Another way to spell Greyhound Disfunciton

Yeah I spelled it wrong just casue it ssememe ffiting and I have an aaversion to seplling or maybe laziness. Maybe I am rebelling against my english teachers that marked me off when I was younger. When you get out of prison you get a free greyhound ticket. I am not saying this to scare or encourage you to take a greyhound. I am merely stating a fact. Take it how you will. Greyhounds are the same and they will do the same. Greyhounds gather alot of military personal, single mothers, Meth addicts, Drunks, Stoners, College students, Criminals, illegal immigrants, Evangelists, and anyone with a couple of dollars and dream to start over somewhere (greensboro North Carolina). In fact they are pretty much willing to get off the bus at your stop if you can offer them any opportunity. I feel that anyone running for president of the United States should take a 12 hour plus greyhound ride. You learn alot about the suffering and hope of the people of this nation. At times the bus drivers can seem a bit crazy, completely indifferent, or on a rare occassion a spiritual vegeterian (his name was Frank). All of these people are completely packed in tightly or spread sporadically throughout the bus depending on what time of day, year, and cities that you are traveling thru. Everyone of them has a story to tell and you'll hear their story whether you want to or not. And sometimes they don't speak, but still their story is written all over their face. I have seen it quite clearly with runaways and people just out of prison, but it still only tells part of their story. The face of humanity exists on a dog called a Greyhound known for speedily racing around the track. Only on extremely rare occasions are Greyhound buses speedy. I totally lose track of all the places that these buses of tragic nobility have taken me, but they have been a part of my journey. Nothing and I truly mean this is more American then greyhound. It tells a timeless American story. Craigslist has changed Greyhound's significance in my life, but still it is something that I hop on rare occassion with a feeling of both dread and excitement. Everytime you take a Greyhound I usually happily swear that it is my last greyhound and usually there is another one that is calling me to some other city and I can't resist the call of travel even if my best way of getting there is Greyhound.
IF Mark Twain was alive I am sure that he would have dedicated pages of Prose to the the Greyhound. So I dedicate this blog to Greyhound and America. God Bless America and God Bless the Greyhound.

At Any Moment Things Could Give Way....

Whatever it is that you have been working towards could give way at any moment, and you could find yourself living in the exact moment that you had been dreaming about for most of your life. Life has a beautifully peciluar timing that makes for the greatest movie you could ever imagine. We make movies in attempt to inimitate the greatest movie that we can ever have,called life. All of us are contributing in our ways to the storyline. We will find the success we have always been seeking in our career or love life. Break the old habits so that we can create the space for new things to come into our life.

I started writing this blog a little while ago and now I come back to it during the tail of the Sundance Film Festival in Park City Utah. I am revisiting a place that has always been quite magical for me personally, but also during an event that will bring out the worse in people. SO many people seem to lose sight of the mountains while they walk around attached their cell phones. Their careers/jobs are on the line. They feel that everything hangs on the one thing they are working towards. Life makes so much more sense when we step back. Now, LISTEN (I'M WORKING IT ALSO) to that phrase don't just view it as a cliche. Step back from this moment of chaos and view iN the CONTEXT of the ENTIRE world. We were not put on this planet to be fearful and scared, but that is a emotional response that so many people resort to in times of crisis.

I can say that I have certainly operated out of that mode of thinking before and never has it ever brought about a desired result. When things get challenging the worst thing to do is tense up. Like a shot thru the heart life will end qickly and we will all find ourselves on different realms and all of this will seem like a dream of sorts. I love my life, but I also understand that I am a soul having a human experience. The most I can do for my friends and the world around me is to find that peace inside of myself. Sometimes I want to reach out and almost force someone to feel the peace that I am feeling, but not everyone is ready to acknowledge their own peace that exists inside of themselves.

Take a step back and notice all the wonderful things that you have been given and gotten to experience on your journey. Allow yourself to show gratitude towards loved ones and just a complete stranger that could use just a smile. Remember everything that you have ever desired could take place at this very moment, but that event does not define you unless you allow it to define you. Life is an amazing series of moments and I want to thank all of the people that have been a part of those moments for me. Thank you for the numerous valuable lessons that you have helped to make me aware of in my 27 and half year life span.

Understanding the emotions in our Rain and Water

The rain comes down and all the dirt is washed away for a moment. In this moment, that is ever transparent we can see what awaits us right around that corner. We have all that emotion, but we choose to stay away from it most of the time. That emotion is the thing that scares us and also makes us feel most alive. We have all felt deeply and have all been cut, stabbed, and shot in the heart in one way or another. Each time it seems more intense then the last. It is a way of making us surrender and admit what we are feeling. To own your feelings is such a powerful thing and it will intimidate people because they run for something to numb their feelings any time they feel even the slightest stirring. We owe to ourselves not to repress how we are feeling. When I watch a great movie or television show I have moments where I see how our own lives seem so wonderfully scripted accept we don't know what is written on the next page. I get up every day in a feeling of quiet euphoria in regards to what is on the next page and who is about to enter into my life.

The world is truly a revolving stage and I do believe that we have known each other in so many different lives (loves) that when we meet there is this feeling of here we go again. People that dig at these emotions are some of the most valuable people in my life. We are all there for one another to help with a light fixture in each others play. Perhaps we gave someone a ride to go meet the one that he or she will marry or delayed them just long enough to save their lives. We are constantly involved in each other lives in ways that are extremely subtle but impactful. Never for a single solitary moment doubt that you are not changing this world just with your thoughts. Knowing that everything you touch in front of you was merely a thought at one point. Everything that you used today (and probably took for granted) was just a thought. How powerful can a thought be? I would say that a thought could have ramifications that could change the world. And if that thought is positive then share it with everyone you think is ready to listen. As we take in the silence, we can hear the sounds that are neglected. We can better understand nature and the order of things that goes beyond mere social dynamics.

There is an intricate design and we all feel it at times, but sometimes we feel a fear of admitting that we believe in it because we don't want to be wrong. I have been the fool many times in my life, but it has given me greater understanding of what I truly care about. I am hearing sirens in the background of the city which means someone is undergoing some sort of dramatic change in their life and I sit here mentioning it because all those things that most people pay little attention to start to add up and brings about the world that we live in. Everything has always been starring us in the face, but we refuse to face it because it would mean that we have to change our beliefs. The moment we truly confess that we know very little, is the same moment that we truly can begin to learn how to embrace the moment. To learn things that enrich our lives gives a greater sense of purpose and my greatest purpose is peace. And may I never get in my own way of knowing this ever magnificent peace. Allow it to radiate in every atom in body. May I become AWAKE. LET ME AWAKEN FROM MY SLUMBER. I won't to no longer dwell in delusion and mere intellectual speculation may I realize the diviness of acceptance that we envy in the animals that we call Pets (replace Pets with Teachers). May we all know greater wisdom and may the wisdom spread so that we can begin to address the mounting list of problems that we have been neglected because of our obcession with denying things in hopes that it will merely go away.

My Yearning to find greater awareness continues to intensify and it guides me in ways that feel as if a force moves thru me that directs me towards a greater love that I want to feel with every little skin tissue that makes up my body. May my sensitivity continue to grow and flow like the water that makes up most of our body.

Here it IS.....

Every now and then I don't feel like going out and socializing and I want to soak up NYC even if I am couple thousand miles away from it. I do this by watching Sex And The City. I have such a humorous weakness for this show. I have been away from New York city for 6 months. It makes me laugh, but it also kind of makes me ache for NYC. Unfortunately the NYC that I love walking around is not so friendly this time of year. I still love the place, but NYC and I have had a bit seasonal relationship. One of the things that can be so challenging about moving around so much is that I am always saying goodbye sometimes at the same time that I am saying hello. I have been thinking about curbing my roaming feet or curtailing the wanderlust. I wonder where I will settle in. All this roaming has been wonderful and I am thinking about laying anchor somewhere. Yet I am somewhat timid of the idea of calling one place home. I think I want to have two homes and want the place to scream at me "This is It". I want it to be clear. I want it to be so obvious that it is impossible to say no.

Sometimes I find myself in New York City when it is cold on a rare occassion. We have so many options in this world and I have spent alot of my time exploring as many of them as possible. I miss all of my friends everywhere yet we can't be everywhere at the same time. I guess what I am saying is that I am ready to enter into a new phase in my life. The question is not about when as it is about where. Life is all about being happy and being a nomad has made me very happy, but I am going to start a bit of curtailing to my wandering Sadhu days. It doesn't mean that I won't be traveling, but I want to have a place to call home. I want to be able to offer random strangers I meet a place to stay. I want to wake up in the morning and seeing people meditating and doing yoga in the living room. I want to be a part of a community of people that are committed to finding love within themselves and in everything that they see. I don't care if I am successful or famous I just want to create a spot full of people that are oozing bliss.

