Finding Those Emotions

Often I find that what I want is to cry what I want is to feel and see things that I have been hiding from myself. I find that often I cry other people's tears as part of their healing. I have been desiring to have a female partner these days. It has been a strong feeling stronger then it has been at any point in my life, but I know that I just have to release the attachment to it and just let it happen. I find there have been many almost situations. I want to have that relationship that helps to awaken feelings in me that have been dormant. I don't need a relationship for those feelings to be awakened. I need to focus more on having a relationship with the life force that is present everywhere. I love deeply and I lose track of the days and my passion for trees is epic. All of us are chasing after things that we already have and the mind convinces us that we don't have it yet. I am striving on a spiritual path to a point of having a peace that can not be shaken. I have not reached that point. People from past are always returning and ones from my present disappear in a visual sense. I merely introduce them and play the small role of matchmaker. I am still somewhat in awe of how close I am getting and part of me wants to say I am close enough to God and I'll just leave it at that, but that is not an option. I have to finish what I started. I have to remove the veil and see beyond this world into another.

New York Magazine Makes You Legit

Maybe you know the song your nobody til somebody loves you. Obviously your nobody until New York Magazine has a big picture of you in their spread. People want to know that some magazine has written about you and then you are obviously legit. I'll take the free press and allow it to open more doors for me. It is just the beginning. We have people working on Te"DeVan and Smiley for 2008 around the clock and around the world. All the pieces are in place and we are making a brave charge uphill. No we don't think we will get elected. Getting elected is for chumps. We want to make some changes we want the Bill of Rights to mean something. And if New York Magazine can help me in that quest so be it. The candidate to watch in this election is the American people. And I have met quite a few American people and they are ready to make some changes. Lets be the change lets be the change. It all started in LBI when my soon to be Vice PResident said "Hey you want to start a revolution?" My response was "Hell to the Yeah". It was a protest about the unfair cop treatment towards young people. This continues to this day and I want to lower the voting age to 16. LEts get young people involved early on so that it becomes a habit for them. Ideally I want 12 year olds to vote but that will take some time, but now lets recognize young people as voting citizens. We are the ones fucking it up for them they should have a say in the direction of this country. They live here and pay taxes. No taxation without representation for the youth and prisoners of this nation.

The candidate who can't win but you can't stop watching. We will be on your televison set this campaign season. Roll Tide Roll

Lets Shake it Up Starting Now

Let the dance to the Whitehouse start to heat up. We are ready to take back the whitehouse and take back our government and make it one that serves the people. How about instead of killing and bombing people in the middle east we offer billions of dollars in scholarships so that more young people can go to school without racking up debt. Everyone claims education is important but they are lying thru their teeth. Winning the election is important and most voters are scared of the boogie man. Convince them that you will protect them from the boogie man and you will have their vote. Of course our foreign policy over the last hundred years has created man boogie men. Bombing people does not make you friends I learned at least this much in elementary school. We are also putting much of our country behind bars because it makes certain people alot of money. 2.1 million our in prison where they hell are they being hidden. Most of them are not a threat to society. The prison population has gotten up 700% in less then 30 years. Not surprisingly privitizing of prison has increased greatly. The war on drugs is a farce and it hurting our society. Why don't we start arresting people for having eating disorders I am sure that would help the problem immensely. The war on drugs is a drain on our economy and resources. Lets end it now and put the money towards education, children, and cleaning up our environment. I am not politician I am just someone who sees a need and knows alot of people and I am ready to help make these changes happen.

