys much. I was thinking of a Jay-Z song "i'm a hustler baby" and Baby's milk is certainly my "favorite" hustle that I have seen though there is one hustle around every corner. In many cases this money will go towards things that do not benefit the family or towards helping the men get drunk. I am learning about things first hand which is one of the best ways to learn and it will force you to see the Heaven and Hell. One does not exist without the other.
Basically what happens is that they keep reselling the same Baby's milk and they get paid by the store to guilt you into buying Baby's milk. In some cases the only two words of english they know is Baby's milk and in certain places the beggars make more money then the workers. India has an intense street grift and everyone has something to sell you around every corner. Being a person that does not desire more possessions I did get convinced to buy one flute and the salesman actually had reasonable musical talent though buying the flute did not seem to mean I would possess his talent as well. But even the sales people here beg and plead with you to buy there stuff in way that I have never seen. Take the most incessant and desperate beggar and that is par for the course when it comes to begging in India. Yet India is not a country of beggars, but when they do beg it can be a bit overwhelming at times. It is much worse in large cities. I hAVE NOT been to the country though Goa is my next stop on this adventure. Miss you guys much. I was thinking of a Jay-Z song "i'm a hustler baby" and Baby's milk is certainly my "favorite" hustle that I have seen though there is one hustle around every corner. In many cases this money will go towards things that do not benefit the family or towards helping the men get drunk. I am learning about things first hand which is one of the best ways to learn and it will force you to see the Heaven and Hell. One does not exist without the other.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Sai Baba's Temple
I walked away from the place emotionally moved by quite a few extraordinary individuals. I was also a bit befuddled by a few things that mind can quite grasp, but ulitmately there is nothing to get in life which is sort of the cosmic joke of it all. I come to understand this a bit more, but mostly I just want to create moments that bring joy into many peoples lives. I want to keep my life simple but always evolving and expanding. My time India has been greatly expanding my mind and my thoughts to different levels. I feel like coming to is a giant acid trip that takes place as soon as you walk out of the airport.
I am discovering the only thing of value is love though we say that so much, but we can't seem to grasp it because love does not come in a tiffany's box. It is always around us and inside of us as well, but we are blocking the very essence of life because we are scared to live. We want to be self contained and separate and never be hurt. That is not lving. The ego disspiates and we get closer to the essence that must simply be felt. Allow that feeling to come into you and it will heal anything that ails you. You don't need someone to make you better you have decide that you want to be better and be prepared to accept changes that will go along with that.
Life is always changing and our mind is usually resisting or trying to change in all of the ways that don't matter. Change ciomes from within is something that we have heard so many times, but one day you actually start to understand that and then you stop scurrying around like a mouse chasing cheese and realize you can make your own chesse and you have all that you desire. Then an amazing feeling comes forth from your being. People sense this and they offer you all of their cheese. Though at this point you no longer need their cheese and you give their cheese to other people who don't have cheese. I don't sleep much anymore. I am not upset or happy about it. I merely am accepting this fact. I look forward to Goa but I also look forward to my friends knowing that I am processing quite a few things and sitting and walking in great deals of silence. I focus on Ganesha's feet and I have had some experiences that had me crying in the most serene and majestic way. We hold back all the time because we learn to imitate all of the people around us who are holding back.
Coming here to India for me is about not holding back and surrendering to that feeling that have inside of me at all times. To stop questioning my intution. I had a feeling I would meet someone on the plane and they would play a role in my journey and for a brief moment I doubted myself. The stewardness then changed my seat and I met a women who allowed me to travel in her taxi with her to Sai Baba's Ashram. I arrived in on Feburary 16th which is one of the most hectic days of the year. First night I slept outside on the grass with a whole bunch of Indian people around me on all sides. I felt neither separate nor different merely someone who came to expereince something that would perhaps bring me closer to God.
God is inside of us but certain moments help to trigger that. It is as if God constantly pokes us with a stick so that our own God essence will pour back into the source. I am tired but still I am filling my cup with love. I have no anwsers just more questions to ponder and a focus that will lead more rapidly towards my destiny. Is it written or do we write it? I don't know really know I think there is somehow no difference and it is a little bit of both and nothing at all. That certainly might not make sense to a rational mind, but it makes perfect sense to the infinite mind of God. God understands all crazy people though not all crazy people understand God. What is any of this. Am I actually here in India or is it merely another dream. Stop doing acid people and just save up for a ticket to India. Ram Das came here to find the "Real Acid". I suggest you do the same if the mundane is not enough for you. WHo are you and does the feeling of omnipresence something you have comtemplated in deep silence.
I am discovering the only thing of value is love though we say that so much, but we can't seem to grasp it because love does not come in a tiffany's box. It is always around us and inside of us as well, but we are blocking the very essence of life because we are scared to live. We want to be self contained and separate and never be hurt. That is not lving. The ego disspiates and we get closer to the essence that must simply be felt. Allow that feeling to come into you and it will heal anything that ails you. You don't need someone to make you better you have decide that you want to be better and be prepared to accept changes that will go along with that.
Life is always changing and our mind is usually resisting or trying to change in all of the ways that don't matter. Change ciomes from within is something that we have heard so many times, but one day you actually start to understand that and then you stop scurrying around like a mouse chasing cheese and realize you can make your own chesse and you have all that you desire. Then an amazing feeling comes forth from your being. People sense this and they offer you all of their cheese. Though at this point you no longer need their cheese and you give their cheese to other people who don't have cheese. I don't sleep much anymore. I am not upset or happy about it. I merely am accepting this fact. I look forward to Goa but I also look forward to my friends knowing that I am processing quite a few things and sitting and walking in great deals of silence. I focus on Ganesha's feet and I have had some experiences that had me crying in the most serene and majestic way. We hold back all the time because we learn to imitate all of the people around us who are holding back.
Coming here to India for me is about not holding back and surrendering to that feeling that have inside of me at all times. To stop questioning my intution. I had a feeling I would meet someone on the plane and they would play a role in my journey and for a brief moment I doubted myself. The stewardness then changed my seat and I met a women who allowed me to travel in her taxi with her to Sai Baba's Ashram. I arrived in on Feburary 16th which is one of the most hectic days of the year. First night I slept outside on the grass with a whole bunch of Indian people around me on all sides. I felt neither separate nor different merely someone who came to expereince something that would perhaps bring me closer to God.
God is inside of us but certain moments help to trigger that. It is as if God constantly pokes us with a stick so that our own God essence will pour back into the source. I am tired but still I am filling my cup with love. I have no anwsers just more questions to ponder and a focus that will lead more rapidly towards my destiny. Is it written or do we write it? I don't know really know I think there is somehow no difference and it is a little bit of both and nothing at all. That certainly might not make sense to a rational mind, but it makes perfect sense to the infinite mind of God. God understands all crazy people though not all crazy people understand God. What is any of this. Am I actually here in India or is it merely another dream. Stop doing acid people and just save up for a ticket to India. Ram Das came here to find the "Real Acid". I suggest you do the same if the mundane is not enough for you. WHo are you and does the feeling of omnipresence something you have comtemplated in deep silence.
News From India
Yes it truly is the land of great extremes. Kindness and treachery are so very close at hand in this land. Make sure that you are ready for almost anything and just be able to adjust to it. Don't lose sight of the moment or the consequences can be somewhat immediate. Their ways are not your ways and this may seem obvious, but only thru experience will you come to understand this. It is land known for its enlightened men & women. They still can be found here today. The things you most want to hear and the things that will benefit you the most are not always the same thing.
I have quite a wonderful and emotional time here and have gone from the ashram of Sai Baba's to slightly outside the madness of Bangalore. They are things that they do here better then we do back at home and there are things that we do better back home. Forging the middle path will benefit both of us greatly. I am learning alot spiritually, politically, and socially. Hustlers are everywhere. Just remember if someone comes up to you and you get any vibe that it less then desireable get away from them. You must be careful here, but you can still have so much great fun and memories that will last you for lifetimes to come. I know that this blog has an element of seriousness, but this is a very different world. It is almost like falling into the Bermuda triangle.
I have quite a wonderful and emotional time here and have gone from the ashram of Sai Baba's to slightly outside the madness of Bangalore. They are things that they do here better then we do back at home and there are things that we do better back home. Forging the middle path will benefit both of us greatly. I am learning alot spiritually, politically, and socially. Hustlers are everywhere. Just remember if someone comes up to you and you get any vibe that it less then desireable get away from them. You must be careful here, but you can still have so much great fun and memories that will last you for lifetimes to come. I know that this blog has an element of seriousness, but this is a very different world. It is almost like falling into the Bermuda triangle.
Monday, February 12, 2007
The Impossible Boy Becomes His Impossible Dream
I go back to India and that is truly how my heart feels. I have been held in the bosom of that place so many times before. I have meditated and felt endless serenity. I have known miracles that most minds in the Western World refuse to accept because it would unhinge their entire belief system. I am going to the outer reaches of world that is within our grasp, but we fail to reach for out of fear being hurt. I reach for all those who desire to reach, but have not quite found that courage to start reaching. I am going to a place where time stopped. Many times during an intense healing there is a vacuum sound created by my breathe and the feeling that time has indeed stopped. I want to be deep in that stillness and silence. I want to have miracles become common place, but still retain a great appreciation for their symbolism. We are all striving for something and most of us will discover that many of our yearnings once met will not actually give us that satisfaction that we have hoped they would. I am in the process of undergoing an awakening that will not allow me to live as I lived before. Many if not all of my actions will be rendered useless and I will find new actions which meet my greater understanding of myself and my place in the world. TO find your BLiss is something that nobody can take away from you. We are all on our missions and somewhere in the center it all merges. We are all the center of this change. It is one change here or there that changes all that we have come to know. I am better off today because I have better understanding of what matters. We breathe deep and then we let the pain slip out through the breath. We don't need to hold on to anything because we have a new moment to experience everything as we desire. We don't have to hold anyone to any expectations. Instead we just need to be present and be the watcher and with our peacefulness our mere watching will effect the outcome.
ON the surface everything is so different, but this is the world of illusion. The illusion is that we are afraid of terrorists and they are afraid of us. UNDERNEATH there is a root to all fear. Desire of losing leads to fear. As we allow ourselves not to impose our ways upon others we will find that they are more agreeable to our ways. All is alien and all is quite familiar. Perhaps I have seen you in your greatest moment of truth. We are finding that true romance is not a fairy tale, but an on-going reality. Feel your hands your feet and all of your body bit by bit and now know that hardly even begins to tell the story. You are a soul and unique one at that. Allow that uniqueness to shine and allow a balance to be struck that brings you absolute joy.