Crazy Man With Sign Wants to Go to Austrulia

I want to come to the land of down under. I want to come to a country that was founded by outcasts. This blog is dedicated to all of you Australians that have been reading my blog. Hopefully all of this STA craziness will be sorted out soon. For those of you who don't know STA travel used me in a huge ad campaign in Australia to get Australian college age kids to come to NYC in hopes that they would find "A jewish cat named Kurzweil who will freestyle rap for cash", but more specifically a 6 foot 7 inch jewish cat named Kurzweil. Well I said it once and I will say it again "Fair is Fair". You guys got to come to New York CIty and now I want to come to Australia. I want to see Kangaroos and Koala bears and come to a land where women are not overly impressed by an Australian accent. Yet, I still need help from all of you amazing Aussies especially all of the Koala bears and Kangaroos and maybe even Crocidile Dundee if he is not doing anything. Please make sure STA travel does what is right and helps an endangered species come to the wild habitat of Australia.

There are not many 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping, chi-gong healing jews that are running for president of the United States. Come to think of it I may be the only one left. Help me to help you protect this precious and obscure endangered species list. Maybe I might even get dual citiizenship.

News Bulletin: STA travel has made an intial offer of $250 travel voucher which seems a little less then what one receives for a national ad campaign. Maybe STA travel is trying to keep a tall jew down, but you can't keep a tall jew down just ask around. Everybody tell STA travel "fair is fair" and I don't believe that a $250 travel voucher is fair for a national ad campaign in which I never signed any contract.
Sincerely President Te'DeVan Kurzweil

NO EDIT

There is a part of me when I am writing that is somewhat scared of mispelings and not so good grammar, but really none of that sutff means that much to me or to most people. It is all about the feeling that we put into the words as we write. It is important that we are digging our way into our inner reccesses trying to get at something that is sincere and genuine. I often wonder about all the people that I met briefly along the way, and sometimes I am fortunate enough that these people will call me completely out of the blue or I will wander into them in a new city during a different phase in their life. I have had such an amazing journey that has gotten me to where I am at this very moment. At this very moment I am typing to you from Oakland, California. I often wonder about who are the people that read my blog and what exactly do that get out of reading it. How has it benefited them in their lives and how is it effected the world around them. Each one of has a story to tell and sometimes certain people come along and they become known and they tell the stories of millions of people. I want to reach out to more people, but in order to do that I miss reach deeper into myself. I discuss delving deeper because it is important reminder for myself to not lose site of the things that give me the greatest feeling.

All of this life can come to a close very quickly, and therefore it seems that enjoying life is a responsibility that I owe my maker. I want to fully embrace this entire experience. I am learning to be at peace with all things that transpire that are beyond my control. All the events that lead up to our current circumstances is something that never ceases to amaze me. Often I find that I completely enamored with the way everything intricately connects to everything else. I have been on these adventures ever since I graduated college and soon it will be nearly 6 years since I graduated college and during that time I have interacted with quite a few extraordinary people that will greatly shape the world as we come to know it in our everyday existence.

Is the sexual revolution over?

I remember being 11 years old.... I was in 6th grade and my mom had a magazine. I think it might have been the New Yorker but I am not honestly sure. What I do remember is that the headline was "The Sexual Revolution is over". I must admit that I was kind of devastated when I read that. I had not quite started puberty. I did not really grasp what the hell this meant other then the fact that it looked like I had missed out. Everyone for the most part who had gone thru puberty got to be part of this revolution except for mel. I brought the magazine to school to cut out pictures for some assigment and it created a bit of an uproar and the magazine was confiscated from me and they were trying to tell me it was inappropaite. I wondered were they nervous that other kids might learn the sexual revolution was over and they too would become greatly discouraged or depressed. Eventually I coaxed them to give it back to me, but they made some sort of spectacle that this was not the sort of thing to bring to school. I remember thinking you've got to be kidding me there aren't even any naked girls besides National Graphic was acceptable and they had tons of naked people in their magazine. Looking back i know that this whole thing had some sort of effect on me, but then again everything does.

Yet, now that I have become a little older I wonder who the hell is the person that gets to make this declaration and everyone else around them merely nods their head in complete agreement. Often I wonder if this man and I am pretty sure it was a man that made this absurd statement tried to have a threesome and his request fell on deaf ears. In response to this he decided that the he would tell so and so who also had a similar experience and that they would use their connections at whatever magazine it was to announce to the world that the Sexual Revolution was over. Looking back I'm pretty sure their theory had to do with the fear of AIDS which has made many people less sexaully active or at least they panic more after having sex without a condom.

Well I want to declare that "The Sexual Revolution is Back". I don't have quite the readership of the New Yorker, but still I want to make it clear that Sexual Revolution has returned. With this return there shall also be a return of Vegan orgnaic carrot cake, Revolution, and threesomes because it all just seems long over due. I just want to say to the 11 year old me out there that its okay the sexual revolution never really began or ended they are merely a few people that want to convince people of this so that other people will buy their magazines and cause mental and emotional suffering to their pre-pubescent kids.

It seems completely dormant and then....

IT the plague of your existence which is different for each person, but is basically FEAR and all the many different ways that it digs its daggers covered in flowers deep into your body. So you are being debilitated and in a great deal of pain, but on the outside it looks quite extravagant and elegant even making people envious because they can't seem to see the daggers that are covered by the pretty flowers.. IT is sleeping and you are totally over IT. No doubt about IT you have overcome this obsession and then all of a sudden IT sneaks up on you. How did IT sneak up on you? Fuck dammit you had overcome IT and then IT bites you again. IT is always there to remind me. I am done being harsh on myself about IT instead I merely admit IT and that IT is a feeling that will pass. All feelings pass and this feeling is no exception, but it certainly feels like a Billie Holiday or Miles Davis song that gets you right in the gut. Yet as all this takes place you still have the ability to make people smile and strike emotional chords. I love you because you are a feeeling that reminds me of depth that I still want to realize. It is not so much about finding or seeking. It is about realizing. All of it is already there, but we somehow refuse to admit it. The mind blocks because the change is too great. Why won't we embrace the change and why do we have to feel a fear about it? I'd rather admit the fear then pretend to be brave. The truth is genuine bravery is admitting that you are scared out of your mind. Admiting that you are out of your element. How did we get here again? Somehow this has become quite a catch phrase for me. I type what I am feeling and use words in the best way that I can to express this to whoever it is in this cyber world who reads my blog. At least 600 or more views take place on this blog every month and all of you people are in so many places living so many different lives reaching so many different people in ways that you don't know or are challenging to understand. Somehow we have these moments of extreme clairvoyance in which we can see something that the rest of the people around are us are blind to. We have woken and they are sleeping and there are various degrees to this waking. I am waking in each moment doing my best to follow in the path of masters and gurus that have come before. Still there are selfish tendencies that I am continuing to purge so that I can be that person that has become the change instead of merely a person who speaks the change. I have fear and I've heard perfect love can cast out fear. Let me remember this perfect love and help the world to cast out their fear as I hope to cast my own fear out. I was once asked what is your biggest fear? I said it would be that I am wrong about everything. Then I realized whether I am wrong or right I can only live life with the knowledge that holds true for me. LIve life for the knowledge that you have and be open to new ways of viewing the world around.

When Disaster Strikes...

Well we all know that it is somewhat of inevitablity with everything that is happening around us. Yet, it is not something to dread and certainly something that we still have a say in. Yet, 2007 will probably go down in history as year of tremendous global catastrophes with both environmental, disease, and war related devastation. It will be a year of many floods and faminies. Yet, this all a part of the growing pains process. All of this will encourage people to find the strength that exists deep inside of us that has been dormant. Part of me did not want to write this blog at all, but there is this other part of me that felt this needed to be said. I can feel as I am in San Francisco and earth that we are not in balance with at the moment and drastic changes will have to take place so that we can come back in balance with the planet. We are taking steps, but we still need to take more of them and they need to be larger strides. I feel that this year will be a year that the planet reminds of this simple fact that policy makers commonly ignore, because it is not particualarly convient nor pleasant to think about. Yet, it is certainly something that needs to be done. Another reason I write this blog is that we have the power to decrease the severity of these events. It is our thoughts and actions that got us into this mess and new thoughts and actions will get us out of this mess.

I did not write this blog to make anybody worry. I merely wrote it so that if these events do take place this year your able to see the vast opportunity to improve our worldly situation. We have started to wake up, but we still need a much greater focus towards cleaning up the environment. I know despite all of this chaos that for many people that this will be an incredible year towards the future, but I desired to put out a warning of some bumps along the road that may initally appear to be mountains, but are merely small bumps. Perhaps this will be a blog to revisit at some point later in the year. I wish all of you well and keep listening and following your intution.

Having A Hard time finishing what you started

There is an easy solution to this problem. View the situation as being resolved and lived as if it is resolved and do not allow yourself to be upset about it. I am

Maybe Sex With Friends? Maybe Sex With God?