My Healing guru comes to Me

John of God the healer I went to go see in Brazil 2 years ago is coming to upstate New York. I will be seeing him soon and realizing a greater level of stillness in my mind and an ability to help more people by fining a deeper peace inside of my core. The same core that everyone has if we will just make our mind quiet. Yeah the past roars its head only when we have not fully embraced it and then after we embrace the past we must release it and find ourself here in the present and find that we must be the change that we want in the world instead of getting down on other people for the drawbacks. People will let you down, but God never will. Merely be patient and trust. This sounds insane, but it is much more productive then stressing out about things you can't control. I am waking up more in each moment. Last night I walked away from a beautiful woman because I was more compelled to walk around and heal. I invited her to join me, but she wanted to sleep with me. But she also wanted me to give her answer that I only she can find. I hope that she finds it and she helped me to realize what I truly care about and what I am truly here to do. Every might I have all sorts of people come up to me, but there are a special few that are really ready to let go in a way that changes the way that they will look at life. Those are the moments that I live for. Those are the moments that they show in movies. Your life is a movie and if you can realize that very simple fact if you don't remain so attached to things. Break your routines and follow what you feel where the energy or inner voice is guiding you. We are all being guided we just have to listen and act on what we feel in our highest nature.

Bleeding On myself and my health

Inside of exists the cure, but we look away for another way. Bleeding out the cure for the disease like some sort of x-man similar to wolverine. Maybe I can donate my body to science. I am altering my molecular structure thru the stillness of my mind. I am a lover of this life and finding a strength in realizing the power of my breath to manifest a world that has deeper and more profound peace the knocks the statues of rampant consumers back into the present moment. We belong to the oceans, lakes, forests, deserts, and mountains. We are one with our surrounding and for some reason we are trying to conquer. But we must dig ourselves out from the mind clutter so that we are no longer merely machines. Sense the imbalance and then we can correct in ourselves and the mind gap grows larger and we begin to march forward. We are moving thru the water with such grace and we are all part of the same face.

I can feel my body shaking

I've noticed that from time to time as I start shifting from one energy into another that my body starts to shake and I get this amazing tingling sensation thru my entire body and I will basically fall over. It does not last very long but it feels amazing and it feels like I am waking up and shifting to a higher vibration. Life is an amazing voyage and at certain points we need to step forward even though we don't know if there will be anything there to catch us. We can't stand still and keep everything the same. I all things were created and all things fall apart. They are merely things and they serve a purpose and then they are no longer needed. I want to thank anyone who at any point has helped me on this journey. I am continuing to let go of my routines and trust my intution under any cirumstances. The pulse and direction of life can change quickly almost without warning, but if the mind is very still we can always be aware of something coming around the corner. I have not quite realized that level of stillness, but the more still my mind becomes the more I become aware of the way that we are all connected and how every little action that we take has some significance in this story. We never know who will be moved to the front of the stage in our lives. Love is not merely a word that desire to utter from my lips, but something that I desire to know internally. Everyne has something to make me aware of and I just need to be quiet and pay attention.

Give me A Fairy Tale

There was a boy and he was a believer and they taunted and mocked the believer though secretly they wished they could be that naive. But was the boy really that naive or were they merely basing the idea of truth on all the pain that they had experienced in the world. They let go of hope and settled into conformity and they loved him and hated this boy because he couldn't seem to conform. Even when he did certain things that were expected of him he still always fell short of giving them that comfort they felt around most people who never questioned what was going on around them. He was born to question and this boy stayed a boy and when other people got older he seemed to stay the same age. Time was passing everyone else by, but he stayed timeless because he found his way out of time. Then the system that everyone else had come to count on fell apart and they turned to this boy and he was nowhere to be found, but all of the people he helped to wake up lead the way towards a new world that was more in balance. People remembered to breath deep once again and with that breath all was transformed. That boy/girl exists inside all of us we must merely let him out to play.

They Never Saw It Coming But You Always Knew

It here comes straight down the plate the pitch you've been waiting the one that you can hit out of the park. The one that you have prepared for you entire life. So we are finding that deep silence in the mind and in that we are finding that we have always been that which we seek. I am here and there is no place that I will ever go to other then the deepest peace in my mind that will ever give me the peace I desire. Most of the happiness I experience though wonderful is so fleeting and I find that there is something that I am starting to realize more and I am going back to the days of NYC and the old south with quite a bit of the west coast and an overseas vibe. I don't want to promise anything other then a willingness to be the one that is not willing to settle for that which is comfortable. You are the truth when you find yourself letting go all that which makes you suffer. As we release our attachment to our desires we will not feel that we have been thwarted and therefore do not become angry if things don't work out the way we had hoped.