ON the surface everything is so different, but this is the world of illusion. The illusion is that we are afraid of terrorists and they are afraid of us. UNDERNEATH there is a root to all fear. Desire of losing leads to fear. As we allow ourselves not to impose our ways upon others we will find that they are more agreeable to our ways. All is alien and all is quite familiar. Perhaps I have seen you in your greatest moment of truth. We are finding that true romance is not a fairy tale, but an on-going reality. Feel your hands your feet and all of your body bit by bit and now know that hardly even begins to tell the story. You are a soul and unique one at that. Allow that uniqueness to shine and allow a balance to be struck that brings you absolute joy.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
I want a Poem
I get caught up in the essence of things and don't always express in a way the exudes poetic beauty. In some moments I find that I refuse to read poetry and view it as a waste of time. I don't want to decipher anything at all. I want to be told what things are, but things are not clear. The most poetic people are probably those that despise poetry the most. Maybe they worry they will never understand the poem they are reading or understand anything about life. I have been right about a few things in life and cling to that with tremendous pride. I have been wrong about most things and hold a subtle secret shame. Nothing is something and something is nothing is pretty much synopsis of every profound poem and though I could say it I am not sure that truly understood the sentiment. I am not sure that I understand the sentiment now. My roommate was a tow truck driver though I think he called it something else. He is in the US air force and I am some sort of modern day hippie. I am trying to stop war and he is also trying to stop war. Both of us go about this mission in the only way we know how. He of (Indian Descent) heads to the middle east and I of (Eastern European Jewish Descent) head to India. Both of us have our own missions and both of us have our own ways. Both of us shared a bunk bed and went to the University of Michigan. Both of us had a sister and did not think all that much of college as an institution. We both had plans that were different then most of the other people in college and both of us have followed thru. Both of us are loved by some and despised by others. Both of us have had our successes and failures with the opposite sex. Both of us have an ability to make people laugh on purpose and completely by accident. Me and my old college roommate aren't really all that different despite what anyone says and neither are the people he is being sent to Protect/Destroy depending on your perspective. I want to take this moment and focus on what is similar. Me and my old roommate are just two misfits trying to find our way in this world with our various talents and making choices based on our experiences. Here is my poem. I wanted a poem and now a poem has manifested.
A moment of Lucidity
I have these moments where I start to see things much more clearly. It as if I have contacts in my eyes, but I don't remember putting them in. Everything makes so much sense and very easily get at the root of the reasons why people do the things that they do. I understand the reason that I keep doing certain things that are not of the greatest benefit to me. The Phrase I am letting go implies to myself that I have not actually let go and don't want to let go. Everything has a way of revealing itself to us when we are ready to listen. Often we will find that we don't want to listen and we press an invisible mute button. Being ignorant is easy and being enlightened is also easy the challenge is being somewhere in between. Once, your ignorance is disturbed it no longer holds the same allure. You can keep doing it anyway and most people will choose to do that, but it does not give you the same amount of joy. I am not who I once was, but I am exactly am as I have always been pretty much sums up how I feel currently. I continue to realize new things which are really old things and something of these realizations cause me to live my life differently. Some of these observations are viewed as interesting and shelved into I am ready to delve into them. The quicker you adapt to new situations the easier your life will become. I want to make my life easier instead of butting my head against the proverbial brick wall.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
A letter to A Friend
That whole poem was stunning my friend. I keep thinking about a vision you once had involving buses or vans of sorts and a whole bunch of traveling and it is starting to manifest before my very eyes. You spoke prophecy to me once and one day you will speak prophecy to many. I often think about how I got to the point I currently existing in. How do all these dots connect? I have met so many people at so many different moments. I have learned to listen more carefully in the silence and learned that silence is a friend that few are willing to make unless the pain becomes too great. I was just a boy with a sign and one day soon I will have a son that will carry the torch. Not this year, but the following one my son shall come into a physical manifestation. I can feel him at times. I am allowing my identity to melt away and just Be. Understated is overstated and overstated can be understated and nothing is actually overrated accept maybe the word overrated.
I don't feel that I walk alone and just allow myself to quietly hold a space so that the most powerful of spirits can flow thru me. My past lifes continue to awaken and underneath me in San Fran/Santa Cruz the earth is shaking. I have known many times in many different forms and I will appear in places unexpected as we all get closer to the truth of finding love and acceptance in the formless.
I don't feel that I walk alone and just allow myself to quietly hold a space so that the most powerful of spirits can flow thru me. My past lifes continue to awaken and underneath me in San Fran/Santa Cruz the earth is shaking. I have known many times in many different forms and I will appear in places unexpected as we all get closer to the truth of finding love and acceptance in the formless.
Understanding Celebrity
It is a phenomeon that plays such a large role in our culture and how we perceive the world around us. They hold more influence over the American people then our own government. We have finally reached a point in our society in which anybody that has enough resources or is eccentric enough can become a celebrity. Celebrity by itself is kind of worthless other then fanning and feeding ego and giving people something superficial to worship, but they also have an ability to influence large amounts of people. Imagine if most celebrities were consumed with inner peace and global issues instead of the numerous other distractions that are the focus for most celebrities. It is not a coincidence that actors, musicians, and athletes fair quite well when they run for political office. Name Brand and familiar people have an ability to reach a much larger audience. There are various degrees of celebrity and many times some of the best people shy away from the spotlight and these people have some really great messages to share with American public.
Anyone of us can become a celebrity. It can be done virtually overnight with the age that we live in these days. We have the power to tell celebrities what we want them to down. This may sound absurd, but they are influenced by having the approval of the masses. I still firmly believe that if public demand was large enough Paris Hilton would become a great philanthropist if that is what the public wanted to see her do.
Anyone of us can become a celebrity. It can be done virtually overnight with the age that we live in these days. We have the power to tell celebrities what we want them to down. This may sound absurd, but they are influenced by having the approval of the masses. I still firmly believe that if public demand was large enough Paris Hilton would become a great philanthropist if that is what the public wanted to see her do.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Mine as well face it your addicted to Blogging
It is true I am either writing a blog these days or thinking about writing a blog these days. There is an overwhelming force that commences to sit down and stick my head real close to the point that I might actually merge with the screen and form one identity. Yet, It makes sense because I want to grab you out of your seat and lit fire that coarses thru your whole entire being. I want to help put every cell on fire. I want you to be overwhelemed to do whatever it is that you have been dreaming about doing. For me it involves vegetable oil buses, a presidential race, couchsurfing, and a total media circus with Smiley playing ring master and me sitting somewhere off to the side meditating and giving speeches as they are needed. I know that this will take place. Each day I can feel the stage being set. I am actually in the process of putting a treatment together and getting in the Hands of Mark Burnett. Papa Neutrino one of the great american adventurers of the last hundred years is calling in all his favors. We will make this fly and it will rock this country so fcuking hard (Yeah like those overpriced french connection shirts). We will all collectively rock this country. This ain't no bullshit rock the vote because we are the power. The President is a public servant and he or she is here to serve us. Somehow it has changed and we have become their servants. I don't want any servants I am working on humility. It ain't always easy, but the white house seems like a great place to start. Let's see what a bunch of beautiful lunatics, outcasts, crazies, no shot in hell, you've got to be joking jokesters can pull off with some very focused intention. Papa Nuetrino the Secretary of transportation says "This campaign must happen". Did you hear me folks "This CAMPAIGN MUST HAPPEN". This is a call to absurdity to all the GONZO JOURNALISTS. This is for HUNTER S. THOMPSON, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, OSHO, and a whole bunch of people that have layed down the ground work. We are rebels and "I WANT TO HEAR YOUR REBEL YELL".
LET THIS BE A ECHO HEARD IN CYBERSPACE. LET FREEDOM RING DING A LING RING. KEEP THE HEADS BOBBING. I want to thank all of you that have been supporting this campaign. It is no longer time to watch it merely fall away. We must participate and not let things keep moving at the status-quo going rate. FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES WE HAVE OUR CAUSE. LET'S TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE AND MAKE IT OUR HOUSE. TAKE IT BACK. STAND YOUR GROUND AND DON'T BACK DOWN unless they have bigger tanks. IN our case we have no tanks. But we have pens and our pens our mighty then the sword.
LET THIS BE A ECHO HEARD IN CYBERSPACE. LET FREEDOM RING DING A LING RING. KEEP THE HEADS BOBBING. I want to thank all of you that have been supporting this campaign. It is no longer time to watch it merely fall away. We must participate and not let things keep moving at the status-quo going rate. FOR ONCE IN OUR LIVES WE HAVE OUR CAUSE. LET'S TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE AND MAKE IT OUR HOUSE. TAKE IT BACK. STAND YOUR GROUND AND DON'T BACK DOWN unless they have bigger tanks. IN our case we have no tanks. But we have pens and our pens our mighty then the sword.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Another way to spell Greyhound Disfunciton
Yeah I spelled it wrong just casue it ssememe ffiting and I have an aaversion to seplling or maybe laziness. Maybe I am rebelling against my english teachers that marked me off when I was younger. When you get out of prison you get a free greyhound ticket. I am not saying this to scare or encourage you to take a greyhound. I am merely stating a fact. Take it how you will. Greyhounds are the same and they will do the same. Greyhounds gather alot of military personal, single mothers, Meth addicts, Drunks, Stoners, College students, Criminals, illegal immigrants, Evangelists, and anyone with a couple of dollars and dream to start over somewhere (greensboro North Carolina). In fact they are pretty much willing to get off the bus at your stop if you can offer them any opportunity. I feel that anyone running for president of the United States should take a 12 hour plus greyhound ride. You learn alot about the suffering and hope of the people of this nation. At times the bus drivers can seem a bit crazy, completely indifferent, or on a rare occassion a spiritual vegeterian (his name was Frank). All of these people are completely packed in tightly or spread sporadically throughout the bus depending on what time of day, year, and cities that you are traveling thru. Everyone of them has a story to tell and you'll hear their story whether you want to or not. And sometimes they don't speak, but still their story is written all over their face. I have seen it quite clearly with runaways and people just out of prison, but it still only tells part of their story. The face of humanity exists on a dog called a Greyhound known for speedily racing around the track. Only on extremely rare occasions are Greyhound buses speedy. I totally lose track of all the places that these buses of tragic nobility have taken me, but they have been a part of my journey. Nothing and I truly mean this is more American then greyhound. It tells a timeless American story. Craigslist has changed Greyhound's significance in my life, but still it is something that I hop on rare occassion with a feeling of both dread and excitement. Everytime you take a Greyhound I usually happily swear that it is my last greyhound and usually there is another one that is calling me to some other city and I can't resist the call of travel even if my best way of getting there is Greyhound.