I'm sure we have all been there at some point. Some friend of ours that we think is either mildy or very attractive and then one night a thought crosses our mind. Yet this thought is always crossing our minds. Here is a person before you that you actually like as a friend, it would be a fantastic idea to have sex with them or maybe it would be an awful idea. Maybe it will be once, maybe twice, maybe a couple of times a month. Maybe you'll get pregnant (because his roommates poked holes in his condoms). Maybe the sex will be really bad or maybe you'll never look at sex in the same way. Ultimately you are endangering a friendship, but then how soild of a friendship was it to begin with if having sex once would ruin it. Maybe it will be like When Harry Met Sally or maybe you watch movies too much and in actuality it will be like pretty good soy ice cream. Maybe one of you will become gay afterwards. Perhaps it will cause them to speak well of you to their friends and you will become a sex toy of sorts. Perhaps you have been spending too much time at your job thinking about it and are on the verge of losing your job unless you give into this desire. Maybe it merely seems convienent like going into Iraq and overthrowing Iraq convienent (that worked out okay..... right?...). Maybe the Iraq thing was unfair maybe you just don't get enough sex anymore or maybe you have always been a bit sex starved.

Maybe you don't want sex and you want love. Oh it seems really cliche to say that, but deep down inside I bet its true. Oh God don't say that to me. How could it be? Maybe they won't love me back so it is best that I just stay on the sidelines. And then I can spend the rest of my life on the sidelines. Okay here is the big question will going for it make me more the person I want to be or less then person I want to be. There are numerous facets, but How does it FEEL IN YOUR GUT. QUick don't think just catch yes or no. Plunge or restraint or was there nothing really to restrain other then your own imagination. All we have is NOW do you want it now or should you just let it pass on by like the song says in the Breakfast Club. IF I walk on by will you call my name? What is your name? Or should I just keep you a secret part of a safe fantasy land that has no business being anywhere else. I bet you're just a tease anyway or maybe you're the passionate beast that can fill that thirst, but that would make you God. Are you God? And if you are, tell me where you want me and how you want me.

Let's Make the PLUNGE

Okay, this may sound shocking, but I swear that what I am about to say is true. I have been holding back. I am letting go of more of my hang-ups and really fully and completely and embracing the flow. I have not been going for it to the degree that I need to allow of these things to happen. I have been taking steps towards freeing my mind, but still there is programming that I HAVE WITHIN my mind that is not benefiting me or the world I live in. I am letting go of these things to make space for a higher vibration to come through me. My awareness is growing as I increase the depth of my breath. Somehow the simplest thing that most people take for granted seems to be the key to realizing the greatness of potential that we all possess. I find myself getting out of my own way more and more. Basically I forgo the idea of how I think things have to happen and just focus on doing what I enjoy in this present moment.

We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your

STA TRAVEL YOU OWE ME

Okay I am not trying to be some sort of sue-happy American, but apparantly, during 2004, STA travel used me in a huge ad campaign in Austrulia to get young college kids to NYC. The add is a picture of me holding a sign that said "Jewish cat named Kurzweil will freestyle rap for cash" and it was me and a friend of mine that I had met that day in Times Square. I constantly run into Austrulians that have seen this ad. Well, as you know I am running for President and I feel that STA should sponsor the campaign since they seem to think that a picture of me is good way to convince Young Australians to come to NYC. Fight Club had corporate sponosorship and I figure this campaign would benefit from some form of sponorship, especially from a travel company. Anyone that can either get a copy of this ad or is friends with anyone at STA travel shoud immediately contact me. It would be greatly appreciated.

In other news I am In San Fran and seeing friends that I have met all over the place who have just recently arrived here. I am doing my best to introduce them to one another. San Fran is such a kick ass city. I really love this place there are so many wonderful kooks that make me seem like the average Joe. I miss all of you guys wherever you may be located.

Ready to Make that Final Plunge

Okay, this may sound shocking, but I swear that what I am about to say is true. I have been holding back. I am letting go of more of my hang-ups and really fully and completely and embracing the flow. I have not been going for it to the degree that I need to allow of these things to happen. I have been taking steps towards freeing my mind, but still there is programming that I HAVE WITHIN my mind that is not benefiting me or the world I live in. I am letting go of these things to make space for a higher vibration to come through me. My awareness is growing as I increase the depth of my breath. Somehow the simplest thing that most people take for granted seems to be the key to realizing the greatness of potential that we all possess. I find myself getting out of my own way more and more. Basically I forgo the idea of how I think things have to happen and just focus on doing what I enjoy in this present moment.

We over-think things all the time and it keeps us slightly paralyzed from doing what we truly desire to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be? When you go outside think about positively impacting at least one person's life everyday or maybe three people or maybe more. Imagine if all of us had that in mind in all our interactions. Don't give people want they say they want, give them what they actually want. I find people ask me for money for alcohol, drugs, or cigarettes, but they really just want to have a conversation with someone and see that people will acknowledge them. We can get so caught up in our ideas that we lose sight of all the things that actually matter. So what matters to you? You play hooky from school, but are you also playinog from the life you want? Are you being the person you knew that you could be or do you hold back because you're scared that if you really let yourself be that you would be caught out there? Wherever there is, but maybe that there was meant to be here and you're the one who is going to channel it through? We would all be better off if you shared your gifts. If you made 10 people's day then you were successful. Sometimes you will stumble and sometimes you may not look cool, but be your dream instead of chasing it. You are all that you ever wanted and we need alot of you for this NEW EARTH to be in full bloom.

The Impossible Prez

www.theimpossibleprez.com

Whatever happened to ........

Today i thought about and old friend of mine and there have been quite a few friends along the way and they are all very special to me, but she was there at the start of my current journey. She was the first person that I ever did a healing on. She was the one I reached out to heal because I did not want to hear her cry anymore. She was the one that put up with my numerous hangups,anger and ungratefulness that I had at the time after just having graduating college and not knowing what to do next. It was in her car that I got my last glance at the world trade center while driving by it on the night of September 10,2001. As we drove by I thought "I wonder what would happen if that building fell down". I have told a few people that story, but only a few and now I figured that I would write that. It was a couple days later sitting in her car outside of my parents house that I did my first healing. She was having tremendous physical heart pain and was crying hysterically. I did not want to hear her cry anymore and without even thinking about it in a moment of reflex I reached out around her heart area and without touching her pulled away a heaviness that I felt around her heart area.

She was in total shock and stopped crying and asked me what I had done. I knew deep down inside, but my rational mind would not completely accept what had happened. Though, I had expereinced similar things before, but I had always been the one being healed. This was a simple moment and one that would greatly alter the rest of my life. In that moment my whole life changed. This girl always believed in me alot more then I ever believed in myself at the time. Her faith in me would actually make me angry at times and when I was around her I would act out as if I was five years old. Looking back on our past as we become more aware we start to understand why certain people come into our life. I remember she was an amazingly talented musician and wonder what ever happened to her. She probably wonders the same about me from time to time.

I am thankful that she came into my life when she did. We all have had people in our life like this and every now and then we wonder whatever happened to......

How I kiss a girl Being there is a foot or more height difference

I spread my legs and get in a wider stance. You'd be amazed how many people have asked me that question. I thought I would answer that question. The other option is that she leaps onto me like a Koala bear or a kangaroo's baby. This once occurred after freestlye rapping to a girl. She was not really into the whole healing idea, but a good freestyle about the moonlight and her eyes sealed the deal. I am romantic, but I am honest one and I recognize that I am the same is everyone else except maybe a little more hungry for some action. But I want the everlasting never going to fuck stop or let you down action. It is indeed a beautiful day and time to put it out there. Whatever is that you are passionate about expresss and let the world know. Especially let the French know that you may be an ugly American, but your passionate one and you want to bring peace to yourself and your country. Papa Nutrino recently told me that we should bomb poor countries with food and medical supplies. I agree whole heartedly it seems like a positive form of bombing. It is like "Food Not Bombs" to the next level. By the way I want to thank you guys for your work and I have benefited from a few of your wonderful meals. Keep it up and don't let any of these crazy cops giving out tickets for feeding the homeless stop you. As I type this there are French people next to me at the Mac store amazed that they can get free internet access. By the way people get internet access is not really that challenging these days. College campuses, Mac stores, Colleges, your friends, some strangers, etc.... Use your intution and keep thinking of new ways to get your message out there.

We are all born to be great in our own amazing ways. Recognize what you do well in life and keep doing it. And may the crowd go agog after they read the blog. I've always wanted to say that ever since I learned the word agog. Keep hitting the streets/parks/bars and everything else and treat strangers as if they are your long lost brothers and sisters for indeed they are just that my friend that I have yet to meet in person.

We've Got ALL the RIght Friends

So I was just giving it a little thought, and if I could bring all the people I know together into one location and work our way thru the ego mania (only 3/4 suffer from this affliction myself included) then we would probably save the world. Honestly I think at this point in my journey I have met almost everyone who does just about anything you could think of that might be useful. And if I haven't met them personally I have only one degree of separation. I have made mention of forming the new A-team/rat pack before, but this goes well above and beyond any of that. They come from all walks of life and most of them want to help create a better world after they make it. I say fuck making it for a moment; let's just make a better world now. People spend their whole lives trying to make it, but the mind won't allow it to take place. There will always be another goal that needs to be achieved. I don't want to achieve any other goals unless somehow it can benefit humanity otherwise it just does not have a lasting impact.