TThey Build You Up to Tear You Down

I hear one story about how amazing someone is only to see the press ride them for being on steroids or some sort of growth Hormone. I just don't want to hear it anymore about whose doping and who isn't. We are country that is obcessed with our drugs. We have a new pill for any situation. Having a problem losing weight, staying up late, going to sleep, not happy anymore, addicted to pain killers, etc.... We have a pill for you. Life in America for so many people is about some pill that will make all the problems go away or at least numb them. Why is that I never read an article about road scholar who was cuaght using ritalin or some other speed type drug so that he could study longer. Our sports must be pure, but other then plagrisim the same does not hold true for the academic world. We are society obcessed with winning at any cost. The costs are very high and our winners are some of the biggest losers in the end.

I am in San Francisco and my heart resides here more and more. I really love this place, but I will soon be back in NYC. I will be walking around following my bliss and listening to my intution. I send everyone my fondest wishes wherver you maybe found. I am just a man on a journey realizing that "This too will pass". All things pass and all things eventually end so that a new beginning can be found. We all hae to become our own light so that we can be the same for others. I am lover of the stillness and that stillness is where my anwsers will be found. I will always be judged and praised, but neither is something to base your life around. They are both so fleeting. It is this thing called Love that everyone talks about and most people feel for brief moments. When the light is strong enough the darkness can not exist....


You and I are mirrors for one another and I am here to hold that space. And I will hold that space a space where miracles happen. It wasn't me who did it I just happened to be present when it happened. When it happened they all forgot about all the things that seemed so important and became aware of the only thing that means anything when it is all said and done. Most people around you suffer in ways that you don't want to imagine and to help ease that pain by helping them realize their true self is to be of the greatest service to humanity. Be the change you want to see in the world and get involved. Don't just sit on the sidelines.

Straight Out of Black Rock City

I am back in San Fran and ready to keep moving forward in regards to all the things that I am up to these days. Life is amazing in the way that we are all lead to where we need to be at any given time if we just allow ourselves to trust our intution. I had one of my best burning man expeirecnes and I look forward to my 5th Burning Man next year. I really want many of friends to come to the event next year. It is starting to get biggger on the east coast, but still predominantly a west coast event. They called it the "Green Man" which was quite ironic, but some improvements were made so that the impact would be slightly lessened. But as Burning Man gets bigger people seem to get overwhelmed and not feel as connected to each other the way they had in years past.

I am going to a spiritual retreat at some point in October probably down in Austin, Texas and allow myself to find a deeper and slower breath that brings me more fully into the ever present NOw. This moment is the only moment that you have so allow yourself to experience it fully and don't try to run from it. I met an amazing girl at Burning Man who I will be hanging out with before I leave town. Burning Man allows me to meet so many different people that I know from numerous places. There are always going to be challenges, but all of these things eventually come to pass. I recently read that we are almost never upset for the reasons that we think.

I am dancing with myself walking around as a stranger in strangeland even though it all seems so familiar, but with a different texture to it. We have an ability to impact each other in positive and negative ways, but we have to make those choices. I am making a choice to be free and understand that the mind always wants to remain distracted and I just have to bring my focus back to the present moment. I have made mistakes, but I am blessed to have learned from most of them. But the greatest mistake I can make is allowing myself to forget my time/space/location.

I could become a celebrity over night, but that would solve nothing in regards to my greater spiritual quest. There is a quote about how the only thing worse then not having your dreams come true is having all your dreams come true. This basically is stating that you become aware that once you have achieved all of your goals you will not necessairly be at peace with yourself. I must make peace with myself I must not allow my mind to dictate my life. I want to come from my heart more often and be truthful with myself and others. I want to live the oneness and not merely speak esoterically about oneness.

Many times our greatest accomplishments are the things that the mind so quickly overlooks. So easy to criticize, but much harder to offer sincere compliments. May I be a person that helps people to realize their dreams and even more importantly help them to let go of their suffering.