IF Mark Twain was alive I am sure that he would have dedicated pages of Prose to the the Greyhound. So I dedicate this blog to Greyhound and America. God Bless America and God Bless the Greyhound.
IF Mark Twain was alive I am sure that he would have dedicated pages of Prose to the the Greyhound. So I dedicate this blog to Greyhound and America. God Bless America and God Bless the Greyhound.
Friday, January 26, 2007
At Any Moment Things Could Give Way....
Whatever it is that you have been working towards could give way at any moment, and you could find yourself living in the exact moment that you had been dreaming about for most of your life. Life has a beautifully peciluar timing that makes for the greatest movie you could ever imagine. We make movies in attempt to inimitate the greatest movie that we can ever have,called life. All of us are contributing in our ways to the storyline. We will find the success we have always been seeking in our career or love life. Break the old habits so that we can create the space for new things to come into our life.
I started writing this blog a little while ago and now I come back to it during the tail of the Sundance Film Festival in Park City Utah. I am revisiting a place that has always been quite magical for me personally, but also during an event that will bring out the worse in people. SO many people seem to lose sight of the mountains while they walk around attached their cell phones. Their careers/jobs are on the line. They feel that everything hangs on the one thing they are working towards. Life makes so much more sense when we step back. Now, LISTEN (I'M WORKING IT ALSO) to that phrase don't just view it as a cliche. Step back from this moment of chaos and view iN the CONTEXT of the ENTIRE world. We were not put on this planet to be fearful and scared, but that is a emotional response that so many people resort to in times of crisis.
I can say that I have certainly operated out of that mode of thinking before and never has it ever brought about a desired result. When things get challenging the worst thing to do is tense up. Like a shot thru the heart life will end qickly and we will all find ourselves on different realms and all of this will seem like a dream of sorts. I love my life, but I also understand that I am a soul having a human experience. The most I can do for my friends and the world around me is to find that peace inside of myself. Sometimes I want to reach out and almost force someone to feel the peace that I am feeling, but not everyone is ready to acknowledge their own peace that exists inside of themselves.
Take a step back and notice all the wonderful things that you have been given and gotten to experience on your journey. Allow yourself to show gratitude towards loved ones and just a complete stranger that could use just a smile. Remember everything that you have ever desired could take place at this very moment, but that event does not define you unless you allow it to define you. Life is an amazing series of moments and I want to thank all of the people that have been a part of those moments for me. Thank you for the numerous valuable lessons that you have helped to make me aware of in my 27 and half year life span.
I started writing this blog a little while ago and now I come back to it during the tail of the Sundance Film Festival in Park City Utah. I am revisiting a place that has always been quite magical for me personally, but also during an event that will bring out the worse in people. SO many people seem to lose sight of the mountains while they walk around attached their cell phones. Their careers/jobs are on the line. They feel that everything hangs on the one thing they are working towards. Life makes so much more sense when we step back. Now, LISTEN (I'M WORKING IT ALSO) to that phrase don't just view it as a cliche. Step back from this moment of chaos and view iN the CONTEXT of the ENTIRE world. We were not put on this planet to be fearful and scared, but that is a emotional response that so many people resort to in times of crisis.
I can say that I have certainly operated out of that mode of thinking before and never has it ever brought about a desired result. When things get challenging the worst thing to do is tense up. Like a shot thru the heart life will end qickly and we will all find ourselves on different realms and all of this will seem like a dream of sorts. I love my life, but I also understand that I am a soul having a human experience. The most I can do for my friends and the world around me is to find that peace inside of myself. Sometimes I want to reach out and almost force someone to feel the peace that I am feeling, but not everyone is ready to acknowledge their own peace that exists inside of themselves.
Take a step back and notice all the wonderful things that you have been given and gotten to experience on your journey. Allow yourself to show gratitude towards loved ones and just a complete stranger that could use just a smile. Remember everything that you have ever desired could take place at this very moment, but that event does not define you unless you allow it to define you. Life is an amazing series of moments and I want to thank all of the people that have been a part of those moments for me. Thank you for the numerous valuable lessons that you have helped to make me aware of in my 27 and half year life span.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
Understanding the emotions in our Rain and Water
The rain comes down and all the dirt is washed away for a moment. In this moment, that is ever transparent we can see what awaits us right around that corner. We have all that emotion, but we choose to stay away from it most of the time. That emotion is the thing that scares us and also makes us feel most alive. We have all felt deeply and have all been cut, stabbed, and shot in the heart in one way or another. Each time it seems more intense then the last. It is a way of making us surrender and admit what we are feeling. To own your feelings is such a powerful thing and it will intimidate people because they run for something to numb their feelings any time they feel even the slightest stirring. We owe to ourselves not to repress how we are feeling. When I watch a great movie or television show I have moments where I see how our own lives seem so wonderfully scripted accept we don't know what is written on the next page. I get up every day in a feeling of quiet euphoria in regards to what is on the next page and who is about to enter into my life.
The world is truly a revolving stage and I do believe that we have known each other in so many different lives (loves) that when we meet there is this feeling of here we go again. People that dig at these emotions are some of the most valuable people in my life. We are all there for one another to help with a light fixture in each others play. Perhaps we gave someone a ride to go meet the one that he or she will marry or delayed them just long enough to save their lives. We are constantly involved in each other lives in ways that are extremely subtle but impactful. Never for a single solitary moment doubt that you are not changing this world just with your thoughts. Knowing that everything you touch in front of you was merely a thought at one point. Everything that you used today (and probably took for granted) was just a thought. How powerful can a thought be? I would say that a thought could have ramifications that could change the world. And if that thought is positive then share it with everyone you think is ready to listen. As we take in the silence, we can hear the sounds that are neglected. We can better understand nature and the order of things that goes beyond mere social dynamics.
There is an intricate design and we all feel it at times, but sometimes we feel a fear of admitting that we believe in it because we don't want to be wrong. I have been the fool many times in my life, but it has given me greater understanding of what I truly care about. I am hearing sirens in the background of the city which means someone is undergoing some sort of dramatic change in their life and I sit here mentioning it because all those things that most people pay little attention to start to add up and brings about the world that we live in. Everything has always been starring us in the face, but we refuse to face it because it would mean that we have to change our beliefs. The moment we truly confess that we know very little, is the same moment that we truly can begin to learn how to embrace the moment. To learn things that enrich our lives gives a greater sense of purpose and my greatest purpose is peace. And may I never get in my own way of knowing this ever magnificent peace. Allow it to radiate in every atom in body. May I become AWAKE. LET ME AWAKEN FROM MY SLUMBER. I won't to no longer dwell in delusion and mere intellectual speculation may I realize the diviness of acceptance that we envy in the animals that we call Pets (replace Pets with Teachers). May we all know greater wisdom and may the wisdom spread so that we can begin to address the mounting list of problems that we have been neglected because of our obcession with denying things in hopes that it will merely go away.
My Yearning to find greater awareness continues to intensify and it guides me in ways that feel as if a force moves thru me that directs me towards a greater love that I want to feel with every little skin tissue that makes up my body. May my sensitivity continue to grow and flow like the water that makes up most of our body.
The world is truly a revolving stage and I do believe that we have known each other in so many different lives (loves) that when we meet there is this feeling of here we go again. People that dig at these emotions are some of the most valuable people in my life. We are all there for one another to help with a light fixture in each others play. Perhaps we gave someone a ride to go meet the one that he or she will marry or delayed them just long enough to save their lives. We are constantly involved in each other lives in ways that are extremely subtle but impactful. Never for a single solitary moment doubt that you are not changing this world just with your thoughts. Knowing that everything you touch in front of you was merely a thought at one point. Everything that you used today (and probably took for granted) was just a thought. How powerful can a thought be? I would say that a thought could have ramifications that could change the world. And if that thought is positive then share it with everyone you think is ready to listen. As we take in the silence, we can hear the sounds that are neglected. We can better understand nature and the order of things that goes beyond mere social dynamics.
There is an intricate design and we all feel it at times, but sometimes we feel a fear of admitting that we believe in it because we don't want to be wrong. I have been the fool many times in my life, but it has given me greater understanding of what I truly care about. I am hearing sirens in the background of the city which means someone is undergoing some sort of dramatic change in their life and I sit here mentioning it because all those things that most people pay little attention to start to add up and brings about the world that we live in. Everything has always been starring us in the face, but we refuse to face it because it would mean that we have to change our beliefs. The moment we truly confess that we know very little, is the same moment that we truly can begin to learn how to embrace the moment. To learn things that enrich our lives gives a greater sense of purpose and my greatest purpose is peace. And may I never get in my own way of knowing this ever magnificent peace. Allow it to radiate in every atom in body. May I become AWAKE. LET ME AWAKEN FROM MY SLUMBER. I won't to no longer dwell in delusion and mere intellectual speculation may I realize the diviness of acceptance that we envy in the animals that we call Pets (replace Pets with Teachers). May we all know greater wisdom and may the wisdom spread so that we can begin to address the mounting list of problems that we have been neglected because of our obcession with denying things in hopes that it will merely go away.
My Yearning to find greater awareness continues to intensify and it guides me in ways that feel as if a force moves thru me that directs me towards a greater love that I want to feel with every little skin tissue that makes up my body. May my sensitivity continue to grow and flow like the water that makes up most of our body.
Here it IS.....
Every now and then I don't feel like going out and socializing and I want to soak up NYC even if I am couple thousand miles away from it. I do this by watching Sex And The City. I have such a humorous weakness for this show. I have been away from New York city for 6 months. It makes me laugh, but it also kind of makes me ache for NYC. Unfortunately the NYC that I love walking around is not so friendly this time of year. I still love the place, but NYC and I have had a bit seasonal relationship. One of the things that can be so challenging about moving around so much is that I am always saying goodbye sometimes at the same time that I am saying hello. I have been thinking about curbing my roaming feet or curtailing the wanderlust. I wonder where I will settle in. All this roaming has been wonderful and I am thinking about laying anchor somewhere. Yet I am somewhat timid of the idea of calling one place home. I think I want to have two homes and want the place to scream at me "This is It". I want it to be clear. I want it to be so obvious that it is impossible to say no.