My New years resolution is to put aside my own meglomanical ego and stand out of the way of progress that will benefit humanity. I think it is important to own up to how we our sabotaging ourselves and the henceforth the world around us. We give so much of our energy towards being annoyed, angry, scared, anxious, sad, etc... If we gave all of that energy towards something that made our lives better and other people's lives better imagine how much better the planet would be. I see the change; and yes it is not as overt as the destruction, but it is there and I believe in 4th quarter comebacks. I have to believe it because we are in the fourth quarter. THink about this for a moment. You achieve all of your goals and then you and your family get snuffed out by the effects of global warming or the ever increasing war machine that humanity puts most of its resources into. We can all be feed and have everything we need, but instead we try and figure out ways to have bigger, better, and more things Enough is enough i-pod stops here.

Lets Revisit the Present Moment

Okay so I am in LA at coffee shop called the Unurban as I listen to Usher in the background. I dance and bop my head as some jewish girl named Joey laughs. My pal Mandel talks about the Burning Man New Years eve party in LA. New Years has never been a day that seems so different to me accept for the fact that it is much more expensive to get into all events because it is New Years. I look slightly ahead and there are quite a few paths in front of me. Sundance Film Festival seems to be calling me along with India. We all have the possibility of going anywhere at anytime. I was thinking about going up to Santa Cruz or down to San Diego or maybe both. I was thinking about flying directly from LA to India or flying into NYC and being there for a few days. Yet I don't want to occupy myself with all the possibilities because it can almost drive you a bit a batty. Freedom is truly a great responsibility and we make choices and these creates the other possibilities that we will have to choose from. I try to just go from gut and not over analyze because that merely makes me dizzy. I believe John Lennon says "Life is what happens while your busy making plans". So drop the plans for the moment and leave yourself a little more flexibility of just being in the present moment.

I just want you to all know that I love you and all of you have come in and out my life as it was meant to be. We are all part of an intricate design, but all we have is the intensity that this single solitary moment holds. Are we open to the lifeforce that exists all around in this moment. Nothing is perfect and it does not need to be perfect instead let it be free flowing and let go of the past and stop worrying about a day that may or may not come and love wherever you are and whoever you are with.

Resolutions that You Should Not Keep!

People are always babbling about what the New Years resolution is for the new year. Yet they rarely follow thru and feel guilty about it later on in the year. So I came up with an idea. This year make all of New Year's Resolutions awful ideas and that way when you complete half of them or all of them you will feel both excited and disappointed. Below are some resolutions to ponder not fulfilling.

1) Think about the most destructive person you have ever dated and tell them you really want to make a clean start of it for the new year, but first you should ask them to cash your paycheck.

2) Pay off your debt my selling naked pictures of your roommates

3) Track down an ex that is the furthest away from you geographically (think Apollo moon mission) and beg them to take you back.

4)Make the big Mac one of your four food groups in fact make it your only food group

5) Take up unsocial smoking only smoke in anti-social situations such as yoga retreats (think silent Vipassano retreats) and meditation centers or anywhere where smoking is either outlawed or highly discouraged

6) Fight for an unworthy cause like smoker's rights or the continued bombing of people in foreign countries that you don't know. Yes I know both are awful but it might actually bring attention to the lack of the resistance in our country towards liberation of Iraq

7) Give speeches to large audiences on the benefits of being oppressed by an imperial power

8) Sleep with your cousins that you only see at the occassional family function (are they really family anyway?)this way increasing your and their black sheep status.

9) Join a local gang as a way of increasing your self esteem in the short run it might work and in the long run (well you might not have one to speak of).

10)Get all of the unattractive people you know yourself included and make your own imitation of Justin Timberlakes "Bring Sexy Back" song. The world certainly could use more of this

11) Convince bulimics to become aneroxic instead because that way at least hungry people can get fed and food won't be wasted

12) Poke holes in all the condoms in your house and act suprised when your roommates keep getting girls pregnant.

13) Start a campaign to get Henry Kissinger elected president with the slogan "The white house needs more compassion"

14)Try to take yourself more seriously and at least get completely and irrationally offended 8 times a day to keep your stress levels up.

15) Insist on having a naked christmas party with all your favorite mormon and orthodox jewish friends.

16) Continue your attempts at bringing sexy back at old age homes

17) Announce that Flavor Flav is indeed a prophet sent by Elijiah and anyone that can not see this obviously works for Satan

18) Be more open to trying new things: like smoking crack and shooting up heroin

Good Vibrations Documentary

Old Wounds Still There

How are you? Me I am just a jelly fish floating around. Sometimes we think we have all our emotions in check and then one person comes along ( In my case a woman) and we fall apart worse then foreign policy in Iraq (okay maybe not that bad, but still pretty close). Why is it that we have such a longing for certain people and the mere thought of them reentering our lives makes us get excited, nervous and maybe even a little angry all at once. I have traveled a bit and I can tell you that traveling seems to be helpful for heart break because it puts you deeply in the current moment. Because it forces you to listen to your intution and you know that all things change regardless of what we may want. We all have this current moment and then it is gone and on to the next moment. It is a stream and gets away from us. Our emotions are streams and they get away from us going in all different directions chasing a love that almost no one is capable of giving us. We all have such fear around the word love. It triggers so many different ideas and feelings. It makes us feel very alive, but also puts us in state where our ego can be devastated. Somehow we decide that one person has the ability to determine how we will feel about ourselves.

As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.

Goodbye Mind Hello Happiness

I understand this feeling on occassion of the mind just being overwhelmed with complete and utter nonsense. Here is something you can do about it. Write it on paper, speak it out loud or babble in complete nonsense and get it out of your system. Don't hold onto it because it blocks you from this moment. Just SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT LET IT ALL OUT because these are things we can all do without. That's right I'm talking to you come on. Mind you can not win this battle for you are merely a series of programs and the soul shall triumph over you. Return to the breath and feel the self realization. We are all capable of this, but we resist this simple solution. People seem to have this idea that the answer to life involves being able to solve a series of quantum physics problems and then learning to be fluent in Sanskrit so that they can find their peace. People's minds do not like the idea that peace of mind is easy. It makes them ask themselves why they have not already done it then. If it so easy why haven't more people figured it out. It is one of those things that is so easy and the mind desires to make it complicated. People are so used to working real hard for everything in their life and the idea that the most significant thing can be so easy it's totally mind boggling. Stop! sit still and just listen for a while. View babies as your role models. They are usually very happy and they also breathe very deeply. Collectively if we all start to breathe deeply we will achieve more. Consider oxygen to be your greatest God/love/power whatever you want to call it. Inhale stomach all the way out exhale stomach all the way in. Keep doing it and don't surprised if you start to feel a bit more energized after a brief period of time.

Enjoy the simple pleasures and experience them fully, allow yourself to be in a constant state of expression. We all deserve to get away for a holiday as Billy Joel sings, but understand that the holiday must take place in your mind first. Get away from your thoughts for a bit and stay in the state of "no mind" or "buddha mind". That is the area in between thoughts where there is actually no thought just a feeling of awareness. Turn your mind off and turn on to your breath because that is where you will find your peace.

Old Wounds Still There

How are you? Me I am just a jelly fish floating around. Sometimes we think we have all our emotions in check and then one person comes along ( In my case a woman) and we fall apart worse then foreign policy in Iraq (okay maybe not that bad, but still pretty close). Why is it that we have such a longing for certain people and the mere thought of them reentering our lives makes us get excited, nervous and maybe even a little angry all at once. I have traveled a bit and I can tell you that traveling seems to be helpful for heart break because it puts you deeply in the current moment. Because it forces you to listen to your intution and you know that all things change regardless of what we may want. We all have this current moment and then it is gone and on to the next moment. It is a stream and gets away from us. Our emotions are streams and they get away from us going in all different directions chasing a love that almost no one is capable of giving us. We all have such fear around the word love. It triggers so many different ideas and feelings. It makes us feel very alive, but also puts us in state where our ego can be devastated. Somehow we decide that one person has the ability to determine how we will feel about ourselves.

As I type this I can very clearly feel these emotions. This person we love makes us realize all the doubts we have and fears that we have of not being worthwhile. I want to know the greater depths of love which means I have to not view love in terms of possesing someone or being possesed. Love is something that desires to move freely and not be constrained. I have found myself in intense moments of bliss merging between the thighs of one who can make me so high and so low. I have a great ability to be even keel in my emotions but certain women can make me feel a little bit like a wreck. Yet I need to wreck otherwise it is an illusion on top of a delusion and I will be suffering brain contusions. We are young and no one can tell us where we stand, no promises and no demands. Yes love is a Battlefield in so many different ways. I desire to know the way of the peaceful warrior and to not chase fools gold. I love very deeply and continue to know greater depths and also know that rarely has my love been as fully unselfish as the pure love that we read about and babble about. That type of love takes place in the deep recesses of total silence.

My Guru Is Calling Me

Recently I have been feeling this unexplainable feeling that my guru is calling me towards them. I have been meeting an ever increasing series of amazing people. Recently I went to Sebastian and the one they call "Ma". The best way to describe her is imagine if your jewish mother from Brooklyn became a spiritual guru. It was a really wonderful and powerful experience that tugged at my heart. Yet, she is not my guru, by my guru is coming very soon. I think when you meet your guru it is probably like meeting your wife/husband. I am ready to receive any divine gifts that they choose to bestow upon me. I am very excited about my encounter and in many ways Paramanhansa Yoganda the author of "autobiography of a Yogi" is my guru, but I will also be blessed enough to have a guru in the flesh. That encounter shall be taking place in the next 2-3 months. The essence of guru is one who dispels the darkness and helps you to see the way. At least this is my understanding of the guru. They help you to see thru the facade or the maya of everyday living yet to also have a respect for the Maya, but not to be attached to it.