Sometimes I find myself in New York City when it is cold on a rare occassion. We have so many options in this world and I have spent alot of my time exploring as many of them as possible. I miss all of my friends everywhere yet we can't be everywhere at the same time. I guess what I am saying is that I am ready to enter into a new phase in my life. The question is not about when as it is about where. Life is all about being happy and being a nomad has made me very happy, but I am going to start a bit of curtailing to my wandering Sadhu days. It doesn't mean that I won't be traveling, but I want to have a place to call home. I want to be able to offer random strangers I meet a place to stay. I want to wake up in the morning and seeing people meditating and doing yoga in the living room. I want to be a part of a community of people that are committed to finding love within themselves and in everything that they see. I don't care if I am successful or famous I just want to create a spot full of people that are oozing bliss.
Sometimes I find myself in New York City when it is cold on a rare occassion. We have so many options in this world and I have spent alot of my time exploring as many of them as possible. I miss all of my friends everywhere yet we can't be everywhere at the same time. I guess what I am saying is that I am ready to enter into a new phase in my life. The question is not about when as it is about where. Life is all about being happy and being a nomad has made me very happy, but I am going to start a bit of curtailing to my wandering Sadhu days. It doesn't mean that I won't be traveling, but I want to have a place to call home. I want to be able to offer random strangers I meet a place to stay. I want to wake up in the morning and seeing people meditating and doing yoga in the living room. I want to be a part of a community of people that are committed to finding love within themselves and in everything that they see. I don't care if I am successful or famous I just want to create a spot full of people that are oozing bliss.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Crazy Man With Sign Wants to Go to Austrulia
I want to come to the land of down under. I want to come to a country that was founded by outcasts. This blog is dedicated to all of you Australians that have been reading my blog. Hopefully all of this STA craziness will be sorted out soon. For those of you who don't know STA travel used me in a huge ad campaign in Australia to get Australian college age kids to come to NYC in hopes that they would find "A jewish cat named Kurzweil who will freestyle rap for cash", but more specifically a 6 foot 7 inch jewish cat named Kurzweil. Well I said it once and I will say it again "Fair is Fair". You guys got to come to New York CIty and now I want to come to Australia. I want to see Kangaroos and Koala bears and come to a land where women are not overly impressed by an Australian accent. Yet, I still need help from all of you amazing Aussies especially all of the Koala bears and Kangaroos and maybe even Crocidile Dundee if he is not doing anything. Please make sure STA travel does what is right and helps an endangered species come to the wild habitat of Australia.
There are not many 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping, chi-gong healing jews that are running for president of the United States. Come to think of it I may be the only one left. Help me to help you protect this precious and obscure endangered species list. Maybe I might even get dual citiizenship.
News Bulletin: STA travel has made an intial offer of $250 travel voucher which seems a little less then what one receives for a national ad campaign. Maybe STA travel is trying to keep a tall jew down, but you can't keep a tall jew down just ask around. Everybody tell STA travel "fair is fair" and I don't believe that a $250 travel voucher is fair for a national ad campaign in which I never signed any contract.
Sincerely President Te'DeVan Kurzweil
There are not many 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping, chi-gong healing jews that are running for president of the United States. Come to think of it I may be the only one left. Help me to help you protect this precious and obscure endangered species list. Maybe I might even get dual citiizenship.
News Bulletin: STA travel has made an intial offer of $250 travel voucher which seems a little less then what one receives for a national ad campaign. Maybe STA travel is trying to keep a tall jew down, but you can't keep a tall jew down just ask around. Everybody tell STA travel "fair is fair" and I don't believe that a $250 travel voucher is fair for a national ad campaign in which I never signed any contract.
Sincerely President Te'DeVan Kurzweil
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
NO EDIT
There is a part of me when I am writing that is somewhat scared of mispelings and not so good grammar, but really none of that sutff means that much to me or to most people. It is all about the feeling that we put into the words as we write. It is important that we are digging our way into our inner reccesses trying to get at something that is sincere and genuine. I often wonder about all the people that I met briefly along the way, and sometimes I am fortunate enough that these people will call me completely out of the blue or I will wander into them in a new city during a different phase in their life. I have had such an amazing journey that has gotten me to where I am at this very moment. At this very moment I am typing to you from Oakland, California. I often wonder about who are the people that read my blog and what exactly do that get out of reading it. How has it benefited them in their lives and how is it effected the world around them. Each one of has a story to tell and sometimes certain people come along and they become known and they tell the stories of millions of people. I want to reach out to more people, but in order to do that I miss reach deeper into myself. I discuss delving deeper because it is important reminder for myself to not lose site of the things that give me the greatest feeling.
All of this life can come to a close very quickly, and therefore it seems that enjoying life is a responsibility that I owe my maker. I want to fully embrace this entire experience. I am learning to be at peace with all things that transpire that are beyond my control. All the events that lead up to our current circumstances is something that never ceases to amaze me. Often I find that I completely enamored with the way everything intricately connects to everything else. I have been on these adventures ever since I graduated college and soon it will be nearly 6 years since I graduated college and during that time I have interacted with quite a few extraordinary people that will greatly shape the world as we come to know it in our everyday existence.
All of this life can come to a close very quickly, and therefore it seems that enjoying life is a responsibility that I owe my maker. I want to fully embrace this entire experience. I am learning to be at peace with all things that transpire that are beyond my control. All the events that lead up to our current circumstances is something that never ceases to amaze me. Often I find that I completely enamored with the way everything intricately connects to everything else. I have been on these adventures ever since I graduated college and soon it will be nearly 6 years since I graduated college and during that time I have interacted with quite a few extraordinary people that will greatly shape the world as we come to know it in our everyday existence.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Is the sexual revolution over?
I remember being 11 years old.... I was in 6th grade and my mom had a magazine. I think it might have been the New Yorker but I am not honestly sure. What I do remember is that the headline was "The Sexual Revolution is over". I must admit that I was kind of devastated when I read that. I had not quite started puberty. I did not really grasp what the hell this meant other then the fact that it looked like I had missed out. Everyone for the most part who had gone thru puberty got to be part of this revolution except for mel. I brought the magazine to school to cut out pictures for some assigment and it created a bit of an uproar and the magazine was confiscated from me and they were trying to tell me it was inappropaite. I wondered were they nervous that other kids might learn the sexual revolution was over and they too would become greatly discouraged or depressed. Eventually I coaxed them to give it back to me, but they made some sort of spectacle that this was not the sort of thing to bring to school. I remember thinking you've got to be kidding me there aren't even any naked girls besides National Graphic was acceptable and they had tons of naked people in their magazine. Looking back i know that this whole thing had some sort of effect on me, but then again everything does.
Yet, now that I have become a little older I wonder who the hell is the person that gets to make this declaration and everyone else around them merely nods their head in complete agreement. Often I wonder if this man and I am pretty sure it was a man that made this absurd statement tried to have a threesome and his request fell on deaf ears. In response to this he decided that the he would tell so and so who also had a similar experience and that they would use their connections at whatever magazine it was to announce to the world that the Sexual Revolution was over. Looking back I'm pretty sure their theory had to do with the fear of AIDS which has made many people less sexaully active or at least they panic more after having sex without a condom.
Well I want to declare that "The Sexual Revolution is Back". I don't have quite the readership of the New Yorker, but still I want to make it clear that Sexual Revolution has returned. With this return there shall also be a return of Vegan orgnaic carrot cake, Revolution, and threesomes because it all just seems long over due. I just want to say to the 11 year old me out there that its okay the sexual revolution never really began or ended they are merely a few people that want to convince people of this so that other people will buy their magazines and cause mental and emotional suffering to their pre-pubescent kids.
Yet, now that I have become a little older I wonder who the hell is the person that gets to make this declaration and everyone else around them merely nods their head in complete agreement. Often I wonder if this man and I am pretty sure it was a man that made this absurd statement tried to have a threesome and his request fell on deaf ears. In response to this he decided that the he would tell so and so who also had a similar experience and that they would use their connections at whatever magazine it was to announce to the world that the Sexual Revolution was over. Looking back I'm pretty sure their theory had to do with the fear of AIDS which has made many people less sexaully active or at least they panic more after having sex without a condom.
Well I want to declare that "The Sexual Revolution is Back". I don't have quite the readership of the New Yorker, but still I want to make it clear that Sexual Revolution has returned. With this return there shall also be a return of Vegan orgnaic carrot cake, Revolution, and threesomes because it all just seems long over due. I just want to say to the 11 year old me out there that its okay the sexual revolution never really began or ended they are merely a few people that want to convince people of this so that other people will buy their magazines and cause mental and emotional suffering to their pre-pubescent kids.
It seems completely dormant and then....
IT the plague of your existence which is different for each person, but is basically FEAR and all the many different ways that it digs its daggers covered in flowers deep into your body. So you are being debilitated and in a great deal of pain, but on the outside it looks quite extravagant and elegant even making people envious because they can't seem to see the daggers that are covered by the pretty flowers.. IT is sleeping and you are totally over IT. No doubt about IT you have overcome this obsession and then all of a sudden IT sneaks up on you. How did IT sneak up on you? Fuck dammit you had overcome IT and then IT bites you again. IT is always there to remind me. I am done being harsh on myself about IT instead I merely admit IT and that IT is a feeling that will pass. All feelings pass and this feeling is no exception, but it certainly feels like a Billie Holiday or Miles Davis song that gets you right in the gut. Yet as all this takes place you still have the ability to make people smile and strike emotional chords. I love you because you are a feeeling that reminds me of depth that I still want to realize. It is not so much about finding or seeking. It is about realizing. All of it is already there, but we somehow refuse to admit it. The mind blocks because the change is too great. Why won't we embrace the change and why do we have to feel a fear about it? I'd rather admit the fear then pretend to be brave. The truth is genuine bravery is admitting that you are scared out of your mind. Admiting that you are out of your element. How did we get here again? Somehow this has become quite a catch phrase for me. I type what I am feeling and use words in the best way that I can to express this to whoever it is in this cyber world who reads my blog. At least 600 or more views take place on this blog every month and all of you people are in so many places living so many different lives reaching so many different people in ways that you don't know or are challenging to understand. Somehow we have these moments of extreme clairvoyance in which we can see something that the rest of the people around are us are blind to. We have woken and they are sleeping and there are various degrees to this waking. I am waking in each moment doing my best to follow in the path of masters and gurus that have come before. Still there are selfish tendencies that I am continuing to purge so that I can be that person that has become the change instead of merely a person who speaks the change. I have fear and I've heard perfect love can cast out fear. Let me remember this perfect love and help the world to cast out their fear as I hope to cast my own fear out. I was once asked what is your biggest fear? I said it would be that I am wrong about everything. Then I realized whether I am wrong or right I can only live life with the knowledge that holds true for me. LIve life for the knowledge that you have and be open to new ways of viewing the world around.
When Disaster Strikes...
Well we all know that it is somewhat of inevitablity with everything that is happening around us. Yet, it is not something to dread and certainly something that we still have a say in. Yet, 2007 will probably go down in history as year of tremendous global catastrophes with both environmental, disease, and war related devastation. It will be a year of many floods and faminies. Yet, this all a part of the growing pains process. All of this will encourage people to find the strength that exists deep inside of us that has been dormant. Part of me did not want to write this blog at all, but there is this other part of me that felt this needed to be said. I can feel as I am in San Francisco and earth that we are not in balance with at the moment and drastic changes will have to take place so that we can come back in balance with the planet. We are taking steps, but we still need to take more of them and they need to be larger strides. I feel that this year will be a year that the planet reminds of this simple fact that policy makers commonly ignore, because it is not particualarly convient nor pleasant to think about. Yet, it is certainly something that needs to be done. Another reason I write this blog is that we have the power to decrease the severity of these events. It is our thoughts and actions that got us into this mess and new thoughts and actions will get us out of this mess.
I did not write this blog to make anybody worry. I merely wrote it so that if these events do take place this year your able to see the vast opportunity to improve our worldly situation. We have started to wake up, but we still need a much greater focus towards cleaning up the environment. I know despite all of this chaos that for many people that this will be an incredible year towards the future, but I desired to put out a warning of some bumps along the road that may initally appear to be mountains, but are merely small bumps. Perhaps this will be a blog to revisit at some point later in the year. I wish all of you well and keep listening and following your intution.
I did not write this blog to make anybody worry. I merely wrote it so that if these events do take place this year your able to see the vast opportunity to improve our worldly situation. We have started to wake up, but we still need a much greater focus towards cleaning up the environment. I know despite all of this chaos that for many people that this will be an incredible year towards the future, but I desired to put out a warning of some bumps along the road that may initally appear to be mountains, but are merely small bumps. Perhaps this will be a blog to revisit at some point later in the year. I wish all of you well and keep listening and following your intution.
Friday, January 12, 2007
Having A Hard time finishing what you started
There is an easy solution to this problem. View the situation as being resolved and lived as if it is resolved and do not allow yourself to be upset about it. I am
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Maybe Sex With Friends? Maybe Sex With God?
I'm sure we have all been there at some point. Some friend of ours that we think is either mildy or very attractive and then one night a thought crosses our mind. Yet this thought is always crossing our minds. Here is a person before you that you actually like as a friend, it would be a fantastic idea to have sex with them or maybe it would be an awful idea. Maybe it will be once, maybe twice, maybe a couple of times a month. Maybe you'll get pregnant (because his roommates poked holes in his condoms). Maybe the sex will be really bad or maybe you'll never look at sex in the same way. Ultimately you are endangering a friendship, but then how soild of a friendship was it to begin with if having sex once would ruin it. Maybe it will be like When Harry Met Sally or maybe you watch movies too much and in actuality it will be like pretty good soy ice cream. Maybe one of you will become gay afterwards. Perhaps it will cause them to speak well of you to their friends and you will become a sex toy of sorts. Perhaps you have been spending too much time at your job thinking about it and are on the verge of losing your job unless you give into this desire. Maybe it merely seems convienent like going into Iraq and overthrowing Iraq convienent (that worked out okay..... right?...). Maybe the Iraq thing was unfair maybe you just don't get enough sex anymore or maybe you have always been a bit sex starved.
Maybe you don't want sex and you want love. Oh it seems really cliche to say that, but deep down inside I bet its true. Oh God don't say that to me. How could it be? Maybe they won't love me back so it is best that I just stay on the sidelines. And then I can spend the rest of my life on the sidelines. Okay here is the big question will going for it make me more the person I want to be or less then person I want to be. There are numerous facets, but How does it FEEL IN YOUR GUT. QUick don't think just catch yes or no. Plunge or restraint or was there nothing really to restrain other then your own imagination. All we have is NOW do you want it now or should you just let it pass on by like the song says in the Breakfast Club. IF I walk on by will you call my name? What is your name? Or should I just keep you a secret part of a safe fantasy land that has no business being anywhere else. I bet you're just a tease anyway or maybe you're the passionate beast that can fill that thirst, but that would make you God. Are you God? And if you are, tell me where you want me and how you want me.
Maybe you don't want sex and you want love. Oh it seems really cliche to say that, but deep down inside I bet its true. Oh God don't say that to me. How could it be? Maybe they won't love me back so it is best that I just stay on the sidelines. And then I can spend the rest of my life on the sidelines. Okay here is the big question will going for it make me more the person I want to be or less then person I want to be. There are numerous facets, but How does it FEEL IN YOUR GUT. QUick don't think just catch yes or no. Plunge or restraint or was there nothing really to restrain other then your own imagination. All we have is NOW do you want it now or should you just let it pass on by like the song says in the Breakfast Club. IF I walk on by will you call my name? What is your name? Or should I just keep you a secret part of a safe fantasy land that has no business being anywhere else. I bet you're just a tease anyway or maybe you're the passionate beast that can fill that thirst, but that would make you God. Are you God? And if you are, tell me where you want me and how you want me.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Let's Make the PLUNGE
Okay, this may sound shocking, but I swear that what I am about to say is true. I have been holding back. I am letting go of more of my hang-ups and really fully and completely and embracing the flow. I have not been going for it to the degree that I need to allow of these things to happen. I have been taking steps towards freeing my mind, but still there is programming that I HAVE WITHIN my mind that is not benefiting me or the world I live in. I am letting go of these things to make space for a higher vibration to come through me. My awareness is growing as I increase the depth of my breath. Somehow the simplest thing that most people take for granted seems to be the key to realizing the greatness of potential that we all possess. I find myself getting out of my own way more and more. Basically I forgo the idea of how I think things have to happen and just focus on doing what I enjoy in this present moment.
We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your
We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your
Monday, January 08, 2007
STA TRAVEL YOU OWE ME
Okay I am not trying to be some sort of sue-happy American, but apparantly, during 2004, STA travel used me in a huge ad campaign in Austrulia to get young college kids to NYC. The add is a picture of me holding a sign that said "Jewish cat named Kurzweil will freestyle rap for cash" and it was me and a friend of mine that I had met that day in Times Square. I constantly run into Austrulians that have seen this ad. Well, as you know I am running for President and I feel that STA should sponsor the campaign since they seem to think that a picture of me is good way to convince Young Australians to come to NYC. Fight Club had corporate sponosorship and I figure this campaign would benefit from some form of sponorship, especially from a travel company. Anyone that can either get a copy of this ad or is friends with anyone at STA travel shoud immediately contact me. It would be greatly appreciated.
In other news I am In San Fran and seeing friends that I have met all over the place who have just recently arrived here. I am doing my best to introduce them to one another. San Fran is such a kick ass city. I really love this place there are so many wonderful kooks that make me seem like the average Joe. I miss all of you guys wherever you may be located.
In other news I am In San Fran and seeing friends that I have met all over the place who have just recently arrived here. I am doing my best to introduce them to one another. San Fran is such a kick ass city. I really love this place there are so many wonderful kooks that make me seem like the average Joe. I miss all of you guys wherever you may be located.
Ready to Make that Final Plunge
Okay, this may sound shocking, but I swear that what I am about to say is true. I have been holding back. I am letting go of more of my hang-ups and really fully and completely and embracing the flow. I have not been going for it to the degree that I need to allow of these things to happen. I have been taking steps towards freeing my mind, but still there is programming that I HAVE WITHIN my mind that is not benefiting me or the world I live in. I am letting go of these things to make space for a higher vibration to come through me. My awareness is growing as I increase the depth of my breath. Somehow the simplest thing that most people take for granted seems to be the key to realizing the greatness of potential that we all possess. I find myself getting out of my own way more and more. Basically I forgo the idea of how I think things have to happen and just focus on doing what I enjoy in this present moment.
We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your dream instead of chasing it. You are all that you ever wanted and we need alot of you for this NEW EARTH to be in full bloom.
We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your dream instead of chasing it. You are all that you ever wanted and we need alot of you for this NEW EARTH to be in full bloom.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Whatever happened to ........
Today i thought about and old friend of mine and there have been quite a few friends along the way and they are all very special to me, but she was there at the start of my current journey. She was the first person that I ever did a healing on. She was the one I reached out to heal because I did not want to hear her cry anymore. She was the one that put up with my numerous hangups,anger and ungratefulness that I had at the time after just having graduating college and not knowing what to do next. It was in her car that I got my last glance at the world trade center while driving by it on the night of September 10,2001. As we drove by I thought "I wonder what would happen if that building fell down". I have told a few people that story, but only a few and now I figured that I would write that. It was a couple days later sitting in her car outside of my parents house that I did my first healing. She was having tremendous physical heart pain and was crying hysterically. I did not want to hear her cry anymore and without even thinking about it in a moment of reflex I reached out around her heart area and without touching her pulled away a heaviness that I felt around her heart area.
She was in total shock and stopped crying and asked me what I had done. I knew deep down inside, but my rational mind would not completely accept what had happened. Though, I had expereinced similar things before, but I had always been the one being healed. This was a simple moment and one that would greatly alter the rest of my life. In that moment my whole life changed. This girl always believed in me alot more then I ever believed in myself at the time. Her faith in me would actually make me angry at times and when I was around her I would act out as if I was five years old. Looking back on our past as we become more aware we start to understand why certain people come into our life. I remember she was an amazingly talented musician and wonder what ever happened to her. She probably wonders the same about me from time to time.
I am thankful that she came into my life when she did. We all have had people in our life like this and every now and then we wonder whatever happened to......
She was in total shock and stopped crying and asked me what I had done. I knew deep down inside, but my rational mind would not completely accept what had happened. Though, I had expereinced similar things before, but I had always been the one being healed. This was a simple moment and one that would greatly alter the rest of my life. In that moment my whole life changed. This girl always believed in me alot more then I ever believed in myself at the time. Her faith in me would actually make me angry at times and when I was around her I would act out as if I was five years old. Looking back on our past as we become more aware we start to understand why certain people come into our life. I remember she was an amazingly talented musician and wonder what ever happened to her. She probably wonders the same about me from time to time.