I look forward to sharing with you my experience with my guru. I believe that they are India, but your guru can be anywhere and everywhere. To me India does not seem that far away though I am aware that things take place very differently there then here, but I am looking foward to the journey. May I send all of you blessings in finding your peaceful center and reaching a state of ultimate bliss.

Latest Montage

Miss Piggy meets Mr. T:



ET's Secret Scandal:



Te'DeVan: Wandering Healer



Slack Prophet for President: Interview #1

Luaghter Laughter Laughter

I have been laughing my head off quite a bit as of late though my blogs have not had enough humor. So this one is raw like Eddie Murphy before he started doing Disney movies. Don't trust anyone on their cell phone they are conspiring against you in ways that make John Ashcroft seem sweet. The keebler elves are blatant homosexuals there is nothing latent about it folks. They all live in a closet of a tree packing fudge all day long. I have no problems with this and I respect them immensely being an elf is not easy and being a gay elf means they won't let you be in lord of the rings. Speaking of rings, Zen is not a Tiffany's box. In reality a limb should come with every new diamond purchased so that you know what you are paying for.

Secretly I want to be an evangelist. I could smote these guys and beat them at their own game. Use their language to make your point. Ronald Regan was terrified of a small Indian man named OSHO. In fact most of the world was scared of him and countries were given money to kick him out. One day I will be kicked out of the United States. I won't break any laws I will merely make too many people nervous. I accept this fact as part of my journey. I have been kicked out of college campuses and small towns without breaking any rules, next up get kicked out of the United States.

Develop a following of people that can think for themselves and watch governments cower. Killing millions of people while dressed in a beautiful pressed suit makes you a politician. Being dressed in shabby clothes and killing one white American makes you a murderer/thug/villian (go figure). Perhaps we should buy criminals nicer clothes and encourage them to run for politcal office. That way we will respect them as strong patriotic people when they slaughter lots of foreign people. Sauve and Savage are only separated by a suit, tie, and clean shave.

I want to say something to anyone out there watching America's Top Model. I understand your addiction it is like watching a train that is about to wreck. Maybe that is why people can't seem to take their eyes off of me. I am bound to cause some long overdue trouble. Sometimes I wonder who the hell are the people reading my blog. I hope they laugh, cry, think or quit their job and become their dream.

Let the sponsorship come just like fight club. Let those in charge give us their own tools so that we can dismantle their house. The Yerts, treehouses, igloos, and huts are the wave of the future.

I Miss You

I wake up and I go to sleep and I miss you. Everywhere I go I see you even if you are not there. I was thinking about you when I was a little kid. I used to have conversations with you before I could prove your existence. How could I not feel you and then; when day I found you for a moment. A glimpse of you was all that I needed to experience so that I was motivated to keep going. I intensely miss you and I know that I will be with you soon. You are me and I feel and sense that in a way that I could never explain.

We all miss you, but some of us seem to give up. I will never give up on you. People tell me not to give you up and turn back. I don't even know where back is anymore. I only know how to move forward. I am focusing on the now and not the how. Focus on this now. DOn't let that sentence fly over your heard. Focus on time, place, and location. Think about where you are at this moment and bring awareness into your life. Let the mind become clear. When the mind is a blank slate I am in this moment and when we I am in this moment I realize that I miss you but that I am getting closer to you all the time; even if it does not appear that way on the surface. Yet the surface is a mirage, but I will not be fooled for long by any mirage.
I will find you because I seek you with such divine fever and nothing will stand in the way of me finding you.

What is this you? For all of us at different times there is a different you and we can all find that you. Don't trust me about much or anyone else for that matter, but know that you too can find the YOU.

Hungry Like the Hoff

I have a good friend of mine, let's just call him the Hoff, and I absolutely love this fellow and he totally reminds me of desires that I have to chase after women. He fully and completely immerses himself in these chases and has little or no interest in any women that are chasing him. I must admit I used to give chase and on rare occassion I will still give chase, but ultimately I realize that I prefer for these things to simply flow. I don't want to hunt them down life a wolf stalking his prey waiting to make his move.

But sometimes instead of chasing I just get angry, distant or aloof. I particularly feel this way when my desire towards them is mostly sexual. I think sexaul desire is a wonderful thing, but I want to have the other components involved as well. Even if I could psyche a girl into liking me why would I want to do that. I am not a 2 for 1 special during happy hour. Dig me now or don't dig me at all. I don't want to sell you anything and I don't want to woo you. If I woo you it was only because I was wooing life and you were part of that life. The Hoff loves to do the wine and dine thing with women, I on the other hand, like to hang out at the park/beach/wherever and if it clicks then great and if not that is also great. Heck, sometimes it is better. In fact I would like to thank many women that did not return my phone calls.

Some of you may think that I am lying or being insecere, but I am being totally truthful when I say that. Where I get burned is by women that pursue me and then if I reciprocate they get nervous and pull away. These are the women that burn me. If you don't have any interest that is fabulous, but just be honest about it, but often you need to intuit this on your own because they will not tell you. They want you to feed their ego by chasing them. I support them in feeding their ego, but ladies I ain't the one. My friend the Hoff on the other hand for the moment is your man. He is hungry and is looking to feed and he is never satisfied and nor am I satisfied and therefore I see the absurdity of chasing and being hungry like the Hoff. Of course I too am Hungry like the Hoff, but as I am honest with the situation I can see it for exactly what it is. I am trying to get something from you that you can't give me and you are trying to get something from me that I can't give you.

It is truly that simple and we will either merge or not merge, but regardless I need to find this inside of myself and you need to do the same. The Hoff is unrelenting like any great hunter and I respect him greatly for his hunting prowess as it reminds me of my own. At the same time, seeing that I am a vegetarian, even if I slay the deer what good does it do me. I am somewhat like El guape at times wanting the woman to open herself up to me in the same way that a flower does. This takes patience and though there are some flowers that are completely open already they are not the flowers that I want and sometimes I have indulged in them. Now I am remaining steadfast in not settling on the flower. I only accept flowers that I will truly appreciate and my days of deer hunting never brought true fullfillment and always left me hungry for more.

The World is Coming To a Beginning

I was inspired to write this blog because every now and then someone says to me "aren't you that guy that has the sign that says the world is coming to an end?" It is in this moment that I realize how delusional all of the sane people are and how they lump everything together into the same pile of stuff. Most of you guys know the gist of my signs, but for those you who don't know; one says "6 foot 7 inch jew will freestyle rap for you" and the other says "Famous intutive spiritual healer, over 19,000 healings, stress physical emotional pain, talk to me". Yet, people insist to me that my sign says something completely different. Never doubt people's ability to project their own preconceptions onto you. In other words they see exactly what they want to see. The other humorous experience I have is homosexual men who think that I am trying to convert them to christianity and that I am calling them sinners for their sexual orientation. People also insist that I think that I am Jesus and that I go around introducing myself as Jesus to all those who will listen. Even after I say "Hi, I'm Te'DeVan," they will will respond, "Hi Jesus," as if they didn't even hear my name. These people have great spin doctor capabilities and it would serve them well if they worked on a political campaign.

Yet, I am capable of doing the same thing. Where others see people carrying around signs that say "The world is coming to an end" I see a sign that actually says, "The world is coming to a beginning". This is completely true because every end demands a beginning and they take place simultaneously. So really all of these people with signs that say "The world is coming to an end," are merely reminding us that the world is coming to a beginning. I am thankful for their reminder and we should all take the time and thank them as well for reminding of this greater truth. The world is coming to a beginning. I would also like to thank all the people that misconstrue what I am saying or doing because you supply a great abundance of laughter in the life of me and all my friends.

Plane Insecurity

Recently I tried to get on an airplane with one of my notorious "6 foot 7 inch jew will freestyle rap for you" signs. They told me that I could not bring it on because they worried that I would use it to "bludgeon" people. Luckily I was smart enough to tell them it was also possible that my feet/hands could also bludgeon people and in a much easier way.
Two friends of mine recently had raw organic chocolate confiscated from them because they considered it to be a gel substance. Since when is chocolate a liquid or a gel? It is neither. Apparently any solid substance can now be deemed a liquid or a gel because the TSA official clearly told them, "I deem this a gel". My friends demonstrated the solidity of the chocolate and were threatened to be escorted out of the airport. I was really upset about this one. It is chocolate for Christ's sake. The airport people have been fucking up for years and now there trying to make up for it by becoming paranoid. So just so you know freestyle rapping jew signs and chocolate are no longer allowed on airplanes.