I am thankful that she came into my life when she did. We all have had people in our life like this and every now and then we wonder whatever happened to......
Monday, January 01, 2007
How I kiss a girl Being there is a foot or more height difference
I spread my legs and get in a wider stance. You'd be amazed how many people have asked me that question. I thought I would answer that question. The other option is that she leaps onto me like a Koala bear or a kangaroo's baby. This once occurred after freestlye rapping to a girl. She was not really into the whole healing idea, but a good freestyle about the moonlight and her eyes sealed the deal. I am romantic, but I am honest one and I recognize that I am the same is everyone else except maybe a little more hungry for some action. But I want the everlasting never going to fuck stop or let you down action. It is indeed a beautiful day and time to put it out there. Whatever is that you are passionate about expresss and let the world know. Especially let the French know that you may be an ugly American, but your passionate one and you want to bring peace to yourself and your country. Papa Nutrino recently told me that we should bomb poor countries with food and medical supplies. I agree whole heartedly it seems like a positive form of bombing. It is like "Food Not Bombs" to the next level. By the way I want to thank you guys for your work and I have benefited from a few of your wonderful meals. Keep it up and don't let any of these crazy cops giving out tickets for feeding the homeless stop you. As I type this there are French people next to me at the Mac store amazed that they can get free internet access. By the way people get internet access is not really that challenging these days. College campuses, Mac stores, Colleges, your friends, some strangers, etc.... Use your intution and keep thinking of new ways to get your message out there.
We are all born to be great in our own amazing ways. Recognize what you do well in life and keep doing it. And may the crowd go agog after they read the blog. I've always wanted to say that ever since I learned the word agog. Keep hitting the streets/parks/bars and everything else and treat strangers as if they are your long lost brothers and sisters for indeed they are just that my friend that I have yet to meet in person.
We are all born to be great in our own amazing ways. Recognize what you do well in life and keep doing it. And may the crowd go agog after they read the blog. I've always wanted to say that ever since I learned the word agog. Keep hitting the streets/parks/bars and everything else and treat strangers as if they are your long lost brothers and sisters for indeed they are just that my friend that I have yet to meet in person.
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
We've Got ALL the RIght Friends
So I was just giving it a little thought, and if I could bring all the people I know together into one location and work our way thru the ego mania (only 3/4 suffer from this affliction myself included) then we would probably save the world. Honestly I think at this point in my journey I have met almost everyone who does just about anything you could think of that might be useful. And if I haven't met them personally I have only one degree of separation. I have made mention of forming the new A-team/rat pack before, but this goes well above and beyond any of that. They come from all walks of life and most of them want to help create a better world after they make it. I say fuck making it for a moment; let's just make a better world now. People spend their whole lives trying to make it, but the mind won't allow it to take place. There will always be another goal that needs to be achieved. I don't want to achieve any other goals unless somehow it can benefit humanity otherwise it just does not have a lasting impact.
My New years resolution is to put aside my own meglomanical ego and stand out of the way of progress that will benefit humanity. I think it is important to own up to how we our sabotaging ourselves and the henceforth the world around us. We give so much of our energy towards being annoyed, angry, scared, anxious, sad, etc... If we gave all of that energy towards something that made our lives better and other people's lives better imagine how much better the planet would be. I see the change; and yes it is not as overt as the destruction, but it is there and I believe in 4th quarter comebacks. I have to believe it because we are in the fourth quarter. THink about this for a moment. You achieve all of your goals and then you and your family get snuffed out by the effects of global warming or the ever increasing war machine that humanity puts most of its resources into. We can all be feed and have everything we need, but instead we try and figure out ways to have bigger, better, and more things Enough is enough i-pod stops here.
My New years resolution is to put aside my own meglomanical ego and stand out of the way of progress that will benefit humanity. I think it is important to own up to how we our sabotaging ourselves and the henceforth the world around us. We give so much of our energy towards being annoyed, angry, scared, anxious, sad, etc... If we gave all of that energy towards something that made our lives better and other people's lives better imagine how much better the planet would be. I see the change; and yes it is not as overt as the destruction, but it is there and I believe in 4th quarter comebacks. I have to believe it because we are in the fourth quarter. THink about this for a moment. You achieve all of your goals and then you and your family get snuffed out by the effects of global warming or the ever increasing war machine that humanity puts most of its resources into. We can all be feed and have everything we need, but instead we try and figure out ways to have bigger, better, and more things Enough is enough i-pod stops here.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Lets Revisit the Present Moment
Okay so I am in LA at coffee shop called the Unurban as I listen to Usher in the background. I dance and bop my head as some jewish girl named Joey laughs. My pal Mandel talks about the Burning Man New Years eve party in LA. New Years has never been a day that seems so different to me accept for the fact that it is much more expensive to get into all events because it is New Years. I look slightly ahead and there are quite a few paths in front of me. Sundance Film Festival seems to be calling me along with India. We all have the possibility of going anywhere at anytime. I was thinking about going up to Santa Cruz or down to San Diego or maybe both. I was thinking about flying directly from LA to India or flying into NYC and being there for a few days. Yet I don't want to occupy myself with all the possibilities because it can almost drive you a bit a batty. Freedom is truly a great responsibility and we make choices and these creates the other possibilities that we will have to choose from. I try to just go from gut and not over analyze because that merely makes me dizzy. I believe John Lennon says "Life is what happens while your busy making plans". So drop the plans for the moment and leave yourself a little more flexibility of just being in the present moment.
I just want you to all know that I love you and all of you have come in and out my life as it was meant to be. We are all part of an intricate design, but all we have is the intensity that this single solitary moment holds. Are we open to the lifeforce that exists all around in this moment. Nothing is perfect and it does not need to be perfect instead let it be free flowing and let go of the past and stop worrying about a day that may or may not come and love wherever you are and whoever you are with.
I just want you to all know that I love you and all of you have come in and out my life as it was meant to be. We are all part of an intricate design, but all we have is the intensity that this single solitary moment holds. Are we open to the lifeforce that exists all around in this moment. Nothing is perfect and it does not need to be perfect instead let it be free flowing and let go of the past and stop worrying about a day that may or may not come and love wherever you are and whoever you are with.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Resolutions that You Should Not Keep!
People are always babbling about what the New Years resolution is for the new year. Yet they rarely follow thru and feel guilty about it later on in the year. So I came up with an idea. This year make all of New Year's Resolutions awful ideas and that way when you complete half of them or all of them you will feel both excited and disappointed. Below are some resolutions to ponder not fulfilling.
1) Think about the most destructive person you have ever dated and tell them you really want to make a clean start of it for the new year, but first you should ask them to cash your paycheck.
2) Pay off your debt my selling naked pictures of your roommates
3) Track down an ex that is the furthest away from you geographically (think Apollo moon mission) and beg them to take you back.
4)Make the big Mac one of your four food groups in fact make it your only food group
5) Take up unsocial smoking only smoke in anti-social situations such as yoga retreats (think silent Vipassano retreats) and meditation centers or anywhere where smoking is either outlawed or highly discouraged
6) Fight for an unworthy cause like smoker's rights or the continued bombing of people in foreign countries that you don't know. Yes I know both are awful but it might actually bring attention to the lack of the resistance in our country towards liberation of Iraq
7) Give speeches to large audiences on the benefits of being oppressed by an imperial power
8) Sleep with your cousins that you only see at the occassional family function (are they really family anyway?)this way increasing your and their black sheep status.
9) Join a local gang as a way of increasing your self esteem in the short run it might work and in the long run (well you might not have one to speak of).
10)Get all of the unattractive people you know yourself included and make your own imitation of Justin Timberlakes "Bring Sexy Back" song. The world certainly could use more of this
11) Convince bulimics to become aneroxic instead because that way at least hungry people can get fed and food won't be wasted
12) Poke holes in all the condoms in your house and act suprised when your roommates keep getting girls pregnant.
13) Start a campaign to get Henry Kissinger elected president with the slogan "The white house needs more compassion"
14)Try to take yourself more seriously and at least get completely and irrationally offended 8 times a day to keep your stress levels up.
15) Insist on having a naked christmas party with all your favorite mormon and orthodox jewish friends.
16) Continue your attempts at bringing sexy back at old age homes
17) Announce that Flavor Flav is indeed a prophet sent by Elijiah and anyone that can not see this obviously works for Satan
18) Be more open to trying new things: like smoking crack and shooting up heroin
1) Think about the most destructive person you have ever dated and tell them you really want to make a clean start of it for the new year, but first you should ask them to cash your paycheck.
2) Pay off your debt my selling naked pictures of your roommates
3) Track down an ex that is the furthest away from you geographically (think Apollo moon mission) and beg them to take you back.
4)Make the big Mac one of your four food groups in fact make it your only food group
5) Take up unsocial smoking only smoke in anti-social situations such as yoga retreats (think silent Vipassano retreats) and meditation centers or anywhere where smoking is either outlawed or highly discouraged
6) Fight for an unworthy cause like smoker's rights or the continued bombing of people in foreign countries that you don't know. Yes I know both are awful but it might actually bring attention to the lack of the resistance in our country towards liberation of Iraq
7) Give speeches to large audiences on the benefits of being oppressed by an imperial power
8) Sleep with your cousins that you only see at the occassional family function (are they really family anyway?)this way increasing your and their black sheep status.
9) Join a local gang as a way of increasing your self esteem in the short run it might work and in the long run (well you might not have one to speak of).
10)Get all of the unattractive people you know yourself included and make your own imitation of Justin Timberlakes "Bring Sexy Back" song. The world certainly could use more of this
11) Convince bulimics to become aneroxic instead because that way at least hungry people can get fed and food won't be wasted
12) Poke holes in all the condoms in your house and act suprised when your roommates keep getting girls pregnant.
13) Start a campaign to get Henry Kissinger elected president with the slogan "The white house needs more compassion"
14)Try to take yourself more seriously and at least get completely and irrationally offended 8 times a day to keep your stress levels up.
15) Insist on having a naked christmas party with all your favorite mormon and orthodox jewish friends.
16) Continue your attempts at bringing sexy back at old age homes
17) Announce that Flavor Flav is indeed a prophet sent by Elijiah and anyone that can not see this obviously works for Satan
18) Be more open to trying new things: like smoking crack and shooting up heroin
Friday, December 15, 2006
Old Wounds Still There
How are you? Me I am just a jelly fish floating around. Sometimes we think we have all our emotions in check and then one person comes along ( In my case a woman) and we fall apart worse then foreign policy in Iraq (okay maybe not that bad, but still pretty close). Why is it that we have such a longing for certain people and the mere thought of them reentering our lives makes us get excited, nervous and maybe even a little angry all at once. I have traveled a bit and I can tell you that traveling seems to be helpful for heart break because it puts you deeply in the current moment. Because it forces you to listen to your intution and you know that all things change regardless of what we may want. We all have this current moment and then it is gone and on to the next moment. It is a stream and gets away from us. Our emotions are streams and they get away from us going in all different directions chasing a love that almost no one is capable of giving us. We all have such fear around the word love. It triggers so many different ideas and feelings. It makes us feel very alive, but also puts us in state where our ego can be devastated. Somehow we decide that one person has the ability to determine how we will feel about ourselves.
As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.
As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Goodbye Mind Hello Happiness
I understand this feeling on occassion of the mind just being overwhelmed with complete and utter nonsense. Here is something you can do about it. Write it on paper, speak it out loud or babble in complete nonsense and get it out of your system. Don't hold onto it because it blocks you from this moment. Just SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT LET IT ALL OUT because these are things we can all do without. That's right I'm talking to you come on. Mind you can not win this battle for you are merely a series of programs and the soul shall triumph over you. Return to the breath and feel the self realization. We are all capable of this, but we resist this simple solution. People seem to have this idea that the answer to life involves being able to solve a series of quantum physics problems and then learning to be fluent in Sanskrit so that they can find their peace. People's minds do not like the idea that peace of mind is easy. It makes them ask themselves why they have not already done it then. If it so easy why haven't more people figured it out. It is one of those things that is so easy and the mind desires to make it complicated. People are so used to working real hard for everything in their life and the idea that the most significant thing can be so easy it's totally mind boggling. Stop! sit still and just listen for a while. View babies as your role models. They are usually very happy and they also breathe very deeply. Collectively if we all start to breathe deeply we will achieve more. Consider oxygen to be your greatest God/love/power whatever you want to call it. Inhale stomach all the way out exhale stomach all the way in. Keep doing it and don't surprised if you start to feel a bit more energized after a brief period of time.
Enjoy the simple pleasures and experience them fully, allow yourself to be in a constant state of expression. We all deserve to get away for a holiday as Billy Joel sings, but understand that the holiday must take place in your mind first. Get away from your thoughts for a bit and stay in the state of "no mind" or "buddha mind". That is the area in between thoughts where there is actually no thought just a feeling of awareness. Turn your mind off and turn on to your breath because that is where you will find your peace.
Enjoy the simple pleasures and experience them fully, allow yourself to be in a constant state of expression. We all deserve to get away for a holiday as Billy Joel sings, but understand that the holiday must take place in your mind first. Get away from your thoughts for a bit and stay in the state of "no mind" or "buddha mind". That is the area in between thoughts where there is actually no thought just a feeling of awareness. Turn your mind off and turn on to your breath because that is where you will find your peace.
Old Wounds Still There
How are you? Me I am just a jelly fish floating around. Sometimes we think we have all our emotions in check and then one person comes along ( In my case a woman) and we fall apart worse then foreign policy in Iraq (okay maybe not that bad, but still pretty close). Why is it that we have such a longing for certain people and the mere thought of them reentering our lives makes us get excited, nervous and maybe even a little angry all at once. I have traveled a bit and I can tell you that traveling seems to be helpful for heart break because it puts you deeply in the current moment. Because it forces you to listen to your intution and you know that all things change regardless of what we may want. We all have this current moment and then it is gone and on to the next moment. It is a stream and gets away from us. Our emotions are streams and they get away from us going in all different directions chasing a love that almost no one is capable of giving us. We all have such fear around the word love. It triggers so many different ideas and feelings. It makes us feel very alive, but also puts us in state where our ego can be devastated. Somehow we decide that one person has the ability to determine how we will feel about ourselves.
As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.
As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
My Guru Is Calling Me
Recently I have been feeling this unexplainable feeling that my guru is calling me towards them. I have been meeting an ever increasing series of amazing people. Recently I went to Sebastian and the one they call "Ma". The best way to describe her is imagine if your jewish mother from Brooklyn became a spiritual guru. It was a really wonderful and powerful experience that tugged at my heart. Yet, she is not my guru, by my guru is coming very soon. I think when you meet your guru it is probably like meeting your wife/husband. I am ready to receive any divine gifts that they choose to bestow upon me. I am very excited about my encounter and in many ways Paramanhansa Yoganda the author of "autobiography of a Yogi" is my guru, but I will also be blessed enough to have a guru in the flesh. That encounter shall be taking place in the next 2-3 months. The essence of guru is one who dispels the darkness and helps you to see the way. At least this is my understanding of the guru. They help you to see thru the facade or the maya of everyday living yet to also have a respect for the Maya, but not to be attached to it.
I look forward to sharing with you my experience with my guru. I believe that they are India, but your guru can be anywhere and everywhere. To me India does not seem that far away though I am aware that things take place very differently there then here, but I am looking foward to the journey. May I send all of you blessings in finding your peaceful center and reaching a state of ultimate bliss.
I look forward to sharing with you my experience with my guru. I believe that they are India, but your guru can be anywhere and everywhere. To me India does not seem that far away though I am aware that things take place very differently there then here, but I am looking foward to the journey. May I send all of you blessings in finding your peaceful center and reaching a state of ultimate bliss.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Latest Montage
Miss Piggy meets Mr. T:
ET's Secret Scandal:
Te'DeVan: Wandering Healer
Slack Prophet for President: Interview #1
ET's Secret Scandal:
Te'DeVan: Wandering Healer
Slack Prophet for President: Interview #1
Monday, December 04, 2006
Luaghter Laughter Laughter
I have been laughing my head off quite a bit as of late though my blogs have not had enough humor. So this one is raw like Eddie Murphy before he started doing Disney movies. Don't trust anyone on their cell phone they are conspiring against you in ways that make John Ashcroft seem sweet. The keebler elves are blatant homosexuals there is nothing latent about it folks. They all live in a closet of a tree packing fudge all day long. I have no problems with this and I respect them immensely being an elf is not easy and being a gay elf means they won't let you be in lord of the rings. Speaking of rings, Zen is not a Tiffany's box. In reality a limb should come with every new diamond purchased so that you know what you are paying for.
Secretly I want to be an evangelist. I could smote these guys and beat them at their own game. Use their language to make your point. Ronald Regan was terrified of a small Indian man named OSHO. In fact most of the world was scared of him and countries were given money to kick him out. One day I will be kicked out of the United States. I won't break any laws I will merely make too many people nervous. I accept this fact as part of my journey. I have been kicked out of college campuses and small towns without breaking any rules, next up get kicked out of the United States.
Develop a following of people that can think for themselves and watch governments cower. Killing millions of people while dressed in a beautiful pressed suit makes you a politician. Being dressed in shabby clothes and killing one white American makes you a murderer/thug/villian (go figure). Perhaps we should buy criminals nicer clothes and encourage them to run for politcal office. That way we will respect them as strong patriotic people when they slaughter lots of foreign people. Sauve and Savage are only separated by a suit, tie, and clean shave.
I want to say something to anyone out there watching America's Top Model. I understand your addiction it is like watching a train that is about to wreck. Maybe that is why people can't seem to take their eyes off of me. I am bound to cause some long overdue trouble. Sometimes I wonder who the hell are the people reading my blog. I hope they laugh, cry, think or quit their job and become their dream.
Let the sponsorship come just like fight club. Let those in charge give us their own tools so that we can dismantle their house. The Yerts, treehouses, igloos, and huts are the wave of the future.
Secretly I want to be an evangelist. I could smote these guys and beat them at their own game. Use their language to make your point. Ronald Regan was terrified of a small Indian man named OSHO. In fact most of the world was scared of him and countries were given money to kick him out. One day I will be kicked out of the United States. I won't break any laws I will merely make too many people nervous. I accept this fact as part of my journey. I have been kicked out of college campuses and small towns without breaking any rules, next up get kicked out of the United States.
Develop a following of people that can think for themselves and watch governments cower. Killing millions of people while dressed in a beautiful pressed suit makes you a politician. Being dressed in shabby clothes and killing one white American makes you a murderer/thug/villian (go figure). Perhaps we should buy criminals nicer clothes and encourage them to run for politcal office. That way we will respect them as strong patriotic people when they slaughter lots of foreign people. Sauve and Savage are only separated by a suit, tie, and clean shave.
I want to say something to anyone out there watching America's Top Model. I understand your addiction it is like watching a train that is about to wreck. Maybe that is why people can't seem to take their eyes off of me. I am bound to cause some long overdue trouble. Sometimes I wonder who the hell are the people reading my blog. I hope they laugh, cry, think or quit their job and become their dream.
Let the sponsorship come just like fight club. Let those in charge give us their own tools so that we can dismantle their house. The Yerts, treehouses, igloos, and huts are the wave of the future.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
I Miss You
I wake up and I go to sleep and I miss you. Everywhere I go I see you even if you are not there. I was thinking about you when I was a little kid. I used to have conversations with you before I could prove your existence. How could I not feel you and then; when day I found you for a moment. A glimpse of you was all that I needed to experience so that I was motivated to keep going. I intensely miss you and I know that I will be with you soon. You are me and I feel and sense that in a way that I could never explain.
We all miss you, but some of us seem to give up. I will never give up on you. People tell me not to give you up and turn back. I don't even know where back is anymore. I only know how to move forward. I am focusing on the now and not the how. Focus on this now. DOn't let that sentence fly over your heard. Focus on time, place, and location. Think about where you are at this moment and bring awareness into your life. Let the mind become clear. When the mind is a blank slate I am in this moment and when we I am in this moment I realize that I miss you but that I am getting closer to you all the time; even if it does not appear that way on the surface. Yet the surface is a mirage, but I will not be fooled for long by any mirage.
I will find you because I seek you with such divine fever and nothing will stand in the way of me finding you.
What is this you? For all of us at different times there is a different you and we can all find that you. Don't trust me about much or anyone else for that matter, but know that you too can find the YOU.
We all miss you, but some of us seem to give up. I will never give up on you. People tell me not to give you up and turn back. I don't even know where back is anymore. I only know how to move forward. I am focusing on the now and not the how. Focus on this now. DOn't let that sentence fly over your heard. Focus on time, place, and location. Think about where you are at this moment and bring awareness into your life. Let the mind become clear. When the mind is a blank slate I am in this moment and when we I am in this moment I realize that I miss you but that I am getting closer to you all the time; even if it does not appear that way on the surface. Yet the surface is a mirage, but I will not be fooled for long by any mirage.