What is the world coming to is not a question I will ask. What I will say is that I will start an airline and you will be able to bring your raw organic chocolate on board as well as any funny signs that you made that can fit in the overhead bins or underneath your seat. Are these people anti-semites that desire to eat your chocolate or are they just paranoid Americans?
Either way you should all feel safer knowing now that neither of these two things are allowed on a plane. Over and out.
Te'DeVan

Late Night Stream Of Conscious

I realized a couple of days ago that parents worked really hard most of their adult lives to give me something I never wanted. No matter how many times I told them I did not want they strived to give it to me that much more and made me work hard to obtain something that I did not want. Made me wonder how many people spend their lives trying to get something that nobody truly wants, but they all pretend like it is the Holy Grail. It makes me think of all the people that wait outside of a club so that they can go inside and be lucky enough to spend $300 on a bottle of Vodka. On the surface people are superficial and underneath they are amazing, but many are scared to go in the deep end without their floaties.

If we all switched lives every now and then we would all be a little more compassionate. Try to walk in another person's shoes just once a year and see how much of a better person you become. I am in Miami and I am thinking about L.A., New York and Santa Cruz or maybe somewhere in the South on a road trip. Most people could benefit from a little more fun in their lives. Strip malls and strip clubs there is some sort of correlation think about it. The presidential campaign is off to a great start and the funding is rolling in as I type.

War On Poverty

So you thought India is backwards because they have a caste system and the untouchables well it seems in additon to Yoga we are now importing a law mandated caste system. It is actually against the law to have compassion and feed homeless people in Orlando and Las Vegas along with some other places. What the fuck is going on here people. But it is laws like this that even make a conservative cringe a little bit. It is along the lines of the Dred Scott Decision back in the day. America basically said "We racist, but we don't want to be that racist". When those who are in control start to realize they are losing control they get desperate. Obviously this is one of those times. In some places they have even tryed to set up panhandling zones. We should make showing emotion in public illegal as well because it makes alot of people uncomfortable. London bridges falling down falling down. SO what's next. I'm afraid of Americans I understand this sentiment more and more.

Not Good Enough... But Why?

Today I was I sitting outside of Wild Oats eating cholocate obcession soy ice cream that no matter what I did or had done it would never be good enough to me. Now, of course always striving to do better is a wonderful trait, but the feeling that it is not good enough is a common occurrence for most people. No matter what you do you will never be smart enough, cool enough, rich enough, desired enough, respected enough, famous enough, successful enough, etc...... Luckily this is not a feeling that consumes me, but is certainly a feeling that I have and something that I need to recognize otherwise it could lead to some very umpleasant mental states.

Regardless of how many healings I may do and how many people I may positively effect there is a part of me that feels that it is not enough and I comparing myself to saints, gurus, avatars, and John of God type healers. It is great to strive to accomplish more but it is also important to respect where we are at in our journey and understand that all these things will come in due time and that patience and persistence is a necessary requirement. Yet these accomplishments within themselves will not make us peaceful. I could heal a thousand people of cancer and I would still be thinking it is not enough it needs to be more. It always needs to be more and I am always going to be falling short. My acting,dancing,singing, and art are good, but still they are not good enough. In order to stop this pattern we have to shut off the noise in our mind and just pause and be completely enthralled in the moment we are in. It is really funny when you think about it. It could get to a point where you are having sex and saying "yeah this is good, but I could still be better in performance". The mind can be the bottomless pit that never can be filled no matter how much you fill it and the more you fill it the more it craves to be feed. So it is necessary to recognize the pattern and then to break it. Breaking this pattern takes place by getting out of your head.

So I recommend that everyone get out of their head (I will do the same) and feel the perfection of this moment and realize that it is more then enough.

New York I Cry Out To You

I wake up thinking about you quite often because almost everyone I have ended up was thru a situation that first started with you. It always started with you and you send me off on the craziest adventures always to bring me back to you. Yet everytime I come back you are always different and I am always different as well. You always give me a whole new cast characters each time I come back to you. I am in Miami right now, but I am completely in that euphoric New York State of MInd. You never cease to amaze me and you always have more in store and not one second in your embrace is a bore. I have been coming in and out for 5 years now and still it never gets old and everywhere I go I see those who I first met thru you. When they see me they are in shock for the wonder how I can wander from you as if you and are I somehow one.

Your streets I have walked more in the 5 years of exploring then others have in 50 years or more. I walk and walk and walk and yet I hardly grow tired because you have constant surprises for me on each corner at each turner. People from my past and new characters for the future. There is never a shortage of people in your midst to keep utterly fascinated. They come from everywhere and I some sort of caretaker on your behalf. I help them to make their way inside of you and to help them keep their heads when others are losing theirs.

You have watched me grow 60 years in just 5 years. Each passing month being filled with a year of experience or more. I thank you for all that you have given me and continue to give me even though I am thousands of miles away, but to me it is only a hop skip and a jump and you would never bring me back before the stage is set for the next scene. For what is the point of having an actor on set if their is no action yet to take place.

You are deeply in my thoughts and prayers and I will never get over you nor you over me. We are lovers from birth from birth in your womb I arrived and in your womb I shall rest when the time comes. But you know of my wanderlust in fact you greatly encourage and aid in my wanderings because I always bring new energies back to you and your other children.

Somewhere over the Rainbow way up high I know theres a land that I heard of once in a lullabye. Truer words have hardly been spoken.

On That Verge

So I have a couple of ideas floating around in my head these days and just waiting to see which one avails itself to me. There are so many possibilities in this world and sometimes it seems a bit overwhelming, but if we can relax the most beneficia onel will make itself known to us when the time is right. A great idea and a bad idea can be separated by just one day. Yet, I feel as if I am going to make a large discovery inside of myself that will effect the way I go about my everyday living.

We are all making our own time capasules containing things from the past yet many of us seem to swallow it instead of burying it in the backyard. Perhaps by consuming we are trying to digest it, but the system was made to excrete such things. Yet time capasules are very challenging for the body to spit out. We all have dreams and when we reach a point where they might actually manifest we become excited and scared. Ultimatley none of our accomplishments will bring us the greater peace tha all of us consciously and unconsciously seek.

I write to you from Miami Beach but I just could as easily being writing this from New York, L.A., India or anywhere in the United States for that matter. We all have an amazing destiny for ourselves if we allow ourselves to follow our intution and not resist because it is unfamiliar to everything that we think that we have come to understand. We must Grok things instead of looking at things in cursory manner indicative of a generation diagnosed with "permanent" attention deficit disorder. We are all collectively flying to higher levels of peace and prosperity and new ideas will manifest at the forefront of our mind. We are all on that verge and that verge neccesitates change which will take place regardless of how hard we try to hold onto old concepts.

A New Nightlife

In a world of plastic women the plastic card is king and gold is nice, platinum is better, but the Black American Express in Trump in this game. All the peacocks show their brightest feathers. Somehow anything that is real or sincere is taken out of the equation and the most superficial and plastic person is on top of the pyramid of insecurity. This can be signified by $300 Vodkas that bars convince wealthy patrons or (desperately wanting to appear wealthy) to spend so that other people in the bar can know how succcessful they must be. Nothing tells us more of someone's character when you see them spend $300 or more on a bottle of Vodka that is worth about $30.

People will also wait online outside to go inside and spend this absurd amount of money. People must think that Utopia exists inside of these bars (as someone who has been inside I can tell you it is far from Utopia). If they go into that door somehow they will become a better person (drunker/higher/poorer person. It is alot more likely by getting a hug from Amma that you will become a better person, but she does not have any late night club yet(focus on yet). People are trying to connect with each other, but they don't know how to do this because they don't have a realtionship with themself that does beyond their appearance or status. I don't fault anyone for this, but I do recognize the insanity of this social world that has been created. We need to create a new social world.

What if there were a late bar that served organic juices, teas, (we can also make some $300 brews for those who don't want to feel out of place) give out free hugs at the door (of course tip your hugger), Healers, Psychics, and really interesting nomads that you can take home with you. We could call it "Bring Back The Nomad". These Nomads would be happy people that have found peace within them that radiates outward or just complete maniacs that have something that makes it hard not to keep staring at them.Yes, this is it a new nightlife has been formed. You have read it here first NOW! the prophecy shall unfold.

Organic Juics, Overpriced Teas, etc.. and a whole new world that is a break from the mundane. By the way, one last thing lots and lots of 80's music. Remember fellows all she wants to do is dance. She likes to party she likes to get down because all she wants to do is dance.

Sincerity is something that even when completely out of place that people always notice.

Going A Little Mad, Okay Alot Mad

There are moments where I honestly feel like the Buddha (in a state of total zen, so blissed out of my mind) that almost everyone is postive that I am rolling and wanting to know what I am on or thinking that I might be Jesus returned. There are other days of course where I feel just a bit mad. I don't feel so much angry as I do that I am about to explode with some sort of epiphany that will cahnge everything in the way that I percieve. The traveling that I do is about opening myself up to different points of view especially if others view them as outlandish.