I will find you because I seek you with such divine fever and nothing will stand in the way of me finding you.
What is this you? For all of us at different times there is a different you and we can all find that you. Don't trust me about much or anyone else for that matter, but know that you too can find the YOU.
Friday, December 01, 2006
Hungry Like the Hoff
I have a good friend of mine, let's just call him the Hoff, and I absolutely love this fellow and he totally reminds me of desires that I have to chase after women. He fully and completely immerses himself in these chases and has little or no interest in any women that are chasing him. I must admit I used to give chase and on rare occassion I will still give chase, but ultimately I realize that I prefer for these things to simply flow. I don't want to hunt them down life a wolf stalking his prey waiting to make his move.
But sometimes instead of chasing I just get angry, distant or aloof. I particularly feel this way when my desire towards them is mostly sexual. I think sexaul desire is a wonderful thing, but I want to have the other components involved as well. Even if I could psyche a girl into liking me why would I want to do that. I am not a 2 for 1 special during happy hour. Dig me now or don't dig me at all. I don't want to sell you anything and I don't want to woo you. If I woo you it was only because I was wooing life and you were part of that life. The Hoff loves to do the wine and dine thing with women, I on the other hand, like to hang out at the park/beach/wherever and if it clicks then great and if not that is also great. Heck, sometimes it is better. In fact I would like to thank many women that did not return my phone calls.
Some of you may think that I am lying or being insecere, but I am being totally truthful when I say that. Where I get burned is by women that pursue me and then if I reciprocate they get nervous and pull away. These are the women that burn me. If you don't have any interest that is fabulous, but just be honest about it, but often you need to intuit this on your own because they will not tell you. They want you to feed their ego by chasing them. I support them in feeding their ego, but ladies I ain't the one. My friend the Hoff on the other hand for the moment is your man. He is hungry and is looking to feed and he is never satisfied and nor am I satisfied and therefore I see the absurdity of chasing and being hungry like the Hoff. Of course I too am Hungry like the Hoff, but as I am honest with the situation I can see it for exactly what it is. I am trying to get something from you that you can't give me and you are trying to get something from me that I can't give you.
It is truly that simple and we will either merge or not merge, but regardless I need to find this inside of myself and you need to do the same. The Hoff is unrelenting like any great hunter and I respect him greatly for his hunting prowess as it reminds me of my own. At the same time, seeing that I am a vegetarian, even if I slay the deer what good does it do me. I am somewhat like El guape at times wanting the woman to open herself up to me in the same way that a flower does. This takes patience and though there are some flowers that are completely open already they are not the flowers that I want and sometimes I have indulged in them. Now I am remaining steadfast in not settling on the flower. I only accept flowers that I will truly appreciate and my days of deer hunting never brought true fullfillment and always left me hungry for more.
But sometimes instead of chasing I just get angry, distant or aloof. I particularly feel this way when my desire towards them is mostly sexual. I think sexaul desire is a wonderful thing, but I want to have the other components involved as well. Even if I could psyche a girl into liking me why would I want to do that. I am not a 2 for 1 special during happy hour. Dig me now or don't dig me at all. I don't want to sell you anything and I don't want to woo you. If I woo you it was only because I was wooing life and you were part of that life. The Hoff loves to do the wine and dine thing with women, I on the other hand, like to hang out at the park/beach/wherever and if it clicks then great and if not that is also great. Heck, sometimes it is better. In fact I would like to thank many women that did not return my phone calls.
Some of you may think that I am lying or being insecere, but I am being totally truthful when I say that. Where I get burned is by women that pursue me and then if I reciprocate they get nervous and pull away. These are the women that burn me. If you don't have any interest that is fabulous, but just be honest about it, but often you need to intuit this on your own because they will not tell you. They want you to feed their ego by chasing them. I support them in feeding their ego, but ladies I ain't the one. My friend the Hoff on the other hand for the moment is your man. He is hungry and is looking to feed and he is never satisfied and nor am I satisfied and therefore I see the absurdity of chasing and being hungry like the Hoff. Of course I too am Hungry like the Hoff, but as I am honest with the situation I can see it for exactly what it is. I am trying to get something from you that you can't give me and you are trying to get something from me that I can't give you.
It is truly that simple and we will either merge or not merge, but regardless I need to find this inside of myself and you need to do the same. The Hoff is unrelenting like any great hunter and I respect him greatly for his hunting prowess as it reminds me of my own. At the same time, seeing that I am a vegetarian, even if I slay the deer what good does it do me. I am somewhat like El guape at times wanting the woman to open herself up to me in the same way that a flower does. This takes patience and though there are some flowers that are completely open already they are not the flowers that I want and sometimes I have indulged in them. Now I am remaining steadfast in not settling on the flower. I only accept flowers that I will truly appreciate and my days of deer hunting never brought true fullfillment and always left me hungry for more.
The World is Coming To a Beginning
I was inspired to write this blog because every now and then someone says to me "aren't you that guy that has the sign that says the world is coming to an end?" It is in this moment that I realize how delusional all of the sane people are and how they lump everything together into the same pile of stuff. Most of you guys know the gist of my signs, but for those you who don't know; one says "6 foot 7 inch jew will freestyle rap for you" and the other says "Famous intutive spiritual healer, over 19,000 healings, stress physical emotional pain, talk to me". Yet, people insist to me that my sign says something completely different. Never doubt people's ability to project their own preconceptions onto you. In other words they see exactly what they want to see. The other humorous experience I have is homosexual men who think that I am trying to convert them to christianity and that I am calling them sinners for their sexual orientation. People also insist that I think that I am Jesus and that I go around introducing myself as Jesus to all those who will listen. Even after I say "Hi, I'm Te'DeVan," they will will respond, "Hi Jesus," as if they didn't even hear my name. These people have great spin doctor capabilities and it would serve them well if they worked on a political campaign.
Yet, I am capable of doing the same thing. Where others see people carrying around signs that say "The world is coming to an end" I see a sign that actually says, "The world is coming to a beginning". This is completely true because every end demands a beginning and they take place simultaneously. So really all of these people with signs that say "The world is coming to an end," are merely reminding us that the world is coming to a beginning. I am thankful for their reminder and we should all take the time and thank them as well for reminding of this greater truth. The world is coming to a beginning. I would also like to thank all the people that misconstrue what I am saying or doing because you supply a great abundance of laughter in the life of me and all my friends.
Yet, I am capable of doing the same thing. Where others see people carrying around signs that say "The world is coming to an end" I see a sign that actually says, "The world is coming to a beginning". This is completely true because every end demands a beginning and they take place simultaneously. So really all of these people with signs that say "The world is coming to an end," are merely reminding us that the world is coming to a beginning. I am thankful for their reminder and we should all take the time and thank them as well for reminding of this greater truth. The world is coming to a beginning. I would also like to thank all the people that misconstrue what I am saying or doing because you supply a great abundance of laughter in the life of me and all my friends.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Plane Insecurity
Recently I tried to get on an airplane with one of my notorious "6 foot 7 inch jew will freestyle rap for you" signs. They told me that I could not bring it on because they worried that I would use it to "bludgeon" people. Luckily I was smart enough to tell them it was also possible that my feet/hands could also bludgeon people and in a much easier way.
Two friends of mine recently had raw organic chocolate confiscated from them because they considered it to be a gel substance. Since when is chocolate a liquid or a gel? It is neither. Apparently any solid substance can now be deemed a liquid or a gel because the TSA official clearly told them, "I deem this a gel". My friends demonstrated the solidity of the chocolate and were threatened to be escorted out of the airport. I was really upset about this one. It is chocolate for Christ's sake. The airport people have been fucking up for years and now there trying to make up for it by becoming paranoid. So just so you know freestyle rapping jew signs and chocolate are no longer allowed on airplanes.
What is the world coming to is not a question I will ask. What I will say is that I will start an airline and you will be able to bring your raw organic chocolate on board as well as any funny signs that you made that can fit in the overhead bins or underneath your seat. Are these people anti-semites that desire to eat your chocolate or are they just paranoid Americans?
Either way you should all feel safer knowing now that neither of these two things are allowed on a plane. Over and out.
Te'DeVan
Two friends of mine recently had raw organic chocolate confiscated from them because they considered it to be a gel substance. Since when is chocolate a liquid or a gel? It is neither. Apparently any solid substance can now be deemed a liquid or a gel because the TSA official clearly told them, "I deem this a gel". My friends demonstrated the solidity of the chocolate and were threatened to be escorted out of the airport. I was really upset about this one. It is chocolate for Christ's sake. The airport people have been fucking up for years and now there trying to make up for it by becoming paranoid. So just so you know freestyle rapping jew signs and chocolate are no longer allowed on airplanes.
What is the world coming to is not a question I will ask. What I will say is that I will start an airline and you will be able to bring your raw organic chocolate on board as well as any funny signs that you made that can fit in the overhead bins or underneath your seat. Are these people anti-semites that desire to eat your chocolate or are they just paranoid Americans?
Either way you should all feel safer knowing now that neither of these two things are allowed on a plane. Over and out.
Te'DeVan
Sunday, November 26, 2006
Late Night Stream Of Conscious
I realized a couple of days ago that parents worked really hard most of their adult lives to give me something I never wanted. No matter how many times I told them I did not want they strived to give it to me that much more and made me work hard to obtain something that I did not want. Made me wonder how many people spend their lives trying to get something that nobody truly wants, but they all pretend like it is the Holy Grail. It makes me think of all the people that wait outside of a club so that they can go inside and be lucky enough to spend $300 on a bottle of Vodka. On the surface people are superficial and underneath they are amazing, but many are scared to go in the deep end without their floaties.
If we all switched lives every now and then we would all be a little more compassionate. Try to walk in another person's shoes just once a year and see how much of a better person you become. I am in Miami and I am thinking about L.A., New York and Santa Cruz or maybe somewhere in the South on a road trip. Most people could benefit from a little more fun in their lives. Strip malls and strip clubs there is some sort of correlation think about it. The presidential campaign is off to a great start and the funding is rolling in as I type.
If we all switched lives every now and then we would all be a little more compassionate. Try to walk in another person's shoes just once a year and see how much of a better person you become. I am in Miami and I am thinking about L.A., New York and Santa Cruz or maybe somewhere in the South on a road trip. Most people could benefit from a little more fun in their lives. Strip malls and strip clubs there is some sort of correlation think about it. The presidential campaign is off to a great start and the funding is rolling in as I type.
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