I brandish an invisible sword every now and then and feel the desire to vanquish the invisible foes that exist in my mind. To hit the off button and succumb to the peace that represents our truest and highest nature. Yet, sometimes before we reach that point, and we are still holding onto the old ways we start to go a little mad. Perhaps a little batty. We might start laughing uncontrollabley at odd moments or having conversations outloud with no concern to how others might percieve this behavior. Being miserable and not trying to let go of that misery is the truest madism I can think of (yes I think I made the word madism up). Being apathetic and feeling that passion is some sort of fleeting novelty. Passion is the way that life was meant to be lived. I choose my madness and my sadness, but I also choose to reliquish them so that I can experience a serenity that soothes my being. We all want to feel this way; but many people are convinced that only valium or some other substance is the way to achieve this feeling. I would based off my own experience and the experience of others disagree with this idea.

We can stop the madness at any moment and surrender to the power of the moment that we are in right now. Allow Love/God/Universe/Yoda to bless our whole being thru and thru. "Alright stop! children what's that sound everybody look what's going down". Going beyond traditional thought takes us to that next point where things come into being at the mere suggestion from the lips of our minds. We have the power to shape this world in ways that most have not considered. So I ask you to consider the power of your thoughts after having surrendered your will to the higher force. If just one of us can find peace it makes that much easier for the next person to find that same state of being.

Out of the Blue Comes A Call

This call comes and all things change or at least all things appear to change. Your heart flutters madly and you are estatic, but scared simultaneoulsy you had written this whole situation off as a farce and then it comes back. With the force of a boomerang and it threatens to chop of your head if you don't keep your composure, but maybe you need to have your head taken off. Maybe the razors edge is where you need to be. I remember you so well and I loved you so much, but when I give it away it always comes back. In fact it only comes back when I give it away.

Let the soul sway to a rhythym that offers to expose all your weakness and then you shall know truth that you have never known because it was never shown the light of day. It was always comfortablely numb and then there are those who cut so that they can taste the blood. You are their refuge and each time you step your ego meets its demise. Only the love was real and nothing can change that.

I will see you again when both of least it expect it rationally, but feel it with an intution that nothing will be the same and everything will be the same simulataneoulsy. Caught between your thighs and baptized by a dance that will break all the false ties that I no longer need.

Some Thoughts to Help You On Your Path

I always hear people saying that they don't have enough time do what they want. Usually because they are too busy doing things that they don't want to do. Do you realize how many jobs we create in this country just to keep people busy and contributing to the economy. Yet, there are much more enriching things that we could be doing with our time. Allow yourself to make two lists. On the first list you write what you spend most of your time doing and on the second list you write things that make you most happy. Ideally both lists should match up. Often when pressed we are quick to admit that life could come to an end in the blink of an eye, but despite this fact we keep living as if things will always be the same. We keep playing it safe even when playing it safe is killing our desire to be alive.

What the heck does playing it safe mean? It means that you want to do something or say something and you don't because you don't want to risk the possibility that some change could take place. I know that we all have our own bridges of fear to cross and it just demands that you put one foot in front of the other and allow your voice to be heard. We all need to be heard, but most people usually suffer in silence and are not heard. Are you being heard in your life or do you merely suffer in silence?

What do you want out of life?
What are steps that you are taking towards that desire?
Could you make greater efforts?
What things are holding you back that are in your control?
Have you been honest with yourself and your loved ones?

These are just a couple of questions to bounce around in your head. We all have an opportunity to live brillant lives full of many wonderful things, but we must take steps that enable us to live in that way. I have not mastered any of these things, but I continue to strive to become better and more honest with myself.

Revolution is the evolution of humanity,
Te'DeVan

Destination Unknown

So often people are always asking me when I am going to be showing up at such and such location. Even some of my dearest friends ask me this question. Truthfully I have almost no idea, but I find myself giving vague timelines as to when I might end up arriving. People's minds have this intense desire for everything to be very neat and orderly. There is very little about my life that qualifies as neat or orderly. I am a nomad that moves which ever way the winds may take me. I surrender myself to the magic and allow things to play out as they will. Of course on occasion even I desire to be able to say with some degree of certainity that I will be in a given place for an exact amount of time. But I simply do not know these things nor do I want to know. I simply want to be wherever I may be and bask in the wonder of the moment that I am in.

Sometimes I will arrive in a place and as soon as I get there people will ask me where I am going next. This obcession with what is next takes people out of the current moment. I have been guilty of this myself, but I realize that the future does not exist nor does it hold a solution to any problems. This very moment that exist in is the only moment of any real significance. All other moments are based on what follow from the moment of now. I command (in an uncommmanding sort of way) you to be wherever you are,to be with the people you are surrounded by, and to be with the stillness that exists within the silence of this moment.

Ripples on the pond do not change the pond from being a pond nor do raindrops on the ocean make the ocean anything more or anything less then an ocean.

I used To write

I nver want to utter that sentence. I always want to go at this keyboard with reckless abandon like Hemingway after another drunken night on the streets of Key West. I would rather be an emotional hack than eloquent corpse. I want to take chances in every respect in my life. I want to have occassional bad sentecne structures I want to mispel words. I want to dance the drunk words sober. I want the madness to become waves of acid color rainbows from some sort of astral plane. I want to make no sense at all and have women that I have never met fall in love with some sort of alternate identity that comes out late night to the dismay of man who is too often rational. Would does being rational ever get you. I must take chances in my work, writing, love life, dancing, swimming and everything in general. I must immediately go full force and become the renegade turtle who has been lulling people to sleep only to nail them with the crucfiction of the hare. Give me hair and lots of it all over the ass crack of the plumbers that come to late in a world of overflowing highschool toilets with cherry bombs that were purchased in person and not on the internet. May I meet bold, beautiful bisexual women that know I am a bit of a sexist and are not trying to change me. We must fight nothing there is no good fight. Fights are for suckers I just want the good blowjob on the beach.... I am Hunter S. Thompson I am Native American back for revenge. I will make Don quixotee to seem reasonable.

Let it all flush down the drain and may the clowns make me laugh cry and run to the nearest organic grocery store. May people realize that Utah has for major M's Marines, Mormons, Mountains, and Meth heads. I still believe in you and this country and I don't have to do anything but be. Let it Be my friends. John Lennon still lives and Bob Marley is now a tall freestyle rapping jew. I will do my best to make outrageous comments and keep you in a cage made of straw. Viva La Conch Viva La COnch. Read about Key Weird or Key West or whatever you think about calling it.

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Key West (Weird)

Key West is a place that many people have heard of, but few people(with the exception of people from Florida,Jimmy Buffet fans, cruise ship casualities,and people that make your stumbling drunk uncle look like he has drinking under control)actually visit. The Roosters and chickens are wandering the streets at all hours of the night cockadoodle doing all the live long day and if you kill one of the roosters it is a $5000 fine. There are drag queens who are admantly relgious and have been saved by Christ. There are people who came for a 2 week vacation and have now been here for 20 years. This place has every sort of degenerate you could imagine, but it also has some the kindest and gentelest souls possible. Life is measured in extremes and Key West is a prime example of these extremes. Mega rich and mega poor and home to the accidental millionaire. People that found out their house is worth millions so they order another round of beers. Some people call this place the end of the line. Older people come here to die in peace or misery or a little bit of both. I once met a man married for 25 years had two sons decided he was gay got divorce gave his wife the house and moved to Key West (calls himself the strawberry man).

Key West or as some call it Key Weird reminds me of the show Northern exposure if it became Southern Exposure and tourists flocked from everywhere to buy useless souvenirs and trinkets that nobody will wear or use (unless some sort of natural disaster takes place or their laundry machine breaks down,which ever comes first). Most of these stores seem to be run by Israeli's that sell clothes at all hours of the night and will try to get you dancing to trance music. After the dancing they then convince you must buy clothes so that their boss will be happy. I have also met an Old Indian man (never actually been to India though he is 100% Indian) who seems like some sort of Sadhu and he reads your palm for $35 and he is quite good. And he sticks out like me in Japan except for the fact that most people here stick out like me iN Japan. Most people in Key West are either very wealthy or just scraping by and live on a boat or a place called Christmas tree island. It was in Key West that I met the infamous Papa Nutrino (google him) I also saw Jimmy Buffet perform at a friends wake.

Key West has been a starting point for me in many respects and my life will never be the same because of this blessed little out of the way place that is East everything and West of nothing. The people of Key West greet me like I have lived here always even though I spent 2 and half months here 3 years ago. Yeah, they know I've been gone but they are glad to have me back no matter how brief. Key West is the end of the line and I came here for the first time chasing something that was still a ways away. If you ever get a chance and decide that your life could use a little more weirdness in it then come to Key West and you will begin to grasp the essence of this place. I would say it is the oddest place that I have been to in the United States, but there are still places I have yet to explore.

Recently I was stopped by the cops and told that if they caught someone giving me a donation for spiritual healing I would go to jail. I thought wow!, Key West is really changing and then a good friend of mine reminded me America is the one who is changing. Then I remembered a little known fact that Key West for a few hours in the early 80's became it is own country called the "Conch Republic". Viva La Conch Viva La Conch it shall come back and spiritual healers and other street performers shall be able to do their things as protected in an often forgotten document called the constitution or should I say Conchstitution.

About My Friend Mimi (from Austin, Texas)

Since the amount of people that read this blog only is in the mid double digits on an active day. I have developed a very close relationship to those who read my blog especially to those who respond. Mimi in her mego mania has decided that I needed to write a blog about her. Recently she has even begun to put her non-existent son and my non-existent son into competition with each other. Obviously, things have reached a breaking point.
So here it goes I met Mimi in 2005 when she was selling jello shots at Bar None. We only met briefly a couple of times on the street, but she was memorable nontheless. Yes, there I said it. I hope your ego is relishing in the fact that despite the millions of people I have met that you are memorable (and yes I have met millions). I could end the blog here, but for the benefit of Mimi's ego I will go on, but it will be a long time before I ever do this again. So please enjoy.

Mimi and I have had many wonderful conversations despite her ability to sometimes be easily distracted by a Marc Jacob's sale or a cute boy. She is also a really good person to cuddle with under most circumstances. Furthermore since Mimi is a girl who guards her virginity ferciously we never copulated though we once had an extensive make-out session and it was fabulous (she is very kissable). I recommend that you make out with her if you ever get the chance. Mimi is also a model and once I made the mistake of thinking it was called a full figure model and she became enraged and threatened to brutally mock my unborn son, but I quickly explained I had no idea what the term meant. Amyway.... where was?... oh yes Mimi she has been kind enough to give me a place to crash on occassion and is thoroughly amusing. I am very blessed to have her in my life. Hopefully this will suffice and anyone else out there who wants a personalized blog if the mood strikes I just might grant you one.

Excuse the grammar but the English seems to have left me recently...

For Anyone Out there Having A Rough Time

There are going to be times where you feel like you don't know which way to turn or if you even want to turn at all. Left will seem right and right will seem wrong and you will feel like wherever you go that you don't belong, but that is merely the mind playing tricks on you. So often are minds are running wild and it prevents us from fully being in the glory of the moment that we have right now. Only right now offers us an opportunity to be truly at peace the past is gone and the future does not exist. Everything depends on this very moment that we have before us. If we are hopeful and brave then things will happen that coincide with that. So many thoughts but not enough breaths. The breath is the key to escaping the many prison cells of the mind. Sit. lie down, or stand-up and surrender to your breathing. I mean this do it as if your sanity depends on it. Take in the fullest of wherever you are and whatever you are doing and know that when you are in a state of calmness you make your best choices that enrich your life more.
Revolution is the evolution of humanity,
We are humanity and we are evolving one moment at a time

The Yo Mama Debacle

For those of you who don't know I was on Yo Mama (God, Jesus, Buddha, Moses may all of u forgive me). I had never previously cracked a Yo Mama joke in my entire life. Then one of my good friends took me to an audition and I started making them up on the spot. It turns out I am actually pretty good at it. It is not a skill that I am actually proud of, but apparently one that I have. Spiritual healing is less relevant than a good Yo Mama joke to the average young person that watches MTV. How the world got to this point I am not sure. I also think there is a possibility that this episode could end up upsetting the religious right ( I guess there are worse things that could happen). I plan on hiding and keeping to myself in Key West and then India. Please don't ask me about the episode I don't remember what happened. I had just gotten back from Bonnaroo and I had not slept at all and I had already agreed to do this show. By the way, in case you are wondering, many of the people involved in this show believe it is ground breaking. Yes!!!! it is true, I was told this by people involved in the show, but when you compare this to other shows on MTV-glorifying rich spoiled 16 year olds- maybe it could be considered ground breaking.

I guess Yo Mama is my first presidential scandal. Most people tell you they found Jesus well it appears that I have found youtube and blogging. Hopefully Smiley will trump this controversy quite soon and surpass me on this first scandal on this presidential campaign. I would also like to apologize to you and any of your mothers. Furthermore, not that it matters, but the best Yo Mama jokes are never aired being that they contain too much profanity. I was told not to tell those sort of jokes which is ulitmately how you win over the crowd. They will ultimately splice in the crowd with them laughing about jokes that you will never hear. So if you see them laughing too hard at a bad joke it was actually a good joke that you will not hear. I had my hands tied behind my back as I tried to stay away for these sort of jokes. Speaking of Jokes, while most young people in the country are focused on this show many people contiune to die in a war in Iraq that President Bush and TRL assured me ended in 2003. So these last 3 years have been some sort of illusion. And if they can all pretend this is some sort of farce then I plan on using the same strategy for Yo Mama. To quote my good old buddy Ronald Regan "I do not recall sentator". That was fucking brilliant... where do they come up with this stuff?

My VP was Seconded By A Cat

Luna the Cat (don't ask) has given Smiley an endorsement as the best possible VP candidate available for my upcoming presidential election. Some of you that don't know Smiley or Luna may have their doubts, but if you knew them you still might have your doubts. I have the utmost faith in Smiley despite problems with the "sauce" and other pharmactical products which remain mere speculation by people who are intent in hindering the rolling tidal wave. Ultimately I don't give a fuck about what the media, critics have to say about my VP (who may or may not exist). He is going to rock this country and help me to court voters who happen to hate hippies ( I still don't view myself as a hippie despite any overwhelming evidence to the contrary). Ultimately he has a lot of heart, passion, and moxy to roll on the this traveling circus.

It might be dangerous and he might end up getting killed (please don't tell him that though), but he will have to save this country even though he doesn't want to. He was content for a while spinning the ferris wheel at Fantasy Island and being a lifeguard (that's right he saves/protects lives). I am not sure if he is real, but if I put him on television I will be much more convinced that he actually exists and this will help my sanity. So maybe I selected as a VP to assist my own sanity and maybe I selected him because he is really good at selling t-shirts and maybe I selected because he was the only person insane enough to hold the position. I have faith in this man and he has some ideas he has a lot of ideas some of which may turn out to be very dangerous, but still they seem really interesting.

He is also capable of being involved in more scandals then myself which will help to take some of the heat off of me assuming he actually exists and it is not my pseudo creation of Tyler Dirden. Te'Devan & Smiley 2008 Te'DeVan & Smiley 2008 Te'DeVan & Smiley 2008. God Bless America!!!!! God Bless America!!!!!!!

Love Being A Traveling Man

So my friend Matt Fisher wrote a song and in it he says "will somebody please tell me where I'm supposed to be". This is certainly how I am feeling these days. I am actually attempting to settle into Portland for the next couple of months and just rent a little room/basement somewhere here and focus intensely on my meditation. It is an emotional time for me and also a great time to challenge myself in regards to any fear that I have. Recently I have been reading "Be Here Now" and contemplating the idea of dying -- for only when the ego dies can we truly be free. I want to let go of my attachment to everything that I have held so dear. I need to rediscover a greater peace inside of me.

I took a break from this and now I revisit it and am leaving Portland on my way to Northern Cali and Key West. Who knows what awaits me there? I first was driven to Key West because of a girl that I was madly in love with at the time 3 years ago. I was dressed in a white robe (jesus) and she had on a blonde wig (supposedly Marilyn Monroe) and she broke my heart in front of a Denny's. I laugh about it quite a bit now, but something else pulls me back there this time. There is something about little Magaritaville that is calling me beyond what people would expect. I first learned about John of God while in Key West along with a few other things. Now that I have been to Brazil and spent 5 weeks with John of God I want to bring that back to the people of Key West Florida and all the people that pass on thru while I am there. Key West is the end of the line, the southern most point in the United States. It is west of nothing and east of everything. It is where Hemingway started doing his thing and a place that calls me back 3 years to the day. This time it is something completely different, something that I will not even begin to try and explain. This time I feel that I am playing for keeps.

I'll see many of you soon, and Portland, know that I will come back when the timing is right. You have made your love clear to me and I thank you for that.

Written To Blue In Green

This one is dedicated to a girl that told me I won't know her when I'm famous. To a girl that was crazy, intense, passionate, brillant, sexy, and holding onto her sadness. She thought that things had to remain dysfunctional and she was scared to let go of those dysfuncitons whether booze, coke, or bad boys. She has so much promise but seemed scared to deliver. When I told her we shouldn't date she told me that I had made the right choice. She said this in a truthful, matter-of-fact way without any indication that I should feel sorry for her. At that moment I wanted to make the wrong choice more than anything. One time she told she was falling in love with me and having recently watched Cary Grant I told her "that's a ridiculous thing to say".

She was falling in love with someone who said it was okay just to be yourself. She was fiercely loyal and well-read and she really understood me and what my greater purpose was in this world. On the surface I am a spiritual healer and she was a boozing coke-head nympho, but that is bullshit and doesn't say anything about either her or me. I will always remember her and especially when I hear Miles Davis. She was half black & half white, from Virgina and she called herself "High Yellow". She had an amazing body, but all I wanted to stare at were her eyes and she would always ask why I was not staring at her body. She was so used to being objectified that another way made her uncomfortable.

I knew when I met her exactly where it was all going, but I wanted to experience all of it anyway. I told her if she ever started a revolution and needed some help to give me a call. And this one is for "you" even if you never read this -- in some way or another this will get to you. I meant what I said. I always meant what I said and I think that is why you loved my freestyle rapping so much because it came from the entire core of my being. I love you "Blue In Green" and I think about you all the time. You came at a time in my life when I needed you and I hope in some way that I gave you some sense of hope as well.